If you did everything right (by DCUM standards)…. How?

[Anonymous]

Law profession is most heavily affected by what tier law school, as PP pointed out. Lowest tier law school is almost worthless.

[Anonymous]

I can check everything thing off this list.

I graduated with minimal debt because I received a lot of merit scholarships. My spouse had zero debt because his parents could afford to pay his tuition and then he chose a STEM graduate program that paid a stipend. I earned a high salary before 35 because I chose a lucrative undergraduate major and prioritized earning potential when selecting a career path. I bought a house at 35 because I lived in a LCOL city with roommates from age 22-29 and I saved my money. I met my spouse at age 29 because a mutual friend introduced us. We’ve maintained our health through our hobbies which center around outdoor exercise.

We are lucky. And privileged. We have good genes health-wise. We have not had any accidents or tragedies like a major car accident, earthquake, house fire or flood. We have virtually zero family drama. Our kids don’t have special needs. My husband turned out to be as awesome of a human as a husband and father and when we were dating. That’s a ton of luck. We’re both pretty smart, but neither of us is particularly more attractive or ambitious than average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Law profession is most heavily affected by what tier law school, as PP pointed out. Lowest tier law school is almost worthless.

Entirely worthless.

But same might be true for certain colleges & certain fields.
There are huge benefits to the peer group and networking at some top 20 colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting list. I do happen to check all of those boxes.

I'm debt-free because I went to state university and lived with my parents. And my parents paid for undergrad and grad school. I lived at home on and off in my 20s and moved out at 30. That's how I had enough saved for a down payment (along with DH's contribution, which was smaller).

Advice: Get married and have kids younger (maybe around 27?), keep good relations with family, and don't spend on stupid every day crap until you've made it to a comfortable income bracket.

This is related to having parents live near a decent university and jobs.

My parents lived in essential the holler, so a sad community college was our local U (fondly called 13th grade)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you:
- Married or met spouse by 30
- Made $150K or more by 30
- Owned SFH by 35
- Graduated with zero or manageable debt
- Remained thin and healthy throughout
- Continued with hobbies or activities or travel to make a fulfilling life

How did you manage it? What are your secrets? Did you have your mind set on all of this and what sacrifices did you make that others didn’t? Where do you think others around you went wrong, so to speak? Did you have any adversity in your life? How did you avoid all the societal traps that prevent people from achieving this? Conversely, do you think this life is as “perfect”’as it seems or is there more to it? What advice would you your children, or 18-year-olds today?

I met my husband in college while I was dating someone else. I didn't even date him until two years after meeting him, and then I was 26 when we got married. I graduated without debt because a family trust paid for my college and grad school. I got a job in tech. Owned a condo in late 20's with DH, then we sold during a downturn in RE to buy our house which had been on the market over 8 months. I come from a long line of tall/thin people, but also I've always been active. To be fair, it helps that I don't have a sweet tooth.

I dodn't have my mind set on any of this - it's just the way things worked out. I actually dumped a guy who, on paper, looked more successful than DH. Not for DH, but just that first guy wasn't right for me. Others who were around me in college chose careers that pay less, like public school teacher, and then instead of moving somewhere like NY, picked Ohio. Yes, I've had adversity in my life but I've never viewed myself as a victim. I don't think anyone's life is perfect. Having a good marriage takes a lot of concentrated effort. I think some people (like my public school teacher friend) aren't good at thinking big picture, or can get easily sidetracked, whether by a man or something else, and some people have to grapple with addiction issues, which can thwart the best of intentions.

I grew up LMC and wanted a meaningful job that would make the world a better place, and to my understanding teachers made good money (compared to my upbringing). Not everyone understands the value of maximizing income when they are young, nor what maximums are possible (earning $200k would be like a Dr Evil scene from Austin Powers)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If you:
- Married or met spouse by 30
We have been together since we were 18/freshman in college so getting married at 25 felt natural after 7 years together.

- Made $150K or more by 30
We're close. Currently 32yo with a HHI of $280k. DH was at one job for 10 years then made a jump last year for a huge raise. I started a business.

- Owned SFH by 35
We bought our SFH when we were 26. I worked full time throughout college and saved as much as I could for a downpayment. In laws did give us $5k.

- Graduated with zero or manageable debt
I nannied 35-40 hours per week throughout college. I got some scholarships, went to state school, paid the rest as I went, and saved. I'm not going to lie I was young and naive and was making cash. I was taking home about $800 cash per week. I graduated with $27k in loans. My parents didn't help me at all. Dh's parents paid for his college. We both just have bachelors degrees.

- Remained thin and healthy throughout
We're active people in general- our hobbies are hiking, biking, swimming, etc. Walk our dog everyday, run after our kids. We have a Pelaton. Dh has been training for a marathon. I do barre or pilates when I have the chance.

- Continued with hobbies or activities or travel to make a fulfilling life
Hobbies are above. We travel A LOT, but we him exchange so it's free. DH travels for work a decent amount so we use his miles to cover flights. So we aren't paying for airfare or lodging. Kids are 3 and 5 and have been to 4 and 6 countries respectively. DH and I have been to 25+. I'm my own boss so can do whatever I want. DH works for a European company and gets 25 PTO days, 15 sick days, and 12 holidays.

We were very picky and intentional with how we wanted our work-life balance to be. It did help that we got together so young because we had plenty of time to lay the foundation. And I'm thankful to my in laws for paying for DH's undergrad.

Where are you buying a SFH with college jobs down payment money in 2017?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is an unhealthy obsession with wanting to attribute all successes to being born in the right place rather than one's own hard work and accomplishments. It's become fashionable to talk like this in the last few years.

In reality, real life is very different. I could tell you ALL the stories of the kids born on third base and who are effectively flunking out of life. Downward mobility is real. And I could tell you ALL the stories of people from nowhere who ended managing directors, head of companies, law partners, doctors, business owners.

Some people are genuinely born with the drive and discipline to work hard. For some people, this just comes more easily.

If there is a pattern to success, it's hard work and discipline. Then if you combine it with getting your education out of the way earlier, getting married (and doubling your HHI) in your mid-late 20s, and picking the right career paths, the odds of coming out top increases substantially.

But not everyone has the work ethic.

I read a LOT of successful peoples bios and linkedin esp in tech and finance, and have never found anyone with a LMC upbringing remotely like mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was born into a stable, UMC family. Parents were Ivy grads; paid for my college, professional school, wedding, first car, housing downpayment.
I am (or was--now almost 50) good looking. Dated men who would become high earners. Married one. I don't think I was consciously looking to marry a high earner (honestly I didn't even think to worry about this) but my social circle was basically all people who would become successful professionals. I grew up and lived in a bubble.

I haven't lived a struggle free life (infertility for years, parent passing from brain tumor) but I will say that 95% of my "success in life" is due to luck. I now live in DC among a very similar crowd and I would say the same thing about my peer group here. Most were born on second or third base---if not half way down the line to home plate.

Everyone’s parent dies, and it’s better that way because no parent wants to outlive their children.

Unless they passed away when you were a child, I would not list parents death as a struggle. We all go through that, and it’s the best outcome for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is an unhealthy obsession with wanting to attribute all successes to being born in the right place rather than one's own hard work and accomplishments. It's become fashionable to talk like this in the last few years.

In reality, real life is very different. I could tell you ALL the stories of the kids born on third base and who are effectively flunking out of life. Downward mobility is real. And I could tell you ALL the stories of people from nowhere who ended managing directors, head of companies, law partners, doctors, business owners.

Some people are genuinely born with the drive and discipline to work hard. For some people, this just comes more easily.

If there is a pattern to success, it's hard work and discipline. Then if you combine it with getting your education out of the way earlier, getting married (and doubling your HHI) in your mid-late 20s, and picking the right career paths, the odds of coming out top increases substantially.

But not everyone has the work ethic.

Current grown adults who are successful have always had a job, from a young age, in my unprivileged up bringing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is an unhealthy obsession with wanting to attribute all successes to being born in the right place rather than one's own hard work and accomplishments. It's become fashionable to talk like this in the last few years.

In reality, real life is very different. I could tell you ALL the stories of the kids born on third base and who are effectively flunking out of life. Downward mobility is real. And I could tell you ALL the stories of people from nowhere who ended managing directors, head of companies, law partners, doctors, business owners.

Some people are genuinely born with the drive and discipline to work hard. For some people, this just comes more easily.

If there is a pattern to success, it's hard work and discipline. Then if you combine it with getting your education out of the way earlier, getting married (and doubling your HHI) in your mid-late 20s, and picking the right career paths, the odds of coming out top increases substantially.

But not everyone has the work ethic.

I read a LOT of successful peoples bios and linkedin esp in tech and finance, and have never found anyone with a LMC upbringing remotely like mine.

I mean, how would you know who is from a LMC background? What if they did Prep for Prep before going to a prep school? Also, I know a lot of successful people in tech and finance who went to schools like Stuyvesant in NYC--which are almost 50% FARMS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Law profession is most heavily affected by what tier law school, as PP pointed out. Lowest tier law school is almost worthless.

Only worthless in stupid DC where it sucks to work anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gender wage gap is a crazy fiction when you adjust for jobs women CHOOSE VS men and time taken out of career (again women’s choice!) for child-bearing and rearing.
Women on average tend to avoid risky, isolated, or hard labor jobs. (Doesn’t mean there are no women sanitation workers or welders…but there are decidedly fewer!)
And they tend to gravitate toward (again by choice) more nurturing fields that yield lower pay.
And when comparing apples to apples, like if I’m an attorney who takes time off to have a baby and stay home for 2-4 years, when I re-enter the workforce, should my employer pay me the same as a male attorney of the same age who did not take that time off? Or should that male attorney be allowed to continue to have pay increases while I take time off to pursue what I choose?
That’s the gender pay gap in a nutshell.

If employers could get away with literally paying women less (by thousands) for the same job as men in the exact same roles with same experience—-why would all corporations not employ only women?
Seriously. If there is a huge difference between what an employer can pay a woman for doing the same job with same years of experience as a man—then why would anyone hire men?
Is there anyone who really believes that corporations/employers are that altruistic that they wouldn’t immediately jump at the chance to cut costs on labor and salaries by ditching men in favor of a workforce of women?
It makes no sense.

To the "gender wage gap is crazy fiction" poster - have you ever wondered WHY "nurturing fields" are typically paid less? It's because women have historically worked those jobs and women's labor is generally undervalued. Being a sanitation worker is no more or less challenging than being a nurse, it's just differently so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Law profession is most heavily affected by what tier law school, as PP pointed out. Lowest tier law school is almost worthless.

Only worthless in stupid DC where it sucks to work anyway.

Maybe, but I honestly wouldn’t bother spending that money. All big law firms and all top law firms that I know, from all areas of the US, care that anyone they hire went to only top law schools.

[Anonymous]

- Married or met spouse by 30 - met at 27, married at 29. We have an ok marriage, not a fairy tale. Parenting exposed a lot of weaknesses.

- Made $150K or more by 30 - not quite, I was 34 or 35.

- Owned SFH by 35 - bought a TH at 25; sold it and bought SFH with DH at 32.

- Graduated with zero or manageable debt - yes, parents paid tuition at a state school and I covered room & board by working as an RA and holding down 2-3 jobs every summer.

- Remained thin and healthy throughout - I'm not super thin (size 4-6) but I'm healthy. Took 18 months off from working out after each of 2 kids but otherwise have maintained a consistent 3-4 day/week exercise routine since my mid-20s (usually early mornings). Have always eaten a pretty healthy diet. I think it's genetics and good habits from my family of origin.

- Continued with hobbies or activities or travel to make a fulfilling life - hahahahaha nope. I work, raise my kids, and try to exercise/sleep/read in the margins. I have no time for anything enjoyable. Almost all of my contact with friends is via text. This is where the DCUM myth falls apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The secret was being born to UMC/UC parents who funded everything so I could live on easy street my entire life.

Nope. Went to top 10 undergrad (on financial aid with debt)/went to top 5 law school (debt). Got job at top 3 law firm in country.

Repaid loans. Easy. Made partner.

Met spouse at recent grads party for my university when I was 25. We were 3 years apart. Married at 30.

Key is being surrounded by very ambitious, very smart, very driven, and very connected undergrads. Second key is career choice. In big law, that’s still dictated by tier law schools.

Spouse wildly more successful than me.
Net worth - over $30m

I did not come from money. Qualify for financial aid and a Pell grant….

What does spouse do? Background?