Birthday party invites - not inviting one girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

It happened last year. A kid was taking my daughter's hair ties and water bottles and running around with them at recess and not giving them back. I knew the mom, and she was a nice, decent person. The next time I saw her I said, "Hey - what's going on with that?" And we had a talk about it. And it wasn't a big deal. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. If OP knows the parents and they are nice, why not just say hey what's going on? We want to make things better at school. If it blows up - fine. But what's the alternative? Having a miserable year that is just bound to get more miserable?

Sheesh - wouldn't you want to know if your kid was so mean at school she wasn't getting invited to a birthday party? These aren't teenagers. This kid is young enough to still be inviting all the girls (or at least all but one) to her birthday party. This situation could turn around or at least get better.

An 11 year old was taking hair ties and water bottles? At my kids school they are far more sophisticated and telling each other they are far too poor for certain water bottles, their clothes are ugly, they are jealous and want to be like them, and everything about them is wrong. I think you're still talking about 5 year olds.

OK.

The original issue here is that the OP's daughter is inviting EVERY girl in the class but this one. EVERY GIRL. That doesn't prick up your ears? That doesn't make you take a step back and wonder if some retaliation is in the works? They are all best friends and all of them are so so special that it would be devastating if they weren't invited? My fifth grader isn't best/party friends with EVERY girl in her class, and if she came home and said she wanted to invite all of them but one I would say HELL no. Full stop. You people are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

It happened last year. A kid was taking my daughter's hair ties and water bottles and running around with them at recess and not giving them back. I knew the mom, and she was a nice, decent person. The next time I saw her I said, "Hey - what's going on with that?" And we had a talk about it. And it wasn't a big deal. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. If OP knows the parents and they are nice, why not just say hey what's going on? We want to make things better at school. If it blows up - fine. But what's the alternative? Having a miserable year that is just bound to get more miserable?

Sheesh - wouldn't you want to know if your kid was so mean at school she wasn't getting invited to a birthday party? These aren't teenagers. This kid is young enough to still be inviting all the girls (or at least all but one) to her birthday party. This situation could turn around or at least get better.

An 11 year old was taking hair ties and water bottles? At my kids school they are far more sophisticated and telling each other they are far too poor for certain water bottles, their clothes are ugly, they are jealous and want to be like them, and everything about them is wrong. I think you're still talking about 5 year olds.

OK.

The original issue here is that the OP's daughter is inviting EVERY girl in the class but this one. EVERY GIRL. That doesn't prick up your ears? That doesn't make you take a step back and wonder if some retaliation is in the works? They are all best friends and all of them are so so special that it would be devastating if they weren't invited? My fifth grader isn't best/party friends with EVERY girl in her class, and if she came home and said she wanted to invite all of them but one I would say HELL no. Full stop. You people are ridiculous.

You reap what you sow. Maybe that girl and her family will wonder where they went wrong. A first step would be to talk to the teacher about why this might happen and what was going on. I might want to get to the bottom of it but it's not on some random parent from the classroom to tell me my child is having issues in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

It happened last year. A kid was taking my daughter's hair ties and water bottles and running around with them at recess and not giving them back. I knew the mom, and she was a nice, decent person. The next time I saw her I said, "Hey - what's going on with that?" And we had a talk about it. And it wasn't a big deal. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. If OP knows the parents and they are nice, why not just say hey what's going on? We want to make things better at school. If it blows up - fine. But what's the alternative? Having a miserable year that is just bound to get more miserable?

Sheesh - wouldn't you want to know if your kid was so mean at school she wasn't getting invited to a birthday party? These aren't teenagers. This kid is young enough to still be inviting all the girls (or at least all but one) to her birthday party. This situation could turn around or at least get better.

An 11 year old was taking hair ties and water bottles? At my kids school they are far more sophisticated and telling each other they are far too poor for certain water bottles, their clothes are ugly, they are jealous and want to be like them, and everything about them is wrong. I think you're still talking about 5 year olds.

OK.

The original issue here is that the OP's daughter is inviting EVERY girl in the class but this one. EVERY GIRL. That doesn't prick up your ears? That doesn't make you take a step back and wonder if some retaliation is in the works? They are all best friends and all of them are so so special that it would be devastating if they weren't invited? My fifth grader isn't best/party friends with EVERY girl in her class, and if she came home and said she wanted to invite all of them but one I would say HELL no. Full stop. You people are ridiculous.

You reap what you sow. Maybe that girl and her family will wonder where they went wrong. A first step would be to talk to the teacher about why this might happen and what was going on. I might want to get to the bottom of it but it's not on some random parent from the classroom to tell me my child is having issues in school.

You absolutely do. Go head and let your daughter invite EVERY SINGLE GIRL in her class (even the ones that aren't that special and are just friendly acquaintances) except this one girl and see what kind of reaping and sowing happens. Good luck to you. You're going to need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

It happened last year. A kid was taking my daughter's hair ties and water bottles and running around with them at recess and not giving them back. I knew the mom, and she was a nice, decent person. The next time I saw her I said, "Hey - what's going on with that?" And we had a talk about it. And it wasn't a big deal. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. If OP knows the parents and they are nice, why not just say hey what's going on? We want to make things better at school. If it blows up - fine. But what's the alternative? Having a miserable year that is just bound to get more miserable?

Sheesh - wouldn't you want to know if your kid was so mean at school she wasn't getting invited to a birthday party? These aren't teenagers. This kid is young enough to still be inviting all the girls (or at least all but one) to her birthday party. This situation could turn around or at least get better.

An 11 year old was taking hair ties and water bottles? At my kids school they are far more sophisticated and telling each other they are far too poor for certain water bottles, their clothes are ugly, they are jealous and want to be like them, and everything about them is wrong. I think you're still talking about 5 year olds.

OK.

The original issue here is that the OP's daughter is inviting EVERY girl in the class but this one. EVERY GIRL. That doesn't prick up your ears? That doesn't make you take a step back and wonder if some retaliation is in the works? They are all best friends and all of them are so so special that it would be devastating if they weren't invited? My fifth grader isn't best/party friends with EVERY girl in her class, and if she came home and said she wanted to invite all of them but one I would say HELL no. Full stop. You people are ridiculous.

+1 this exactly. Not all the girls need to be invited to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

It happened last year. A kid was taking my daughter's hair ties and water bottles and running around with them at recess and not giving them back. I knew the mom, and she was a nice, decent person. The next time I saw her I said, "Hey - what's going on with that?" And we had a talk about it. And it wasn't a big deal. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. If OP knows the parents and they are nice, why not just say hey what's going on? We want to make things better at school. If it blows up - fine. But what's the alternative? Having a miserable year that is just bound to get more miserable?

Sheesh - wouldn't you want to know if your kid was so mean at school she wasn't getting invited to a birthday party? These aren't teenagers. This kid is young enough to still be inviting all the girls (or at least all but one) to her birthday party. This situation could turn around or at least get better.

An 11 year old was taking hair ties and water bottles? At my kids school they are far more sophisticated and telling each other they are far too poor for certain water bottles, their clothes are ugly, they are jealous and want to be like them, and everything about them is wrong. I think you're still talking about 5 year olds.

OK.

The original issue here is that the OP's daughter is inviting EVERY girl in the class but this one. EVERY GIRL. That doesn't prick up your ears? That doesn't make you take a step back and wonder if some retaliation is in the works? They are all best friends and all of them are so so special that it would be devastating if they weren't invited? My fifth grader isn't best/party friends with EVERY girl in her class, and if she came home and said she wanted to invite all of them but one I would say HELL no. Full stop. You people are ridiculous.

You reap what you sow. Maybe that girl and her family will wonder where they went wrong. A first step would be to talk to the teacher about why this might happen and what was going on. I might want to get to the bottom of it but it's not on some random parent from the classroom to tell me my child is having issues in school.

You absolutely do. Go head and let your daughter invite EVERY SINGLE GIRL in her class (even the ones that aren't that special and are just friendly acquaintances) except this one girl and see what kind of reaping and sowing happens. Good luck to you. You're going to need it.

Given what this girl has done, or girls like her, I'm completely comfortable with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

+1

OP gave a few examples and said her DD is "constantly complaining" which shows there is a history here. Why so quick to discount it to hyperfocus on just one example? Imagine your daughter is the target and not the aggressor for a moment and put yourself in someone else's shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

It happened last year. A kid was taking my daughter's hair ties and water bottles and running around with them at recess and not giving them back. I knew the mom, and she was a nice, decent person. The next time I saw her I said, "Hey - what's going on with that?" And we had a talk about it. And it wasn't a big deal. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. If OP knows the parents and they are nice, why not just say hey what's going on? We want to make things better at school. If it blows up - fine. But what's the alternative? Having a miserable year that is just bound to get more miserable?

Sheesh - wouldn't you want to know if your kid was so mean at school she wasn't getting invited to a birthday party? These aren't teenagers. This kid is young enough to still be inviting all the girls (or at least all but one) to her birthday party. This situation could turn around or at least get better.

An 11 year old was taking hair ties and water bottles? At my kids school they are far more sophisticated and telling each other they are far too poor for certain water bottles, their clothes are ugly, they are jealous and want to be like them, and everything about them is wrong. I think you're still talking about 5 year olds.

OK.

The original issue here is that the OP's daughter is inviting EVERY girl in the class but this one. EVERY GIRL. That doesn't prick up your ears? That doesn't make you take a step back and wonder if some retaliation is in the works? They are all best friends and all of them are so so special that it would be devastating if they weren't invited? My fifth grader isn't best/party friends with EVERY girl in her class, and if she came home and said she wanted to invite all of them but one I would say HELL no. Full stop. You people are ridiculous.

You reap what you sow. Maybe that girl and her family will wonder where they went wrong. A first step would be to talk to the teacher about why this might happen and what was going on. I might want to get to the bottom of it but it's not on some random parent from the classroom to tell me my child is having issues in school.

You absolutely do. Go head and let your daughter invite EVERY SINGLE GIRL in her class (even the ones that aren't that special and are just friendly acquaintances) except this one girl and see what kind of reaping and sowing happens. Good luck to you. You're going to need it.

You’re crazed.

OP, you’re fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

It happened last year. A kid was taking my daughter's hair ties and water bottles and running around with them at recess and not giving them back. I knew the mom, and she was a nice, decent person. The next time I saw her I said, "Hey - what's going on with that?" And we had a talk about it. And it wasn't a big deal. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. If OP knows the parents and they are nice, why not just say hey what's going on? We want to make things better at school. If it blows up - fine. But what's the alternative? Having a miserable year that is just bound to get more miserable?

Sheesh - wouldn't you want to know if your kid was so mean at school she wasn't getting invited to a birthday party? These aren't teenagers. This kid is young enough to still be inviting all the girls (or at least all but one) to her birthday party. This situation could turn around or at least get better.

An 11 year old was taking hair ties and water bottles? At my kids school they are far more sophisticated and telling each other they are far too poor for certain water bottles, their clothes are ugly, they are jealous and want to be like them, and everything about them is wrong. I think you're still talking about 5 year olds.

OK.

The original issue here is that the OP's daughter is inviting EVERY girl in the class but this one. EVERY GIRL. That doesn't prick up your ears? That doesn't make you take a step back and wonder if some retaliation is in the works? They are all best friends and all of them are so so special that it would be devastating if they weren't invited? My fifth grader isn't best/party friends with EVERY girl in her class, and if she came home and said she wanted to invite all of them but one I would say HELL no. Full stop. You people are ridiculous.

“Full stop.”😂

[Anonymous]

OP you’re fine. It doesn’t seem like the problems between your daughter and this other girl are isolated to one incident and they have been ongoing for some time. While I’m all about inclusivity, I can also acknowledge that people have the right to enjoy life. A birthday party is a special event for your daughter. She should be able to enjoy that without the ever present threat of what this other girl may do or say that is negative. And in another vain the act of not being included may be just the light that needs to be shone on the issue(s) to highlight the impact of the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

It happened last year. A kid was taking my daughter's hair ties and water bottles and running around with them at recess and not giving them back. I knew the mom, and she was a nice, decent person. The next time I saw her I said, "Hey - what's going on with that?" And we had a talk about it. And it wasn't a big deal. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. If OP knows the parents and they are nice, why not just say hey what's going on? We want to make things better at school. If it blows up - fine. But what's the alternative? Having a miserable year that is just bound to get more miserable?

Sheesh - wouldn't you want to know if your kid was so mean at school she wasn't getting invited to a birthday party? These aren't teenagers. This kid is young enough to still be inviting all the girls (or at least all but one) to her birthday party. This situation could turn around or at least get better.

An 11 year old was taking hair ties and water bottles? At my kids school they are far more sophisticated and telling each other they are far too poor for certain water bottles, their clothes are ugly, they are jealous and want to be like them, and everything about them is wrong. I think you're still talking about 5 year olds.

OK.

The original issue here is that the OP's daughter is inviting EVERY girl in the class but this one. EVERY GIRL. That doesn't prick up your ears? That doesn't make you take a step back and wonder if some retaliation is in the works? They are all best friends and all of them are so so special that it would be devastating if they weren't invited? My fifth grader isn't best/party friends with EVERY girl in her class, and if she came home and said she wanted to invite all of them but one I would say HELL no. Full stop. You people are ridiculous.

No, this does not prick my ears in the slightest. The party is for the OP’s daughter. She wants to invite all the girls in her class except for the one who is mean to her. There is nothing strange or confusing about this. This isn’t small group, she’s not obligated to include everything and she doesn’t have to exclude people she likes so as not to hurt the feelings of someone who has no problem disregarding hers.

Full stop!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

It happened last year. A kid was taking my daughter's hair ties and water bottles and running around with them at recess and not giving them back. I knew the mom, and she was a nice, decent person. The next time I saw her I said, "Hey - what's going on with that?" And we had a talk about it. And it wasn't a big deal. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. If OP knows the parents and they are nice, why not just say hey what's going on? We want to make things better at school. If it blows up - fine. But what's the alternative? Having a miserable year that is just bound to get more miserable?

Sheesh - wouldn't you want to know if your kid was so mean at school she wasn't getting invited to a birthday party? These aren't teenagers. This kid is young enough to still be inviting all the girls (or at least all but one) to her birthday party. This situation could turn around or at least get better.

An 11 year old was taking hair ties and water bottles? At my kids school they are far more sophisticated and telling each other they are far too poor for certain water bottles, their clothes are ugly, they are jealous and want to be like them, and everything about them is wrong. I think you're still talking about 5 year olds.

OK.

The original issue here is that the OP's daughter is inviting EVERY girl in the class but this one. EVERY GIRL. That doesn't prick up your ears? That doesn't make you take a step back and wonder if some retaliation is in the works? They are all best friends and all of them are so so special that it would be devastating if they weren't invited? My fifth grader isn't best/party friends with EVERY girl in her class, and if she came home and said she wanted to invite all of them but one I would say HELL no. Full stop. You people are ridiculous.

No, this does not prick my ears in the slightest. The party is for the OP’s daughter. She wants to invite all the girls in her class except for the one who is mean to her. There is nothing strange or confusing about this. This isn’t small group, she’s not obligated to include everything and she doesn’t have to exclude people she likes so as not to hurt the feelings of someone who has no problem disregarding hers.

Full stop!!!

lol! Even little so-and-so...can't remember her last name but sure I want to invite her. NOT Larla. And Looloo. I've never said a word to her, but she can come. I WANT her there. But NOT Larla. I'm serious mom. It is very important that all of these random girls come. NOT Larla. It will make me so happy to have all these girls there. And NOT Larla. OP's daughter's got some serious retaliation and revenge in mind. But fine. Go ahead and be ok with that.

Y'all are trippin'. And just as mean as that little trash can eraser girl. More so because you're adults!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

It happened last year. A kid was taking my daughter's hair ties and water bottles and running around with them at recess and not giving them back. I knew the mom, and she was a nice, decent person. The next time I saw her I said, "Hey - what's going on with that?" And we had a talk about it. And it wasn't a big deal. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. If OP knows the parents and they are nice, why not just say hey what's going on? We want to make things better at school. If it blows up - fine. But what's the alternative? Having a miserable year that is just bound to get more miserable?

Sheesh - wouldn't you want to know if your kid was so mean at school she wasn't getting invited to a birthday party? These aren't teenagers. This kid is young enough to still be inviting all the girls (or at least all but one) to her birthday party. This situation could turn around or at least get better.

An 11 year old was taking hair ties and water bottles? At my kids school they are far more sophisticated and telling each other they are far too poor for certain water bottles, their clothes are ugly, they are jealous and want to be like them, and everything about them is wrong. I think you're still talking about 5 year olds.

OK.

The original issue here is that the OP's daughter is inviting EVERY girl in the class but this one. EVERY GIRL. That doesn't prick up your ears? That doesn't make you take a step back and wonder if some retaliation is in the works? They are all best friends and all of them are so so special that it would be devastating if they weren't invited? My fifth grader isn't best/party friends with EVERY girl in her class, and if she came home and said she wanted to invite all of them but one I would say HELL no. Full stop. You people are ridiculous.

+1 this exactly. Not all the girls need to be invited to begin with.

But do you practice everything that you preach

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

It happened last year. A kid was taking my daughter's hair ties and water bottles and running around with them at recess and not giving them back. I knew the mom, and she was a nice, decent person. The next time I saw her I said, "Hey - what's going on with that?" And we had a talk about it. And it wasn't a big deal. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. If OP knows the parents and they are nice, why not just say hey what's going on? We want to make things better at school. If it blows up - fine. But what's the alternative? Having a miserable year that is just bound to get more miserable?

Sheesh - wouldn't you want to know if your kid was so mean at school she wasn't getting invited to a birthday party? These aren't teenagers. This kid is young enough to still be inviting all the girls (or at least all but one) to her birthday party. This situation could turn around or at least get better.

An 11 year old was taking hair ties and water bottles? At my kids school they are far more sophisticated and telling each other they are far too poor for certain water bottles, their clothes are ugly, they are jealous and want to be like them, and everything about them is wrong. I think you're still talking about 5 year olds.

OK.

The original issue here is that the OP's daughter is inviting EVERY girl in the class but this one. EVERY GIRL. That doesn't prick up your ears? That doesn't make you take a step back and wonder if some retaliation is in the works? They are all best friends and all of them are so so special that it would be devastating if they weren't invited? My fifth grader isn't best/party friends with EVERY girl in her class, and if she came home and said she wanted to invite all of them but one I would say HELL no. Full stop. You people are ridiculous.

FULL STOP tiger has entered the chat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t see how throwing away an eraser is somehow equivalent to excluding one girl out of the whole class. I wonder sometimes the mean little things our daughters do that we never know about while absolutely blasting someone else’s daughter for being a “mean girl” as if it’s their whole identity. Based on a story about an eraser.

Yeah this is mind boggling. A documented case of bullying usually involves teacher conferences, the principal gets involved, the parents are involved. It's a whole thing. This doesn't sound like bullying - this sounds like a pre-pubescent kid had a couple of hormonal days and took it out on their classmates (god forbid ). OP says the parents are nice - why not just talk to them and find out what's going on? There's time for this situation to get better and for everyone to have a better year at school. I don't see how excluding this kid from a birthday party is going to do that. If OP's kid is inviting all the girls in class as a rule, she should invite this girl. It's far-fetched that she's best buddies with all the girls in class and has to invite all of them but this girl.

I would say it is rare for bullying to be documented with teacher conferences. Those are the extreme cases. However, we all know that bullying is common and happens every day. But we’re not talking about a bully. We are talking about a mean girl which can be the same or different. The only person’s feelings who ultimately matter here are the birthday girls and she does not want the mean girl at her party and I don’t blame her one bit. I had lots of mean girls in my life, and I would not want them at my birthday party either.

With all of you who are advocating to invite her want a mean girl, or the mean queen bee (adult version) at your party? I think not, unless you’re a striver.

Not a striver. Just an adult who knows that kids are kids and that there's always more than one side to a story. This kid has been mean to her daughter and the whole class all year? And she knows the parents? And they are nice? And she hasn't said one word to them to try to figure out what's going on? Maybe this girl feels excluded at school by OP's daughter and her millions of friends. Maybe she has anxiety and has few tools to deal with it so she lashes out. I'm not saying invite her to the party. I'm saying get more information before you label someone a mean girl and call her a bully and completely exclude her from a party that will 100% be talked about at school. It's only going to make the situation worse.

OP already said this girl has friends in the other class. Curious you have so much empathy for the "you are so ugly!" girl but none for the birthday girl who just wants to have a fun party. It's not OPs job to bring attention to what the daughter is doing. Their concern is for and should be their own daughter. Do you know believe your kids when they tell you their troubles?

Sure I do! But I also want to get to the bottom of why this other girl is being so mean to her classmates. OP hasn't been the least bit curious about getting the whole story? Because she definitely is not getting the whole story. OP, if you think your kid is telling you everything about this situation, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I'm not saying invite the other girl to the party. I'm saying get more information about what's going on before you decide to let your own daughter start down the mean girl track as well.

But I get it - being a kind, decent person takes some effort. God forbid we model it for our kids.

Please tell us about the last time you confronted a parent of a tween about their child's undesirable behavior and how that went.

It happened last year. A kid was taking my daughter's hair ties and water bottles and running around with them at recess and not giving them back. I knew the mom, and she was a nice, decent person. The next time I saw her I said, "Hey - what's going on with that?" And we had a talk about it. And it wasn't a big deal. It doesn't have to be a confrontation. If OP knows the parents and they are nice, why not just say hey what's going on? We want to make things better at school. If it blows up - fine. But what's the alternative? Having a miserable year that is just bound to get more miserable?

Sheesh - wouldn't you want to know if your kid was so mean at school she wasn't getting invited to a birthday party? These aren't teenagers. This kid is young enough to still be inviting all the girls (or at least all but one) to her birthday party. This situation could turn around or at least get better.

An 11 year old was taking hair ties and water bottles? At my kids school they are far more sophisticated and telling each other they are far too poor for certain water bottles, their clothes are ugly, they are jealous and want to be like them, and everything about them is wrong. I think you're still talking about 5 year olds.

OK.

The original issue here is that the OP's daughter is inviting EVERY girl in the class but this one. EVERY GIRL. That doesn't prick up your ears? That doesn't make you take a step back and wonder if some retaliation is in the works? They are all best friends and all of them are so so special that it would be devastating if they weren't invited? My fifth grader isn't best/party friends with EVERY girl in her class, and if she came home and said she wanted to invite all of them but one I would say HELL no. Full stop. You people are ridiculous.

No, this does not prick my ears in the slightest. The party is for the OP’s daughter. She wants to invite all the girls in her class except for the one who is mean to her. There is nothing strange or confusing about this. This isn’t small group, she’s not obligated to include everything and she doesn’t have to exclude people she likes so as not to hurt the feelings of someone who has no problem disregarding hers.

Full stop!!!

lol! Even little so-and-so...can't remember her last name but sure I want to invite her. NOT Larla. And Looloo. I've never said a word to her, but she can come. I WANT her there. But NOT Larla. I'm serious mom. It is very important that all of these random girls come. NOT Larla. It will make me so happy to have all these girls there. And NOT Larla. OP's daughter's got some serious retaliation and revenge in mind. But fine. Go ahead and be ok with that.

Y'all are trippin'. And just as mean as that little trash can eraser girl. More so because you're adults!

Your need to make stuff up comes across as real lunacy.