Why has silence become an acceptable response to invitations, questions, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening

Oh shut it. You are obnoxious.

Maybe. But he/she is also correct in many instances.

no, only if you're a self-absorbed millennial

[Anonymous]

Bad manners and collective trauma

[Anonymous]

I am usually one of few who respond on group texts because...manners. Recently, for other reasons I am fuming about, I figured it's OK to be part of the majority not responding. I feel bad about lack of response, but also "if you have nothing nice to say..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am usually one of few who respond on group texts because...manners. Recently, for other reasons I am fuming about, I figured it's OK to be part of the majority not responding. I feel bad about lack of response, but also "if you have nothing nice to say..."

I’m on a group text with some moms from school. One mom is kind of…a lot. She is constantly coming up with activities or events that she wants the rest of us to do, or just texting loooong paragraphs about various things. I am one of the only ones who ever responds, because I hate the idea of her getting zero replies. But I kind of understand why the other moms don’t respond.

[Anonymous]

It’s not acceptable. A simple yes or no I can’t make it. Thanks for the invite I can make it. Manners aren’t hard and for a supposed forum that is obsessed with “class” it’s surprising to see people say it’s OK to ignore texts. There’s nothing classy or educated about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just in the last week or so . . . .

Asked a friend if her daughter would ever be interested in babysitting, because I need to add to my roster. No response. Which could mean no. Or it could mean any number of things that I can only guess because absent a “no” nothing is clear.

Asked some neighbors if they wanted to attend something (I have an extra ticket), and specifically asked for a response one way or the other because the event is soon. The first response was a generic emoji that didn’t actually answer. I followed up two days later and I got a “checking “ response. Several days later, still no answer so I found someone else. Still never heard back from my neighbor - for all I know they plan to attend and I’ll get a text from them the day of asking about it!

Sent a message to my book club asking if anyone wanted to join me doing something. Got one yes, great. Got another response from someone who was busy but otherwise interested. Also great - at least have an understanding about this person. Zero response from everyone else. So again, I’m left to guess. Did they just not like the activity? Interested but busy? Who knows.

WTF? No wonder there are so many people who feel lonely, isolated , disassociated, etc. No one can bother to put in bare minimum effort to communicate. And so many people think that it’s okay to just forget to respond. No, it’s not, it’s rude. To leave it to someone else to have to follow up or wonder what you’re thinking, when all you need to do is spend 5 seconds typing “no thank you “ or “no, I’m not interested “ is not okay! It’s one thing thing to get busy and be delayed in responding. Or to use silence as a response with someone who can’t accept boundaries or take “no” as an answer. But why is it socially acceptable to drop the ball in all manner of communication?

In person, if someone asks you a question, yes it is polite to respond, because you two have decided to be in each other's company at the moment. Otherwise, these unprompted demands of time and attention do not require a response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are these all texts? I get a lot of texts, and they quickly disappear down the list after being read.
You could do two things:
1. Word everything so that it's clear that silence will be a no. "I have a ticket for Event and would love for you to join me! LMK by Thurs so I can offer it to someone else if you're busy."
2. Do the above, but with an email. I know email is unfashionable but it has better tools for flagging messages.

This is good advice. Allow people the option of silence by indicating that you will interpret no response by X date/time as a “no”. If it’s something important, maybe call or talk about it in person.

[Anonymous]

Op, I get your frustration. I invited a group of women to a party at our house. Two of 12 responded no, and 10 did not rsvp at all. I had lots of other guests so the party well. But here's what bothered me more... we meet once a month (have for 5 years) and not a single person thanked me for the invitation, asked how the party was, said they were sorry they missed it, or of the 10, said they were sorry they had forgotten to rsvp!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are these all texts? I get a lot of texts, and they quickly disappear down the list after being read.
You could do two things:
1. Word everything so that it's clear that silence will be a no. "I have a ticket for Event and would love for you to join me! LMK by Thurs so I can offer it to someone else if you're busy."
2. Do the above, but with an email. I know email is unfashionable but it has better tools for flagging messages.

This is good advice. Allow people the option of silence by indicating that you will interpret no response by X date/time as a “no”. If it’s something important, maybe call or talk about it in person.

But the option of silence already is understood.

[Anonymous]

Rude but understood

[Anonymous]

Dam dam

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening

The entitled generation has entered the chat.
…to tell you that you are NOT entitled to expect good manners and civility.

Right ON!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one owes you a response. That's a very entitled way of thinking. The silence is a no or what a rude question or why are you asking me this for the 5th time. Silence says volumes but you're not listening

You’re correct that silence says volumes, but it is extremely rude. We can agree on that. I disagree that expecting a response is entitled. That is entirely laughable that you think expecting an answer to a question or invitation is entitled? Well I suppose literally she is entitled to an answer to a question she asks. But I would not say she is entitled the way you mean it. That is really twisted.

[Anonymous]

So annoying. I also hate when I ask a question an iPhone users just "like" it. Like wtf that is not a response!

[Anonymous]

I try to be responsive but sometimes I miss things or simply forget. Between my own work/personal texts and communications, comms with my kids' friends' parents and school, and a million text reminders/confirmations for appointments for the three of us, things get missed.