It seems SAHM & working mom live in different world

[Anonymous]

A SAHM neighbor does not understand that why my kids are at school beforecare/aftercare & summer camp. Well, DH works from home, and I work hybrid. Maybe we could save a bit money by dropping school beforecare but I am not able to work and manage kids at the same time even on my work from home days. I always wait until last minutes to pick up kids. Kids have stayed long time outside and get tired. So we do.

I am in a rush every day. I think I can't be friends with her since we are not on same page. Her kids do not need school beforecare/aftercare or summer camps. I think I have more in common things to talk with working moms. But working moms are busy to hang out to meet on weekend, so we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A SAHM neighbor does not understand that why my kids are at school beforecare/aftercare & summer camp. Well, DH works from home, and I work hybrid. Maybe we could save a bit money by dropping school beforecare but I am not able to work and manage kids at the same time even on my work from home days. I always wait until last minutes to pick up kids. Kids have stayed long time outside and get tired. So we do.

I am in a rush every day. I think I can't be friends with her since we are not on same page. Her kids do not need school beforecare/aftercare or summer camps. I think I have more in common things to talk with working moms. But working moms are busy to hang out to meet on weekend, so we are.

You let your children wait outside until you remember that they need to be picked up,? It's highly likely that she doesn't want to be friends with someone who cares so little about their children that you let them esut outside in all kinds of weather. Frankly, I can't imagine why anyone would want to be friends with someone so selfish.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have to be friends with someone because of proximity, but it’s a gift when those physically near are friends.

You sound stressed, OP. We are both WOH spouses and I get it, it’s a lot, but maybe it’s worth looking inward to see if your current setup is the best fit for your family. Maybe there’s a way to lower stress levels for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Summer camps are one thing (and many kids with SAHPs or FT nannies still attend them to socialize and learn new things). But before *and* aftercare when you have two parents with WFH flexibility? That seems avoidable. DH and I have always staggered schedules for this reason, to maximize time with a parent. Yes, it means we have to log in most weeknights for an hour or two, but totally worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Summer camps are one thing (and many kids with SAHPs or FT nannies still attend them to socialize and learn new things). But before *and* aftercare when you have two parents with WFH flexibility? That seems avoidable. DH and I have always staggered schedules for this reason, to maximize time with a parent. Yes, it means we have to log in most weeknights for an hour or two, but totally worth it.

+1 this is eyebrow-raising. That’s hard on a kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Summer camps are one thing (and many kids with SAHPs or FT nannies still attend them to socialize and learn new things). But before *and* aftercare when you have two parents with WFH flexibility? That seems avoidable. DH and I have always staggered schedules for this reason, to maximize time with a parent. Yes, it means we have to log in most weeknights for an hour or two, but totally worth it.

OP I came into the thread inclined to agree with the title (I have a SAHM neighbor friend who I similarly feel doesn't "get it" in terms of my schedule, why I can't meet up midday, why my kid can't come over to play in the afternoon, etc.) But it also seems like you put your kid thru very long hours for someone with your & DH's schedules. Some people have jobs and setups where they can't avoid this but it might be puzzling to your SAHM friend. That said it's none of her business and it just seems like you don't have much in common.

[Anonymous]

This has nothing to do with working or not but you have bad time management.

[Anonymous]

You don’t need to befriend everyone you live near. You don’t need to discuss your kids schedule in that level of detail.

[Anonymous]

Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

[Anonymous]

Ok.

[Anonymous]

You’re acting like the SAHM has never worked a day in her life. I’m sure she understands work stress but it sounds like your and your husbands work is extra stressful (long hours, lots of overtime). She probably doesn’t understand THAT but I doubt she’s judging you while gardening…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

Honestly, you don't sound like a great mom if your kids are in care that many hours. It really doesn't make sense if one or both of you are working from home. That's a lot of hours working with no commute.

[Anonymous]

My kids would be a screaming mess if they stayed that long in daycare. We stagger our schedules so that one parent drops off and the other picks up. We signed up for aftercare but we don’t always use all the hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Summer camps are one thing (and many kids with SAHPs or FT nannies still attend them to socialize and learn new things). But before *and* aftercare when you have two parents with WFH flexibility? That seems avoidable. DH and I have always staggered schedules for this reason, to maximize time with a parent. Yes, it means we have to log in most weeknights for an hour or two, but totally worth it.

OP I came into the thread inclined to agree with the title (I have a SAHM neighbor friend who I similarly feel doesn't "get it" in terms of my schedule, why I can't meet up midday, why my kid can't come over to play in the afternoon, etc.) But it also seems like you put your kid thru very long hours for someone with your & DH's schedules. Some people have jobs and setups where they can't avoid this but it might be puzzling to your SAHM friend. That said it's none of her business and it just seems like you don't have much in common.

Why can’t your kid come over in the afternoon?

I, SAHM, can pick us my kid and your kid from school and come over to play. You, working mom or any parent, can come pick up child after work. We eat dinner early and I’m happy to feed your kid.

I’m a SAHM and am friends with a single working mom and a part time working mom with a husband who works odd hours (international company). The three of us can never find a time to meet. The other two are the ones who have conflicts. I am the most flexible. Most of my friends work. Most friends can be go out for lunch occasionally.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think this has anything to do with the SAHM neighbor and more to do with you doubting your life choices. Your post says much more about you than your neighbor.

I have been a working mom and SAHM. Most of my kids’ friends’ moms work and the kids hang out plenty. We carpool to sports. I often do earlier carpools and working parents often reciprocate on weekends. I have 3 kids and a lot of them have 2.