It seems SAHM & working mom live in different world

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

Why are you projecting what you think she thinks of you? You just have different schedules. Who cares if she is gardening or walking her kids to school? They chose what works for them and you chose what works for you? Why are you watching and caring what she does with her time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

As a SAHM when I see a mom like this, I dont judge her. I feel slightly sorry for how tired and rushed she always looks, especially when I see her wrangling crying kids in and out of the car early morning or late at night. I feel a pang of gratitude that I can stay at home and not put my very young kid in daycare for 8 plus hours a day.

And I am very happy to chat or be friends with a working mom , on a schedule that’s convenient for her.

Fellow sahm here. I also feel slightly bad for them because I used to be them. I feel fortunate Dh earns a high enough income that I don’t have to work.

You are a financial dependent. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, being a SAHM doesn't mean she has an IQ or EQ of 80 or being a worker bee doesn't mean you have an IQ and EQ of 180.

She can see that you are dedicated to your work and your needs are different.

You can see that your children's childhood years are passing by and you don't have time to be a part of it.

She sounds judgmental and you sound stressed and insecure.

Its not that difficult fir people with different lifestyles to be friends and have respect and empathy for each other even if they don't agree with each other's life choices.

I think its not what she said, its how your inner self with guilt and frustration, interprets it. That's what's upsetting you. Modify your lifestyle.

I would say the 80 IQ is probably correct.👍

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM and I can’t imagine questioning a the childcare schedule of a household where both parents work. I see you’re getting pushback from other commenters but I truly have no basis about what is and isn’t reasonable. SAHMs who judge or are inconsiderate about scheduling are just…judgmental or inconsiderate.

I think we do all live in different worlds in some way or another and that’s okay. I can still be friends with even if I don’t relate to them, and obviously I don’t try to be friends with everybody. I think the biggest factor in if I’m going to be friends with another mom is just how much time our kids spend together, not how similar our lives are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why exactly does your work from home husband not do any of this?! He can’t take them to school or pick them up?

Also 7-6? How long are your work hours? In the US we work 8/8.5 hour day. You could easily work 7-3:30 or 8-4:30. It is your choice to work these long hours. And it seems you both are!

Lots of jobs require you to work more than 8.5 hours per day. As an attorney, my day is 10 hours minimum. Most are somewhere in the ballpark of 12-15. Not my “choice” per se, just what I need to do to stay employed.

LOL. It is absolutely your choice to work 10 hours a day. There are government or in-house positions that do not require that. And there is tons more WFH flexibility after the pandemic.

I really do not understand people who prioritize $$ and are willing to put their young child in group care for that long. Both DH and I work FT but we have never needed more than 30 hours of care. Even 40 is fine. But 50??

I guess we aspire to be more than middle class slackers.

Ew. You think middle class parents are slackers?

I think PP is a judgemental witch.

[Anonymous]

Whole family has 11-12 hr workdays including children, even though neither parent commutes. You need major life changes. Its not healthy.

[Anonymous]

I hope y'all are making millions and doing some meaningful work.

[Anonymous]

I see a lot of judgment going both ways here. I hate these SAHM v. working mom debates because they are so unproductive. I can also always see both sides because while I work, I do so part time in a highly flexible job, so though I do balance work and kids, my day to day schedule resembles a SAHM much more closely, especially since with school age kids, I also use a lot of the time I'm not working to do household tasks like cleaning, organizing and food prep.

All work matters.

The work that SAHM does with her kids and around her house matters. It is not less important because it's unpaid. It's really important. But OP's work is also important, and the money she earns for her family is important. It is ridiculous to judge the SAHM for working in her garden or spending time with her kids, and it's ridiculous to judge OP for utilizing quality childcare for her kids so that she and her husband can work. I should also note that the care providers who are taking care of OP's kids at before care and aftercare also matter.

This is a story about two families who have found arrangements that work for them. There's no child abuse or neglect involved. Beyond that, it's a matter of personal preferences and values, and people are entitled to their difference of opinion. But the amount of judgment running both directions on this is all about insecurity and ignorance. None of us has any idea why other families make the choices they do. They might have different resources or constraints. I work part-time because I have a chronic illness exacerbated by stress, and when I work full time I get extremely stressed, have flare ups, and everything falls apart. I'm sure there are people who look at my schedule and think "lazy" or "she just doesn't like to work." That's fine, but it's not true.

Leave people alone. Most of us are doing our best.

[Anonymous]

Get a nanny who does household chores while kids are away so whole family can relax and spend time with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see a lot of judgment going both ways here. I hate these SAHM v. working mom debates because they are so unproductive. I can also always see both sides because while I work, I do so part time in a highly flexible job, so though I do balance work and kids, my day to day schedule resembles a SAHM much more closely, especially since with school age kids, I also use a lot of the time I'm not working to do household tasks like cleaning, organizing and food prep.

All work matters.

The work that SAHM does with her kids and around her house matters. It is not less important because it's unpaid. It's really important. But OP's work is also important, and the money she earns for her family is important. It is ridiculous to judge the SAHM for working in her garden or spending time with her kids, and it's ridiculous to judge OP for utilizing quality childcare for her kids so that she and her husband can work. I should also note that the care providers who are taking care of OP's kids at before care and aftercare also matter.

This is a story about two families who have found arrangements that work for them. There's no child abuse or neglect involved. Beyond that, it's a matter of personal preferences and values, and people are entitled to their difference of opinion. But the amount of judgment running both directions on this is all about insecurity and ignorance. None of us has any idea why other families make the choices they do. They might have different resources or constraints. I work part-time because I have a chronic illness exacerbated by stress, and when I work full time I get extremely stressed, have flare ups, and everything falls apart. I'm sure there are people who look at my schedule and think "lazy" or "she just doesn't like to work." That's fine, but it's not true.

Leave people alone. Most of us are doing our best.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A SAHM neighbor does not understand that why my kids are at school beforecare/aftercare & summer camp. Well, DH works from home, and I work hybrid. Maybe we could save a bit money by dropping school beforecare but I am not able to work and manage kids at the same time even on my work from home days. I always wait until last minutes to pick up kids. Kids have stayed long time outside and get tired. So we do.

I am in a rush every day. I think I can't be friends with her since we are not on same page. Her kids do not need school beforecare/aftercare or summer camps. I think I have more in common things to talk with working moms. But working moms are busy to hang out to meet on weekend, so we are.

Yes, as a sahm I can't understand this. I often see the children being picked up at 6, 7 at our elementary school each day. This seems like a very long day for a child away from Mommy and Daddy. You should at least try to stagger your schedule so they can be at home with a present parent a few hours a day imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A SAHM neighbor does not understand that why my kids are at school beforecare/aftercare & summer camp. Well, DH works from home, and I work hybrid. Maybe we could save a bit money by dropping school beforecare but I am not able to work and manage kids at the same time even on my work from home days. I always wait until last minutes to pick up kids. Kids have stayed long time outside and get tired. So we do.

I am in a rush every day. I think I can't be friends with her since we are not on same page. Her kids do not need school beforecare/aftercare or summer camps. I think I have more in common things to talk with working moms. But working moms are busy to hang out to meet on weekend, so we are.

Yes, as a sahm I can't understand this. I often see the children being picked up at 6, 7 at our elementary school each day. This seems like a very long day for a child away from Mommy and Daddy. You should at least try to stagger your schedule so they can be at home with a present parent a few hours a day imo.

As a SAHM, I wouldn’t expect you to use your brain for much of anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

Well, it seems that you popped out some humans beings because you and your DH had sex. Now, you do not have time for those humans and someone else is raising them for most of their waking hours. That's ok. At least they are not working as some child labor in a sweatshop. T

hey are out of the house from 8 am - 6 pm. What quality time are they spending with you or even each other? It sounds you have no time for a SAHM friend or even a WOHM friend, because you have no time for your kids even.

Please, Bicch. You are not even living in the world of a working mom. Miserable life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

Well, it seems that you popped out some humans beings because you and your DH had sex. Now, you do not have time for those humans and someone else is raising them for most of their waking hours. That's ok. At least they are not working as some child labor in a sweatshop. T

hey are out of the house from 8 am - 6 pm. What quality time are they spending with you or even each other? It sounds you have no time for a SAHM friend or even a WOHM friend, because you have no time for your kids even.

Please, Bicch. You are not even living in the world of a working mom. Miserable life.

Women supporting other women, am I right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

As a SAHM when I see a mom like this, I dont judge her. I feel slightly sorry for how tired and rushed she always looks, especially when I see her wrangling crying kids in and out of the car early morning or late at night. I feel a pang of gratitude that I can stay at home and not put my very young kid in daycare for 8 plus hours a day.

And I am very happy to chat or be friends with a working mom , on a schedule that’s convenient for her.

Fellow sahm here. I also feel slightly bad for them because I used to be them. I feel fortunate Dh earns a high enough income that I don’t have to work.

You are a financial dependent. Gross.

You are low value and have to earn a living because no high value man thought you or your ugly children deserve to be well provided for. Gross.