If you did everything right (by DCUM standards)…. How?
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Anonymous
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If you:
- Married or met spouse by 30 - Made $150K or more by 30 - Owned SFH by 35 - Graduated with zero or manageable debt - Remained thin and healthy throughout - Continued with hobbies or activities or travel to make a fulfilling life How did you manage it? What are your secrets? Did you have your mind set on all of this and what sacrifices did you make that others didn’t? Where do you think others around you went wrong, so to speak? Did you have any adversity in your life? How did you avoid all the societal traps that prevent people from achieving this? Conversely, do you think this life is as “perfect”’as it seems or is there more to it? What advice would you your children, or 18-year-olds today? |
Anonymous
| The secret was being born to UMC/UC parents who funded everything so I could live on easy street my entire life. |
Anonymous
+1. The advice I'd give anyone is to make sure you are born to the right parents. Otherwise, I'd advise that you don't follow any standards set by DCUM, because most people posting here seem remarkably unhappy and insecure. Figure out how to make the most of your life, and enjoy yourself while doing it. |
Anonymous
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Interesting list. I do happen to check all of those boxes.
I'm debt-free because I went to state university and lived with my parents. And my parents paid for undergrad and grad school. I lived at home on and off in my 20s and moved out at 30. That's how I had enough saved for a down payment (along with DH's contribution, which was smaller). Advice: Get married and have kids younger (maybe around 27?), keep good relations with family, and don't spend on stupid every day crap until you've made it to a comfortable income bracket. |
Anonymous
This, plus win the genetic lottery (no learning disorders or special needs). |
Anonymous
Also, avoid having a serious chronic health issue or any kids with special needs. |
Anonymous
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I did all these things except work. My first child has special needs and I quit my job to care for him. I knew I wanted kids early and picked a man who also wanted to start a family - ie, significantly older than me. We sacrificed to be afford two kids on our income. First we had the kids, then we got the house, then we made enough to be considered middle class. The opposite of what most DCUMers think they should do 
And now my second child appears to be on the brink of a serious medical diagnosis. So, OP, life is not all rosy even if someone checks most of your boxes. Healthy and slim? You can't control your genes, OP. We've got the slim genes, but auto-immune disease has plagued us at every generation. |
Anonymous
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Luck.
Lucky to be born to parents who valued education and saved so I could go to college debt free. They were teachers, so no fancy upbringing but they were loving and supportive. I came into adulthood with no baggage (financial or emotional) Lucky to meet DH is college, and that he came from a “normal” family. He’s a really good man, and it helped we started our life by marrying at 26. Lucky to graduate in a good economy, have choice of job, get started with a good salary. Never laid off. Lucky to land in DC and get to enjoy the housing market all these years. Have bought and sold 3 properties (condo, small house, new house) mostly bc the market allowed Luck to have good health and have healthy children |
Anonymous
I met my husband in college while I was dating someone else. I didn't even date him until two years after meeting him, and then I was 26 when we got married. I graduated without debt because a family trust paid for my college and grad school. I got a job in tech. Owned a condo in late 20's with DH, then we sold during a downturn in RE to buy our house which had been on the market over 8 months. I come from a long line of tall/thin people, but also I've always been active. To be fair, it helps that I don't have a sweet tooth. I dodn't have my mind set on any of this - it's just the way things worked out. I actually dumped a guy who, on paper, looked more successful than DH. Not for DH, but just that first guy wasn't right for me. Others who were around me in college chose careers that pay less, like public school teacher, and then instead of moving somewhere like NY, picked Ohio. Yes, I've had adversity in my life but I've never viewed myself as a victim. I don't think anyone's life is perfect. Having a good marriage takes a lot of concentrated effort. I think some people (like my public school teacher friend) aren't good at thinking big picture, or can get easily sidetracked, whether by a man or something else, and some people have to grapple with addiction issues, which can thwart the best of intentions. |
Anonymous
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I did all of these except I graduate from school with substantial debt (law school, I went to an in-state school on scholarship with zero debt for undergrad) and was not making 150k by 30 (or even now in my 40s).
The reasons why... mental health issues, lack of family support, I guess my own lack of ability though I do feel like I've worked hard. |
Anonymous
| Disagree with your list. I married under 30 and the DCUM conventional wisdom is that I was a boring idiot who couldn’t find any better way to spend my 20s. |
Anonymous
NP and thank you for your honesty. Op, this is the entire answer right here. |
Anonymous
I had LMC parents and the only thing I don’t have on the list is school debt (law school). I had to buy my ticket into the UMC. |
Anonymous
| Heaven forbid someone become a public school teacher and live in Ohio. Sheesh. |
Anonymous
I don’t think that’s true. Marrying young (25-30) and having kids young (28-34) is absolutely better from a financial and physical perspective. |