Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening

Raised by wolves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening

Agree with PP, you are definitely OBNOXIOUS!

[Anonymous]

The first two examples are rude; when someone asks a question directed specifically to one other person, it behooves the latter to respond. It doesn’t have to be a lengthy response.

Putting out a general invitation to a larger group (like the book club) is different, at least to me. I try to respond in these cases, but since it’s not an invitation specifically to me, I also feel less invested. If I want to spend time with one person or a small group, I’m very clear that I want their specific company. Throwing it out there is less appealing when my time is so limited, unless it’s an activity I absolutely love.

I do think the excuses of busyness and text messages are just that. People see those they want to see (which can include no one). If spending time with someone is a priority for you, express that clearly. If someone extends an invitation to you and you really want to go, but can’t, tell them so explicitly: “I’d love to see you but [activity] won’t work. Are you free on [different date]?”

[Anonymous]

Sometimes there’s silence when the asker doesn’t accept that no is a complete sentence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect:

1.) Sometimes people are so overwhelmed they don't get to everything or they forget.
2.) Some people don't handle "no" well and will make a snide comment, or follow up with more invites or give a guilt trip. Sometimes "no, thank you" is not enough and they want to know why and will further probe.

I consider no response an answer and it tells me not to ask again. I might give one more chance if I think the person just is overwhelmed, otherwise, I see it as "no, and please don't ask again."

Yep, same. I figure they don't want to be bothered, and I'm fine with that. One or two chances and then move on.

OP, you WILL find people who do respond, and just stick to asking those people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody is obligated to answer your questions. Just assume the answer is no and stop bothering people!

You’re rude. We get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My social calendar stays full, I receive more invites than I ever have time to attend. I'm blessed to have many other interests besides my job (that I do enjoy), and my friends and loved ones spend hours speaking with me every week.

I'm sad for you that you don't get to enjoy this same experience. I honestly think that maybe the people you're reaching out to can sense your inauthenticity, hence why they don't respond. Instead of casting such wide nets to everyone in your social circles all the time, maybe try to focus on connecting with and building deeper relationships with those whose company you truly enjoy (mutual) and who you truly want to get to know better. Those few will be more likely to respond when you reach out, as your connection grows.

Are your "friends" as smug and condescending as you? You sound insufferable.

Call it what you want OP. At least I'm not on a message board getting defensive with complete strangers and wondering why the people in my life ignore my communications and offers to spend time with them.

I gave you some sincere nuggets of valuable advice. Take what you want and leave the rest. Or not. I could care less either way.

Oh, please. Get so very much over yourself. DP.

[Anonymous]

When I had more free time I might have thought about this, now it doesn't bother me. I assume it means the person is very busy or not interested.

Plus, once you've been burned by the person who cannot accept a decline and now knows you do check your texts/emails they keep going. Maybe they will say something passive aggressive. Maybe you get another invite and don't want to explain-elderly parent is having a psychotic dementia related break and my teens are driving me insane and now eventually you have to ignore the texts so they stop.

If you are overwhelmed and don't respond, once ready to mingle it's easy to say you had a family emergency and wasn't checking texts or you never got it. In the moment I don't want to tell you it's not one thing, life is draining me and I can't go, but I do want to see you in like 6 months when I crawl out of the mud and re-emerge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just in the last week or so . . . .

Asked a friend if her daughter would ever be interested in babysitting, because I need to add to my roster. No response. Which could mean no. Or it could mean any number of things that I can only guess because absent a “no” nothing is clear.

YOU SHOULD ASK THE DAUGHTER DIRECTLY.

Asked some neighbors if they wanted to attend something (I have an extra ticket), and specifically asked for a response one way or the other because the event is soon. The first response was a generic emoji that didn’t actually answer. I followed up two days later and I got a “checking “ response. Several days later, still no answer so I found someone else. Still never heard back from my neighbor - for all I know they plan to attend and I’ll get a text from them the day of asking about it!

IF YOU NEEDED TO KNOW BY A DEADLINE, YOU SHOULD HAVE SET A DEADLINE WITH THEM . IT’S UNCLEAR WHAT YOU MEAN BY “ASKED”. IF YOU MEAN THAT YOU TEXTED — THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE STATED AN RSVP DATE. IF YOU “ASKED” VERBALLY, THEN YOUR WRITTEN REMINDER SHOULD HAVE INCLUDED A DEADLINE. YES, THEY SHOULD RESPOND, BUT THEY HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING IF YOUR “SOON” IS THE SAME AS THEIRS.


Sent a message to my book club asking if anyone wanted to join me doing something. Got one yes, great. Got another response from someone who was busy but otherwise interested. Also great - at least have an understanding about this person. Zero response from everyone else. So again, I’m left to guess. Did they just not like the activity? Interested but busy? Who knows.

YOU ASKED A GENERAL QUESTION OF A GROUP OF PEOPLE. EXPECT THAT THE PEOPLE WHO WILL CONTACT YOU WILL BE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE INTERESTED. IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS, ASK THEM IN A CONVERSATION — AND RECOGNIZE THAT YOUR PRIORITIES AND TIMELINES ARE NOT UNIVERSALLY SHARED.

WTF? No wonder there are so many people who feel lonely, isolated , disassociated, etc. No one can bother to put in bare minimum effort to communicate. And so many people think that it’s okay to just forget to respond. No, it’s not, it’s rude. To leave it to someone else to have to follow up or wonder what you’re thinking, when all you need to do is spend 5 seconds typing “no thank you “ or “no, I’m not interested “ is not okay! It’s one thing thing to get busy and be delayed in responding. Or to use silence as a response with someone who can’t accept boundaries or take “no” as an answer. But why is it socially acceptable to drop the ball in all manner of communication?

See CAPS for responses to your situations.

You’re over generalizing. You’re also not communicating clearly. If you want a certain kind of response by a specific deadline— it’s on you to tell people that.

[Anonymous]

I currently have 66 unread text messages, 11 FB messenger notifications, and I have no idea how many emails. There are too many ways to communicate these days and I can’t keep up and do my job and take care of my family. I have also been sick for going on a month and I really don’t see myself catching up anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening

If you ask a direct question you are absolutely owed a respond. Unless you’re a heathen with no manners.

Agree if it’s a personalized message to one or two people. But if I send a group text to the book club - one of the examples- saying “does anyone want to go hiking” please only reply if interested and available. I don’t need 16 “nos” to everyone in the text thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I get your frustration. I invited a group of women to a party at our house. Two of 12 responded no, and 10 did not rsvp at all. I had lots of other guests so the party well. But here's what bothered me more... we meet once a month (have for 5 years) and not a single person thanked me for the invitation, asked how the party was, said they were sorry they missed it, or of the 10, said they were sorry they had forgotten to rsvp!

Did you send written invitations with an RSVP date? Or did you verbally extend a “you’re welcome to come next Wednesday” invite to the entire group? If it’s something close to the latter, then most people wouldn’t feel compelled to RSVP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening

If you ask a direct question you are absolutely owed a respond. Unless you’re a heathen with no manners.

Agree if it’s a personalized message to one or two people. But if I send a group text to the book club - one of the examples- saying “does anyone want to go hiking” please only reply if interested and available. I don’t need 16 “nos” to everyone in the text thread.

Correct. The first two required a response. The third one did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My social calendar stays full, I receive more invites than I ever have time to attend. I'm blessed to have many other interests besides my job (that I do enjoy), and my friends and loved ones spend hours speaking with me every week.

I'm sad for you that you don't get to enjoy this same experience. I honestly think that maybe the people you're reaching out to can sense your inauthenticity, hence why they don't respond. Instead of casting such wide nets to everyone in your social circles all the time, maybe try to focus on connecting with and building deeper relationships with those whose company you truly enjoy (mutual) and who you truly want to get to know better. Those few will be more likely to respond when you reach out, as your connection grows.

Are your "friends" as smug and condescending as you? You sound insufferable.

Call it what you want OP. At least I'm not on a message board getting defensive with complete strangers and wondering why the people in my life ignore my communications and offers to spend time with them.

I gave you some sincere nuggets of valuable advice. Take what you want and leave the rest. Or not. I could care less either way.

You have issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s all this pop-psych stuff encouraging everyone to only engage in people/activities that bring them joy, that are net positives for their happiness, vs. net negatives. So since it’s easier to ghost you and “hard” stuff isn’t their jam, that’s what they do.

+1 all this "give yourself grace" has turned into "me me me and only me" level of selfishness.