Money, college and exILs

[Anonymous]

It sucks that their grandkids - your kids - thought their grandparents would help support them through college and now that probably won’t happen.

It sucks that you are going to pay for college and their other parent probably isn’t going to contribute.

Oh well.

They will still be able to go to college.

Stop trying to figure out how to get money out of them (BTW, all this “in writing” you speak of is in no way enforceable). Start planning to pay for it on your own.

And start thinking about how you want to handle this with your kids. Do you want to cause this to be the end of their relationship with their grandparents? How you react will be important in how this affects that relationship going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just figure out how to pay for it yourself.

Grandparents make all sorts of grandiose proclamations with younger children that they don’t mean. It’s all for show.

If your DC got in ED and you really can’t afford it, you can explain the situation to the school and they should let you out of the agreement. There’s no way to force the grandparents to help.

Can I pay for his college? Yes. Do I think it's fair that I am the only who is doing that and exDH is not contributing a dime, and now his parents are flaking? No, I think it sucks.

Yes, it is fair. Child support stops at age 18. You want him to go to college. You picked that college. Dad has been clear he isn't contributing. So, either pay or they go to a cheaper college, community college or don't go until they can save enough to go.

[Anonymous]

I mean, your exILs also have 5 additional grandkids now. I think you're SOL. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

You're SOL. I would write to them and say that you understand there is no longer financial support available, but you hope this will not stop them from spending time with their grandchildren.

I would think either they're idiots, they're psycho, they're broke, or most likely their fool son asked them for this pool of money to support his new children and they gave it to him. So basically they let him spend your kids' college gift. Fun times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're SOL. I would write to them and say that you understand there is no longer financial support available, but you hope this will not stop them from spending time with their grandchildren.

I would think either they're idiots, they're psycho, they're broke, or most likely their fool son asked them for this pool of money to support his new children and they gave it to him. So basically they let him spend your kids' college gift. Fun times.

Why would she want her kids to spend time with someone who screwed them over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're SOL. I would write to them and say that you understand there is no longer financial support available, but you hope this will not stop them from spending time with their grandchildren.

I would think either they're idiots, they're psycho, they're broke, or most likely their fool son asked them for this pool of money to support his new children and they gave it to him. So basically they let him spend your kids' college gift. Fun times.

Why would she want her kids to spend time with someone who screwed them over?

They didn't screw the kids over. If they were going to help they would have given mom the money up front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, your exILs also have 5 additional grandkids now. I think you're SOL. Sorry.

+1

Even if OP's were the only grandkids, grandparents have no obligation to pay - it is not the grandparents kids, it is OPs kids. OP, apply for financial aid NOW, stop making excuses.

[Anonymous]

My own parents didn’t even pay a penny for my undergrad or grad school, much less my grandparents. I’m sorry your ex-ILs have been saying in the past “they would help” but you do t have to search far on DCUM to find plenty of threads of posters whose parents had pledged to help finance the grandkids colleges who didn’t pay when the time came (including the poster that wanted people to contribute money at her mother’s funeral to a college fund for her own kids).

Them the breaks. I’m sorry. But you’re paying or they’re paying their own way. All of you will survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just figure out how to pay for it yourself.

Grandparents make all sorts of grandiose proclamations with younger children that they don’t mean. It’s all for show.

If your DC got in ED and you really can’t afford it, you can explain the situation to the school and they should let you out of the agreement. There’s no way to force the grandparents to help.

Can I pay for his college? Yes. Do I think it's fair that I am the only who is doing that and exDH is not contributing a dime, and now his parents are flaking? No, I think it sucks.

Yes, it is fair. Child support stops at age 18. You want him to go to college. You picked that college. Dad has been clear he isn't contributing. So, either pay or they go to a cheaper college, community college or don't go until they can save enough to go.

The student should be paying for his own college. If he wants it, he can pay for it. If mom wants it, mom can pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, they can stop seeing their grandparents now if they don’t want to.
And definitely no more driving them there unless it’s in your own interest.
At least you are free from this one obligation!

Aren’t you petty !

[Anonymous]

Go after ex husband for back child support. Boom, there’s your money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're SOL. I would write to them and say that you understand there is no longer financial support available, but you hope this will not stop them from spending time with their grandchildren.

I would think either they're idiots, they're psycho, they're broke, or most likely their fool son asked them for this pool of money to support his new children and they gave it to him. So basically they let him spend your kids' college gift. Fun times.

Why would she want her kids to spend time with someone who screwed them over?

Who cares what she wants? The kid is an adult and has a good relationship with his grandparents and can drive himself to visit and keep in touch regardless of what greedy mom wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am divorced and DCs have a good, positive relationship with exILs. For years they said that once they go to college, they have money set aside for them and that (their words) "they should be fine". Well, lo' and behold, my eldest got accepted into college. For the past 2 weeks I've been trying to have a conversation with exILs about college, tuition, room/board. They acted all surprised when DC called them to let them know he got accepted. I do have 529 plans for all my kids but again, they made both verbal and written promises (via emails and texts) they would contribute to their college education. They are dodging my calls and texts, they are now dodging his calls, and these are the same people who used to text or call several times a week. No, they are not ill or on vacation.

Are they trying to renege on their promise? Is there anything I can/should do? This is awkward. I certainly didn't force them to make these promises but hey, put your money where your mouth is.

It would appear these were just words and you have nothing in writing. I would write them s letter reminding them of their inference of financial assistance for their grandchildren''s college. See if, or how, they respond..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sucks that their grandkids - your kids - thought their grandparents would help support them through college and now that probably won’t happen.

It sucks that you are going to pay for college and their other parent probably isn’t going to contribute.

Oh well.

They will still be able to go to college.

Stop trying to figure out how to get money out of them (BTW, all this “in writing” you speak of is in no way enforceable). Start planning to pay for it on your own.

And start thinking about how you want to handle this with your kids. Do you want to cause this to be the end of their relationship with their grandparents? How you react will be important in how this affects that relationship going forward.

DP here. I say eff em - you thought you could money out of them and you can't. They may be rich, they may be poor - for all you know, they gave their money to charity.

You are an adult, time to adult, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just figure out how to pay for it yourself.

Grandparents make all sorts of grandiose proclamations with younger children that they don’t mean. It’s all for show.

If your DC got in ED and you really can’t afford it, you can explain the situation to the school and they should let you out of the agreement. There’s no way to force the grandparents to help.

Can I pay for his college? Yes. Do I think it's fair that I am the only who is doing that and exDH is not contributing a dime, and now his parents are flaking? No, I think it sucks.

Yes, it is fair. Child support stops at age 18. You want him to go to college. You picked that college. Dad has been clear he isn't contributing. So, either pay or they go to a cheaper college, community college or don't go until they can save enough to go.

The student should be paying for his own college. If he wants it, he can pay for it. If mom wants it, mom can pay for it.

You clearly have no idea how financing college works. Available financial aid is based on the parents income whether they are willing to pay or not. And kids cannot work their way through college. In state college with room and board will cost close to $40K/year in many states.

It may have been unwise to rely on these flaky grandparents (that raised a flaky child), but your comment is asinine.

Glad you are not my parent.