Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening

This thinking is the problem here. If someone asked you if you were interested in doing something, you would ignore them unless you wanted to do it?? So rude and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So annoying. I also hate when I ask a question an iPhone users just "like" it. Like wtf that is not a response!

That probably means they have the same question, if it’s in a group text

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s all this pop-psych stuff encouraging everyone to only engage in people/activities that bring them joy, that are net positives for their happiness, vs. net negatives. So since it’s easier to ghost you and “hard” stuff isn’t their jam, that’s what they do.

I knew someone who engaged in behavior like this. After asking them to join me in specific activities with no response, I called them out on it. They said their therapist recommended they feel “pursued and deeply wanted” before engaging. I didn’t want to date them, just asked them to a music festival and book club since we had similar interests.

Some people take their therapist’s recommendations too far. I stopped engaging with this person.

So interesting. And alarming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are crazy busy to the point of feeling overwhelmed these days. That's great you have all of this time on your hands. Many don't, or just can't figure it out in the narrow timeline you seem to require. Just let it go and move on.

Maybe OP is asking the wrong people. I’m neither crazy busy nor overwhelmed. Other than work I have no plans.

[Anonymous]

I don’t not respond on purpose but 95% of the time I get an invitation, it’s because I was randomly scrolling my phone when I should have been doing something else (like work). In order to respond, I need to check my calendar, check with my husband on his plans, figure out a babysitter if necessary etc. I forget to do all that because I have to go back to doing what I should have been doing in the first place (like work) and then I’ll remember the invite in the shower 2 weeks later. Charge it to my head and not my heart, as my mother says.

[Anonymous]

Nobody is obligated to answer your questions. Just assume the answer is no and stop bothering people!

[Anonymous]

They're just not that into you, OP.

[Anonymous]

This just happened to me but I’m the invitee. 8 families invited. No one responded. We really don’t want to go. I felt really bad for the host so I said yes. Now my family is the only one going. I wish I ignored it as well.

[Anonymous]

OP I don’t have this problem. If I put out an ask for an invite, my people respond and do so promptly.

Now of course unlike you, I don’t bombard people in my life with requests. I think the volume is your issue. People probably see your text, say “Geez her again!” and then go on about their business. They’re collectively letting you know that you’re asking for too much. You need to back off, as your OP comes across control-freakish.

[Anonymous]

“ People are crazy busy to the point of feeling overwhelmed these days. That's great you have all of this time on your hands. Many don't, or just can't figure it out in the narrow timeline you seem to require. Just let it go and move on.”

OP here. I use to buy into the “too busy to respond” b.s., but I’ve decided it’s just a bad excuse for bad behavior. If you’re truly too busy to either respond or do anything, then I think you need to use your words and actually say that. At least then I’ll know to place you on the “invite only when I don’t care about whether you respond or attend “ list.

I’ve also decided that the “I lose track of messages if they are sent by text” excuse is b.s. If you’re only capable of responding to certain methods of communication and not others, then it’s your responsibility to explain that. Or not provide the contact information that seems to be too difficult for you to handle.

And no, I don’t bombard people with texts or do something inappropriate if the answer is no. And I don’t believe that my third example actually required responses from everyone - just would have been nice so I can better assess whether to extend other invites.

[Anonymous]

Totally agree with you OP.

Our church recently scheduled a relatively expensive activity that pre-pandemic was very popular. Asked for RSVPs as seats were limited. Only got 2 RSVPs, so we cancelled in order to get our money back. We let the 2 RSVPs know that it was cancelled. Announced that it was cancelled. Nearly two dozen people showed up day-of, completely outraged that there were no tickets for them -- meanwhile they hadn't bothered to let us know that they wanted to come, and didn't bother to read any of the half dozen emails that mentioned it was cancelled.

People are just awful right now. I am trying to respond with more kindness and patience but it's extremely disheartening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So annoying. I also hate when I ask a question an iPhone users just "like" it. Like wtf that is not a response!

That's a thumbs-up to us.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound exhausting and like you have alot of time on your hands. Perhaps you don't work?

Well the people you're bugging (yes, you're bugging them) probably have work and kids (and maybe elders to tend to) and are tired and stressed, and don't have time to respond 1-by-1 to all your requests every other day.

No they don't want to babysit your kids, no they don't want to join you for mundane tasks, no they don't have time to attend weekday events with you. They are working.

And I bet your requests are wordy and long and detailed, and no one has time to read all that. So that's why you get the silence.

You have some nerve saying that's why people feel isolated and lonely. It sounds like you're projecting, as all these people have full busy lives (that don't include you) and you're the one begging for their time.

Maybe they just aren't feeling your control freak energy.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound exhausting and like you have alot of time on your hands. Perhaps you don't work?

PP, you sound obnoxious and like not a lot of people invite you to do things? Perhaps you don't have anything to talk about other than your (boring-to-the-rest-of-us) work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t not respond on purpose but 95% of the time I get an invitation, it’s because I was randomly scrolling my phone when I should have been doing something else (like work). In order to respond, I need to check my calendar, check with my husband on his plans, figure out a babysitter if necessary etc. I forget to do all that because I have to go back to doing what I should have been doing in the first place (like work) and then I’ll remember the invite in the shower 2 weeks later. Charge it to my head and not my heart, as my mother says.

This is me. Any free time I have is really just borrowed time for the backlog of life stuff. Doing my best,y'all.