Working Parents Who Aren’t Tired — Tell us your schedule or secret sauce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. When we had one vegetarian in the house, we often ate “Chipotle style.” Unless picky eating is due to health concerns, I don’t know why you are catering to it. Goal 1: stop being short order cooks.

2. Give all kids age appropriate chores. Your 9th and 6th can very much helpful with meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. All kids can help with clean up, laundry, straightening their own stuff.

3. I don’t understand the three schools thing and assume you are not willing to budge. But multiple pickups/drop offs that affect your work day with deplete you.

4. Do you like your weekends? Is that how you want to spend time?

5. Can your kids shift to school activities from rec league?

6. Where are the music lessons? I’m torn on this one but 2 per week is a lot when you are talkkng three kids. Are they different instruments? For 2 instruments, we kept virtual; in person for the third 3. Is it optimal? When you consider the convenience, it is actually

Basically I think you are doing too much and that’s why you are tired. When kids have more than 1 kid, each kid doesn’t get catered to for everything. But between school, meals, sports, music, that’s what you are doing.

Would die for school sport options, but not available for many sports and the ones we tried were cut sports and didn’t make it.

Music is private lesson and orchestra practice — neither can be virtual. We tried combining them sequentially but then you have a teen sitting around for an hour waiting for their sibling which seemed worse (and I was waiting 2 hours). It’s a 15 minute drive so 30 round trip.

How long are peoples practices that they can workout then? Sure I go for walks or run errands, but a 50 minute practice is not enough time to get to gym.

Time is too fragmented with 3 kids. Agreed. But it’s where we are at.

Not really complaining, my spouse just is saying what are we doing wrong that “other family” with three kids seem to have it all happening, have tons of energy, and career success for both parents.

I’m the pp who said to exercise while the kids are at practice. I don’t ever go to the gym. But I walk/run while my kids are at sports/guitar lessons three times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you never hire a babysitter?

That’s why you’re tired.

-non-tired working mom of 3 with NO SHAME when it comes to outsourcing as much as possible

They’re paying 3 private school tuitions so probably can’t afford to outsource.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For us - a combo of having a group of parents with similar parenting philosophy in our circle, outsourcing many chores, flex work, no private school cost, only 2 kids, living in a relatively inexpensive neighborhood.

- Only 2 kids. No pets.
- Cleaner twice a week. Cleaning - day 1. Laundry, food prep, decluttering and organizing, deep cleaning - day 2. $25/hr. $700 a month. Once in 2 week - cook for some meals and party cooking - $25/hr * 6 hr. $300 a month.
- Public magnets for kids. Drive them to school and back because bus-drive takes an hour each way. Carpooling and flex work
- Kids did a lot of activities. Arranged for some group activities at our home. Had a bunch of other parents and children and pooled resources together. Coaches and tutors came home in the evening or on weekends for kids. Parents took turns for travel, coaching and transportation of team.

Our kids are also very finicky for meals but we have a handle on it due to food prep and the biweekly cook. DH and I also cook a lot.

I think this is one big problem for us. We moved to prioritize short commutes, and compromised on schools so there are no public magnets and actually no local village - most of our neighbors are much wealthier than us and have SAHM and nanny and private school so there are no “village” effects.

I tried to champion to moving to a better school district but would have required longer commutes which was a deal breaker. I think if we just commuted and the kids could get to and from school on their own and have neighborhood “village” of other parents and friends it would have been easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For us - a combo of having a group of parents with similar parenting philosophy in our circle, outsourcing many chores, flex work, no private school cost, only 2 kids, living in a relatively inexpensive neighborhood.

- Only 2 kids. No pets.
- Cleaner twice a week. Cleaning - day 1. Laundry, food prep, decluttering and organizing, deep cleaning - day 2. $25/hr. $700 a month. Once in 2 week - cook for some meals and party cooking - $25/hr * 6 hr. $300 a month.
- Public magnets for kids. Drive them to school and back because bus-drive takes an hour each way. Carpooling and flex work
- Kids did a lot of activities. Arranged for some group activities at our home. Had a bunch of other parents and children and pooled resources together. Coaches and tutors came home in the evening or on weekends for kids. Parents took turns for travel, coaching and transportation of team.

Our kids are also very finicky for meals but we have a handle on it due to food prep and the biweekly cook. DH and I also cook a lot.

I think this is one big problem for us. We moved to prioritize short commutes, and compromised on schools so there are no public magnets and actually no local village - most of our neighbors are much wealthier than us and have SAHM and nanny and private school so there are no “village” effects.

I tried to champion to moving to a better school district but would have required longer commutes which was a deal breaker. I think if we just commuted and the kids could get to and from school on their own and have neighborhood “village” of other parents and friends it would have been easier.

If this OP then a lot of your issues are of your own making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For us - a combo of having a group of parents with similar parenting philosophy in our circle, outsourcing many chores, flex work, no private school cost, only 2 kids, living in a relatively inexpensive neighborhood.

- Only 2 kids. No pets.
- Cleaner twice a week. Cleaning - day 1. Laundry, food prep, decluttering and organizing, deep cleaning - day 2. $25/hr. $700 a month. Once in 2 week - cook for some meals and party cooking - $25/hr * 6 hr. $300 a month.
- Public magnets for kids. Drive them to school and back because bus-drive takes an hour each way. Carpooling and flex work
- Kids did a lot of activities. Arranged for some group activities at our home. Had a bunch of other parents and children and pooled resources together. Coaches and tutors came home in the evening or on weekends for kids. Parents took turns for travel, coaching and transportation of team.

Our kids are also very finicky for meals but we have a handle on it due to food prep and the biweekly cook. DH and I also cook a lot.

I think this is one big problem for us. We moved to prioritize short commutes, and compromised on schools so there are no public magnets and actually no local village - most of our neighbors are much wealthier than us and have SAHM and nanny and private school so there are no “village” effects.

I tried to champion to moving to a better school district but would have required longer commutes which was a deal breaker. I think if we just commuted and the kids could get to and from school on their own and have neighborhood “village” of other parents and friends it would have been easier.

If this OP then a lot of your issues are of your own making.

Can you elaborate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. When we had one vegetarian in the house, we often ate “Chipotle style.” Unless picky eating is due to health concerns, I don’t know why you are catering to it. Goal 1: stop being short order cooks.

2. Give all kids age appropriate chores. Your 9th and 6th can very much helpful with meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. All kids can help with clean up, laundry, straightening their own stuff.

3. I don’t understand the three schools thing and assume you are not willing to budge. But multiple pickups/drop offs that affect your work day with deplete you.

4. Do you like your weekends? Is that how you want to spend time?

5. Can your kids shift to school activities from rec league?

6. Where are the music lessons? I’m torn on this one but 2 per week is a lot when you are talkkng three kids. Are they different instruments? For 2 instruments, we kept virtual; in person for the third 3. Is it optimal? When you consider the convenience, it is actually

Basically I think you are doing too much and that’s why you are tired. When kids have more than 1 kid, each kid doesn’t get catered to for everything. But between school, meals, sports, music, that’s what you are doing.

Would die for school sport options, but not available for many sports and the ones we tried were cut sports and didn’t make it.

Music is private lesson and orchestra practice — neither can be virtual. We tried combining them sequentially but then you have a teen sitting around for an hour waiting for their sibling which seemed worse (and I was waiting 2 hours). It’s a 15 minute drive so 30 round trip.

How long are peoples practices that they can workout then? Sure I go for walks or run errands, but a 50 minute practice is not enough time to get to gym.

Time is too fragmented with 3 kids. Agreed. But it’s where we are at.

Not really complaining, my spouse just is saying what are we doing wrong that “other family” with three kids seem to have it all happening, have tons of energy, and career success for both parents.

OP you are judging your lived experience versus the limited snippets from other people. Most adults in two working parent households are tired!! I am right there with ya with only two kids.

[Anonymous]

Our kids are in the same school and we trade walking duties with other families on our street - it makes no sense for 10+ adults walking every morning so we assemble at a corner and a few adults walk a gaggle of kids the last 1/4 mile.

Rec sports, but we car pool and don’t go to every single practice.

We don’t go to the gym. We workout with a Lululemon Mirror and run or bike outside from home.

We also both go to the office on Wednesday, so that is our takeout night. We usually batch cook on the weekend which gets us through Tuesday.

We almost never “run errands”. I use curbside pick up for groceries at Harris Teeter ($100/year) and BJs (free). We also use curbside at Target, Whole Foods, Michael’s, and Home Depot for anything that Amazon doesn’t have. My kids order their clothes from websites - neither has ever been in a shopping mall / department store. We have a pharmacy a block from home on the way to/from school.

Our house is not a mess because our kids unpack bags when they come in the door and they each have one cubby for their backpack/coat/shoes and one basket for papers they bring home. We have an “inbox” for things we need to review and sign. We all pick up for 5 min after dinner so that the clutter can’t accumulate.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you and your spouse are your children’s b!tch. The 9th grader can babysit the other two for date nights. They can all do chores. It’s BS to say they do not do it right and best to do it your own. My teen son tried that on the lawn. He cut the front and back and half@ssed it. We made him go right back out and do it two more times. Trust me, he cut it perfectly ever since then. He tried it with the dishes. We woke him up at 3am when we found out and he washed those dishes right ever since then. Your vegetarian kid can eat a frozen meal on the days that you all have meat. Why are you catering to all their food wants? The kids should not have guest/friends over if the house is not clean before and after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For us - a combo of having a group of parents with similar parenting philosophy in our circle, outsourcing many chores, flex work, no private school cost, only 2 kids, living in a relatively inexpensive neighborhood.

- Only 2 kids. No pets.
- Cleaner twice a week. Cleaning - day 1. Laundry, food prep, decluttering and organizing, deep cleaning - day 2. $25/hr. $700 a month. Once in 2 week - cook for some meals and party cooking - $25/hr * 6 hr. $300 a month.
- Public magnets for kids. Drive them to school and back because bus-drive takes an hour each way. Carpooling and flex work
- Kids did a lot of activities. Arranged for some group activities at our home. Had a bunch of other parents and children and pooled resources together. Coaches and tutors came home in the evening or on weekends for kids. Parents took turns for travel, coaching and transportation of team.

Our kids are also very finicky for meals but we have a handle on it due to food prep and the biweekly cook. DH and I also cook a lot.

I think this is one big problem for us. We moved to prioritize short commutes, and compromised on schools so there are no public magnets and actually no local village - most of our neighbors are much wealthier than us and have SAHM and nanny and private school so there are no “village” effects.

I tried to champion to moving to a better school district but would have required longer commutes which was a deal breaker. I think if we just commuted and the kids could get to and from school on their own and have neighborhood “village” of other parents and friends it would have been easier.

If this OP then a lot of your issues are of your own making.

What was the point of this post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are in the same school and we trade walking duties with other families on our street - it makes no sense for 10+ adults walking every morning so we assemble at a corner and a few adults walk a gaggle of kids the last 1/4 mile.

Rec sports, but we car pool and don’t go to every single practice.

We don’t go to the gym. We workout with a Lululemon Mirror and run or bike outside from home.

We also both go to the office on Wednesday, so that is our takeout night. We usually batch cook on the weekend which gets us through Tuesday.

We almost never “run errands”. I use curbside pick up for groceries at Harris Teeter ($100/year) and BJs (free). We also use curbside at Target, Whole Foods, Michael’s, and Home Depot for anything that Amazon doesn’t have. My kids order their clothes from websites - neither has ever been in a shopping mall / department store. We have a pharmacy a block from home on the way to/from school.

Our house is not a mess because our kids unpack bags when they come in the door and they each have one cubby for their backpack/coat/shoes and one basket for papers they bring home. We have an “inbox” for things we need to review and sign. We all pick up for 5 min after dinner so that the clutter can’t accumulate.

Let me summarize some actionable changes:

1. Don’t run errands, curbside everything you can at stores that align with your commute or school location.
2. Don’t do laundry only on Saturday. At least 1 load should be done most days. Older kids can handle this.
3. Don’t make 3 meals. Make 1 meal that works for everyone. This most means “build your own” like burritos, Mediterranean bowls, ramen with toppings.
4. Don’t do all the work once kids are asleep. Kids should all chip in for 15-20 min after dinner.
5. Set strict expectations about clutter and set a good example. Teach everyone in your house “don’t put it down, put it away”.
6. Take time away alone for your hobbies and friends. Your children are old enough that each adult should have one “free night” per week where they can work as late as they want, go to a class, meet a friend for drinks, etc. That’s how you have hobbies.
7. Talk on Sunday at dinner about “how we win the week”. Have adults put reminders and calendar events in their phones in real time, maybe the oldest as well if needed. Write on a white board if needed. We lay out the whole week - who is packing or buying lunch each day, who is driving which kids, what we are eating and if it’s before or after sports, what we are getting for takeou t Wednesday including the kids’ orders, any adult commitments when they won’t be around, any thing we need to do that week - like pick out a birthday present, make an appointment or reservation, etc.

Make a plan and stick to it. Expect more from your kids, they are old enough to contribute to the household without being nagged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For us - a combo of having a group of parents with similar parenting philosophy in our circle, outsourcing many chores, flex work, no private school cost, only 2 kids, living in a relatively inexpensive neighborhood.

- Only 2 kids. No pets.
- Cleaner twice a week. Cleaning - day 1. Laundry, food prep, decluttering and organizing, deep cleaning - day 2. $25/hr. $700 a month. Once in 2 week - cook for some meals and party cooking - $25/hr * 6 hr. $300 a month.
- Public magnets for kids. Drive them to school and back because bus-drive takes an hour each way. Carpooling and flex work
- Kids did a lot of activities. Arranged for some group activities at our home. Had a bunch of other parents and children and pooled resources together. Coaches and tutors came home in the evening or on weekends for kids. Parents took turns for travel, coaching and transportation of team.

Our kids are also very finicky for meals but we have a handle on it due to food prep and the biweekly cook. DH and I also cook a lot.

I think this is one big problem for us. We moved to prioritize short commutes, and compromised on schools so there are no public magnets and actually no local village - most of our neighbors are much wealthier than us and have SAHM and nanny and private school so there are no “village” effects.

I tried to champion to moving to a better school district but would have required longer commutes which was a deal breaker. I think if we just commuted and the kids could get to and from school on their own and have neighborhood “village” of other parents and friends it would have been easier.

If this OP then a lot of your issues are of your own making.

What was the point of this post?

To point out the truth.

[Anonymous]

I can help you with laundry. Do not wait until the weekend. Do a load everyday. Put it in in the morning, have WFH parent put it in dryer during a break, fold while you are helping with homework or whatever in the evening and have everyone put their clothes away. Then, you have the big project on Sat gone.

If you have more than 7 loads a week, you are doing too much laundry.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand doing laundry everyday, and I don't understand why it's a big deal on one day. Separate everything out. And then every [x] period of time, someone has to flip washer to dryer, dryer to clean bag. When you finish, everyone watches a a movie and folds. There are lots of ways to split this task but you don't need to do it everyday (ridiculous!) or lose an entire day flipping laundry (also ridiculous).

[Anonymous]

Does church and Sunday school last all day? I mean you are using an entire weekend day for that.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids similar ages to yours - mine are going into 9th, 6th, and 3rd. My rising 9th grader is a boy - but we are out of the babysitting scene if he's around - he can babysit and so can you rising 9th grader, I would think.

My youngest is going into 3rd - and I told her that in our family - starting in 3rd grade you can get yourself to and from school - that means walk to school or walk to the bus stop as applicable. Not sure you can do that - but my kids go to public school - and I think if are doing private - you have to accept that you made that more difficult commute choice and it is what it is.

We have the every other week house cleaner and we have someone else mow our lawn since having kids.

I also don't appease my picky kid - but I guess it's different if your doctor says to. My kid is small but not failure to thrive- is there another reason your dr. says to? I was small myself and sometimes not hungry. I don't allow dessert if you haven't eaten a real meal - but if you don't want to eat a real meal - that's your choice. I think they'll eat if they're hungry and that's what my dr. told me to do.

I think everyone with two working household and 3 kids is generally frazzled. It's not easy - no one is really doing it better than you.