Working Parents Who Aren’t Tired — Tell us your schedule or secret sauce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sunday school? Ridiculous at that age

Your kids are in parochial school. So why CCD on Sunday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW and I have a pretty good lifestyle setup, yet our house always seems a mess, we don’t have time for our own hobbies, and are exhausted 24/7. We know some families who seem to make parenting and life effortless — please tell us what we are doing wrong!


Work: Dual Fed (we prioritized work life balance), both GS15, both 3 days TRO requirements. DW - TWTh, DH - MWF. Typically 40 hour week jobs, some deadlines make for longer weeks but nothing to complain about.

3 kids. One going into 9th, one going into 6th, one going into 2nd. So 3 school drop offs/pickups (oldest are in 2 diff parochial schools, there wasn’t a k-12 that worked), youngest is in walkable neighborhood public so in a couple years will walk themselves to school and back.

Activities: no travel sports. Usually 1 rec sport per kid per season or school based sport. Weekly musical lessons twice week for all kids (different times). Oldest does some clubs at school so few weekends late nights for that. Adults try to go to gym 1-2 times a week if can.

Family fun. We never hire a babysitter so, no date nights. Weekends are usually kids with friends or have friends over, and then rest of family will go to museums or hike or pool etc. typical stuff. Usually mornings sat is a big laundry and extra cleaning day. Sunday morning is church and Sunday school.

Typical day: I wake up at 7am and drive two oldest to their schools — done by 830 and head to work or WFH. Whomever is WFH that day pops out at 4 to bring them home, and then continues to work till 530 when they start dinner. Other parent drops off elementary kid and gets to work by 9, then returns home around 6.

At dinner time we make 3 types of dinner: vegetarian, omni, and picky. Two vegetarians so think sautéed tofu, omni may have broiled chicken, and picky has pasta. Everyone shares ina roasted vegetable, salad, maybe potatoes and rice. Usually simple fast meals started by WFH parent, so dinner done by 630.

One parent may duck out with a kid to rec practice or music etc depending on time schedule — will have dinner either before or after. Maybe help homework or read with youngest for those home.

Everyone heads to bed around 930, then adults clean dishes and tidy the house, and usually deep clean one project or another. May head to gym some nights.

We have a cleaner come every two weeks for deep clean of kitchen and bathrooms.

Hard to find time for other cleaning projects, household projects, or yard work.

Spouse thinks most people just have more energy and efficiency than we do; I think most people order more takeout meals, probably have family help or regular driving nanny, or are just as frazzled as us!?

So those of you parenting with ease what can we do? I know simplyfing meals would help, but vegetarians are militant, and doctor says to accommodate picky eater for now.

From what I observed: the three main “secrets” are: income, reasonably healthy parents and kids, and/or having your family or paid-for village.

Due to health issues, we have four different diets. I can plan all I want and can, but it is what it is for some of us. I know some families with other types of health issues (either parents or kids) and things change dramatically as soon as you put that into equation.

Since we all have our own family restrictions, there is no single recipe for anyone. Don’t beat yourself, don’t compare with others, relax, and think what would make day easier and happier for your family. Only your own family has an answer to that question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our secret? We have only one child.

This is us. One kid is pretty easy to manage. DH works from home full time and I work from home 4 days a week. Both of us have good paying jobs (one GS-15) but rarely work long hours or travel. DD goes to private school that is 10 minutes away. We drive her in the morning. On days she has after school activities we pick her up after we're done with work. If no activities, she gets herself home (mostly walks). We cook one dinner for the family - we cater to some preferences but dinner is dinner and if you don't like it you can wait for breakfast. We have a weekly cleaner. Not only does the house get cleaned every week but its hard to get the house to crazy disorganized in one week. I work out at home with our Peloton and DH is a runner so no going to the gym. Some days we work out at lunch, some days right at 5pm when work is wrapping up. Its all pretty manageable.

[Anonymous]

I’m not religious but I wish I was. Giving your child the gift of a religious community is so important. That’s not a time saving strategy.

[Anonymous]

Go to Mass on Sat evening or the 6pm on Sunday (there's usually a Church nearby that has this late Mass) and free up your Sunday a bit more.

Your dinner/meals are a crazy on that you're a short-order chef with 3 different entrées. Post in the Food Forum to get better (and easier) meal ideas to stream line this time suck.

Otherwise, i get it op. Like you, we have 1 in parochial and 2 kids in public HS.
All of them have friends and sports and such and individually aren't over scheduled, but collectively as a patent it's overwhelming with busy/social kids. Fwiw, it's a snapshot in the grand scheme of things. My oldest will drive solo soon so that hopefully soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your kids are at parochial schools why do they go to Sunday school?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sunday school? Ridiculous at that age

Your kids are in parochial school. So why CCD on Sunday?

Okay it’s the youngest (in public school) in Sunday school, the other two aren’t but driving home and back just to save 40 seems wasteful.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm I feel like the responses here aren’t particularly helpful for your situation. Some posters are answering your question - ie spilling their “secrets” - but if their secret is only having one kid, I don’t see how that helps you.

Other PPs are critiquing your day, like the meal stuff, which might be helpful to you, but sometimes life is what it is. If you really can’t get around making 3 meals a night, you know what you have to do - either simplify it enough where it’s not a burden (microwaveable meals, kids make their own meal, whatever) or outsource to a paid person.

I have four kids and am early-mid 40s. I’d say my energy level is where yours is.

Some suggestions -

I am comfortable saying no. Saying no to my kids, to the PTA, to other moms. It sucks to not be able to do “all the things” but I just don’t have the bandwidth.

In the past we have hired college aged folks to help us logistically get kids to and from sports / activities. We also pick sports and activities that are nearby and easy to manage.

I wish we ate better but we don’t. I have stopped worrying if my kid occasionally has cereal or waffles for dinner. I have a picky eater who eats more chicken nuggets than I ever have. The kids go to a school that has a wide variety to healthy lunch options, so I know they do get some healthy stuff in every day.

My kids are younger than yours but they go to bed at 730. That lets me have some “me time” at night, where I can workout or, more realistically, snuggle up with DH and watch a show.

[Anonymous]

I was very protective of our weekends. Kids definitely couldn't have friends over all the time. Sure, it's OK once in a while, but I didn't want to be driving every Saturday. I also don't think it's necessary to do all the activities (hikes, zoo, etc.), unless you prefer them over your own hobbies. Parents have lives too and I think that's important to model. Kids are plenty busy and have lots of other opportunities for socializing.

Also, the kids can help with the cleaning and laundry. You should be able to get a lot done in an hour on Saturday with everyone helping.

If you are insistent on accommodating all the different ways of eating, I'd simplify that even more. I'd make one veggie dish and then have precooked meat (you can batch cook on the weekends) to add to it. The children can help prepare dinner too, or you can just buy more ready made things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm I feel like the responses here aren’t particularly helpful for your situation. Some posters are answering your question - ie spilling their “secrets” - but if their secret is only having one kid, I don’t see how that helps you.

Other PPs are critiquing your day, like the meal stuff, which might be helpful to you, but sometimes life is what it is. If you really can’t get around making 3 meals a night, you know what you have to do - either simplify it enough where it’s not a burden (microwaveable meals, kids make their own meal, whatever) or outsource to a paid person.

I have four kids and am early-mid 40s. I’d say my energy level is where yours is.

Some suggestions -

I am comfortable saying no. Saying no to my kids, to the PTA, to other moms. It sucks to not be able to do “all the things” but I just don’t have the bandwidth.

In the past we have hired college aged folks to help us logistically get kids to and from sports / activities. We also pick sports and activities that are nearby and easy to manage.

I wish we ate better but we don’t. I have stopped worrying if my kid occasionally has cereal or waffles for dinner. I have a picky eater who eats more chicken nuggets than I ever have. The kids go to a school that has a wide variety to healthy lunch options, so I know they do get some healthy stuff in every day.

My kids are younger than yours but they go to bed at 730. That lets me have some “me time” at night, where I can workout or, more realistically, snuggle up with DH and watch a show.

If you are getting home around 530/6 and kids are in bed by 730 — when do you see them?

[Anonymous]

I don't know any parents who aren't tired - working or otherwise. Especially with three kids.

[Anonymous]

most people I know who have three kids and two working parents have hired help on weekday afternoons: as many people have said, this person does pickups/activity shuttling, prepping dinner, setting the table, etc. Maybe try this and see how you feel afterwards. Seems very helpful.

Also, teenage vegetarians can learn how to cook and prepare their own meals. I know several families where this occured, and the teens actually grew to enjoy cooking for themselves.

(In our family, our "secret" is that we have one full-time worker and one part-time worker (me). I work about 20ish hours per week, so I can do the pickups/meal prep/grocery shopping etc without feeling stressed. Weekends we can enjoy. Everyone helps with laundry. Music lessons happen at our home.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm I feel like the responses here aren’t particularly helpful for your situation. Some posters are answering your question - ie spilling their “secrets” - but if their secret is only having one kid, I don’t see how that helps you.

Other PPs are critiquing your day, like the meal stuff, which might be helpful to you, but sometimes life is what it is. If you really can’t get around making 3 meals a night, you know what you have to do - either simplify it enough where it’s not a burden (microwaveable meals, kids make their own meal, whatever) or outsource to a paid person.

I have four kids and am early-mid 40s. I’d say my energy level is where yours is.

Some suggestions -

I am comfortable saying no. Saying no to my kids, to the PTA, to other moms. It sucks to not be able to do “all the things” but I just don’t have the bandwidth.

In the past we have hired college aged folks to help us logistically get kids to and from sports / activities. We also pick sports and activities that are nearby and easy to manage.

I wish we ate better but we don’t. I have stopped worrying if my kid occasionally has cereal or waffles for dinner. I have a picky eater who eats more chicken nuggets than I ever have. The kids go to a school that has a wide variety to healthy lunch options, so I know they do get some healthy stuff in every day.

My kids are younger than yours but they go to bed at 730. That lets me have some “me time” at night, where I can workout or, more realistically, snuggle up with DH and watch a show.

If you are getting home around 530/6 and kids are in bed by 730 — when do you see them?

Here’s a general outline for our family - and please don’t think I’m saying this is “right”, I don’t judge anyone by how much/little time they spend with their kids!

For weekdays -

My husband’s job is typically 8-6, M-F. He works outside the home. Luckily he is an early riser - by 6 AM.

Kids get up around 6 or 630 and leave for school at 8. They get home at 4.

So for my husband, he usually gets his quality time in with the kids early (say 6-645 AM, before they need to get ready for the day) and maybe 1 hour at night.

My schedule is much more erratic. If I’m rested (or need to get stuff done!), I’ll get up at 6 so I have 2 hours with the kids in the AM (some true quality time - cuddling, talking, reading; some of that time is getting ready for the day). Other days I’ll get up at 7 or even 730 (!) and barely give them a kiss before they leave for school.

In general I get 4-730 with the kids but sometimes I have calls, emails, etc. Sometimes I have to work after they go to bed. Sometimes I work a few hours on Saturday morning while my husband does something with the kids.

I’m also the parent who does all the kid appointments, anything school related, etc… so yeah my schedule varies quite a bit!

[Anonymous]

I dont think it's crazy to have different food preferences, but things like meal prep on the weekend can be very helpful. I have one vegetarian kid so I cook a pot of black beans on the weekend and stir fry some tofu, or pick up seasoned baked tofu. I also keep veggie meatballs and some other easy veggie proteins in the freezer. Then the veggie kid basically eats what we eat but with a vegetarian protein subbed in. For example, we have tacos, and ours have meat but hers have black beans. Or we have spaghetti and meat sauce, and she'll have spaghetti and veggie sausage. I also cook big pots of rice/quinoa/millet/etc on weekend and freeze into individual bags to have a grain ready to go at dinner time. We always get takeout on Thursdays. Just having fewer dishes to clean up during the week is a huge timesaver during stressful evenings.

It also helps that only one of our kids does a sport, and it's only one day a week. Next year she will start school sports, so she will not need driving (we already have to pick her up daily from school). For music lessons, we have someone come to our home. This way, aside from driving to 2 different schools to pick up, my evenings are mostly free from obligations. It's ok to say no to some of your kids activities if you don't want to drive them. My kid wanted to do gymnastics at a place 30 minutes away, and a theater class that ended at 8:30 pm, and I said no to both.

[Anonymous]

Too many kids. Too many schools. This isn’t rocket science. My sister complains like you and it’s all of her own making.