Birthday party invites - not inviting one girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a bully at this age, and if my mother had forced me to invite her to my birthday, I would simply have declined having a party at all. Inviting this cruel child into my house would simply have given her more fodder to torment me with. People have gone nuts in the name of inclusion. This isn’t fair to your child, OP. Do not invite her.

Your parents needed to teach YOU better techniques to deal with her and to not become a target. That is where they went wrong. I had some girls target my daughter because she is a year younger than the class and she is tiny. I told her not to play with them and to snap back. For example one girl would say “you can’t play with us because you’re a baby”, then she would snap back “yes, I’m younger, but I’m the smartest one here. You’re just HUGE!”. Luckily the girl wasn’t overweight, but she was very tall. Snapping back actually gets the girls to stop, or at least in my daughter’s class. She’s still not friends with them, but it doesn’t really matter. We still invite them to our parties, and they never show, hmm wonder why. . .

Victim-blaming, how lovely. And you’re proud your daughter is insulting people based on their size. Found the bully right here.

[Anonymous]

What is with these arbitrary rules about what percent of the class must be invited. Getting excluded from a party because you are a bully is the natural consequence for this child’s behavior. I would feel zero guilt about leaving her out, and I would not exclude other friends from the party because of some arbitrary rule about less than 50 percent.

I have more sympathy for “mean girls” when they are in K and 1st and still learning. By 5th grade, you’ve had plenty of time to be taught appropriate social behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What planet are you on? Why does your 11 year old need to invite all the girls from the class? I seriously doubt your DD is good friends with all of them. The rule is you can invite half of the girls or maybe even 6/10 but you don’t just leave 1 out.

+1. The OP’s DD is probably using her party as a weapon to make the mean girl feel bad. Tit for rat!

She absolutely does not need to invite the girl, but she can also remove a handful of others from the guest list.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the crazy posters.

You reap what you sow. Standing up to abuse is not abuse.

Let her invite who she wants. No invitations at school, obviously. Tell DD to tell these girls to be discreet.

[Anonymous]

Yeah but what's really going on? Are you sure you know the whole story? This could blow up in your face, OP. Are you sure you have enough information about what's happening?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is with these arbitrary rules about what percent of the class must be invited. Getting excluded from a party because you are a bully is the natural consequence for this child’s behavior. I would feel zero guilt about leaving her out, and I would not exclude other friends from the party because of some arbitrary rule about less than 50 percent.

I have more sympathy for “mean girls” when they are in K and 1st and still learning. By 5th grade, you’ve had plenty of time to be taught appropriate social behavior.

Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet are you on? Why does your 11 year old need to invite all the girls from the class? I seriously doubt your DD is good friends with all of them. The rule is you can invite half of the girls or maybe even 6/10 but you don’t just leave 1 out.

+1. The OP’s DD is probably using her party as a weapon to make the mean girl feel bad. Tit for rat!

She absolutely does not need to invite the girl, but she can also remove a handful of others from the guest list.

There is absolutely no reason to. Schools and random internet people should have no influence on who is or isn't invited to a kid's birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet are you on? Why does your 11 year old need to invite all the girls from the class? I seriously doubt your DD is good friends with all of them. The rule is you can invite half of the girls or maybe even 6/10 but you don’t just leave 1 out.

+1. The OP’s DD is probably using her party as a weapon to make the mean girl feel bad. Tit for rat!

She absolutely does not need to invite the girl, but she can also remove a handful of others from the guest list.

There is absolutely no reason to. Schools and random internet people should have no influence on who is or isn't invited to a kid's birthday party.

Agree - the suggestion to exclude more kids so the mean girl's feelings aren't hurt is awful. OP's DD should invite who she wants to her party. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

So let’s get this straight. You think it’s okay to handle a bully by bullying them? Wow.

Yes, inviting all girls but her is a bully move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her to be kind

+1
Does being reciprocal mean align with your family's values?

I would invite her, because those are MY values, which are not dependent on others' behaviors. I would also not hesitate to correct her misbehavior if I see it.

Enough with teaching girls they have to be nice to everyone and just go along to get along, even with their bully. At 11 the daughter has the right to say what's acceptable behavior and what's not. This girl is NOT her friend so why invite her.

[Anonymous]

Fifth grade is when the parties get more selective anyway. I think there is no expectation to invite girls your DD is not friends with. It's also awkward to be the pity invite in a group and that's what this is.

I love the PP who said that this is why she invites all the parents. In fifth grade??? Nuts. Parents don't want to be there and kids don't want them there.

[Anonymous]

It seems mean to invite all of the other girls but not her. Is your daughter actually close friends with all of the other 10? That seems unlikely. Either invite all or just good friends.

[Anonymous]

I would take the chickens@&t way out and schedule the party for a weekend that the girl was out of town. It would be easy enough to find out, “do you have any travel planned” is a typical small talk topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would take the chickens@&t way out and schedule the party for a weekend that the girl was out of town. It would be easy enough to find out, “do you have any travel planned” is a typical small talk topic.

For my kid's birthday? No way. Her birthday is once a year and doing this is yet another way for the bully to torment her. Can't even celebrate her birthday on her birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is with these arbitrary rules about what percent of the class must be invited. Getting excluded from a party because you are a bully is the natural consequence for this child’s behavior. I would feel zero guilt about leaving her out, and I would not exclude other friends from the party because of some arbitrary rule about less than 50 percent.

I have more sympathy for “mean girls” when they are in K and 1st and still learning. By 5th grade, you’ve had plenty of time to be taught appropriate social behavior.

This absolutely. The girl who is unkind reaps what she sows. No invitation from a girl you are cruel to at school. And not inviting some of the other girls just to protect the cruel girl? How is that kind to them? Eleven is old enough to learn that actions have consequences.

Don't invite this girl, OP, and don't feel any guilt about it.