If you did everything right (by DCUM standards)…. How?

[Anonymous]

I and many of my friends meet most of the list, except the 150k by 30 part--some of us were barely out of grad school and new into our career.

None of us had UMC parents. Most of us are first or second gen immigrants. It's a combination of valuing education from childhood, pursuing advanced degrees, strong work ethics, and luck. Luck is especially true when it comes to meeting our spouses with compatible values who appeared at the right time and right place.

[Anonymous]

Studied hard and put my nose to the grindstone.

The only "luck" I had was meeting a wonderful husband in my early 20s. Everything else was a lot of work!

[Anonymous]

If you:
- Married or met spouse by 30
We have been together since we were 18/freshman in college so getting married at 25 felt natural after 7 years together.

- Made $150K or more by 30
We're close. Currently 32yo with a HHI of $280k. DH was at one job for 10 years then made a jump last year for a huge raise. I started a business.

- Owned SFH by 35
We bought our SFH when we were 26. I worked full time throughout college and saved as much as I could for a downpayment. In laws did give us $5k.

- Graduated with zero or manageable debt
I nannied 35-40 hours per week throughout college. I got some scholarships, went to state school, paid the rest as I went, and saved. I'm not going to lie I was young and naive and was making cash. I was taking home about $800 cash per week. I graduated with $27k in loans. My parents didn't help me at all. Dh's parents paid for his college. We both just have bachelors degrees.

- Remained thin and healthy throughout
We're active people in general- our hobbies are hiking, biking, swimming, etc. Walk our dog everyday, run after our kids. We have a Pelaton. Dh has been training for a marathon. I do barre or pilates when I have the chance.

- Continued with hobbies or activities or travel to make a fulfilling life
Hobbies are above. We travel A LOT, but we him exchange so it's free. DH travels for work a decent amount so we use his miles to cover flights. So we aren't paying for airfare or lodging. Kids are 3 and 5 and have been to 4 and 6 countries respectively. DH and I have been to 25+. I'm my own boss so can do whatever I want. DH works for a European company and gets 25 PTO days, 15 sick days, and 12 holidays.

We were very picky and intentional with how we wanted our work-life balance to be. It did help that we got together so young because we had plenty of time to lay the foundation. And I'm thankful to my in laws for paying for DH's undergrad.

[Anonymous]

DH and I were in the military and then transferred over to private sector jobs at 30.

[Anonymous]

I come from LC. Met and married into UC. I was and am ruthless. Singularly focused.

I will never subject my kids to the pain of being poor if I can help it.

I sacrifice everything for my family. They are everything. Everyone else can go to hell.

That’s how I did it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I come from LC. Met and married into UC. I was and am ruthless. Singularly focused.

I will never subject my kids to the pain of being poor if I can help it.

I sacrifice everything for my family. They are everything. Everyone else can go to hell.

That’s how I did it.

I wasn't ruthless, but I was focused. I can remember dating guys in college and ruling them out because of what they wanted out of life. DH wasn't UC but we wanted the same things and he's super smart and a really good, genuine person. Who you marry has a lot to do with the things OP is asking.

[Anonymous]

I was adopted into an amazing family in the right place at the right time
-Had my college paid for
-didn't get pregnant in high school
-parents were midwestern so never spent any money and had a hands off parenting approach (they were educators so we were surrounded by books and interesting people and were super responsible with money - never traveled though)
-fairly attractive and tall
-go with the flow personality and has husband with same
-pressured him to get married in our 20s and have kids by 30 (no regrets there)
-lucky stumble into amazing job situations
-found a job that provided a lot of equity and stock
-bought a dumpy small house in 2009 and still live in it today. slowly renovated over the years - I love the house.
-always maxed out my 401k and retirement in every job
-pretty happy and positive outlook on life
-relatively healthy with a just a few auto-immune disorders through lifetime

[Anonymous]

Born & raised UMC. Not wealthy, but perfectly comfortable. College was a combination of parents contributions, grants & scholarships, work/study and summer jobs (college was a lot less expensive 25 years ago) and a couple small loans that were easily paid off within a year or two (less than $5K total).

Met DH when I was 21 and he was 26, so there was a built-in jump start on adult life for me. We got married and bought a house within 5 years, kids a couple years after that. Decent career that didn't require grad school - engineering - helped get the salary up quickly.

In short, a lot of luck, being in the right place at the right time, and not letting DH slip away .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you:
- Married or met spouse by 30
- Made $150K or more by 30
- Owned SFH by 35
- Graduated with zero or manageable debt
- Remained thin and healthy throughout
- Continued with hobbies or activities or travel to make a fulfilling life

How did you manage it? What are your secrets? Did you have your mind set on all of this and what sacrifices did you make that others didn’t? Where do you think others around you went wrong, so to speak? Did you have any adversity in your life? How did you avoid all the societal traps that prevent people from achieving this? Conversely, do you think this life is as “perfect”’as it seems or is there more to it? What advice would you your children, or 18-year-olds today?

Huge amount of luck, and marrying someone with wealthy parents who helped us with down payment, and that we bought in 2011 before prices were crazy.

I went to a state flagship and my parents covered it. I haven't gone to grad school bc I'm reluctant to take on the debt and went into fields where it's not that necessary (journalism, writing).

I married by 30 to the person I was dating at around that age -- some amount of pragmatism in the choice because I knew I wanted to have two kids by 35. He's a very kind person and I do love him. I'm sure there are many other men I could have gotten along with well enough to marry, too.

Im thin and have been a size two for the last 20 years -- I'm probably too vain to let myself go. I exercise every day and don't eat that much. This is probably due to some deep seated belief that I need to be thin and nice looking in order to achieve my goals. I do feel braver when facing the world when I look good.

I do have adversity (sibling with a severe mental illness and dysfunctional family of origin). I think this actually helped me go out into the world and find a place for myself there re: husband, home, -- I didn't really have my parents to fall back on (I wouldn't have been able to move home after I left for college at 18).

I would say I am very good at accepting the reality around me and making the best of it -- I don't think it terms of what ifs and ideals.

[Anonymous]

(like another PP, I probably put pressure on my husband to have kids before he was totally ready, but I have no regrets at all there and neither does he. I didn't want to have kids after 35).

[Anonymous]

Really not sure. I tick all your boxes, but none were particular goals for me, except staying healthy. Met DH right as I was finishing law school at 27 (on a scholarship), got a biglaw job and paid off my student loans, DH already had a house. My hobbies are all very active, so helps me stay healthy and engaged. Quit the biglaw job when it started messing with my health and relationships, but was senior enough to step into something else that pays more than $150k.

Definitely lots of good fortune on my side. Born healthy to loving parents (even though they were not educated or wealthy and eventually divorced). Got more than my fair share of brains and a strong work ethic. Tried to be kind and genuine. Do my best to deal with my issues (I have plenty) and keep pushing forward. Really fight against the urge to compare myself to others or dwell on what I gave up (biglaw $$$, living in the mountains, being single, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you:
- Married or met spouse by 30
- Made $150K or more by 30
- Owned SFH by 35
- Graduated with zero or manageable debt
- Remained thin and healthy throughout
- Continued with hobbies or activities or travel to make a fulfilling life

How did you manage it? What are your secrets? Did you have your mind set on all of this and what sacrifices did you make that others didn’t? Where do you think others around you went wrong, so to speak? Did you have any adversity in your life? How did you avoid all the societal traps that prevent people from achieving this? Conversely, do you think this life is as “perfect”’as it seems or is there more to it? What advice would you your children, or 18-year-olds today?

Managed all of this except for the thin criteria. I am very healthy for my age but not thin.

Honestly there was a lot of luck involved and I believe that these things were easier to achieve for young people 30 years ago then they are now.

I graduated from top university in my home country with close to zero debt. That is not possible for most Americans - Also it was much easier to get into top universities when I was young.

House mortgages were much lower relative to income than they are now. Again - good fortune.

We have lived in many countries which was my dream when I was young. We were young and foolish and did not overthink the many challenges involved.

My advice to our DC is to:
Prioritize good health, diet, exercise and sleep;
The Golden Rule is a transcendent moral code - both positive and negative versions are important;
Work and study hard;
Love is not easy and requires discipline, humility and kindness (Corinthians 13);
Choose a partner based on their character and mind rather than good looks that will fade over time;
Try and find work where you can cultivate your passions and talents to contribute in meaningful ways;
Stay humble and kind;
Live within your means;
Be generous in thoughtful not splashy ways;
Drive modest but solid second hand cars (don’t waste money on new cars)
Work towards home ownership by 30s after you have graduate studies and early career sorted;
Start saving for retirement early and keep large portions of it in secure accounts that cannot be easily accessed until much later;
Make time for balance, fun and friends;
Give back and volunteer in ways that are meaningful to you;
Give thanks every day for at least three things;
There are ways to stay connected to family and friends in far flung places and make efforts to stay connected;
Get a wealth advisor you trust to help you manage your assets over time; and
You are unique and you matter.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others that your parents and health are the biggest factors.

But aside from that - it really is about finding a good spouse. It doubled our family income and also he’s a great person to raise kids with, who now get to benefit from our stability. We started dating first month of college. Many friends were not open to serious relationships even well into their late 20s and they may have let something good pass them by.

[Anonymous]

I married young just out of college to an ambitious law student. The rest fell into place.

[Anonymous]

I check all those boxes except my husband made the significant money and not me. He graduated without major debt because he went to state universities in the 1990s. We married and had kids youngish because having a family was a priority. Sure there is always luck involved, but marrying and having kids young is also a choice that most people can make happen if it’s important to them.