Working Parents Who Aren’t Tired — Tell us your schedule or secret sauce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP - how did you find the biweekly cook?

Word of mouth. In our circle, we have access to a robust network of formal and informal service providers - handymen, plumbers, electritican, landscaper, cleaners, babysitters, caterers, nannies, adultcare assistants, cooks, bakers, bartenders, companions, errand runners, beauticians, hairdresser, henna artists, decorators, servers, tailors, tutors, coaches, teachers etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single parent. My housekeeper/nanny arrives at 7. I get up at 8 take a shower and start my full-time wfh at 8:30. My one child also gets up around that time and gets dressed, goes downstairs to a healthy breakfast, a packed lunch, and a prepped backpack. I wave them both out the door (she walks him 2 min to the bus stop) as I settle in to my fully clean, laundered, and organized house.

I work a very busy and stressful day, then pick up child from after care right before 6 pm. He does a ton of activities and usually has something every evening. All activities are calibrated to be within 10 min driving. If it’s a boring activity I catch up on admin/mail/etc. If it’s a sport/social activity I fit it a walk or socialize with other parents. Weekends we have a sport in the AM, and pm is reserved for downtime or outings with friends where both child and I enjoy the people we are with. I have friends over most Saturday evenings. I have a sitter if I want to do happy hour.

I shop for the week at Trader Joe’s on Saturday AM during an activity. I have a rotation of about five easy meals, mostly made in the instant pot.

I consciously choose quality of life in every decision. I know people think I’m excessive for having daily help, but it helps me enjoy life instead of just getting through life.

Lol. You lost me right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are in the same school and we trade walking duties with other families on our street - it makes no sense for 10+ adults walking every morning so we assemble at a corner and a few adults walk a gaggle of kids the last 1/4 mile.

Rec sports, but we car pool and don’t go to every single practice.

We don’t go to the gym. We workout with a Lululemon Mirror and run or bike outside from home.

We also both go to the office on Wednesday, so that is our takeout night. We usually batch cook on the weekend which gets us through Tuesday.

We almost never “run errands”. I use curbside pick up for groceries at Harris Teeter ($100/year) and BJs (free). We also use curbside at Target, Whole Foods, Michael’s, and Home Depot for anything that Amazon doesn’t have. My kids order their clothes from websites - neither has ever been in a shopping mall / department store. We have a pharmacy a block from home on the way to/from school.

Our house is not a mess because our kids unpack bags when they come in the door and they each have one cubby for their backpack/coat/shoes and one basket for papers they bring home. We have an “inbox” for things we need to review and sign. We all pick up for 5 min after dinner so that the clutter can’t accumulate.

Let me summarize some actionable changes:

1. Don’t run errands, curbside everything you can at stores that align with your commute or school location.
2. Don’t do laundry only on Saturday. At least 1 load should be done most days. Older kids can handle this.
3. Don’t make 3 meals. Make 1 meal that works for everyone. This most means “build your own” like burritos, Mediterranean bowls, ramen with toppings.
4. Don’t do all the work once kids are asleep. Kids should all chip in for 15-20 min after dinner.
5. Set strict expectations about clutter and set a good example. Teach everyone in your house “don’t put it down, put it away”.
6. Take time away alone for your hobbies and friends. Your children are old enough that each adult should have one “free night” per week where they can work as late as they want, go to a class, meet a friend for drinks, etc. That’s how you have hobbies.
7. Talk on Sunday at dinner about “how we win the week”. Have adults put reminders and calendar events in their phones in real time, maybe the oldest as well if needed. Write on a white board if needed. We lay out the whole week - who is packing or buying lunch each day, who is driving which kids, what we are eating and if it’s before or after sports, what we are getting for takeou t Wednesday including the kids’ orders, any adult commitments when they won’t be around, any thing we need to do that week - like pick out a birthday present, make an appointment or reservation, etc.

Make a plan and stick to it. Expect more from your kids, they are old enough to contribute to the household without being nagged.

I like these they are great. Unfortunately there is zero retail along our work and school commutes nor near our work, as hard as that may be to fathom. I’ll just countdown the days till the oldest can go shopping for us…

I love the burrito and ramen with “meat” toppings, I’ll definitely try that. We makes a lot of salads so adding grilled chicken offers some alignment.

Oldest does own laundry entirely; younger two help but middle has ADHD and messiness is a CONSTANT battle. Youngest is actually helpful with laundry but has limitations to reaching dryer etc. we just end up with sheets and towels on weekends which is a lot.

All help cleanup, but clutter is likely an issue — we have a 1900 sq ft 40s home, so not much storage, no garage, so kinda of on top of each other for family of 5. I think that adds to our tiredness, the endless game of “stuff” Tetris to put things away.

[Anonymous]

15:24 again - I work out 6 days a week - but I specifically do not go to a gym because I don't want to add commute time to the workout. I run / walk (and sometimes during a kid's practice like PP mentioned) - and I also have a Peloton so I can work out at home. My husband also has some weights at home.

My kids also have certain chores around the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are in the same school and we trade walking duties with other families on our street - it makes no sense for 10+ adults walking every morning so we assemble at a corner and a few adults walk a gaggle of kids the last 1/4 mile.

Rec sports, but we car pool and don’t go to every single practice.

We don’t go to the gym. We workout with a Lululemon Mirror and run or bike outside from home.

We also both go to the office on Wednesday, so that is our takeout night. We usually batch cook on the weekend which gets us through Tuesday.

We almost never “run errands”. I use curbside pick up for groceries at Harris Teeter ($100/year) and BJs (free). We also use curbside at Target, Whole Foods, Michael’s, and Home Depot for anything that Amazon doesn’t have. My kids order their clothes from websites - neither has ever been in a shopping mall / department store. We have a pharmacy a block from home on the way to/from school.

Our house is not a mess because our kids unpack bags when they come in the door and they each have one cubby for their backpack/coat/shoes and one basket for papers they bring home. We have an “inbox” for things we need to review and sign. We all pick up for 5 min after dinner so that the clutter can’t accumulate.

Let me summarize some actionable changes:

1. Don’t run errands, curbside everything you can at stores that align with your commute or school location.
2. Don’t do laundry only on Saturday. At least 1 load should be done most days. Older kids can handle this.
3. Don’t make 3 meals. Make 1 meal that works for everyone. This most means “build your own” like burritos, Mediterranean bowls, ramen with toppings.
4. Don’t do all the work once kids are asleep. Kids should all chip in for 15-20 min after dinner.
5. Set strict expectations about clutter and set a good example. Teach everyone in your house “don’t put it down, put it away”.
6. Take time away alone for your hobbies and friends. Your children are old enough that each adult should have one “free night” per week where they can work as late as they want, go to a class, meet a friend for drinks, etc. That’s how you have hobbies.
7. Talk on Sunday at dinner about “how we win the week”. Have adults put reminders and calendar events in their phones in real time, maybe the oldest as well if needed. Write on a white board if needed. We lay out the whole week - who is packing or buying lunch each day, who is driving which kids, what we are eating and if it’s before or after sports, what we are getting for takeou t Wednesday including the kids’ orders, any adult commitments when they won’t be around, any thing we need to do that week - like pick out a birthday present, make an appointment or reservation, etc.

Make a plan and stick to it. Expect more from your kids, they are old enough to contribute to the household without being nagged.

I like these they are great. Unfortunately there is zero retail along our work and school commutes nor near our work, as hard as that may be to fathom. I’ll just countdown the days till the oldest can go shopping for us…

I love the burrito and ramen with “meat” toppings, I’ll definitely try that. We makes a lot of salads so adding grilled chicken offers some alignment.

Oldest does own laundry entirely; younger two help but middle has ADHD and messiness is a CONSTANT battle. Youngest is actually helpful with laundry but has limitations to reaching dryer etc. we just end up with sheets and towels on weekends which is a lot.

All help cleanup, but clutter is likely an issue — we have a 1900 sq ft 40s home, so not much storage, no garage, so kinda of on top of each other for family of 5. I think that adds to our tiredness, the endless game of “stuff” Tetris to put things away.

WTF do you live that has no buses, no convenient retail, but you have a decent commute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15:24 again - I work out 6 days a week - but I specifically do not go to a gym because I don't want to add commute time to the workout. I run / walk (and sometimes during a kid's practice like PP mentioned) - and I also have a Peloton so I can work out at home. My husband also has some weights at home.

My kids also have certain chores around the house.

Also - our cleaning lady changes the sheets when she comes every other week (and I wash them after she leaves). I think the ideal recommendation might be changing your sheets every week, but I don't do that and IDGAF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are in the same school and we trade walking duties with other families on our street - it makes no sense for 10+ adults walking every morning so we assemble at a corner and a few adults walk a gaggle of kids the last 1/4 mile.

Rec sports, but we car pool and don’t go to every single practice.

We don’t go to the gym. We workout with a Lululemon Mirror and run or bike outside from home.

We also both go to the office on Wednesday, so that is our takeout night. We usually batch cook on the weekend which gets us through Tuesday.

We almost never “run errands”. I use curbside pick up for groceries at Harris Teeter ($100/year) and BJs (free). We also use curbside at Target, Whole Foods, Michael’s, and Home Depot for anything that Amazon doesn’t have. My kids order their clothes from websites - neither has ever been in a shopping mall / department store. We have a pharmacy a block from home on the way to/from school.

Our house is not a mess because our kids unpack bags when they come in the door and they each have one cubby for their backpack/coat/shoes and one basket for papers they bring home. We have an “inbox” for things we need to review and sign. We all pick up for 5 min after dinner so that the clutter can’t accumulate.

Let me summarize some actionable changes:

1. Don’t run errands, curbside everything you can at stores that align with your commute or school location.
2. Don’t do laundry only on Saturday. At least 1 load should be done most days. Older kids can handle this.
3. Don’t make 3 meals. Make 1 meal that works for everyone. This most means “build your own” like burritos, Mediterranean bowls, ramen with toppings.
4. Don’t do all the work once kids are asleep. Kids should all chip in for 15-20 min after dinner.
5. Set strict expectations about clutter and set a good example. Teach everyone in your house “don’t put it down, put it away”.
6. Take time away alone for your hobbies and friends. Your children are old enough that each adult should have one “free night” per week where they can work as late as they want, go to a class, meet a friend for drinks, etc. That’s how you have hobbies.
7. Talk on Sunday at dinner about “how we win the week”. Have adults put reminders and calendar events in their phones in real time, maybe the oldest as well if needed. Write on a white board if needed. We lay out the whole week - who is packing or buying lunch each day, who is driving which kids, what we are eating and if it’s before or after sports, what we are getting for takeou t Wednesday including the kids’ orders, any adult commitments when they won’t be around, any thing we need to do that week - like pick out a birthday present, make an appointment or reservation, etc.

Make a plan and stick to it. Expect more from your kids, they are old enough to contribute to the household without being nagged.

I like these they are great. Unfortunately there is zero retail along our work and school commutes nor near our work, as hard as that may be to fathom. I’ll just countdown the days till the oldest can go shopping for us…

I love the burrito and ramen with “meat” toppings, I’ll definitely try that. We makes a lot of salads so adding grilled chicken offers some alignment.

Oldest does own laundry entirely; younger two help but middle has ADHD and messiness is a CONSTANT battle. Youngest is actually helpful with laundry but has limitations to reaching dryer etc. we just end up with sheets and towels on weekends which is a lot.

All help cleanup, but clutter is likely an issue — we have a 1900 sq ft 40s home, so not much storage, no garage, so kinda of on top of each other for family of 5. I think that adds to our tiredness, the endless game of “stuff” Tetris to put things away.

WTF do you live that has no buses, no convenient retail, but you have a decent commute?

this is a good question!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single parent. My housekeeper/nanny arrives at 7. I get up at 8 take a shower and start my full-time wfh at 8:30. My one child also gets up around that time and gets dressed, goes downstairs to a healthy breakfast, a packed lunch, and a prepped backpack. I wave them both out the door (she walks him 2 min to the bus stop) as I settle in to my fully clean, laundered, and organized house.

I work a very busy and stressful day, then pick up child from after care right before 6 pm. He does a ton of activities and usually has something every evening. All activities are calibrated to be within 10 min driving. If it’s a boring activity I catch up on admin/mail/etc. If it’s a sport/social activity I fit it a walk or socialize with other parents. Weekends we have a sport in the AM, and pm is reserved for downtime or outings with friends where both child and I enjoy the people we are with. I have friends over most Saturday evenings. I have a sitter if I want to do happy hour.

I shop for the week at Trader Joe’s on Saturday AM during an activity. I have a rotation of about five easy meals, mostly made in the instant pot.

I consciously choose quality of life in every decision. I know people think I’m excessive for having daily help, but it helps me enjoy life instead of just getting through life.

Lol. You lost me right there.

I lost her at the second line. Nanny arrives and 7 and poster sleeps for another hour.

[Anonymous]

Re: the dinner, we also have a vegetarian -so sometimes the whole meal is vegetarian or we do something like a "make your own" pasta, mexican bowl, etc, so mean eaters take meat and vegetarian take tofu, but it's hard to not still see that as double work - the real savings here is making extra on the weekend and freezing chicken, for example, so on a given night, you just make the tofu.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re: the dinner, we also have a vegetarian -so sometimes the whole meal is vegetarian or we do something like a "make your own" pasta, mexican bowl, etc, so mean eaters take meat and vegetarian take tofu, but it's hard to not still see that as double work - the real savings here is making extra on the weekend and freezing chicken, for example, so on a given night, you just make the tofu.

yes basically serve everything deconstructed and everyone can put in or leave out what they want. we do that with tacos.

[Anonymous]

We only have two kids in part because of logistics. Since there is no school bus (DC), I listen to music with my kids while I drive them around. I listen to podcasts while I do chores.

[Anonymous]

My favorite word in the English dictionary is “carpool’.
We carpool to our schools and to all other activities.

Agree- kids need to join in with cleaning at those ages.

I only cook 2 nights. I would grill enough for two days- second night meat for non vegetarians.

[Anonymous]

Your spouse needs to stop focusing on what others are doing. First, it is counterproductive and second, whatever he is imagining probably isn't true.

Everyone is tired with that many kids and activities. There are many days it feels as busy with two teens as it was with two toddlers. Just a different kind of busy.

But, I agree with others, you are not helping matters with 3 meals and all the driving. You can make one meal. Ex. Fajitas. Put out both corn and flour tortillas if someone can't have gluten. Someone is vegetarian, then you put out chicken and sautéed mushrooms. Then you put out rice, beans, avocado, tomato, cheese, etc. and let everyone build their own. Next time, it's some sort of bowl with rice, beef, mushrooms, carrots, onions, and sauce. Your picky eater can have rice and beef. And, so on.

The 9th grader should be doing their own laundry and 6th grade is time to learn.

If you aren't using a chore chart, start.

[Anonymous]

For us (also dual income with 3 kids), we both have flexible WAH jobs and live in a good public school zone. So all we have to do is walk the kids to/from the bus stop. We stagger hours to manage after school activities.

Not gonna say we’re never tired, but somehow we seem to get it all done.

[Anonymous]

Moving from a cleaning service every other week to once a week is life changing. I spent hours just picking up the night before when they came every other week. It is so much easier to keep things picked up when they come once a week. It made a big difference for us.