Anyone's teen DD's (esp. 16 and up) just not interested in dating?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Both my kids, DD and DS, were academically minded kids in public school magnet programs. Their peer grop was mainly kids like them. There was a lot of mixed socializing but very little dating or hook ups.
My DD dated casually in college but was still focused on a career path. She is working now and going steady with someone she knew from college. My DS is very goal focused and while he has a huge network of friends, he is not dating anyone right now.

+1 the academically focused kids aren’t really dating.

That’s a good excuse for kids who weren’t popular with the opposite sex or same sex if that was their preference. Yeah, that’s it, the academically focused kids just don’t date.

In reality teens don’t all develop at the same rate. Some teens enjoy spending time with their girlfriends, some with mixed company, some like one on one with boyfriend or girlfriend. Nothing to worry about at all if a 16 year old doesn’t want that kind of commitment.

A lot of their parents don’t allow it because it’s pointless and just leads to drama and heartache and takes away from academic focus. You honestly think a kid with multiple AP classes and activities is going to find time to “date.”? Please. The only ones dating are usually the mediocre kids who have more time for it.

Unless the teen is so socially stunted that she never leaves the house you have no idea if you daughter hooks up with boys. When women like you (you've got to be a woman) writes something so out of touch with reality I wonder where’s she’s from. What gives you the idea that teens who are enrolled in AP classes are without normal sexual development.

The range of having a first boyfriend ranges from middle school until college age but in no way is it related to grades. True, some high schoolers can’t have much of a social life because he or she needs more than the usual amount of hours needed to do well. But that in no way stunts social growth.

My God you are nuts. I said nothing about sexual development. Several PPs said pretty much the same thing too. It really depends on what circles the kids run in.

There are plenty of top performers in school who are good looking, popular, great social skills and dating.

And there are others who don’t.

Your anecdotes are ridiculous.

I said it depends on what circles your kid runs in. The more popular, mature crowd might be dating more. The less popular kids aren’t and are focusing on their academics and activities more. I don’t see how that is “ridiculous” at all.

I actually notice the opposite. The popular kids aren't dating. They're hanging out in packs, generally same gender. Going to sporting events, parties etc. Very little dating at all.

It's the less popular, less socially engaged kids who are the only ones pairing off and dating.

Hmmm. This is not what I’ve observed. Do your kids go to public school?

Not what I observed, either. The "populars" are def dating and hooking up and they are not shy about telling the other kids that.

+1 and they aren’t as into academics either. Too distracted by the social life

Yes, this is the case at my kid’s school as well. Popular kids are playing sports, dating and not into academics. Very different than where I went to high school where popular kids played sports but were also smart and motivated.

I’m sure this varies by school. My kid’s school is affluent suburban public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids, DD and DS, were academically minded kids in public school magnet programs. Their peer grop was mainly kids like them. There was a lot of mixed socializing but very little dating or hook ups.
My DD dated casually in college but was still focused on a career path. She is working now and going steady with someone she knew from college. My DS is very goal focused and while he has a huge network of friends, he is not dating anyone right now.

+1 the academically focused kids aren’t really dating.

That’s a good excuse for kids who weren’t popular with the opposite sex or same sex if that was their preference. Yeah, that’s it, the academically focused kids just don’t date.

In reality teens don’t all develop at the same rate. Some teens enjoy spending time with their girlfriends, some with mixed company, some like one on one with boyfriend or girlfriend. Nothing to worry about at all if a 16 year old doesn’t want that kind of commitment.

A lot of their parents don’t allow it because it’s pointless and just leads to drama and heartache and takes away from academic focus. You honestly think a kid with multiple AP classes and activities is going to find time to “date.”? Please. The only ones dating are usually the mediocre kids who have more time for it.

Unless the teen is so socially stunted that she never leaves the house you have no idea if you daughter hooks up with boys. When women like you (you've got to be a woman) writes something so out of touch with reality I wonder where’s she’s from. What gives you the idea that teens who are enrolled in AP classes are without normal sexual development.

The range of having a first boyfriend ranges from middle school until college age but in no way is it related to grades. True, some high schoolers can’t have much of a social life because he or she needs more than the usual amount of hours needed to do well. But that in no way stunts social growth.

My God you are nuts. I said nothing about sexual development. Several PPs said pretty much the same thing too. It really depends on what circles the kids run in.

There are plenty of top performers in school who are good looking, popular, great social skills and dating.

And there are others who don’t.

Your anecdotes are ridiculous.

I said it depends on what circles your kid runs in. The more popular, mature crowd might be dating more. The less popular kids aren’t and are focusing on their academics and activities more. I don’t see how that is “ridiculous” at all.

I actually notice the opposite. The popular kids aren't dating. They're hanging out in packs, generally same gender. Going to sporting events, parties etc. Very little dating at all.

It's the less popular, less socially engaged kids who are the only ones pairing off and dating.

Hmmm. This is not what I’ve observed. Do your kids go to public school?

No, private. Sounds like it's different.

Ah, yes, it sounded like your kid was at a private school. I think those dynamics are different.

[Anonymous]

Kids with money are dating. Middle class kids aren’t wasting money on things like that.