It seems SAHM & working mom live in different world

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

If DH works from home, why does he not help with drop off/pick up regularly? I'm hybrid and generally drop DD off in the morning. If I'm wfh that day I'll often pick her up because that's what she prefers. If I'm at the office and DH is home that evening, he picks her up so I can stay and get a little extra done. I know this post was about SAHM not getting it and I get that, but I agree you sound stressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

If DH works from home, why does he not help with drop off/pick up regularly? I'm hybrid and generally drop DD off in the morning. If I'm wfh that day I'll often pick her up because that's what she prefers. If I'm at the office and DH is home that evening, he picks her up so I can stay and get a little extra done. I know this post was about SAHM not getting it and I get that, but I agree you sound stressed.

I hope you are at least making the big bucks. Almost every family I know has one parent who either works from home, works part time or is a SAHM.

My husband is successful, earns seven figures and often helps pick up kids and drive them to sports.

What jobs do you have that you are so busy that you can’t get your kids? How old are your kids? Sounds like elementary since you mention both before and aftercare.

When I used to work, I was often stressed for school events that should have been enjoyable. I hated soccer days where I had to pick up kids from aftercare and drive to soccer and come home to no food. This no longer stresses me out.

[Anonymous]

I think you are projecting your own insecurities on to your neighbor. You are judging yourself. I can tell you that it does make your kid sad to be the last person picked up every day. That’s a very long day for a child, OP.

[Anonymous]

I’m a working mom and I’ve been friendly with both. I do think sometimes that SAHMs bond because they can go for a run or coffee or whatever at 10 am. They seem more likely to develop female friendships that are not couple based, which I do envy.

But honesrltly OP I think you just are being weirdly defensive about your life choices. Can your kids read yet? Maybe the one who is less high energy would like to come home and just read a book after school. My youngest is very introverted and would turn into angry Hulk if she stayed that long at before/after care. She’d rather go home and sit in her room for a few hours to unwind before dinner. That’s the beauty of WFH — you can let a kid do that or even just watchTV if they don’t like aftercare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re acting like the SAHM has never worked a day in her life. I’m sure she understands work stress but it sounds like your and your husbands work is extra stressful (long hours, lots of overtime). She probably doesn’t understand THAT but I doubt she’s judging you while gardening…

+1. Most people (yes, even sahms) understand what work is. It does sound like you and DH work more hours than most couples. People might not assume you are both working 9-5 plus some nights and on weekends as that is unusual.

It doesn’t really matter though, you can be friendly w/o being friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are projecting your own insecurities on to your neighbor. You are judging yourself. I can tell you that it does make your kid sad to be the last person picked up every day. That’s a very long day for a child, OP.

All of this, exactly

[Anonymous]

I think you need to focus more on making some life-balance changes so your kids don’t have to spend such long days in care outside the home, rather than worry about female friendships. You have a lot on your plate and sound stressed. Nothing in your post indicates that this woman has anything other than concern for you - I think you realize things in your life are out of balance and feel insecure about it. Use that feeling to make some changes. Life is short.

[Anonymous]

I haven't lived in DC in a while. Have things changed SO much since the pandemic that people can't understand that a dual-career couple would have a kid in care from 8-630? This used to be 100% the norm so I am surprised at people shaming the parents for having kids in care "so long" unless it's a DCUM thing or one person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't lived in DC in a while. Have things changed SO much since the pandemic that people can't understand that a dual-career couple would have a kid in care from 8-630? This used to be 100% the norm so I am surprised at people shaming the parents for having kids in care "so long" unless it's a DCUM thing or one person?

Because those long hours used to incorporate a long commute. In situations where neither parent has a commute, why are such long hours necessary?
Both parents work a 10.5 hour work day every day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't lived in DC in a while. Have things changed SO much since the pandemic that people can't understand that a dual-career couple would have a kid in care from 8-630? This used to be 100% the norm so I am surprised at people shaming the parents for having kids in care "so long" unless it's a DCUM thing or one person?

Because those long hours used to incorporate a long commute. In situations where neither parent has a commute, why are such long hours necessary?
Both parents work a 10.5 hour work day every day?

Do you not remember how, during Covid, companies expected (and still expect) maximum flexibility from the people who WFH? My company is cool with WFH but you better believe you are expected to work harder to prove you’re not abusing it.

[Anonymous]

who cares what other people think? of course you are in different worlds. are you new here?

[Anonymous]

I’m a single mom who used both before care and aftercare so no shade here but you and spouse WFH and there’s a bus for at least one kid? Why are you throwing money away on before care for that kid? Why do you have kids in two different schools? When you have children the adults don’t get to just keep doing whatever they used to do for the hours they used to do it and no changes. Maybe both people step back a little, maybe one chooses to take a kid friendly job, but you chose to have kids. Maybe you keep the kids in one school together so it’s one pickup/drop off. Larlo and Larla will survive but they have to be a priority somewhere.

[Anonymous]

I never did before care but I always did after care, so did the SAHM’s at my school.

It’s the only time the kids actually get to play with their friends.

Anyway.

My best friend/neighbor was a SAHM and it worked out really well when kids were young. She was so sick of them by the time 4:00 rolled around I would have them over to my yard or neighborhood park as soon as I got home at 4 so she could rest. Her H hated walking in at 6 with the expectation of a handoff. She was always there when I needed sugar, or table and chairs for some event I was having,

Sure our lives were a little different but in the end not much.

[Anonymous]

How long is the commute from your home to your kids' schools? How far is your office from your home and schools? And what are your typical work hours in a day?

It sounds like maybe you're losing a lot of time to commuting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't lived in DC in a while. Have things changed SO much since the pandemic that people can't understand that a dual-career couple would have a kid in care from 8-630? This used to be 100% the norm so I am surprised at people shaming the parents for having kids in care "so long" unless it's a DCUM thing or one person?

Half the thread is shaming op. Op is shaming the sahm as having some incapacity to understand hoping to start sahm bashing. It does sound like sahm might forget op's schedule and op has insecurities but I don't think her choices are wrong. Op needs to be comfortable with her family set up. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing. I told wohm friend we were going on vacation several times but she still texted for play date when we were away. I am not going to start a post about her "not getting it" when like everyone else she isn't responsible for remembering everything other people say. Don't take her inquiries in a judgmental way but if she is judging, no matter what she does, she isn't someones you'll want to spend time with.