It seems SAHM & working mom live in different world

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't lived in DC in a while. Have things changed SO much since the pandemic that people can't understand that a dual-career couple would have a kid in care from 8-630? This used to be 100% the norm so I am surprised at people shaming the parents for having kids in care "so long" unless it's a DCUM thing or one person?

Because those long hours used to incorporate a long commute. In situations where neither parent has a commute, why are such long hours necessary?
Both parents work a 10.5 hour work day every day?

Do you not remember how, during Covid, companies expected (and still expect) maximum flexibility from the people who WFH? My company is cool with WFH but you better believe you are expected to work harder to prove you’re not abusing it.

I am the first person quoted, who hasn't lived in DC in a while. So, has society really changed this much then? Seriousy question and sorry for hijacking.

But to answer your actual concern, OP - is it possible that she assumes you are also a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't lived in DC in a while. Have things changed SO much since the pandemic that people can't understand that a dual-career couple would have a kid in care from 8-630? This used to be 100% the norm so I am surprised at people shaming the parents for having kids in care "so long" unless it's a DCUM thing or one person?

Because those long hours used to incorporate a long commute. In situations where neither parent has a commute, why are such long hours necessary?
Both parents work a 10.5 hour work day every day?

Do you not remember how, during Covid, companies expected (and still expect) maximum flexibility from the people who WFH? My company is cool with WFH but you better believe you are expected to work harder to prove you’re not abusing it.

PP you quoted here.
No, I definitely don't remember that being what people said about their work expectations. Are you not familiar with J1 (job 1) J2 J3 guy that posts here? Each of his work from home "full time" jobs required so few hours that he was able to juggle all three AND still post here a lot.

[Anonymous]

Why exactly does your work from home husband not do any of this?! He can’t take them to school or pick them up?

Also 7-6? How long are your work hours? In the US we work 8/8.5 hour day. You could easily work 7-3:30 or 8-4:30. It is your choice to work these long hours. And it seems you both are!

[Anonymous]

My child used to be in before and aftercare from 7-6PM. She was sleeping for most of her time at home. She was being parented at school, but teachers kept asking why she wasn’t being parented at home. It was not working for her.

I did not want to rearrange our lives but we had to so that we could parent our child. ‘Merica!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why exactly does your work from home husband not do any of this?! He can’t take them to school or pick them up?

Also 7-6? How long are your work hours? In the US we work 8/8.5 hour day. You could easily work 7-3:30 or 8-4:30. It is your choice to work these long hours. And it seems you both are!

Lots of jobs require you to work more than 8.5 hours per day. As an attorney, my day is 10 hours minimum. Most are somewhere in the ballpark of 12-15. Not my “choice” per se, just what I need to do to stay employed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child used to be in before and aftercare from 7-6PM. She was sleeping for most of her time at home. She was being parented at school, but teachers kept asking why she wasn’t being parented at home. It was not working for her.

I did not want to rearrange our lives but we had to so that we could parent our child. ‘Merica!

What could "'Merica!" have done differently for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why exactly does your work from home husband not do any of this?! He can’t take them to school or pick them up?

Also 7-6? How long are your work hours? In the US we work 8/8.5 hour day. You could easily work 7-3:30 or 8-4:30. It is your choice to work these long hours. And it seems you both are!

okay, okay - the poster who has been out of the DC area a while recently and is wondering if work culture has now shifted to 1) kids not being in daycare 8-6/7 (yes, a long time, but was at one point 100% normal for dual career families, and 2) do people really work these hours now? Don't most people work 9-10 hours a day who are in white collar professions, esp in DC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child used to be in before and aftercare from 7-6PM. She was sleeping for most of her time at home. She was being parented at school, but teachers kept asking why she wasn’t being parented at home. It was not working for her.

I did not want to rearrange our lives but we had to so that we could parent our child. ‘Merica!

Nice try. No teacher said this to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why exactly does your work from home husband not do any of this?! He can’t take them to school or pick them up?

Also 7-6? How long are your work hours? In the US we work 8/8.5 hour day. You could easily work 7-3:30 or 8-4:30. It is your choice to work these long hours. And it seems you both are!

Lots of jobs require you to work more than 8.5 hours per day. As an attorney, my day is 10 hours minimum. Most are somewhere in the ballpark of 12-15. Not my “choice” per se, just what I need to do to stay employed.

LOL. It is absolutely your choice to work 10 hours a day. There are government or in-house positions that do not require that. And there is tons more WFH flexibility after the pandemic.

I really do not understand people who prioritize $$ and are willing to put their young child in group care for that long. Both DH and I work FT but we have never needed more than 30 hours of care. Even 40 is fine. But 50??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't lived in DC in a while. Have things changed SO much since the pandemic that people can't understand that a dual-career couple would have a kid in care from 8-630? This used to be 100% the norm so I am surprised at people shaming the parents for having kids in care "so long" unless it's a DCUM thing or one person?

Because those long hours used to incorporate a long commute. In situations where neither parent has a commute, why are such long hours necessary?
Both parents work a 10.5 hour work day every day?

Do you not remember how, during Covid, companies expected (and still expect) maximum flexibility from the people who WFH? My company is cool with WFH but you better believe you are expected to work harder to prove you’re not abusing it.

PP you quoted here.
No, I definitely don't remember that being what people said about their work expectations. Are you not familiar with J1 (job 1) J2 J3 guy that posts here? Each of his work from home "full time" jobs required so few hours that he was able to juggle all three AND still post here a lot.

Why would you take J1 guy as the norm? In my client facing role, the expectation is that I am available with a same day response, where as pre COVID, you had the courtesy of 24 business hour response. My leadership is cool enough with WFH and flexible work schedules but since everyone knows we WFH they want to hear from you immediately. And if the client isn’t happy, leadership isn’t happy, so…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why exactly does your work from home husband not do any of this?! He can’t take them to school or pick them up?

Also 7-6? How long are your work hours? In the US we work 8/8.5 hour day. You could easily work 7-3:30 or 8-4:30. It is your choice to work these long hours. And it seems you both are!

Lots of jobs require you to work more than 8.5 hours per day. As an attorney, my day is 10 hours minimum. Most are somewhere in the ballpark of 12-15. Not my “choice” per se, just what I need to do to stay employed.

LOL. It is absolutely your choice to work 10 hours a day. There are government or in-house positions that do not require that. And there is tons more WFH flexibility after the pandemic.

I really do not understand people who prioritize $$ and are willing to put their young child in group care for that long. Both DH and I work FT but we have never needed more than 30 hours of care. Even 40 is fine. But 50??

Sorry, some of us have more ambition than you and your slacker spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why exactly does your work from home husband not do any of this?! He can’t take them to school or pick them up?

Also 7-6? How long are your work hours? In the US we work 8/8.5 hour day. You could easily work 7-3:30 or 8-4:30. It is your choice to work these long hours. And it seems you both are!

okay, okay - the poster who has been out of the DC area a while recently and is wondering if work culture has now shifted to 1) kids not being in daycare 8-6/7 (yes, a long time, but was at one point 100% normal for dual career families, and 2) do people really work these hours now? Don't most people work 9-10 hours a day who are in white collar professions, esp in DC?

Have you ever heard of the global pandemic? Also, the white collar professions who need to work 9-10 hours a day (aka not government) can afford a SAH/PT/WFH parent, or at least a FT nanny so the child can come home after school. Not as ideal as having a parent around more, but still better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child used to be in before and aftercare from 7-6PM. She was sleeping for most of her time at home. She was being parented at school, but teachers kept asking why she wasn’t being parented at home. It was not working for her.

I did not want to rearrange our lives but we had to so that we could parent our child. ‘Merica!

Nice try. No teacher said this to you.

Of course they did: she needs more structure, she needs to be practicing reading 30 minutes a day, she’s constantly tired at school.

America doesn’t have solutions for dual income working parents. Companies want almost all of the hours a child is awake, and the country sees it as normal. Other countries have different solutions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why exactly does your work from home husband not do any of this?! He can’t take them to school or pick them up?

Also 7-6? How long are your work hours? In the US we work 8/8.5 hour day. You could easily work 7-3:30 or 8-4:30. It is your choice to work these long hours. And it seems you both are!

Lots of jobs require you to work more than 8.5 hours per day. As an attorney, my day is 10 hours minimum. Most are somewhere in the ballpark of 12-15. Not my “choice” per se, just what I need to do to stay employed.

LOL. It is absolutely your choice to work 10 hours a day. There are government or in-house positions that do not require that. And there is tons more WFH flexibility after the pandemic.

I really do not understand people who prioritize $$ and are willing to put their young child in group care for that long. Both DH and I work FT but we have never needed more than 30 hours of care. Even 40 is fine. But 50??

Sorry, some of us have more ambition than you and your slacker spouse.

Is that supposed to make me feel sad? We somehow managed to cobble together a 7-figure HHI. And still were able to spend tons of time with our kids. When you are sufficiently in demand you can flex your schedule.

[Anonymous]

That’s way too long in after care and is completely exhausting for the children.

Get a nanny so they can come home after school and relax and you can keep working in your office.