Should I say something to my friend’s reaction to husband’s comment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is narcissistic behavior. Saying something he knows is out of bounds and basically daring people to react. Your problem is way bigger than what your friend thinks. I would have reacted the same way to such an inappropriate comment.

How is that narcissistic behavior? Socially inept, sure, but I don’t really see it as narcissistic.

It’s easily could be seen as attention seeking.

Or an overt put down to one’s wife or women in the conversation.

Clueless spectrum guys don’t really talk like that unless they just read it and are trying to impress someone with a big cool story. Oops.

I agree. I don't know what OP's husband suffers from, but the ASD people I know are usually not that interested in how other people look, and if they are, probably wouldn't use sexualized phrasing. Just going with how my Aspie husband behaves, as well as other husbands I know with high-functioning autism. They can be quirky, pontificate, show too much or too little academic interest, but not in that particular way.

I had a male friend whose father behaved like this, however. It created a lot of conflict with his wife, and was uncomfortable for his two sons. He continually remarked out loud on the charms of other women. It was almost like an addiction. He couldn't stop himself. I don't know what the problem was. He never acted on it, as in follow anyone, touch anyone, or take pics, but talking about it was enough trouble already!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummm no you can’t control other people’s reactions to the way your husband is a creep who blatantly disrespects you. You might be used to it but no one else is.

“a creep who blatantly disrespects you”?

Please. I’m not OP but the first few replies here are clearly from the miserable DCUM divorcees who are bringing all their own baggage to the party.

It’s not inherently “disrespectful” for one spouse to refer to some other human as attractive. It’s utterly mundane. If you think this kind of comment is beyond the pale, that is a good hint about why you are bitter and alone.

He didn’t say she was attractive.

He said she was sultry.

He sounds creepy and my h and I often comment to each other when we see an attractive person

But we are not creepy about it.

Do you know what sultry means?

Sultry is beyond attractive, it’s sexual in nature.

Agree. It’s a sexually provocative woman.

And look, it’s working! She’s still provoking OP’s supposed husband to talk about it her.

More details please! Was it her clothing? Her body language? Her musky voice? Bodily smells? What she actually said?

Sultry sultry sultry.

Never heard a man actually say that word out loud. It’s like from a romance novel.

Seriously. I’d snort my drink and crack up if ANY male said the word sultry woman at a meal. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummm no you can’t control other people’s reactions to the way your husband is a creep who blatantly disrespects you. You might be used to it but no one else is.

“a creep who blatantly disrespects you”?

Please. I’m not OP but the first few replies here are clearly from the miserable DCUM divorcees who are bringing all their own baggage to the party.

It’s not inherently “disrespectful” for one spouse to refer to some other human as attractive. It’s utterly mundane. If you think this kind of comment is beyond the pale, that is a good hint about why you are bitter and alone.

He didn’t say she was attractive.

He said she was sultry.

He sounds creepy and my h and I often comment to each other when we see an attractive person

But we are not creepy about it.

Do you know what sultry means?

Sultry is beyond attractive, it’s sexual in nature.

Agree. It’s a sexually provocative woman.

And look, it’s working! She’s still provoking OP’s supposed husband to talk about it her.

More details please! Was it her clothing? Her body language? Her musky voice? Bodily smells? What she actually said?

Sultry sultry sultry.

Never heard a man actually say that word out loud. It’s like from a romance novel.

Seriously. I’d snort my drink and crack up if ANY male said the word sultry woman at a meal. Lol

Only acceptable if telling a self-deprecating anecdote.

The sultry supermodel sitting next to me was not amused by my sudden onset incontinence…

[Anonymous]

Supermodels sultry doesn’t count because it’s outdoor league.

Sultry expat from god knows where throwing herself at you for hours during your vacation… that’s different.

[Anonymous]

Out of your

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking at this through the best lens, your DH is a little clueless about how his remarks will be perceived. An audience of friendly couples was probably not the audience (if such an audience even exists) to describe how sultry and attractive you find another woman.
I wouldn’t say anything to friend - what can you even say in defense?
If you want to distance yourself & DH, that makes sense.
But who are you worried about her communicating this to - friends that may impact social links, or business colleagues impacting $$?

I wonder if he has ADHD or on the spectrum?

One of THE biggest challenges for both is picking up on social cues (which is something that appears that OP's husband greatly struggles with).

[Anonymous]

Should I respond to OP's post about friend's reaction to husband's comment about someone's action?

[Anonymous]

Your DH sounds like a creep. I'd have the same look as the friend.

[Anonymous]

Let it go- overthinking.

[Anonymous]

Was she offended for you or offended about the objectification of foreign women?

[Anonymous]

Husband made a slightly risque comment.
Friend made a momentary reaction of surprise. Maybe she's a little more prudish.
Everyone moved on, but OP is making a deal about it the next day based on her attempted mind reading of one eyelid movement. OP is the weirdo here.

Kim Kardashian has 30Million followers, mostly women. DH isn't the socially awkward one for saying that he saw a sultry woman once.

[Anonymous]

Yeah.

Call her up and say how dare she have a facial expression when your H is talking. How dare she! So rude and obnoxious.

Then pay her $1000 never to speak or write if it again.

[Anonymous]

What do you think this woman could do to you and your dh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was recently out at dinner with my DH and several couple friends. We were talking about a trip overseas DH and I had made last year and some ex pats we met out one night. When DH mentioned how stunning and sultry one of the women we met was, a woman at the table got kind of big eyes like she was shocked and disgusted he would say that.

I’m not ok with her reaction, I felt like she was really judging my DH unfairly and like this could come back to bite DH and/or me if he’s going to be potentially painted as some creep or womanizer. I am not sure if I should say something to her or just distance myself just in case?

What on earth would you possibly say to her that doesn’t make you seem like a woman making excuses…

She could say things that make her look histrionic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Misplaced anger. You are mad at your husband for making rhe comments and are taking your anger at your friend. If you were truly okay with the comments,you wouöd roll your eyes at your friend and laugh about it with your husband.

OP here. I don’t disagree with you. This is who he is and I’m used to it after all these years, but she had no right to judge and I’m just worried she’s going to amplify what he said and make it worse for both him and me.

Here is my take. I find your husband’s comments disrespectful and inappropriate. DCUM agrees. It just isn’t appropriate mixed company dinner talk. I wouldn’t have said anything as your friend (seems like poor manners) UNLESS I was witnessing this behavior repeatedly and felt I need to call out your husband as a good friend would do (who is tired of watching my friend repeatedly get disrespected). I guarantee that if you call this friend out, you and your husband will look bad and the group will be talking about you behind your back.