Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody is obligated to answer your questions. Just assume the answer is no and stop bothering people!

You’re rude. We get it.

+1

I can't imagine thinking that you don't have to respond to people you know or live with or work with - I mean, strangers off the street maybe......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s all this pop-psych stuff encouraging everyone to only engage in people/activities that bring them joy, that are net positives for their happiness, vs. net negatives. So since it’s easier to ghost you and “hard” stuff isn’t their jam, that’s what they do.

+1 all this "give yourself grace" has turned into "me me me and only me" level of selfishness.

+1. So bizarre - who acts like that, IRL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t not respond on purpose but 95% of the time I get an invitation, it’s because I was randomly scrolling my phone when I should have been doing something else (like work). In order to respond, I need to check my calendar, check with my husband on his plans, figure out a babysitter if necessary etc. I forget to do all that because I have to go back to doing what I should have been doing in the first place (like work) and then I’ll remember the invite in the shower 2 weeks later. Charge it to my head and not my heart, as my mother says.

I get that, but if you don't want to miss stuff, you need a system. I send myself email reminders for things I get a text for, if I can't answer within a couple of hours because I need to check calendars, etc. Email is easier because as a PP said, it doesn't disappear and you can mark it with priorities, flags, etc.

Interestingly we do not have the non-response issue for our adult friends at all, but we do for our kids' social engagements. Kids are lower elementary, still young enough to need parental involvement/agreement in playdates, and to be taken to and from the playdate. It is remarkable how many people either don't respond, or don't reciprocate. For instance there is a kid in my DD's class who asked for a playdate. Her parents texted us. We responded quickly and suggested a time. They responded and said oh, that doesn't work, we'll get back to you soon on another time. They never did. This sort of thing happens a lot. I assume they are not actually interested (despite being the originator) or are flakey (in which case, I'm not super interested in pursuing them). Or with other folks, they come to a playdate and then never reciprocate. Which is fine, I suppose; I don't want to force company on them if they are busy, don't like us or DCs, etc; but when they are super friendly at the playdate and talk a big game about having another one soon and then radio silence ... yeah, I write them off as flakey.

[Anonymous]

Tongue-in-cheek, but: I took the time to write out a thoughtful reply here to OP. OP STILL hasn’t replied directly to my post, or acknowledged it in any way. Why has silence become an acceptable response, especially when the OP came here to ask for feedback?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very responsive, clear, prompt and polite with the vast majority of people in my life. If I am evasive or don’t engage, it is because the person contacting me is notoriously obnoxious and doesn’t respect “no,” doesn’t respect anything other than what they want/what they want to hear, and is generally unable to take no for an answer or read social cues.

I understand that some people do this, and I as well, but there are some people just itching, and they tend to be adversarial, no matter how simple or inoffensive the question. It takes the form of wanting the person who asked the question to look like the bad guy - a deflection/projection, from asocial respondents. They respondent is difficult, and lacks communication skills, so they scapegoat the person who is asking a simple and inoffensive question. If you pay more attention, you can see it in certain (usually predictable) situations. After a while, it becomes a game of Bingo.

…where is all this coming from? I’m not talking about intrusive questions about health, personal business or anything like that. I am talking about responses to invitations. Some people simply can’t take no for an answer, or want a reason and then argue with it. That’s what I’m talking about. Why you’re twisting yourself into a pretzel about “inoffensive questions” is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

OP herself is probably guilty of doing what she claims others do, ignoring texts/calls and not responding. Now that these people are doing it back to her, it’s not feeling so good.

Look in the mirror OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tongue-in-cheek, but: I took the time to write out a thoughtful reply here to OP. OP STILL hasn’t replied directly to my post, or acknowledged it in any way. Why has silence become an acceptable response, especially when the OP came here to ask for feedback?

This made me chuckle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s a group text asking about attending something, people usually just don’t respond if they’re not interested. That doesn’t offend me much. If you ask one person a direct question, it’s polite to respond either way.

Yeah, I was just going to write this. In OP's examples, the third one doesn't require a response. It's a group email asking if people wanted to join her.

+1 It's rude to not respond to the first two, but I might not respond to the third one if I'm not interested. The main reason is because if one person starts off with a no, then it seems like others are more likely to say no. The same is true with a yes.

OP, drop the people who didn't respond to the first two. It's really not too much to expect a reply to say their DD isn't interested in babysitting or they're not available for the event.