It seems SAHM & working mom live in different world

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Summer camps are one thing (and many kids with SAHPs or FT nannies still attend them to socialize and learn new things). But before *and* aftercare when you have two parents with WFH flexibility? That seems avoidable. DH and I have always staggered schedules for this reason, to maximize time with a parent. Yes, it means we have to log in most weeknights for an hour or two, but totally worth it.

This. We actually never used before or after care because my public school kids have always been gone for about 7.5 hours or more. In fact, nobody at our ES bus stop over the years used before or after care despite almost every family having two working parents. Generally one worked early and one worked later.

After kindergarten, kids can get off the bus and walk home so there really is no excuse. I had a baby when my son was in second grade and he would walk home from the bus stop alone.

If you are WFH, your kid could just walk home.

Some nutjob will probably call CPS on you if you let your first grader walk home from the bus stop alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The SAHM truly does not care what you are doing with your kids and their childcare. This is all your insecurities being projected. She is probably relieved you aren’t asking her to watch them or drive them anywhere. But really…she likely never thinks about your kids’ childcare schedule or cares.

And yet...there are plenty of SAHMs who post on DCUM all the time with their opinions about others' childcare schedules. So...

I’ve been here a while and no. Maybe if it pertains to them in some way like the working mom from across the street keeps dumping her kid at their house after school everyday and expects rides ..but randomly venting about some neighbors working schedule for no reason, no that isn’t happening here that I’ve seen

[Anonymous]

My DH works from home full-time and I work hybrid. We stopped before care when DH started working from home full-time because he can take 5 minutes to walk them to the bus-time in the morning. We did keep aftercare because we needed to get work done but were able to pick them up by 5:30 daily. We dropped after care when my youngest was in 2nd grade because that's when he was able to read a book/do a craft/play independently for an hour or two (plus my 5th grader was available to help him if he needed something). Maybe OP's kids are young - like preschool and K, I don't know, but I can't blame her for needing before and after care. We used it when we needed it, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Summer camps are one thing (and many kids with SAHPs or FT nannies still attend them to socialize and learn new things). But before *and* aftercare when you have two parents with WFH flexibility? That seems avoidable. DH and I have always staggered schedules for this reason, to maximize time with a parent. Yes, it means we have to log in most weeknights for an hour or two, but totally worth it.

This. We actually never used before or after care because my public school kids have always been gone for about 7.5 hours or more. In fact, nobody at our ES bus stop over the years used before or after care despite almost every family having two working parents. Generally one worked early and one worked later.

After kindergarten, kids can get off the bus and walk home so there really is no excuse. I had a baby when my son was in second grade and he would walk home from the bus stop alone.

If you are WFH, your kid could just walk home.

Some nutjob will probably call CPS on you if you let your first grader walk home from the bus stop alone.

Our bus stop had multiple kids my kids were friends with and we knew all the parents. I remember a few times being stressed because baby was napping. I would sometimes text other parents in the beginning and they may have invited kid over for a play date. It was nice to be part of a community. When other parents saw me drag baby to school for after school activities, they would offer to drive my son home. These were often working dads. I think women sometimes attack others unnecessarily.

[Anonymous]

Op, you may be missing out on a potential great friendship by simply dismissing this person as a SAHM. Do you even know what she did before she was a SAHM? Maybe she will be hosting book club or a moms night and you may miss out on meeting other working moms or SAHMs you click with or like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are projecting your own insecurities on to your neighbor. You are judging yourself. I can tell you that it does make your kid sad to be the last person picked up every day. That’s a very long day for a child, OP.

And based on Op's post, I see nothing where the neighbor has said anything to OP about the schedule.

Exactly! I just made it to the end of the thread thinking I must have missed something. All this SAHM has done is exist in the home across the street. The fact that she doesn't have a set-up similar to yours, OP, doesn't mean she doesn't understand your kids are in care because you or working (I'd think that is the obvious default assumption) or that she is judging you! Has she made even one comment in that vein to you? Given you weird looks? Talked ill about you with other moms/neighbors?

That’s what I don’t understand. This isn’t a SAHM vs working mom thing. This seems to be specific to OP’s neighbor. I’m a SAHM and I neither know nor care about my working mom neighbors’ childcare arrangements. They’re nice people and good neighbors and we are friendly, but not friends – and that has zero to do with employment status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

You are your of own worst enemy. The SAHM has never said a word to you, yet you can read her mind about what she thinks if you. This is your guilt oozing out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are projecting your own insecurities on to your neighbor. You are judging yourself. I can tell you that it does make your kid sad to be the last person picked up every day. That’s a very long day for a child, OP.

And based on Op's post, I see nothing where the neighbor has said anything to OP about the schedule.

Exactly! I just made it to the end of the thread thinking I must have missed something. All this SAHM has done is exist in the home across the street. The fact that she doesn't have a set-up similar to yours, OP, doesn't mean she doesn't understand your kids are in care because you or working (I'd think that is the obvious default assumption) or that she is judging you! Has she made even one comment in that vein to you? Given you weird looks? Talked ill about you with other moms/neighbors?

That’s what I don’t understand. This isn’t a SAHM vs working mom thing. This seems to be specific to OP’s neighbor. I’m a SAHM and I neither know nor care about my working mom neighbors’ childcare arrangements. They’re nice people and good neighbors and we are friendly, but not friends – and that has zero to do with employment status.

Yeah, I just see people coming and going. I drive my kids to school. So do other parents whether they are working or not. I’m busy with my own kids. The last thing I care about is some random neighbor.

I do know my kids’ very good friends’ schedules but it is more about when they have basketball or gymnastics. I know Larlo is free on Wed and my Bobby is also free then to have a play date. Larla has gymnastics on Tuesday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The SAHM truly does not care what you are doing with your kids and their childcare. This is all your insecurities being projected. She is probably relieved you aren’t asking her to watch them or drive them anywhere. But really…she likely never thinks about your kids’ childcare schedule or cares.

And yet...there are plenty of SAHMs who post on DCUM all the time with their opinions about others' childcare schedules. So...

I’ve been here a while and no. Maybe if it pertains to them in some way like the working mom from across the street keeps dumping her kid at their house after school everyday and expects rides ..but randomly venting about some neighbors working schedule for no reason, no that isn’t happening here that I’ve seen

There are posters in this thread who have said how bad they feel for the moms and kids!

Which btw you all sound so sanctimonious and condescending. Worry about your own selves!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

You are your of own worst enemy. The SAHM has never said a word to you, yet you can read her mind about what she thinks if you. This is your guilt oozing out.

Op thinks maybe the SAHM Neithbor thinks she is a bad mom. Sounds more like OP thinks herself as a bad mom. Neighbor seems to just be doing her own thing.

I see people walking their dog, going on a walk, gardening. Their working status never crossed my mind. This is OP’s insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

My husband has a very demanding job. Sometimes he does yard work or sits in front of our porch. He hates seeing weeds and pulls them out. He rides bikes with the kids and if he is home early, he will meet kids at the bus stop.

OP is the judgy one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The SAHM truly does not care what you are doing with your kids and their childcare. This is all your insecurities being projected. She is probably relieved you aren’t asking her to watch them or drive them anywhere. But really…she likely never thinks about your kids’ childcare schedule or cares.

And yet...there are plenty of SAHMs who post on DCUM all the time with their opinions about others' childcare schedules. So...

I’ve been here a while and no. Maybe if it pertains to them in some way like the working mom from across the street keeps dumping her kid at their house after school everyday and expects rides ..but randomly venting about some neighbors working schedule for no reason, no that isn’t happening here that I’ve seen

There are posters in this thread who have said how bad they feel for the moms and kids!

Which btw you all sound so sanctimonious and condescending. Worry about your own selves!

Oh come on! OP detailed her schedule and solicited a discussion about it. PPs are responding. That's totally different than suggesting that random neighbors are aware of each others' childcare hours and judging them.

And FWIW, most of the posters suggesting that OP make a change sound like working moms who have made alternative arrangement work. And a lot of those PPs (although admittedly not all) seemed to make those suggestions from a place of trying to help OP.

[Anonymous]

OP is a textbook example of someone with a hybrid of superiority and inferiority complex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The SAHM truly does not care what you are doing with your kids and their childcare. This is all your insecurities being projected. She is probably relieved you aren’t asking her to watch them or drive them anywhere. But really…she likely never thinks about your kids’ childcare schedule or cares.

And yet...there are plenty of SAHMs who post on DCUM all the time with their opinions about others' childcare schedules. So...

I’ve been here a while and no. Maybe if it pertains to them in some way like the working mom from across the street keeps dumping her kid at their house after school everyday and expects rides ..but randomly venting about some neighbors working schedule for no reason, no that isn’t happening here that I’ve seen

There are posters in this thread who have said how bad they feel for the moms and kids!

Which btw you all sound so sanctimonious and condescending. Worry about your own selves!

Oh come on! OP detailed her schedule and solicited a discussion about it. PPs are responding. That's totally different than suggesting that random neighbors are aware of each others' childcare hours and judging them.

And FWIW, most of the posters suggesting that OP make a change sound like working moms who have made alternative arrangement work. And a lot of those PPs (although admittedly not all) seemed to make those suggestions from a place of trying to help OP.

+1. If you are a mid-level to senior white collar desk worker, there is no reason you can’t carve out flexibility for yourself with a combination of good time management, delegation, and strategic role selection. That applies to hybrid OP and *especially* her fully remote DH.

The SAHM thing is a red herring. They don’t understand enough about the working world to really contribute to the discussion beyond saying they pity working people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A SAHM neighbor does not understand that why my kids are at school beforecare/aftercare & summer camp. Well, DH works from home, and I work hybrid. Maybe we could save a bit money by dropping school beforecare but I am not able to work and manage kids at the same time even on my work from home days. I always wait until last minutes to pick up kids. Kids have stayed long time outside and get tired. So we do.

I am in a rush every day. I think I can't be friends with her since we are not on same page. Her kids do not need school beforecare/aftercare or summer camps. I think I have more in common things to talk with working moms. But working moms are busy to hang out to meet on weekend, so we are.

Yes, as a sahm I can't understand this. I often see the children being picked up at 6, 7 at our elementary school each day. This seems like a very long day for a child away from Mommy and Daddy. You should at least try to stagger your schedule so they can be at home with a present parent a few hours a day imo.

As a SAHM, I wouldn’t expect you to use your brain for much of anything.

Wow, this thread turned crazy. I think it's hard on either end but I would say it helps if you do both to be able to see the other person's experience. If your child is in school and then stays at after school care until 6 or 7, it's not the worst thing in the world.

But compare that to a child getting home or picked up by a consistent reliable "caregiver figure", snacks, relationships, hugs, homework help, books read, a little cartoon, out for a bike ride or park, going on an improptu outing, conversation, interaction, activity, and etc... All this happens for the kids who go home after school to a present parent or caretaker.