Working Parents Who Aren’t Tired — Tell us your schedule or secret sauce

[Anonymous]

Single parent. My housekeeper/nanny arrives at 7. I get up at 8 take a shower and start my full-time wfh at 8:30. My one child also gets up around that time and gets dressed, goes downstairs to a healthy breakfast, a packed lunch, and a prepped backpack. I wave them both out the door (she walks him 2 min to the bus stop) as I settle in to my fully clean, laundered, and organized house.

I work a very busy and stressful day, then pick up child from after care right before 6 pm. He does a ton of activities and usually has something every evening. All activities are calibrated to be within 10 min driving. If it’s a boring activity I catch up on admin/mail/etc. If it’s a sport/social activity I fit it a walk or socialize with other parents. Weekends we have a sport in the AM, and pm is reserved for downtime or outings with friends where both child and I enjoy the people we are with. I have friends over most Saturday evenings. I have a sitter if I want to do happy hour.

I shop for the week at Trader Joe’s on Saturday AM during an activity. I have a rotation of about five easy meals, mostly made in the instant pot.

I consciously choose quality of life in every decision. I know people think I’m excessive for having daily help, but it helps me enjoy life instead of just getting through life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single parent. My housekeeper/nanny arrives at 7. I get up at 8 take a shower and start my full-time wfh at 8:30. My one child also gets up around that time and gets dressed, goes downstairs to a healthy breakfast, a packed lunch, and a prepped backpack. I wave them both out the door (she walks him 2 min to the bus stop) as I settle in to my fully clean, laundered, and organized house.

I work a very busy and stressful day, then pick up child from after care right before 6 pm. He does a ton of activities and usually has something every evening. All activities are calibrated to be within 10 min driving. If it’s a boring activity I catch up on admin/mail/etc. If it’s a sport/social activity I fit it a walk or socialize with other parents. Weekends we have a sport in the AM, and pm is reserved for downtime or outings with friends where both child and I enjoy the people we are with. I have friends over most Saturday evenings. I have a sitter if I want to do happy hour.

I shop for the week at Trader Joe’s on Saturday AM during an activity. I have a rotation of about five easy meals, mostly made in the instant pot.

I consciously choose quality of life in every decision. I know people think I’m excessive for having daily help, but it helps me enjoy life instead of just getting through life.

So you live the life almost of a breadwinner with a SAHP, just one you really can boss around since you are their actual boss.

[Anonymous]

The secret sauce is……

There is no secret sauce. There is too much to do. It is tiring. It’s ok to let something slide.

I suggest Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals. It’s more of a philosophy book, but it’s great.

I have three widely spaced kids do I get it. One thing that’s helpful is critiquing the expectations of intensive parenting. Posters here view children as some of widget that produces high test scores and college success. Therefore, they will tell you you had too many kids. But if you think of your three as human beings who you had to make a family, you can set that bourgeoise perspective aside.

[Anonymous]

The only people who think parenting is effortless has hired out tons of help or doesn't actively engage with their kids.

However, you are making things hard on yourself. The meat eaters doesn't HAVE to eat meat at every meal. Make a tofu stir fry with rice and vegetables. For everyone. Make black bean burritos, for everyone. Picky eater gonna be picky no matter what, making pasta for every dinner isn't smart anyway.

Your 9th grade can absolutely take care of the other two and you need a date night 2/month.

Accept that you are tired. I am too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only people who think parenting is effortless has hired out tons of help or doesn't actively engage with their kids.

However, you are making things hard on yourself. The meat eaters doesn't HAVE to eat meat at every meal. Make a tofu stir fry with rice and vegetables. For everyone. Make black bean burritos, for everyone. Picky eater gonna be picky no matter what, making pasta for every dinner isn't smart anyway.

Your 9th grade can absolutely take care of the other two and you need a date night 2/month.

Accept that you are tired. I am too.

We don’t eat meat every night, true, but the one meat eater is hungry unless they eat meat and overeat and snack after dinner.

How would we know if we are low energy? My spouse is convinced that is our problem.

[Anonymous]

Oh and the older kids do chores like empty dishwasher vacuum and laundry, even make meals sometimes — but sometimes that is less help than not helping if you know what I mean

[Anonymous]

My secret was divorcing my husband.

It was like losing a fourth and fifth child.
I have every other weekend off now to catch up on rest or beauty and have a peaceful home- which is relaxing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh and the older kids do chores like empty dishwasher vacuum and laundry, even make meals sometimes — but sometimes that is less help than not helping if you know what I mean

They are doing that to get out of helping. 1. Every time they do a chore less than their best, you kindly explain it to them again and walk them through it again. Make this process take time. Don’t let the youngest even start that game.

2. The kids need more chores in general. The oldest two can each make 1 dinner a week, but you’ll need to teach them the process.

3. If one of you works another day, you’d be able to hire a driver, which would bring a huge relief. Nobody wants that job, so the hourly pay is higher than a regular nanny.

[Anonymous]

Hire help. This is the key. Can you afford to hire an afternoon nanny/cook who picks up from school, manages activities, preps dinner, and gets the kids to set the table? Hire a cleaner or cleaning service to come at regular intervals. Perhaps you can find a house manager who is ok to drive kids/laundry/cook/clean. Hire lawn service. Suddenly your time away from work isn’t doing chores and you will enjoy life more.

[Anonymous]

If your kids are at parochial schools why do they go to Sunday school?

[Anonymous]

I consciously choose quality of life in every decision. I know people think I’m excessive for having daily help, but it helps me enjoy life instead of just getting through life.

I applaud you. I am striving to setup my life likewise.

[Anonymous]

I am also a fed with a flexible schedule but I HATE the parents who leave to get their kids nearly every single day in the middle of key work hours. It’s really disruptive for meetings and those people generally do not get their work done effectively during the time young kids are home. Going and doing *3* pick ups and then having a second grader home with no child care would not be in agreement with my signed telework agreement. This is totally different from having a high schooler who rides the bus home and then is legally able to care for themselves for a couple hours. I am all about WFH but not abusing it. You should have adequate child care every day during your core work hours. This is definitely a big part of why you feel tired and scattered.

Also your dinners sound crazy. Order a pizza one night and have cereal for dinner another and simplify the others. I have a picky eater and it’s difficult but if they won’t eat what everyone else wants (or some adapted version without a component or something) they can have cheese and crackers or a sandwich. Not a totally separate meal.

[Anonymous]

Also yard work is the absolute easiest to outsource in my opinion. Hire that out for sure, it’s not even expensive.

Everyone should pick up after themselves. That’s not even chores it’s just being a respectful family member. I am still working on it with my kids to, but it’s really important even if it doesn’t save time right now.

[Anonymous]

1) only one meal
2) kids help clean up dishes and tidy right after dinner
3) exercise during kids sports or music practice. I drop them off at practice and go for a walk/run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our secret? We have only one child.

+1 Yep. Not sure what else to say. You have a lot of kids.