If you did everything right (by DCUM standards)…. How?

[Anonymous]

If you don't know it's obnoxious to have this check list, that's your problem. No secret. It's obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Male here. I am good looking and have a big d!ck, and it has helped me with almost everything on your list. I worked my a$$ off at the gym in high school, got a sports scholarship. Was able to sleep with a professor or two to get my grades up. Hooked up and married someone who was a trust fund baby and her parents set my business up. She only wanted me bc she had heard of my rep.

[Anonymous]

Are those really “DCUM standards”? I don’t see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting list. I do happen to check all of those boxes.

I'm debt-free because I went to state university and lived with my parents. And my parents paid for undergrad and grad school. I lived at home on and off in my 20s and moved out at 30. That's how I had enough saved for a down payment (along with DH's contribution, which was smaller).

Advice: Get married and have kids younger (maybe around 27?), keep good relations with family, and don't spend on stupid every day crap until you've made it to a comfortable income bracket.

This is good advice. I'm 51 and would love it if my kids were out of college now. I tell my kids that younger is better too.

[Anonymous]

NP - scoring myself on this


- Married or met spouse by 30 YES
- Made $150K or more by 30 NO. Maybe at age 39.
- Owned SFH by 35 YES, wise choice
- Graduated with zero or manageable debt NO, sadly. 2-4 more years, or maybe more
- Remained thin and healthy throughout NO. 3rd kid did me in. Haven’t bounced back. (Love that kid so much though!) I work at it.
- Continued with hobbies or activities or travel to make a fulfilling life YES, pretty good. Have gotten better at this. And anticipate lots more travel and hobbying in the next decade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Male here. I am good looking and have a big d!ck, and it has helped me with almost everything on your list. I worked my a$$ off at the gym in high school, got a sports scholarship. Was able to sleep with a professor or two to get my grades up. Hooked up and married someone who was a trust fund baby and her parents set my business up. She only wanted me bc she had heard of my rep.

(Bow) You win the internet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you:
- Married or met spouse by 30
- Made $150K or more by 30
- Owned SFH by 35
- Graduated with zero or manageable debt
- Remained thin and healthy throughout
- Continued with hobbies or activities or travel to make a fulfilling life

How did you manage it? What are your secrets? Did you have your mind set on all of this and what sacrifices did you make that others didn’t? Where do you think others around you went wrong, so to speak? Did you have any adversity in your life? How did you avoid all the societal traps that prevent people from achieving this? Conversely, do you think this life is as “perfect”’as it seems or is there more to it? What advice would you your children, or 18-year-olds today?

I love our life and it's perfect for me (and DH). We accomplished all the items you list not by doing everything right, but by luckily being born at a certain point in time. DH and I are now ages 60 & 55, and we married at ages 28/23 and had all four of our kids by ages 34/29 (including twins). It was possible to own a SFH on two so-so salaries, and we bought our home in the early nineties and paid it off in less than 30 years. This isn't possible these days, and I'm sad that my own (now adult) kids can't afford their own homes - not even the married ones.

Graduated with zero debt - again, we were lucky to be born when we were. I paid my way through college by working full-time and going to school part-time, but you can't do that any longer. DH worked his way through a two-year degree, and his lack of a bachelor's degree didn't hamper his professional path (not sure if that's possible any longer). We didn't make $150K, but we made a total HHI of the 1993 equivalent ($71,000 combined) by running our own company. DH worked 4 jobs at one point until our business was established.

Remained thin, yes - healthy, there's the kicker. I'm in remission from cancer, but other than that, everything is shiny. (Okay, I get that cancer isn't great, but my hair grew back and I don't mind living flat.) We love our hobbies and spending time together with our adult kids & family pets. It sounds cliche, but my DH is my best friend, and so I look forward to adventures with him.

[Anonymous]

Getting married young to a decent person seems to be the best bet.

Neither of us had any money. Parents didn’t either. But we married at 24/25, bought a house young and then supported each other through careers etc. I now earn $1m. DH earns a fraction of that but has supported my career 100%. House now is worth $6m. Vacation home worth $2m. Kids at private schools.

[Anonymous]

Came from money - college and grad school were paid for by my trust fund, I had some money leftover which was down payment on first apartment, bought at 24 with fiancé (married a year later), then bought our home when I was 32 after 3 kids.
Dh came from a very mc family but since his dad was a college professor at a school with reciprocal tuition benefits he was able to go to college for free and only had law school debt. Fortunately he consolidated it early and paid it all off asap. His job in BigLaw also helped us significantly and is now our major source of income although I have always worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The secret was being born to UMC/UC parents who funded everything so I could live on easy street my entire life.

I have “achieved” all these things and PP has it spot on. All I did is not mess it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The secret was being born to UMC/UC parents who funded everything so I could live on easy street my entire life.

I have “achieved” all these things and PP has it spot on. All I did is not mess it up.

You also have to be good looking and fit. Both male and female.

[Anonymous]

Born into a privileged life with well off parents, and I married well. That’s it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you:
- Married or met spouse by 30
- Made $150K or more by 30
- Owned SFH by 35
- Graduated with zero or manageable debt
- Remained thin and healthy throughout
- Continued with hobbies or activities or travel to make a fulfilling life

How did you manage it? What are your secrets? Did you have your mind set on all of this and what sacrifices did you make that others didn’t? Where do you think others around you went wrong, so to speak? Did you have any adversity in your life? How did you avoid all the societal traps that prevent people from achieving this? Conversely, do you think this life is as “perfect”’as it seems or is there more to it? What advice would you your children, or 18-year-olds today?

- grew up in a family that emphasized marriage, so was seriously looking for a husband since I was about 23-24.
- not quite, but went over $150K at 35. I come from a LMC family with no wealth, so from about middle school it was crystal clear to me that passion jobs and searching for yourself are not an option. I work to live and have plenty of passions, but my brains go to the highest bidder (as long as it's legal). It also helps that I am a numbers person and naturally risk averse, so the path applied math => risk management was a match made in heaven.
- another thing my parents drummed into my head is to never rent, if possible, and get on the property ladder ASAP. I worked through college, got a well paying job after college, but continued living with my parents for a couple of years. Spent zero on going out, traveling and other niceties of being young, but had enough to buy a condo at 24, which appreciated and became a downpayment fora house at 29. It also helped that housing prices were more reasonable relative to a middle class income. But both the condo and the house were in "estate" condition when bought, then gradually renovated, but never got to the granite countertops.
- went to a public commuter school for undergrad, paid with Pell grant, lived at home. My work paid the bulk for the MS degree plus all the licenses and professional memberships.
- a combo of a reasonably healthy lifestyle and genetics. Meaning I'll definitely gain weight if I start eating without looking, but I didn't have to limit myself to 1000 calories/day in order to stay in shape.
- see above - I work to live, my hobbies are essential to me. I do not put kids first when it comes to the various activities, I keep it balanced, and try to incorporate them into what interests me, e.g. going to a family music camp for vacation.

The secret - I guess it was to completely sacrifice my 20s to build what I have. No spending, no travel, getting up at 5:30 every weekend to study for my professional stuff before the kids wake up. I took my first CFA exam when my kids were 1 and 3 and finished when they were 3 and 5, all studying done on the weekend mornings plus the commute to/from work. I took a 6:10 bus to work so I could come home at reasonable time, my husband covered the mornings. Etc, etc.

My life is definitely not perfect, but I am reasonably happy with how it turned out.

Advice for the kids? Chose your partner wisely - the right one will lift you up, the wrong one will sink you. Save money, especially when you are young - you need way less when you are young. Your work is there to pay the bills - no warm and fuzzy feelings, that's for your family and friends. Oh, and invest in friendships. Be a good friend, nurture your relationships with people. Bet your happiness on connections, not paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Male here. I am good looking and have a big d!ck, and it has helped me with almost everything on your list. I worked my a$$ off at the gym in high school, got a sports scholarship. Was able to sleep with a professor or two to get my grades up. Hooked up and married someone who was a trust fund baby and her parents set my business up. She only wanted me bc she had heard of my rep.

#notwinning

Not saying you don't have a great life. Good for you. But nothing there makes me envious, like hearing about some people's lives. You just have a more ornate cage.

[Anonymous]

There is an unhealthy obsession with wanting to attribute all successes to being born in the right place rather than one's own hard work and accomplishments. It's become fashionable to talk like this in the last few years.

In reality, real life is very different. I could tell you ALL the stories of the kids born on third base and who are effectively flunking out of life. Downward mobility is real. And I could tell you ALL the stories of people from nowhere who ended managing directors, head of companies, law partners, doctors, business owners.

Some people are genuinely born with the drive and discipline to work hard. For some people, this just comes more easily.

If there is a pattern to success, it's hard work and discipline. Then if you combine it with getting your education out of the way earlier, getting married (and doubling your HHI) in your mid-late 20s, and picking the right career paths, the odds of coming out top increases substantially.

But not everyone has the work ethic.