When people who don’t know you, dislike you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jealousy.

People always trot this out, but I have never been mean to anyone because I was jealous of them. I’m almost never jealous of anyone. But if I am it never causes me to be mean.

Dp
I agree that it's not jealousy but resentment. You are not exactly jealous but cultivate hate in thinking they don't deserve what they have or it's ruining your own status (encroaching on your turf). I notice it but doubt the resentful can see it in themselves. They would double over laughing if you accused them of jealousy because of course Larla sucks so who would be jealous but also Larla doesn't deserve her charmed life. It's easy to see why some assume it's jealousy.

I will add that the haters will also jump at any problems Larla has and embellish them to make her look worse so more people join in on the hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jealousy.

People always trot this out, but I have never been mean to anyone because I was jealous of them. I’m almost never jealous of anyone. But if I am it never causes me to be mean.

Dp
I agree that it's not jealousy but resentment. You are not exactly jealous but cultivate hate in thinking they don't deserve what they have or it's ruining your own status (encroaching on your turf). I notice it but doubt the resentful can see it in themselves. They would double over laughing if you accused them of jealousy because of course Larla sucks so who would be jealous but also Larla doesn't deserve her charmed life. It's easy to see why some assume it's jealousy.

+1. A woman in my circle once decided she disliked me be abuse she and I were too similar. She was super competitive and didn’t like that we had a lot of things in common that she felt should make her stand out. I tried to connect with her on these shared interests and qualities, but she’d always want to one-up instead.

So she wasn’t envious. But she wanted the attention for certain things all to herself. I’m fact, I’d say she had more stuff going for her than I did— she was from a supportive UMC family and was/is prettier than I am, for instance. But she hated sharing anything with me. And there was nothing I could do about it except put distance between us. She was never going to embrace me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jealousy.

People always trot this out, but I have never been mean to anyone because I was jealous of them. I’m almost never jealous of anyone. But if I am it never causes me to be mean.

I’m with you, pp so I do believe you! I also very rarely experience jealousy and when people have traits I admire and like I would likely try to befriend them, it wouldn’t make me dislike them.

In this scenario, I’m more concerned about the “friends” than the other women. Something shady is afoot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jealousy.

People always trot this out, but I have never been mean to anyone because I was jealous of them. I’m almost never jealous of anyone. But if I am it never causes me to be mean.

I’m with you, pp so I do believe you! I also very rarely experience jealousy and when people have traits I admire and like I would likely try to befriend them, it wouldn’t make me dislike them.

In this scenario, I’m more concerned about the “friends” than the other women. Something shady is afoot!

Do you also fall into the category of actively disliking an acquaintance you barely know?
If you don't think they have a superficial resentment, do you think intense hate of someone you don't personally know is usually well founded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I have one person who actively dislikes me for no real reason. Don’t let them occupy your headspace. I actually never think about that person unless someone brings it up like this, and I feel pretty neutral about her. She’s obviously got problems or she wouldn’t feel that way about me.

How do you know there’s no reason? Maybe you said something that offended her, without meaning to. Maybe you made assumptions. Maybe you asked about a sensitive topic. You don’t know.

She has BPD, and the reason she claims was made up entirely in her own delusional head. Never happened…I would know! She does this to many others also. It’s sad really. She’s alienated almost everyone in her life by now, I just happened to have the luck to be one of the earliest.

There are two sides to every story. There is a woman I really loathe for very good reasons— concrete things she did directly to me that harmed me. She has contended from the jump that she didn’t do them.

Actually, first she denied they happened. Then she said they happened but they weren’t a big deal. Then she says they happened and while it was reasonable fir me to be hurt at the time, I should have gotten over it “by now.”

She lied to a bunch of people about what happened, saying she’d never done anything, that I was delusional and/or oversensitive, and that I hated her “for no reason.” In doing so, she stirred up lots of (false) gossip about me and harmed my reputation among all but the people who knew me well enough to know the rumors were untrue, effectively “alienating” me from a lot of people in my circle.

I don’t know why she did any of it, but if you asked her about it now, she’d say EXACTLY what you just said.

I hate it when women are nasty and do something wrong and will never own it. I have met one woman in the last 20 years who will own the nasty thing they did or said. I can not get past it with liars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I am struggling with this. I have learned that two women from my broader friend/social group (overlapping groups from grad school, work, and hobbies) apparently really dislike me and voice this opinion when often to people I know (which is how it made its way back to me).

I get not everyone likes everyone. Heck, I don’t like everyone. But this one is irking me because these women don’t actually know me. I’ve never interacted with them 1:1 or even in a small group. I’ve only ever spent time with them at big gatherings where I might have spent a few minutes speaking in the same group, but that’s the max of our interactions.

So I guess they just dislike me on sight? My general vibe? Have heard things about me they hate? It’s just weird to me. There are a handful of people I really dislike, but I have actual reasons for it, like I worked with them for years and they were a jerk to me consistently. I can’t think of anyone I hate or even dislike despite never having spent any time with them or interacted in a meaningful way.

I know I should just not care but it is really bothering me because it feels arbitrary, and also because they are so vocal about it, apparently. I have half a mind to call them out on it but I know that’s probably a mistake.

I don’t care if the like me or not, I just don’t understand why they HATE me.

OP seriously, be glad to be free of those worthless b&tches. People who are happy with their lives don't gossip. Full stop.

Honestly I would probably try to avoid that whole social group after this. I don't blame you for feeling terrible and confused - and it does sound like the friend who relayed this info is a sh**-stirrer. You have no idea what those other two women said or think, but I can't think of any good reason for this to be showing up at your doorstep.

Do you have to socialize a lot with any of these people? Can you go find yourself some less drama-seeking people to hang out with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who talk about people they don't even know behind their back have insecurity problems. It really is them, not you. They are not people worth your time.

This may sound cliche but it really is the truth here.

For grown adults to feel this way is just absurd.

I thought people only act like this in high school.
What the hell??!

Personally I would take it as a compliment that these people do not like me.

Yes, really.

[Anonymous]

I’m sure it’s hurtful but you can’t please everyone so unless it’s something obvious that you should correct (like you are rude, cliquey or gossip behind peoples backs) I wouldn’t overthink it.

[Anonymous]

I've come to this conclusion. And it applies to everyone: Take any group, of any size. One third are going to like you. One third are not going to like you. One third won't have an opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I have one person who actively dislikes me for no real reason. Don’t let them occupy your headspace. I actually never think about that person unless someone brings it up like this, and I feel pretty neutral about her. She’s obviously got problems or she wouldn’t feel that way about me.

How do you know there’s no reason? Maybe you said something that offended her, without meaning to. Maybe you made assumptions. Maybe you asked about a sensitive topic. You don’t know.

She has BPD, and the reason she claims was made up entirely in her own delusional head. Never happened…I would know! She does this to many others also. It’s sad really. She’s alienated almost everyone in her life by now, I just happened to have the luck to be one of the earliest.

There are two sides to every story. There is a woman I really loathe for very good reasons— concrete things she did directly to me that harmed me. She has contended from the jump that she didn’t do them.

Actually, first she denied they happened. Then she said they happened but they weren’t a big deal. Then she says they happened and while it was reasonable fir me to be hurt at the time, I should have gotten over it “by now.”

She lied to a bunch of people about what happened, saying she’d never done anything, that I was delusional and/or oversensitive, and that I hated her “for no reason.” In doing so, she stirred up lots of (false) gossip about me and harmed my reputation among all but the people who knew me well enough to know the rumors were untrue, effectively “alienating” me from a lot of people in my circle.

I don’t know why she did any of it, but if you asked her about it now, she’d say EXACTLY what you just said.

Almost the same thing happened to me. Rather than owning up to what was done, the woman spread false gossip about me and her husband spread gossip about my husband throughout our neighborhood. Similar situation, my family was alienated from a lot of supposed “friends” in our neighborhood. The only bright side is I learned who actually has a backbone and is willing to stand up to a bullying liar. Those people are my friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They can suck my hypothetical Dick. I don’t give a shit about these shitheads. They can go fcuk themselves.

Here's the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I have one person who actively dislikes me for no real reason. Don’t let them occupy your headspace. I actually never think about that person unless someone brings it up like this, and I feel pretty neutral about her. She’s obviously got problems or she wouldn’t feel that way about me.

How do you know there’s no reason? Maybe you said something that offended her, without meaning to. Maybe you made assumptions. Maybe you asked about a sensitive topic. You don’t know.

She has BPD, and the reason she claims was made up entirely in her own delusional head. Never happened…I would know! She does this to many others also. It’s sad really. She’s alienated almost everyone in her life by now, I just happened to have the luck to be one of the earliest.

There are two sides to every story. There is a woman I really loathe for very good reasons— concrete things she did directly to me that harmed me. She has contended from the jump that she didn’t do them.

Actually, first she denied they happened. Then she said they happened but they weren’t a big deal. Then she says they happened and while it was reasonable fir me to be hurt at the time, I should have gotten over it “by now.”

She lied to a bunch of people about what happened, saying she’d never done anything, that I was delusional and/or oversensitive, and that I hated her “for no reason.” In doing so, she stirred up lots of (false) gossip about me and harmed my reputation among all but the people who knew me well enough to know the rumors were untrue, effectively “alienating” me from a lot of people in my circle.

I don’t know why she did any of it, but if you asked her about it now, she’d say EXACTLY what you just said.

Almost the same thing happened to me. Rather than owning up to what was done, the woman spread false gossip about me and her husband spread gossip about my husband throughout our neighborhood. Similar situation, my family was alienated from a lot of supposed “friends” in our neighborhood. The only bright side is I learned who actually has a backbone and is willing to stand up to a bullying liar. Those people are my friends.

PP here and I identify so much! Including the thing about a couple sort of tag-teaming to gossip and rumor monger. In my case I'd never even met this woman's husband, and then later found out he was saying this awful stuff about me based on what his wife had told him about me. I remember hearing about this from another friend, and when I got upset about it, the friend said, "Well you can't really be mad at him, he's just sticking up for his wife." I was pissed. He was spreading lies about me, of course I can be mad about it. I'm not friends with that person anymore.

Gossip is so toxic, it's really frustrating that people don't seem to get this. It allows people to use it as an effective weapon to hurt people.

[Anonymous]

There are women like that in my neighborhood. There was one woman who I didn’t know very well. I introduced myself to her more than once because I wasn’t sure if she remembered who I was. She was soooo nasty to me saying, you have already introduced yourself to me before! But the tone was so nasty. Her tone basically told me to F off. She didn’t know me at all. I was just trying to be nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are women like that in my neighborhood. There was one woman who I didn’t know very well. I introduced myself to her more than once because I wasn’t sure if she remembered who I was. She was soooo nasty to me saying, you have already introduced yourself to me before! But the tone was so nasty. Her tone basically told me to F off. She didn’t know me at all. I was just trying to be nice.

I have met people like this too. It is so weird to me when people are hostile from your first conversation. Why? I am pretty average in appearance and presentation -- I'm not rich or poor, I'm not stunningly beautiful but not ugly either, I don't dominate conversations but I'm not aloof. I feel like I'm polite, friendly, and reasonably pleasant. But sometimes I encounter people who are rude and standoffish from the start, and I never understand it. I don't care if we become friends, I just don't want to have these negative encounters with people in my neighborhood or at my kid's school. It wears you down after awhile. I don't think it's too much to expect people to be able to just perform extremely basic manners (saying hello and goodbye, using a neutral or pleasant tone of voice, acknowledging basic connections like the fact that you live on the same street or have children in the same class). Yet a weird number of people don't seem to think they owe that to other people. It just makes everyone shittier.