Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Just in the last week or so . . . .

Asked a friend if her daughter would ever be interested in babysitting, because I need to add to my roster. No response. Which could mean no. Or it could mean any number of things that I can only guess because absent a “no” nothing is clear.

Asked some neighbors if they wanted to attend something (I have an extra ticket), and specifically asked for a response one way or the other because the event is soon. The first response was a generic emoji that didn’t actually answer. I followed up two days later and I got a “checking “ response. Several days later, still no answer so I found someone else. Still never heard back from my neighbor - for all I know they plan to attend and I’ll get a text from them the day of asking about it!

Sent a message to my book club asking if anyone wanted to join me doing something. Got one yes, great. Got another response from someone who was busy but otherwise interested. Also great - at least have an understanding about this person. Zero response from everyone else. So again, I’m left to guess. Did they just not like the activity? Interested but busy? Who knows.

WTF? No wonder there are so many people who feel lonely, isolated , disassociated, etc. No one can bother to put in bare minimum effort to communicate. And so many people think that it’s okay to just forget to respond. No, it’s not, it’s rude. To leave it to someone else to have to follow up or wonder what you’re thinking, when all you need to do is spend 5 seconds typing “no thank you “ or “no, I’m not interested “ is not okay! It’s one thing thing to get busy and be delayed in responding. Or to use silence as a response with someone who can’t accept boundaries or take “no” as an answer. But why is it socially acceptable to drop the ball in all manner of communication?

[Anonymous]

It’s not acceptable. People just have really poor manners. It wasn’t engrained in them how to behave. And there is no longer much shame for being poorly mannered like there once was.

[Anonymous]

I suspect:

1.) Sometimes people are so overwhelmed they don't get to everything or they forget.
2.) Some people don't handle "no" well and will make a snide comment, or follow up with more invites or give a guilt trip. Sometimes "no, thank you" is not enough and they want to know why and will further probe.

I consider no response an answer and it tells me not to ask again. I might give one more chance if I think the person just is overwhelmed, otherwise, I see it as "no, and please don't ask again."

[Anonymous]

It’s all this pop-psych stuff encouraging everyone to only engage in people/activities that bring them joy, that are net positives for their happiness, vs. net negatives. So since it’s easier to ghost you and “hard” stuff isn’t their jam, that’s what they do.

[Anonymous]

That is really frustrating OP, I'm sorry. I always hate when emails and texts go unanswered so I really try to reply promptly to people.

But my sense is that a lot of people are overwhelmed by communication. For instance, I have three email accounts-- one for my job, a personal one, and one for a side business I started 6 years ago. It can be hard to stay in top of them, and I have to prioritize the work one, which means sometimes it can take me a day or two to reply to the others if work is very busy. I'm better with text but I've also got some technology rules that might delay a response (like not keeping my phone in my bedroom at night, and a rule against using my phone when I'm doing one on one time with my DC).

But that doesn't excuse the weird non-committal or vague response you're getting, which I think is worse than a delayed response or none at all. I get overwhelm, but there's no excuse for just being unclear.

[Anonymous]

No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s all this pop-psych stuff encouraging everyone to only engage in people/activities that bring them joy, that are net positives for their happiness, vs. net negatives. So since it’s easier to ghost you and “hard” stuff isn’t their jam, that’s what they do.

I knew someone who engaged in behavior like this. After asking them to join me in specific activities with no response, I called them out on it. They said their therapist recommended they feel “pursued and deeply wanted” before engaging. I didn’t want to date them, just asked them to a music festival and book club since we had similar interests.

Some people take their therapist’s recommendations too far. I stopped engaging with this person.

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely annoying. But just assume, unless there’s an extenuating circumstance, that no response means no, and move on. And ask someone else next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s all this pop-psych stuff encouraging everyone to only engage in people/activities that bring them joy, that are net positives for their happiness, vs. net negatives. So since it’s easier to ghost you and “hard” stuff isn’t their jam, that’s what they do.

I knew someone who engaged in behavior like this. After asking them to join me in specific activities with no response, I called them out on it. They said their therapist recommended they feel “pursued and deeply wanted” before engaging. I didn’t want to date them, just asked them to a music festival and book club since we had similar interests.

Some people take their therapist’s recommendations too far. I stopped engaging with this person.

OMG. This is insufferable.

[Anonymous]

People are crazy busy to the point of feeling overwhelmed these days. That's great you have all of this time on your hands. Many don't, or just can't figure it out in the narrow timeline you seem to require. Just let it go and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening

Oh shut it. You are obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening

Oh shut it. You are obnoxious.

Maybe. But he/she is also correct in many instances.

[Anonymous]

Are these all texts? I get a lot of texts, and they quickly disappear down the list after being read.
You could do two things:
1. Word everything so that it's clear that silence will be a no. "I have a ticket for Event and would love for you to join me! LMK by Thurs so I can offer it to someone else if you're busy."
2. Do the above, but with an email. I know email is unfashionable but it has better tools for flagging messages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening

Oh shut it. You are obnoxious.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are crazy busy to the point of feeling overwhelmed these days. That's great you have all of this time on your hands. Many don't, or just can't figure it out in the narrow timeline you seem to require. Just let it go and move on.