Anyone's teen DD's (esp. 16 and up) just not interested in dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep. It's a new norm.

I've heard that - is there data? Outside of the pandemic, why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter doesn’t date, but many of her friends do. In her school it’s common to date. But good lord, it’s drama constantly. One girl’s boyfriend was found snapping with another girl so she got back by snapping with another boy- etc etc. They talk about this in great detail in the car, completely anguished and freaking out.

So yes, it’s nice to not be caught up that drama. The relationships don’t seem especially loyal or caring.

What does snapping meaN?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of a boy here. DS and his friends are mostly around 16. They seem to be most interested in food, cars, driving, and watching random things online (stupid videos, tik tok, some video games still). You rarely hear girls mentioned. My husband and I don’t understand it.

Same - My DS is now 19 in college and I never hear/see women, unless they are singing with the band that day (they practice in their studio in our basement)

I am flummoxed. I was so dating crazy at that age!

I often wonder if social media/reality TV has warped their perception so far out of reality that dating or sex is just not possible.

I'm the mom with the almost 17 year old son and I could have written these posts as well. I mentioned that my son and his pack of friends spend time doing things like "golfing, movies, pick-up sports, going to the pool, going to a friend's lake house, etc". Well, I could also have listed "eating out, watching stupid videos, talking about cars, driving around, going to baseball games, going to the beach, and I'm sure checking out random girls etc." Also, rarely are girls even mentioned except when it's Homecoming or dance time when they all get dates.

We say all the time that they're like 70 year old men. They literally have a standing weekend breakfast date at a diner.
A few had a "girlfriend" at age 14 but this phase passed quickly. It really feels like they said, "been there, done that but I'd prefer to spend my limited free time (kids are so busy this day) with the pack of friends vs. alone with a girl or talking to a girl. Hanging with my buddies is far more fun."

Girl mom here. That sounds nice! I always liked how boys could be completely satisfied by the company of their guy friends.

Not sure this is gender based. I could have written the above about my 17 year old daughter.

[Anonymous]

My sons are 16 and 18 and dont seem interested in pursuing girls. Or boys! Not sure why.

I had a boyfriend in HS and think it was over rated. he was nice to me and fun,, but i focused too much energy on him and even let our relationship influence my college choice. Not good

[Anonymous]

My adult DD didn’t want to date the immature boys in HS. In College she dated a bit. Didn’t have her first legit BF until age 24.

[Anonymous]

Both my kids, DD and DS, were academically minded kids in public school magnet programs. Their peer grop was mainly kids like them. There was a lot of mixed socializing but very little dating or hook ups.
My DD dated casually in college but was still focused on a career path. She is working now and going steady with someone she knew from college. My DS is very goal focused and while he has a huge network of friends, he is not dating anyone right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My adult DD didn’t want to date the immature boys in HS. In College she dated a bit. Didn’t have her first legit BF until age 24.

This is also very common and normal. I think it could be because of the impact of being around kids with immigrant parents who are more focused towards studies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter doesn’t date, but many of her friends do. In her school it’s common to date. But good lord, it’s drama constantly. One girl’s boyfriend was found snapping with another girl so she got back by snapping with another boy- etc etc. They talk about this in great detail in the car, completely anguished and freaking out.

So yes, it’s nice to not be caught up that drama. The relationships don’t seem especially loyal or caring.

What does snapping meaN?

snap chatting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a possibility, although maybe a small one, that she is in fact “dating” a little more than nothing and just not telling you about it.

It's not really a possibility. Her schedule has not allowed for it. At all. This -is- changing a little with driving on the horizon. But so far, I'm 100000% confident in saying there has been no dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of a boy here. DS and his friends are mostly around 16. They seem to be most interested in food, cars, driving, and watching random things online (stupid videos, tik tok, some video games still). You rarely hear girls mentioned. My husband and I don’t understand it.

Same - My DS is now 19 in college and I never hear/see women, unless they are singing with the band that day (they practice in their studio in our basement)

I am flummoxed. I was so dating crazy at that age!

I often wonder if social media/reality TV has warped their perception so far out of reality that dating or sex is just not possible.

I'm the mom with the almost 17 year old son and I could have written these posts as well. I mentioned that my son and his pack of friends spend time doing things like "golfing, movies, pick-up sports, going to the pool, going to a friend's lake house, etc". Well, I could also have listed "eating out, watching stupid videos, talking about cars, driving around, going to baseball games, going to the beach, and I'm sure checking out random girls etc." Also, rarely are girls even mentioned except when it's Homecoming or dance time when they all get dates.

We say all the time that they're like 70 year old men. They literally have a standing weekend breakfast date at a diner.
A few had a "girlfriend" at age 14 but this phase passed quickly. It really feels like they said, "been there, done that but I'd prefer to spend my limited free time (kids are so busy this day) with the pack of friends vs. alone with a girl or talking to a girl. Hanging with my buddies is far more fun."

Girl mom here. That sounds nice! I always liked how boys could be completely satisfied by the company of their guy friends.

Not sure this is gender based. I could have written the above about my 17 year old daughter.

“Completely satisfied” by their guy friends?

I’d rephrase.

Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worried? What is there to worry about?

Does that really matter what my worry is (other than to cast judgment)? That is not the point of the post. But if you must know, worry about emotional development, maturity. Worried if this is "normal", for lack of a better word.

Jesus OP. Lighten up. She’s young as hell and most of the guys she’s around are probably tools. Don’t worry, be grateful.

First of all, I don't need to "lighten up" just b/c you disagree with my feelings. This is my kid and I am trying to ensure (for my own peace of mind, as I said I have not said anything to her) that this is sort of in the normal spectrum and maybe our experiences are outliers. The reason is that she is surrounded by kids who are dating and dating seriously. She is one of the only ones that hasn't. I said in my OP that I was relieved on some level she is not dating. But I also have the sense from our circle / school that this doesn't appear to be the norm. It seems like everyone is. Thus, the post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worried? What is there to worry about?

Does that really matter what my worry is (other than to cast judgment)? That is not the point of the post. But if you must know, worry about emotional development, maturity. Worried if this is "normal", for lack of a better word.

By normal, do you mean straight?

FTR, I don't care if she is straight or LGBTQ or anything else. I'd love her anyways. Not even sure why you would throw out that thinly veiled accusation that I wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids, DD and DS, were academically minded kids in public school magnet programs. Their peer grop was mainly kids like them. There was a lot of mixed socializing but very little dating or hook ups.
My DD dated casually in college but was still focused on a career path. She is working now and going steady with someone she knew from college. My DS is very goal focused and while he has a huge network of friends, he is not dating anyone right now.

+1 the academically focused kids aren’t really dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worried? What is there to worry about?

Does that really matter what my worry is (other than to cast judgment)? That is not the point of the post. But if you must know, worry about emotional development, maturity. Worried if this is "normal", for lack of a better word.

Jesus OP. Lighten up. She’s young as hell and most of the guys she’s around are probably tools. Don’t worry, be grateful.

It’s really awful how women speak about boys/men. Why are you assuming the boys are all tools?

I would have agreed with this, but after the last couple weeks as my daughter and several of her friends experienced break ups with their boyfriends (they are all 15), I have to agree. 15-16 year old boys are not mature enough to date I don't think, and the hormones of puberty have turned them from the sweet versions of themselves as younger boys from what I observed. Its like the sweet spot for dickish behavior. The girls handled it all with a lot more maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids, DD and DS, were academically minded kids in public school magnet programs. Their peer grop was mainly kids like them. There was a lot of mixed socializing but very little dating or hook ups.
My DD dated casually in college but was still focused on a career path. She is working now and going steady with someone she knew from college. My DS is very goal focused and while he has a huge network of friends, he is not dating anyone right now.

+1 the academically focused kids aren’t really dating.

That’s a good excuse for kids who weren’t popular with the opposite sex or same sex if that was their preference. Yeah, that’s it, the academically focused kids just don’t date.

In reality teens don’t all develop at the same rate. Some teens enjoy spending time with their girlfriends, some with mixed company, some like one on one with boyfriend or girlfriend. Nothing to worry about at all if a 16 year old doesn’t want that kind of commitment.