He doesn’t want to see me after I disclosed health results

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought they only screened for high risk types. If you’re not having symptoms (warts, which isn’t the same kind that causes cancer), how do you even know you have HPV?

Have you been intimate with him before?

An annual Pap smear screens for HPV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a non cancerous strain. What’s the big deal? If it were a plantars wart would people have the same hang ups? Weird.

You don’t think genital warts are a big deal?

Not all strains cause genital warts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a non cancerous strain. What’s the big deal? If it were a plantars wart would people have the same hang ups? Weird.

You don’t think genital warts are a big deal?

Not all strains cause genital warts.

Yes, low risk are the ones that do. So don’t act like because a strain doesn’t cause cancer itself NBD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a non cancerous strain. What’s the big deal? If it were a plantars wart would people have the same hang ups? Weird.

You don’t think genital warts are a big deal?

Not all strains cause genital warts.

Yes, low risk are the ones that do. So don’t act like because a strain doesn’t cause cancer itself NBD.

Ok but not all low risk strains cause warts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a non cancerous strain. What’s the big deal? If it were a plantars wart would people have the same hang ups? Weird.

You don’t think genital warts are a big deal?

Not all strains cause genital warts.

Yes, low risk are the ones that do. So don’t act like because a strain doesn’t cause cancer itself NBD.

Ok but not all low risk strains cause warts.

And not all low risk strains are NBD. That’s why PP shouldn’t have just quipped “It’s a non cancerous strain. What’s the big deal?” Just because it’s not a cancerous strain doesn’t mean that there’s nothing to be concerned about.

[Anonymous]

PP what do you mean not all non-cancerous strains are not a big deal? Don’t they just go away naturally?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP what do you mean not all non-cancerous strains are not a big deal? Don’t they just go away naturally?

You’re cool with a cauliflower patch hanging off your genitals until it hopefully goes away on it’s own?

[Anonymous]

OP! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I also had HPV and was so embarrassed, devastated, etc. I felt so dirty and ashamed. But you know what? Many many people have/had HPV and never know it. It is VERY common. You just happen to be one of the “unlucky” people who discovered it through a blood test.

You are very lucky that you don’t have a cancerous strain. However, just FYI, you can still be infected with a cancerous strain later on if a future partner exposes you to it. Consider getting the vaccine.

Ironically, this guy may have given it to you or - even more ironic - he may be carrying a cancerous strain and he doesn’t even know it! So while I can appreciate his cautiousness, he needs to learn a lot more about this virus.

I personally wouldn’t like his response. I would have been totally fine if he said, “ok no sex until I talk to a doctor and figure this out (or ok let’s use condoms) but let’s still be together.” But his response sounds overly dramatic, and a bit like he’s blaming you/shaming you.

FWIW, I found out I had HPV when I was maybe 6 months into a relationship. I had cervical changes and needed a colposcopy (and ultimately a leep). I disclosed it to my boyfriend who was like, “ok I guess it have it too since we’ve been intimate for months. No big deal, we are in this together.” He came to all my appointments. We’ve been married 13 years and my HPV is currently undetected. This was back in 2009, doctors are learning so much more about HPV. I later learned I have a low risk strain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, this doesn’t make sense. Why did your doctor test you for low risk strains? My doctor only tests for the high risk strains that cause cancer. I didn’t know doctors even tested for low risk strains. I know the test exists but it’s not normal to test for low risk hpv in a screening hpv test if the paps are all normal.

And this is why. There’s nothing you can do to treat it, and now you are all stressed.

I think you need to talk to your doctor. You might have your information wrong.

Anyway, it’s fine he wants to talk to his doctor. Personally I think he should still see you while he is contemplating this and figuring it out, but just not have sex with you while he’s figuring it out. He should not just be ignoring you and not seeing you at all and expecting you will go back to him once he’s decided he is willing to risk having sex with you.

I have no idea why they tested for a low risk strain either. I asked for the full STI panel and that’s what they did. I was negative for the three cancer causing strains they tested for. They told me I didn’t have to disclose to my partner, that the choice was mine but I felt I should tell him.

Yeah I feel very rejected and bad that he doesn’t want to see me at all right now. He said he needs time to wrap his head around all this and has to get a doctor’s professional opinion. I suspect he thinks after he takes some time and gets clearance from his doctor he will then grace me with his presence and I will want to jump back into his arms…nope.

You should not feel bad for doing what you thought was right. I understand why you feel hurt by his response, but he's doing what he feels is right. No one is in the wrong here, imo; however, I think this situations betrays a compatability issue between you. It's better for both of you to officially end things and move on. In your position, I'd contact him and break it off. There are other men out there who would love to date you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought they only screened for high risk types. If you’re not having symptoms (warts, which isn’t the same kind that causes cancer), how do you even know you have HPV?

Have you been intimate with him before?

An annual Pap smear screens for HPV.

That’s not true. HPV is a separate test. But my point is more nuanced than that there are high risk strains and low risk strains. High risk causes cancer. Low risk can cause warts.
There may also be low risk kinds that don’t cause warts, I am not sure. The point is, I know that my doctor only test for high-risk strains. I think it is odd that the original poster was tested for low risk strains. She has since followed up and says that the report only said negative for high-risk strains and did not say anything for low risk strains. Someone on the phone just told her she was positive for low risk strains. That doesn’t really make any sense. I think she needs to follow up with the doctor and make sure she has received the full medical records because the story is not making sense. Either this is a troll, or whoever talk to her on the phone didn’t really know what she was talking about.

[Anonymous]

That sucks.

This isn’t the guy. It’s reasonable to abstain from sex while consulting doctors and whatever, and it’s reasonable to be upset, but it’s not reasonable to ghost you. He sucks. Let him go.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I don’t think low risk strains that cause genital warts or don’t cause genital warts are a big deal. Viral warts happen all over your body - many land based mammals have their own versions. If they are not cancerous they cause no sequelae.

Low risk strains of HPV are basically impossible to eliminate or contain. They can lay dormant for years, there’s no treatment, the same strain can cause warts in some people and no warts in others. People are carriers, but no one is tested for these strains (because they aren’t dangerous). Condoms offer only limited protection.

We all had the shit scared out of us about STDs but non-cancerous HPV is a big nothing and if everyone would get vaccinated, cancerous HPV would be a big nothing too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I also had HPV and was so embarrassed, devastated, etc. I felt so dirty and ashamed. But you know what? Many many people have/had HPV and never know it. It is VERY common. You just happen to be one of the “unlucky” people who discovered it through a blood test.

You are very lucky that you don’t have a cancerous strain. However, just FYI, you can still be infected with a cancerous strain later on if a future partner exposes you to it. Consider getting the vaccine.

Ironically, this guy may have given it to you or - even more ironic - he may be carrying a cancerous strain and he doesn’t even know it! So while I can appreciate his cautiousness, he needs to learn a lot more about this virus.

I personally wouldn’t like his response. I would have been totally fine if he said, “ok no sex until I talk to a doctor and figure this out (or ok let’s use condoms) but let’s still be together.” But his response sounds overly dramatic, and a bit like he’s blaming you/shaming you.

FWIW, I found out I had HPV when I was maybe 6 months into a relationship. I had cervical changes and needed a colposcopy (and ultimately a leep). I disclosed it to my boyfriend who was like, “ok I guess it have it too since we’ve been intimate for months. No big deal, we are in this together.” He came to all my appointments. We’ve been married 13 years and my HPV is currently undetected. This was back in 2009, doctors are learning so much more about HPV. I later learned I have a low risk strain.

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP what do you mean not all non-cancerous strains are not a big deal? Don’t they just go away naturally?

You’re cool with a cauliflower patch hanging off your genitals until it hopefully goes away on it’s own?

That’s not how that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought they only screened for high risk types. If you’re not having symptoms (warts, which isn’t the same kind that causes cancer), how do you even know you have HPV?

Have you been intimate with him before?

An annual Pap smear screens for HPV.

That’s not true. HPV is a separate test. But my point is more nuanced than that there are high risk strains and low risk strains. High risk causes cancer. Low risk can cause warts.
There may also be low risk kinds that don’t cause warts, I am not sure. The point is, I know that my doctor only test for high-risk strains. I think it is odd that the original poster was tested for low risk strains. She has since followed up and says that the report only said negative for high-risk strains and did not say anything for low risk strains. Someone on the phone just told her she was positive for low risk strains. That doesn’t really make any sense. I think she needs to follow up with the doctor and make sure she has received the full medical records because the story is not making sense. Either this is a troll, or whoever talk to her on the phone didn’t really know what she was talking about.

NP. I’m no expert but I have some personal experience.

A Pap smear screens for cervical changes, which indicate the presence of HPV. A blood test confirms whether there’s HPV. When I got my blood test 5 years ago, they only reported whether you were positive or negative for the high risk (aka cancer causing) strains. I think it was strains 16, 18 and one more? If you tested positive for HPV but negative for those strains, you were told you had a “low risk” strain. I think back then, there were so many strains that they didn’t bother figuring out which exact low risk strain you had (ie they didn’t identify the specific strain number). Maybe the technology has improved since then.