Anyone's teen DD's (esp. 16 and up) just not interested in dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids, DD and DS, were academically minded kids in public school magnet programs. Their peer grop was mainly kids like them. There was a lot of mixed socializing but very little dating or hook ups.
My DD dated casually in college but was still focused on a career path. She is working now and going steady with someone she knew from college. My DS is very goal focused and while he has a huge network of friends, he is not dating anyone right now.

+1 the academically focused kids aren’t really dating.

That’s a good excuse for kids who weren’t popular with the opposite sex or same sex if that was their preference. Yeah, that’s it, the academically focused kids just don’t date.

In reality teens don’t all develop at the same rate. Some teens enjoy spending time with their girlfriends, some with mixed company, some like one on one with boyfriend or girlfriend. Nothing to worry about at all if a 16 year old doesn’t want that kind of commitment.

A lot of their parents don’t allow it because it’s pointless and just leads to drama and heartache and takes away from academic focus. You honestly think a kid with multiple AP classes and activities is going to find time to “date.”? Please. The only ones dating are usually the mediocre kids who have more time for it.

Unless the teen is so socially stunted that she never leaves the house you have no idea if you daughter hooks up with boys. When women like you (you've got to be a woman) writes something so out of touch with reality I wonder where’s she’s from. What gives you the idea that teens who are enrolled in AP classes are without normal sexual development.

The range of having a first boyfriend ranges from middle school until college age but in no way is it related to grades. True, some high schoolers can’t have much of a social life because he or she needs more than the usual amount of hours needed to do well. But that in no way stunts social growth.

My God you are nuts. I said nothing about sexual development. Several PPs said pretty much the same thing too. It really depends on what circles the kids run in.

There are plenty of top performers in school who are good looking, popular, great social skills and dating.

And there are others who don’t.

Your anecdotes are ridiculous.

I said it depends on what circles your kid runs in. The more popular, mature crowd might be dating more. The less popular kids aren’t and are focusing on their academics and activities more. I don’t see how that is “ridiculous” at all.

I actually notice the opposite. The popular kids aren't dating. They're hanging out in packs, generally same gender. Going to sporting events, parties etc. Very little dating at all.

It's the less popular, less socially engaged kids who are the only ones pairing off and dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids, DD and DS, were academically minded kids in public school magnet programs. Their peer grop was mainly kids like them. There was a lot of mixed socializing but very little dating or hook ups.
My DD dated casually in college but was still focused on a career path. She is working now and going steady with someone she knew from college. My DS is very goal focused and while he has a huge network of friends, he is not dating anyone right now.

+1 the academically focused kids aren’t really dating.

That’s a good excuse for kids who weren’t popular with the opposite sex or same sex if that was their preference. Yeah, that’s it, the academically focused kids just don’t date.

In reality teens don’t all develop at the same rate. Some teens enjoy spending time with their girlfriends, some with mixed company, some like one on one with boyfriend or girlfriend. Nothing to worry about at all if a 16 year old doesn’t want that kind of commitment.

A lot of their parents don’t allow it because it’s pointless and just leads to drama and heartache and takes away from academic focus. You honestly think a kid with multiple AP classes and activities is going to find time to “date.”? Please. The only ones dating are usually the mediocre kids who have more time for it.

Unless the teen is so socially stunted that she never leaves the house you have no idea if you daughter hooks up with boys. When women like you (you've got to be a woman) writes something so out of touch with reality I wonder where’s she’s from. What gives you the idea that teens who are enrolled in AP classes are without normal sexual development.

The range of having a first boyfriend ranges from middle school until college age but in no way is it related to grades. True, some high schoolers can’t have much of a social life because he or she needs more than the usual amount of hours needed to do well. But that in no way stunts social growth.

My God you are nuts. I said nothing about sexual development. Several PPs said pretty much the same thing too. It really depends on what circles the kids run in.

There are plenty of top performers in school who are good looking, popular, great social skills and dating.

And there are others who don’t.

Your anecdotes are ridiculous.

I said it depends on what circles your kid runs in. The more popular, mature crowd might be dating more. The less popular kids aren’t and are focusing on their academics and activities more. I don’t see how that is “ridiculous” at all.

A lot of kids don’t even run in circles. They have activities and random friends. Some teens prefer the quiet of having a significant other and very few others to spend their time with.

You trying to correlate AP classes with not dating just isn’t true. Others posted sports as a reason teens don’t date. Why can’t it be that some teens date, others don’t. It’s as simple as that.

There are a lot of kids with intense schedules that aren’t dating. They have multiple AP classes and not much time for socializing outside of school. Those kids aren’t dating. Why can’t you accept that?

Why in every topic someone randomly brings up AP classes or how they are wealthy so doesn’t apply? There are hundreds of different reasons why individuals in this age group are dating or not dating. I doubt taking AP classes doesn’t even top the list.

For 16 year olds who take 8 AP classes, they are old enough to get together with a boyfriend to study. They can FaceTime, eat lunch together, go to a party together on Saturday night. They can add a boyfriend if wanted.

Plus there are other reasons that 16 year olds have intense schedules. They might need to put in more study hours than most just to keep their grades up. They might be spending their nights acting in local theater or doing professional work. They could have serious training in ballet that take up all their time. They might have a 25 hour a week job.

Students have all sorts of interesting lives outside of school and they either choose to date or decide they don’t want to or nobody is interested in them.

Why are you so worked up about it? I agree with this, it could be a combo of stuff. I said “activities” and intense schedules. That could mean playing an instrument or taking private lessons. Or it could be indeed multiple AP classes and too much homework. I was a very slow worker and had no time for a social life in order to maintain a straight A average. A lot of times it’s not a choice to not date - it could be parents don’t approve or the kids doesn’t have time to socialize.

[Anonymous]

I have a 16 year old DS who is not interested in dating. I agree with a PP who said that may be a sign of more maturity. He doesn't care for HS drama and he's not ready for a relationship (his words, not mine). Not that all HS relationships are drama, but he is really into his extracurricular and spends a lot of time on that. It never occurred to me to compare him to his friend who was in a 'serious relationship' for a few years. They're different kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids, DD and DS, were academically minded kids in public school magnet programs. Their peer grop was mainly kids like them. There was a lot of mixed socializing but very little dating or hook ups.
My DD dated casually in college but was still focused on a career path. She is working now and going steady with someone she knew from college. My DS is very goal focused and while he has a huge network of friends, he is not dating anyone right now.

+1 the academically focused kids aren’t really dating.

That’s a good excuse for kids who weren’t popular with the opposite sex or same sex if that was their preference. Yeah, that’s it, the academically focused kids just don’t date.

In reality teens don’t all develop at the same rate. Some teens enjoy spending time with their girlfriends, some with mixed company, some like one on one with boyfriend or girlfriend. Nothing to worry about at all if a 16 year old doesn’t want that kind of commitment.

A lot of their parents don’t allow it because it’s pointless and just leads to drama and heartache and takes away from academic focus. You honestly think a kid with multiple AP classes and activities is going to find time to “date.”? Please. The only ones dating are usually the mediocre kids who have more time for it.

Unless the teen is so socially stunted that she never leaves the house you have no idea if you daughter hooks up with boys. When women like you (you've got to be a woman) writes something so out of touch with reality I wonder where’s she’s from. What gives you the idea that teens who are enrolled in AP classes are without normal sexual development.

The range of having a first boyfriend ranges from middle school until college age but in no way is it related to grades. True, some high schoolers can’t have much of a social life because he or she needs more than the usual amount of hours needed to do well. But that in no way stunts social growth.

My God you are nuts. I said nothing about sexual development. Several PPs said pretty much the same thing too. It really depends on what circles the kids run in.

There are plenty of top performers in school who are good looking, popular, great social skills and dating.

And there are others who don’t.

Your anecdotes are ridiculous.

I said it depends on what circles your kid runs in. The more popular, mature crowd might be dating more. The less popular kids aren’t and are focusing on their academics and activities more. I don’t see how that is “ridiculous” at all.

A lot of kids don’t even run in circles. They have activities and random friends. Some teens prefer the quiet of having a significant other and very few others to spend their time with.

You trying to correlate AP classes with not dating just isn’t true. Others posted sports as a reason teens don’t date. Why can’t it be that some teens date, others don’t. It’s as simple as that.

There are a lot of kids with intense schedules that aren’t dating. They have multiple AP classes and not much time for socializing outside of school. Those kids aren’t dating. Why can’t you accept that?

Why in every topic someone randomly brings up AP classes or how they are wealthy so doesn’t apply? There are hundreds of different reasons why individuals in this age group are dating or not dating. I doubt taking AP classes doesn’t even top the list.

For 16 year olds who take 8 AP classes, they are old enough to get together with a boyfriend to study. They can FaceTime, eat lunch together, go to a party together on Saturday night. They can add a boyfriend if wanted.

Plus there are other reasons that 16 year olds have intense schedules. They might need to put in more study hours than most just to keep their grades up. They might be spending their nights acting in local theater or doing professional work. They could have serious training in ballet that take up all their time. They might have a 25 hour a week job.

Students have all sorts of interesting lives outside of school and they either choose to date or decide they don’t want to or nobody is interested in them.

Why are you so worked up about it? I agree with this, it could be a combo of stuff. I said “activities” and intense schedules. That could mean playing an instrument or taking private lessons. Or it could be indeed multiple AP classes and too much homework. I was a very slow worker and had no time for a social life in order to maintain a straight A average. A lot of times it’s not a choice to not date - it could be parents don’t approve or the kids doesn’t have time to socialize.

It’s just odd that the only group of teens that are ever referenced are teens that take AP classes as if they are so one dimensional and there are no other teens out there. It’s the stereotypes that bug me.

[Anonymous]

Friends, they can (and do) screw each other during AP class study breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids, DD and DS, were academically minded kids in public school magnet programs. Their peer grop was mainly kids like them. There was a lot of mixed socializing but very little dating or hook ups.
My DD dated casually in college but was still focused on a career path. She is working now and going steady with someone she knew from college. My DS is very goal focused and while he has a huge network of friends, he is not dating anyone right now.

+1 the academically focused kids aren’t really dating.

That’s a good excuse for kids who weren’t popular with the opposite sex or same sex if that was their preference. Yeah, that’s it, the academically focused kids just don’t date.

In reality teens don’t all develop at the same rate. Some teens enjoy spending time with their girlfriends, some with mixed company, some like one on one with boyfriend or girlfriend. Nothing to worry about at all if a 16 year old doesn’t want that kind of commitment.

A lot of their parents don’t allow it because it’s pointless and just leads to drama and heartache and takes away from academic focus. You honestly think a kid with multiple AP classes and activities is going to find time to “date.”? Please. The only ones dating are usually the mediocre kids who have more time for it.

Unless the teen is so socially stunted that she never leaves the house you have no idea if you daughter hooks up with boys. When women like you (you've got to be a woman) writes something so out of touch with reality I wonder where’s she’s from. What gives you the idea that teens who are enrolled in AP classes are without normal sexual development.

The range of having a first boyfriend ranges from middle school until college age but in no way is it related to grades. True, some high schoolers can’t have much of a social life because he or she needs more than the usual amount of hours needed to do well. But that in no way stunts social growth.

My God you are nuts. I said nothing about sexual development. Several PPs said pretty much the same thing too. It really depends on what circles the kids run in.

There are plenty of top performers in school who are good looking, popular, great social skills and dating.

And there are others who don’t.

Your anecdotes are ridiculous.

I said it depends on what circles your kid runs in. The more popular, mature crowd might be dating more. The less popular kids aren’t and are focusing on their academics and activities more. I don’t see how that is “ridiculous” at all.

A lot of kids don’t even run in circles. They have activities and random friends. Some teens prefer the quiet of having a significant other and very few others to spend their time with.

You trying to correlate AP classes with not dating just isn’t true. Others posted sports as a reason teens don’t date. Why can’t it be that some teens date, others don’t. It’s as simple as that.

There are a lot of kids with intense schedules that aren’t dating. They have multiple AP classes and not much time for socializing outside of school. Those kids aren’t dating. Why can’t you accept that?

Why in every topic someone randomly brings up AP classes or how they are wealthy so doesn’t apply? There are hundreds of different reasons why individuals in this age group are dating or not dating. I doubt taking AP classes doesn’t even top the list.

For 16 year olds who take 8 AP classes, they are old enough to get together with a boyfriend to study. They can FaceTime, eat lunch together, go to a party together on Saturday night. They can add a boyfriend if wanted.

Plus there are other reasons that 16 year olds have intense schedules. They might need to put in more study hours than most just to keep their grades up. They might be spending their nights acting in local theater or doing professional work. They could have serious training in ballet that take up all their time. They might have a 25 hour a week job.

Students have all sorts of interesting lives outside of school and they either choose to date or decide they don’t want to or nobody is interested in them.

Why are you so worked up about it? I agree with this, it could be a combo of stuff. I said “activities” and intense schedules. That could mean playing an instrument or taking private lessons. Or it could be indeed multiple AP classes and too much homework. I was a very slow worker and had no time for a social life in order to maintain a straight A average. A lot of times it’s not a choice to not date - it could be parents don’t approve or the kids doesn’t have time to socialize.

It’s just odd that the only group of teens that are ever referenced are teens that take AP classes as if they are so one dimensional and there are no other teens out there. It’s the stereotypes that bug me.

There are a lot more dorky types in AP classes too. Those academic types aren’t dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my 14 year old DS is interested in dating. however, he is not allowed till college. we talk about crushes and I'm open to him about it. but he ain't allowed till college.

WTF

That is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my 14 year old DS is interested in dating. however, he is not allowed till college. we talk about crushes and I'm open to him about it. but he ain't allowed till college.

WTF That is ridiculous.

Agree that it's ridiculous, but also think it's a bad idea. I WANTED my kids to date in high school, before they went away to college. My son asked out a girl he barely knew, they went on two dates (first one with others, second with just them), he decided he didn't like her, didn't want to date her anymore, and she wound up stalking him. She went so far as to break into his little sister's locker, to walk around our property and peer in our windows, etc. We had to involve the school, then her parents, then the police. Going through all that we found out he ignored a couple of red flags and made a couple of mistakes. It was a huge learning experience for him, and I'm glad he didn't deal with that when he was away from home at college.

[Anonymous]

My kids are not dating. I wish they would--I like the idea of easing into opposite sex relationships and even physical relationships over time.

The way my kids are headed they're going to go from first kiss to sex over one weekend as a college freshman. Would prefer they progress through some of this slowly over a few years. Plus it's fun when you're 15 (or whatever) and kissing a boy is simple and pure. Merely kissing and not sex.

[Anonymous]

Plenty of 15 yr olds have sex. I’d rather my kid be older for all of it.

[Anonymous]

My DD didn’t decide she wanted to date until she was 16. Got a boyfriend and literally said, we can break up now I just wanted to have a boyfriend and know what it’s like. Actually stayed with him for a year and then decided tj be single and mingle. I think she was late due to her very time consuming sport and her academics.

My DS didn’t start getting interested in girls until about 16.5 and then he also got a girlfriend, who he has been with now 3 years.

Not every teen is crazy about girls/boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would argue that not being interested in dating shows more maturity than the average kid, not less!

Agreed! Among my DS' friend group (15-16 y/o), some are dating and some not.

The ones not dating seem much more mature and focused on their grades/sport/ECs than those who are. DS sometimes shares with me all the shenanigans and drama the boys with girlfriends are going through and he wants no part of that. Upper classmen friends who have had girlfriends for a year or longer is much more his speed, I think, and he may be waiting for the right time/person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter doesn’t date, but many of her friends do. In her school it’s common to date. But good lord, it’s drama constantly. One girl’s boyfriend was found snapping with another girl so she got back by snapping with another boy- etc etc. They talk about this in great detail in the car, completely anguished and freaking out.

So yes, it’s nice to not be caught up that drama. The relationships don’t seem especially loyal or caring.

This is exactly what I was talking about (above). My DS says the same about his friends who are "dating."

[Anonymous]

Y'all know that adolescents are in puberty, right?

Which means their bodies and minds are preparing for sexual reproduction?

If you don't want that, try puberty blocker drugs.

[Anonymous]

My dd is 16 and is taking several AP classes and plays sports 3 seasons. She would make time to date if the possibility existed. It doesn’t at her HS which has a lot of unmotivated kids with behavioral issues. The couple of boys she was interested in have come out as gay and trans. Slim pickings at her school.