He doesn’t want to see me after I disclosed health results

[Anonymous]

The guy I’m seeing doesn’t want to see me after I found out I have HPV (non-cancerous strain and no symptoms). He said he needs time and needs his doctor’s professional advice on how to proceed.

I’m so hurt and feel so ashamed. I feel so rejected.

Please be kind, this hurts a lot.

[Anonymous]

Women do the same to men, and reject for even less. Just find someone else. Plenty of people out there.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been dating and why did you tell him that?

[Anonymous]

What a drama queen he is. Like 50% of people have HPV. He probably does too we just don't test men and they don't often show symptoms.

There's nothing to be ashamed of. Let him consult his doctor or whatever. If he reaches out again ignore him and move on.

[Anonymous]

"He said he needs time and needs his doctor’s professional advice on how to proceed."

Totally reasonable. I'd do the same.

[Anonymous]

I thought they only screened for high risk types. If you’re not having symptoms (warts, which isn’t the same kind that causes cancer), how do you even know you have HPV?

Have you been intimate with him before?

[Anonymous]

maybe you got it from him

[Anonymous]

I do wonder if I got it from him. Yes it was an intimate relationship.

He said he needs time and wants to get a professional medical opinion and can’t see me but wants to keep our relationship together. (What!?)

[Anonymous]

My bf got the vaccine when I found out I had it. We had been dating about 9 months.

[Anonymous]

I applaud you for sharing and I applaud him for pausing to consider. Don’t take it personally if declines to have sex. We all are allowed to determine the level of risk we can support.

I am a formerly HPV-positive woman. I got HPV from the partner to whom I lost my virginity. I spent 5 years in treatment, had a bad pap smear, and painful laser surgery before finally clearing a cancer-associated strain.

Unfortunately, many men don’t know that they have HPV. If one knew he did, and disclosed it to me, I would not have sex with him. It’s not personal. I’m not obligated to have sex with anyone. Given my personal experience it’s not a risk I’m willing to take. You’re not dirty or slutty or anything else like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do wonder if I got it from him. Yes it was an intimate relationship.

He said he needs time and wants to get a professional medical opinion and can’t see me but wants to keep our relationship together. (What!?)

Men are often carriers. I'd give him a few days (to consult his medical professional) and see what he decides. Don't hang around waiting for him to "decide" if he still wants to be with you.

[Anonymous]

This will be a good test of how drama-free your relationship is. He takes some time to learn more. He knows he doesn't know enough. You, don't necessarily need to view it as the end.

[Anonymous]

OP here—we’ve been seeing each other several months. The screening was part of a routine PAP and STI screen. My PAP was normal, no cellular changes due to the positive low-risk strain of HPV. I read that this can indicate a very recent infection or a years-long old and dormant one.

I was told it was my choice whether to disclose and I decided to tell him because I would want a partner to tell me.

[Anonymous]

Are either of you married ???!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do wonder if I got it from him. Yes it was an intimate relationship.

He said he needs time and wants to get a professional medical opinion and can’t see me but wants to keep our relationship together. (What!?)

Men are often carriers. I'd give him a few days (to consult his medical professional) and see what he decides. Don't hang around waiting for him to "decide" if he still wants to be with you.

OP here—yeah I should’ve ended things with him before and this really crystallized things for me. If he reaches out I don’t want anything to do with him.