It seems SAHM & working mom live in different world

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you should take a chance and strike up a friendship with this SAHM. She is living rent free in your head right now. Might as well really get to know her. I have been a SAHM and WOHM. She is not tracking your schedule or judging you from afar. Maybe there are some mutual activities/camps your kids would enjoy or even the playground on a weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

Well, it seems that you popped out some humans beings because you and your DH had sex. Now, you do not have time for those humans and someone else is raising them for most of their waking hours. That's ok. At least they are not working as some child labor in a sweatshop. T

hey are out of the house from 8 am - 6 pm. What quality time are they spending with you or even each other? It sounds you have no time for a SAHM friend or even a WOHM friend, because you have no time for your kids even.

Please, Bicch. You are not even living in the world of a working mom. Miserable life.

Women supporting other women, am I right?

Nope. Cannot support selfish monster mothers and neglectful fathers. Where is the dad in this? Why is he not pitching in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

As a SAHM when I see a mom like this, I dont judge her. I feel slightly sorry for how tired and rushed she always looks, especially when I see her wrangling crying kids in and out of the car early morning or late at night. I feel a pang of gratitude that I can stay at home and not put my very young kid in daycare for 8 plus hours a day.

And I am very happy to chat or be friends with a working mom , on a schedule that’s convenient for her.

Fellow sahm here. I also feel slightly bad for them because I used to be them. I feel fortunate Dh earns a high enough income that I don’t have to work.

You are a financial dependent. Gross.

You are low value and have to earn a living because no high value man thought you or your ugly children deserve to be well provided for. Gross.

Some of us like using our brains and the education we received. You’re showing your butt by calling other people’s kids ugly on the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope y'all are making millions and doing some meaningful work.

[Anonymous]

I have noticed a difference and I dislike it. I work out of the house and feel like my life is more similar to pre-kids compared to my neighbors who stay home.

With the SAHMs I know, everything seems to revolve around kids and their world is quite small. I find myself judging them and I dislike it.

I also wish I wanted to stay home because it would make my life easier. Unfortunately I like my job, business travel, additional income and relationships I have through my job. I don’t think I’d be happy going to daily library story times and never going somewhere without kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

As a SAHM when I see a mom like this, I dont judge her. I feel slightly sorry for how tired and rushed she always looks, especially when I see her wrangling crying kids in and out of the car early morning or late at night. I feel a pang of gratitude that I can stay at home and not put my very young kid in daycare for 8 plus hours a day.

And I am very happy to chat or be friends with a working mom , on a schedule that’s convenient for her.

Fellow sahm here. I also feel slightly bad for them because I used to be them. I feel fortunate Dh earns a high enough income that I don’t have to work.

You are a financial dependent. Gross.

You are low value and have to earn a living because no high value man thought you or your ugly children deserve to be well provided for. Gross.

Some of us like using our brains and the education we received. You’re showing your butt by calling other people’s kids ugly on the internet.

Who would leave beautiful and cute children in the day care? Ugly kids are easy to leave in daycare. Heck, easy to not even breastfeed them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

As a SAHM when I see a mom like this, I dont judge her. I feel slightly sorry for how tired and rushed she always looks, especially when I see her wrangling crying kids in and out of the car early morning or late at night. I feel a pang of gratitude that I can stay at home and not put my very young kid in daycare for 8 plus hours a day.

And I am very happy to chat or be friends with a working mom , on a schedule that’s convenient for her.

Fellow sahm here. I also feel slightly bad for them because I used to be them. I feel fortunate Dh earns a high enough income that I don’t have to work.

You are a financial dependent. Gross.

You are low value and have to earn a living because no high value man thought you or your ugly children deserve to be well provided for. Gross.

Are you trying to be mean or do you really think this?

Consider a woman with a graduate degree, mostly working from home and earning at least 200k a year. Do you really think she’s working because her husband won’t provide for her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A SAHM neighbor does not understand that why my kids are at school beforecare/aftercare & summer camp. Well, DH works from home, and I work hybrid. Maybe we could save a bit money by dropping school beforecare but I am not able to work and manage kids at the same time even on my work from home days. I always wait until last minutes to pick up kids. Kids have stayed long time outside and get tired. So we do.

I am in a rush every day. I think I can't be friends with her since we are not on same page. Her kids do not need school beforecare/aftercare or summer camps. I think I have more in common things to talk with working moms. But working moms are busy to hang out to meet on weekend, so we are.

Oh, ok. So you have neither SAHM friends nor WOHM friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

You sound jealous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

As a SAHM when I see a mom like this, I dont judge her. I feel slightly sorry for how tired and rushed she always looks, especially when I see her wrangling crying kids in and out of the car early morning or late at night. I feel a pang of gratitude that I can stay at home and not put my very young kid in daycare for 8 plus hours a day.

And I am very happy to chat or be friends with a working mom , on a schedule that’s convenient for her.

Fellow sahm here. I also feel slightly bad for them because I used to be them. I feel fortunate Dh earns a high enough income that I don’t have to work.

You are a financial dependent. Gross.

You are low value and have to earn a living because no high value man thought you or your ugly children deserve to be well provided for. Gross.

Are you trying to be mean or do you really think this?

Consider a woman with a graduate degree, mostly working from home and earning at least 200k a year. Do you really think she’s working because her husband won’t provide for her?

Ugly children she hates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A SAHM neighbor does not understand that why my kids are at school beforecare/aftercare & summer camp. Well, DH works from home, and I work hybrid. Maybe we could save a bit money by dropping school beforecare but I am not able to work and manage kids at the same time even on my work from home days. I always wait until last minutes to pick up kids. Kids have stayed long time outside and get tired. So we do.

I am in a rush every day. I think I can't be friends with her since we are not on same page. Her kids do not need school beforecare/aftercare or summer camps. I think I have more in common things to talk with working moms. But working moms are busy to hang out to meet on weekend, so we are.

You do live in different worlds and that is okay.

It really negatively impacted Ted my relationship with my best friend for about15 years. We’re coming out of it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

As a SAHM when I see a mom like this, I dont judge her. I feel slightly sorry for how tired and rushed she always looks, especially when I see her wrangling crying kids in and out of the car early morning or late at night. I feel a pang of gratitude that I can stay at home and not put my very young kid in daycare for 8 plus hours a day.

And I am very happy to chat or be friends with a working mom , on a schedule that’s convenient for her.

Fellow sahm here. I also feel slightly bad for them because I used to be them. I feel fortunate Dh earns a high enough income that I don’t have to work.

You are a financial dependent. Gross.

+1

I would never want my daughters to be dependent on a man, who will likely lose respect for them and cheat. They need to be gainfully employed and in a partnership - no matter what their HHI is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

As a SAHM when I see a mom like this, I dont judge her. I feel slightly sorry for how tired and rushed she always looks, especially when I see her wrangling crying kids in and out of the car early morning or late at night. I feel a pang of gratitude that I can stay at home and not put my very young kid in daycare for 8 plus hours a day.

And I am very happy to chat or be friends with a working mom , on a schedule that’s convenient for her.

Fellow sahm here. I also feel slightly bad for them because I used to be them. I feel fortunate Dh earns a high enough income that I don’t have to work.

Please don't feel bad for us. It sounds like a better solution for you is not to work outside the home, and great that your husband earns enough for the family as a whole. Some of us, like me, however, would chose to work regardless of how much our spouses make and it's the best choice for us.

I have 3 kids. I worked when my older two were younger. I felt like I missed a lot of their childhood. Like OP, I was stressed out with not enough hours in a day. I had a full time nanny and put my kid in daycare. I used to call it preschool but it was daycare. I put my kids in camps year round. All three of my kids are happy and healthy. I don’t think my working hurt my older kids but I just feel like I missed a lot.

I know not all moms feel like me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whole family has 11-12 hr workdays including children, even though neither parent commutes. You need major life changes. Its not healthy.

+1

I’m a working mom with 3 kids. DH and I both have flexible schedules with WAH. We have staggered our schedules so that we do not need any before or after care. One of us works 7-3:30 while the other manages all the breakfast/bus stop stuff and the other works 9-5:30 while the early worker handles afternoons with the kids. Sometimes we have to shift things around to accommodate meetings or to divide and conquer taking the kids to after school extracurriculars, and then we make up a bit of work at night.

I realize this isn’t feasible for everyone, but if OP and her DH are working from home a lot, I don’t understand why they need 11-12 hours of childcare? Even when DH and I were going into the office and had 30-45 min commutes we still staggered so kids were in daycare no more than ~8-9 hours and often less because we’d flex things around.

I have plenty of mom friends who are PT, SAH (or were SAH and recently went back), etc. and our employment status does not feel like some huge divide.

I think OP is relying on extended childcare hours and feeling judged by her neighbor because she is unhappy with her current family schedule. Usually when you’re sensitive about something it’s coming from something internal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home.

As a SAHM when I see a mom like this, I dont judge her. I feel slightly sorry for how tired and rushed she always looks, especially when I see her wrangling crying kids in and out of the car early morning or late at night. I feel a pang of gratitude that I can stay at home and not put my very young kid in daycare for 8 plus hours a day.

And I am very happy to chat or be friends with a working mom , on a schedule that’s convenient for her.

Fellow sahm here. I also feel slightly bad for them because I used to be them. I feel fortunate Dh earns a high enough income that I don’t have to work.

You are a financial dependent. Gross.

You are judging another mom based entirely on her employment status. Gross.

-working mom