Working Parents Who Aren’t Tired — Tell us your schedule or secret sauce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse needs to stop focusing on what others are doing. First, it is counterproductive and second, whatever he is imagining probably isn't true.

Everyone is tired with that many kids and activities. There are many days it feels as busy with two teens as it was with two toddlers. Just a different kind of busy.

But, I agree with others, you are not helping matters with 3 meals and all the driving. You can make one meal. Ex. Fajitas. Put out both corn and flour tortillas if someone can't have gluten. Someone is vegetarian, then you put out chicken and sautéed mushrooms. Then you put out rice, beans, avocado, tomato, cheese, etc. and let everyone build their own. Next time, it's some sort of bowl with rice, beef, mushrooms, carrots, onions, and sauce. Your picky eater can have rice and beef. And, so on.

The 9th grader should be doing their own laundry and 6th grade is time to learn.

If you aren't using a chore chart, start.

So you are cooking ride, sauté mushrooms, sauté chicken/beef, dicing tomato’s, onions, and carrots. I assume you mean shredded cheese and canned beans — but even simple fajita has a lot of ingredients and prep?!

[Anonymous]

We live just outside old town Alexandria. So public schools are challenged but work is a quick shot up 395 — no retail really on the way unless we detour to local Arlington.

We should have moved to Vienna I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live just outside old town Alexandria. So public schools are challenged but work is a quick shot up 395 — no retail really on the way unless we detour to local Arlington.

We should have moved to Vienna I think.

Oh for the love of Pete.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our secret? We have only one child.

+1 Yep. Not sure what else to say. You have a lot of kids.

+1. One child, flexible WFH job, biweekly cleaners, and equal coparent/spouse. I spend a lot of time running to activities and volunteering, but I never feel tired because I’m not mentally juggling. No competing priorities and I’m in control of my schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are only so many hours a week so something has to give. My DH and I each work 3 days a week. So we each have 2 full weekdays to do kid activities/home maintenance/self care. We also had an after school sitter (until covid hit) so she would do dinner prep and laundry. I would make dinner simple. My family eats meat but I meal plan vegetarian meals for weekdays and then on weekends they can order meat if we’re eating out. Picky eater can also eat leftovers so you don’t have to make a new meal each night for them.

How do you both have part time jobs? 3 days a week?? Where is this?

We’re both physicians. It’s the norm at our group to do work 3 days a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live just outside old town Alexandria. So public schools are challenged but work is a quick shot up 395 — no retail really on the way unless we detour to local Arlington.

We should have moved to Vienna I think.

Oh for the love of Pete.

Seriously. So many excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are in the same school and we trade walking duties with other families on our street - it makes no sense for 10+ adults walking every morning so we assemble at a corner and a few adults walk a gaggle of kids the last 1/4 mile.

Rec sports, but we car pool and don’t go to every single practice.

We don’t go to the gym. We workout with a Lululemon Mirror and run or bike outside from home.

We also both go to the office on Wednesday, so that is our takeout night. We usually batch cook on the weekend which gets us through Tuesday.

We almost never “run errands”. I use curbside pick up for groceries at Harris Teeter ($100/year) and BJs (free). We also use curbside at Target, Whole Foods, Michael’s, and Home Depot for anything that Amazon doesn’t have. My kids order their clothes from websites - neither has ever been in a shopping mall / department store. We have a pharmacy a block from home on the way to/from school.

Our house is not a mess because our kids unpack bags when they come in the door and they each have one cubby for their backpack/coat/shoes and one basket for papers they bring home. We have an “inbox” for things we need to review and sign. We all pick up for 5 min after dinner so that the clutter can’t accumulate.

Let me summarize some actionable changes:

1. Don’t run errands, curbside everything you can at stores that align with your commute or school location.
2. Don’t do laundry only on Saturday. At least 1 load should be done most days. Older kids can handle this.
3. Don’t make 3 meals. Make 1 meal that works for everyone. This most means “build your own” like burritos, Mediterranean bowls, ramen with toppings.
4. Don’t do all the work once kids are asleep. Kids should all chip in for 15-20 min after dinner.
5. Set strict expectations about clutter and set a good example. Teach everyone in your house “don’t put it down, put it away”.
6. Take time away alone for your hobbies and friends. Your children are old enough that each adult should have one “free night” per week where they can work as late as they want, go to a class, meet a friend for drinks, etc. That’s how you have hobbies.
7. Talk on Sunday at dinner about “how we win the week”. Have adults put reminders and calendar events in their phones in real time, maybe the oldest as well if needed. Write on a white board if needed. We lay out the whole week - who is packing or buying lunch each day, who is driving which kids, what we are eating and if it’s before or after sports, what we are getting for takeou t Wednesday including the kids’ orders, any adult commitments when they won’t be around, any thing we need to do that week - like pick out a birthday present, make an appointment or reservation, etc.

Make a plan and stick to it. Expect more from your kids, they are old enough to contribute to the household without being nagged.

I like these they are great. Unfortunately there is zero retail along our work and school commutes nor near our work, as hard as that may be to fathom. I’ll just countdown the days till the oldest can go shopping for us…

I love the burrito and ramen with “meat” toppings, I’ll definitely try that. We makes a lot of salads so adding grilled chicken offers some alignment.

Oldest does own laundry entirely; younger two help but middle has ADHD and messiness is a CONSTANT battle. Youngest is actually helpful with laundry but has limitations to reaching dryer etc. we just end up with sheets and towels on weekends which is a lot.

All help cleanup, but clutter is likely an issue — we have a 1900 sq ft 40s home, so not much storage, no garage, so kinda of on top of each other for family of 5. I think that adds to our tiredness, the endless game of “stuff” Tetris to put things away.

Everyone should be reusing towels. At least three uses before wash. One towel for a bath, not several. Sheets changing once a week is fine, but you can get away with every other week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse needs to stop focusing on what others are doing. First, it is counterproductive and second, whatever he is imagining probably isn't true.

Everyone is tired with that many kids and activities. There are many days it feels as busy with two teens as it was with two toddlers. Just a different kind of busy.

But, I agree with others, you are not helping matters with 3 meals and all the driving. You can make one meal. Ex. Fajitas. Put out both corn and flour tortillas if someone can't have gluten. Someone is vegetarian, then you put out chicken and sautéed mushrooms. Then you put out rice, beans, avocado, tomato, cheese, etc. and let everyone build their own. Next time, it's some sort of bowl with rice, beef, mushrooms, carrots, onions, and sauce. Your picky eater can have rice and beef. And, so on.

The 9th grader should be doing their own laundry and 6th grade is time to learn.

If you aren't using a chore chart, start.

So you are cooking ride, sauté mushrooms, sauté chicken/beef, dicing tomato’s, onions, and carrots. I assume you mean shredded cheese and canned beans — but even simple fajita has a lot of ingredients and prep?!

Np. Who said fajitas are simple? It's not complicated, like cooking three dishes would be, but it still involves multiple ingredients. That's most cooking.

A burger with cheese, lettuce and tomatoes has five ingredients, and most people still add sides, which increases the ingredient count. Unless you're cooking out of a box, I don't see how you would drastically reduce the number of ingredients.

Don't get me wrong, though, if you need to cook out of a box, by all means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse needs to stop focusing on what others are doing. First, it is counterproductive and second, whatever he is imagining probably isn't true.

Everyone is tired with that many kids and activities. There are many days it feels as busy with two teens as it was with two toddlers. Just a different kind of busy.

But, I agree with others, you are not helping matters with 3 meals and all the driving. You can make one meal. Ex. Fajitas. Put out both corn and flour tortillas if someone can't have gluten. Someone is vegetarian, then you put out chicken and sautéed mushrooms. Then you put out rice, beans, avocado, tomato, cheese, etc. and let everyone build their own. Next time, it's some sort of bowl with rice, beef, mushrooms, carrots, onions, and sauce. Your picky eater can have rice and beef. And, so on.

The 9th grader should be doing their own laundry and 6th grade is time to learn.

If you aren't using a chore chart, start.

So you are cooking ride, sauté mushrooms, sauté chicken/beef, dicing tomato’s, onions, and carrots. I assume you mean shredded cheese and canned beans — but even simple fajita has a lot of ingredients and prep?!

DP - but this is my make your own tacos night: ground turkey with seasoning, soft tortillas, slice an avocado, cook yellow rice, sautee peppers and onions together. I also have salsa and shredded cheese out on the table.

You could do salsa chicken in the crockpot for the meat to save some time.

[Anonymous]

You’ve posted before, haven’t you, OP? Many times. The three kids in three different schools and inability to manage it - enough, already. There is no “secret sauce” other than having them in public school, which addresses a lot of the issues you’re facing. We’re also dual Feds, have three kids, each does an activity, etc. Your kids don’t do enough around the house and you insist on non-public schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live just outside old town Alexandria. So public schools are challenged but work is a quick shot up 395 — no retail really on the way unless we detour to local Arlington.

We should have moved to Vienna I think.

Oh for the love of Pete.

Seriously. So many excuses.

Uh, what does the truth about my commute relate to excuses. It’s a 10 minute drive opposite my commute to go to a grocery store? Are maps excuses? Someplace like Vienna has much denser retail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our secret? We have only one child.

Lol, this. And actually, I'm still tired! But my schedule isn't as insane as OP's. And we intentionally make choices based on how they will impact our schedule. DD goes to a neighborhood school we can walk to in 15-20 minutes (or drive to in 4 minutes, in a pinch), though in MS we'll have to drive and that's going to be an adjustment. Activities are selected based in part on convenience and we don't over schedule. We actually do have a picky eater but we don't make multiple meals every night -- if DD rejects our served protein and veggie (common), she may supplement the rest of her meal with yogurt or a leftover pancake and some fruit. And as she's gotten older, she has to take more responsibility for these substitutions herself (and this has led to her being more willing to try what we put on the table because the alternative is going to fix herself a bowl of yogurt and fruit which she sometimes doesn't feel like doing).

Our house gets messy but we set aside 5-10 minutes to do a quick straighten every night (everyone participates), and then we do an extra tidy on Sunday nights as we prepare for the week.

I wouldn't say I have a ton of time for my own hobbies, but that's largely because I'm kind of burned out by work and I've had a bunch of health issues over the last two years that have forced me to prioritize sleep and rest a lot. We also almost never get a true date night these days because DD has been going through a really tricky phase where she is super attached to me and freaks out with babysitters (likely related to my health problems).

I share this simply to point out: everyone has issues, parenting is hard no matter what, but yes you can make choices to make it easier on yourself and if you are kind of losing it as is, I recommend doing so. A lot of my health problems stem from not taking enough care of myself during the first 6 months of the pandemic when everything went to hell, and I regret not doing a better job of putting my own basic needs (sleep, eating well, getting exercise, taking quiet time to myself) at the forefront during that time. I won't make that mistake again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live just outside old town Alexandria. So public schools are challenged but work is a quick shot up 395 — no retail really on the way unless we detour to local Arlington.

We should have moved to Vienna I think.

Oh for the love of Pete.

Seriously. So many excuses.

Uh, what does the truth about my commute relate to excuses. It’s a 10 minute drive opposite my commute to go to a grocery store? Are maps excuses? Someplace like Vienna has much denser retail.

ACPS has no buses or after school options? Or other after school like TKD studios. And yes you’re a frequent flyer here. Fix your shit if you’re for real, which I doubt.

[Anonymous]

3 kids is a lot, most people with 3 are tired. 3 in private school with a duel-fed salary means you have less $ to outsource than most ppl.

I wouldn't consider 3 days RTO to really be a flexible work-life balance job any more. That was considered flexible pre-Covid. Look for another agency with one day a week RTO. That will be life changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single parent. My housekeeper/nanny arrives at 7. I get up at 8 take a shower and start my full-time wfh at 8:30. My one child also gets up around that time and gets dressed, goes downstairs to a healthy breakfast, a packed lunch, and a prepped backpack. I wave them both out the door (she walks him 2 min to the bus stop) as I settle in to my fully clean, laundered, and organized house.

I work a very busy and stressful day, then pick up child from after care right before 6 pm. He does a ton of activities and usually has something every evening. All activities are calibrated to be within 10 min driving. If it’s a boring activity I catch up on admin/mail/etc. If it’s a sport/social activity I fit it a walk or socialize with other parents. Weekends we have a sport in the AM, and pm is reserved for downtime or outings with friends where both child and I enjoy the people we are with. I have friends over most Saturday evenings. I have a sitter if I want to do happy hour.

I shop for the week at Trader Joe’s on Saturday AM during an activity. I have a rotation of about five easy meals, mostly made in the instant pot.

I consciously choose quality of life in every decision. I know people think I’m excessive for having daily help, but it helps me enjoy life instead of just getting through life.

Lol. You lost me right there.

I lost her at the second line. Nanny arrives and 7 and poster sleeps for another hour.

She cleans and does the downstairs areas, makes breakfast and lunch etc. If I got up earlier I’d be in her way.