When people who don’t know you, dislike you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember Janice on Friends? Well, if I were at a party and heard her talking, I'd hate her without knowing her.

You’d hate her enough to tell a bunch of mutual friends you didn’t like her? That makes you MUCH worse than someone who is merely annoying.

I could totally see myself telling a friend her voice drives me nuts and it's like nails on a chalkboard and I can't be in the same room with her.

[Anonymous]

They don’t not like you. They just don’t like who they think you are.

[Anonymous]

I once (as a college freshman) became friends with a girl who lived on a neighboring hall where a girl from my hs also lived. After we’d gotten close she told me the hs acquaintance (who I barely knew but I felt friendly towards) had taken her aside to “warn” her about me/say I had teased her for having asthma.

I had absolutely no idea she had asthma and of course wouldn’t have teased her if I had! I spent so much time in college (snd occasionally after) wondering about how she thought that!

[Anonymous]

I’ve had this happen to me throughout my life. I’m now late 40s. It seems that people either LOVE me or HATE me on sight. Truly. At work, I have people who are 100% in my corner, and others who either tolerate me or seem afraid of me And hence do not like me. I’m not sure why I’m so polarizing - it might be my vibe, my looks, my brain, my anxiety, who knows. I’m trying to not care so much anymore, I can’t help them and I don’t care to try to get them to like me, haters gonna hate. Just living my life. You should do the same OP and distance yourself from that ‘friend’ group. They aren’t really your friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember Janice on Friends? Well, if I were at a party and heard her talking, I'd hate her without knowing her.

You’d hate her enough to tell a bunch of mutual friends you didn’t like her? That makes you MUCH worse than someone who is merely annoying.

I could totally see myself telling a friend her voice drives me nuts and it's like nails on a chalkboard and I can't be in the same room with her.

That’s different than hating her.

Though I also think you run the risk of that getting back to Janice and (a) needlessly hurting her feelings, when you could have kept your opinion to yourself, or (b) making her dislike you, and having more reason to, as you’ve now talked about her behind her back whereas all she ever did to you was exist with a personality you don’t find pleasing.

[Anonymous]

One possibility is that you have a reputation that precedes you. These people may have heard a story or a situation that caused them to dislike you. The only thing to do in this case is to talk to your friend (the one who gave you the backstory) and ask her to help try and figure out what they are saying (since they are apparently vocal about not liking you) and see where that comes from. If the story is fake or misinterpreted, then you can work on correcting the story that is going around.

If there isn't something like that, then you just have to write them off. As other PP have posted, there are many reasons (jealousy over wealth, looks, perceived privileges, etc) that can make some people bitter and nasty. If it isn't something that you actually did or need to correct, then they aren't worth your time. But you can try to figure out if there is something worth investing time to fix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand. It is my RBF.

For me, it’s my RBF and the weird awkward vibe I give off (thank you social anxiety).

What is RBF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand. It is my RBF.

For me, it’s my RBF and the weird awkward vibe I give off (thank you social anxiety).

What is RBF?

Resting B***h Face, or when a woman’s neutral expression seems annoyed or angry to others. May be caused by the expectation that women perform friendliness and hospitality at all times, so anything less is viewed as hostility. May also be caused by the fact that many women deal with and endless onslaught of BS and actually are annoyed and angry, but have been fir so long it’s just their default.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if it's as strong as hate but I've had people not like me and certainly not know me. If they learn about my family of origin in politics, others share this not me, they just make assumptions about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're prettier than they are. So they hate on you. Tale as old as time.

^This.

When I’ve seen this happen before (disliking a woman for little apparent reason), it’s often because the woman is attractive enough to be a threat (pretty, stylish, in good shape, great personality, often wealthy), but of not sufficiently high status that it’s better to have her as an ally.

[Anonymous]

I think this is common amongst women unfortunately. I was told someone I barely had anything to do with really didn’t like me. We knew each other in college and our conversations consisted of “can I borrow a pencil/can you spare a blue book ” (usually they would ask me for it) and “boy that test was tough”, “I hope we don’t have any reading assigned today” etc. That was it. We had nothing to do with each other outside of class but I found out about their strong dislike for me from another friend and I really couldn’t understand it considering how short and innocuous our conversations were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're prettier than they are. So they hate on you. Tale as old as time.

^This.

When I’ve seen this happen before (disliking a woman for little apparent reason), it’s often because the woman is attractive enough to be a threat (pretty, stylish, in good shape, great personality, often wealthy), but of not sufficiently high status that it’s better to have her as an ally.

Can you explain this thinking? How could someone be a threat to you but not have high status? Also, what is the threat, exactly? Are you single, and this applies to single women you feel you are competing with for men? What else could you be competing over?

[Anonymous]

Don’t avoid events with them. Don’t give them space in your head. And figure out who your closest friends are and just socialize with them the most. A good friend Will take sides and defend you if someone trash talks you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t avoid events with them. Don’t give them space in your head. And figure out who your closest friends are and just socialize with them the most. A good friend Will take sides and defend you if someone trash talks you.

+1. Go about your life and rise above.

But be bold. Next time you run into them, ask them. Hey, this is so weird but you know how people gossip... I keep hearing that you're talking about me as though you dislike having me around.

If they deny it, ask them "why do think people are getting this idea?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t avoid events with them. Don’t give them space in your head. And figure out who your closest friends are and just socialize with them the most. A good friend Will take sides and defend you if someone trash talks you.

+1. Go about your life and rise above.

But be bold. Next time you run into them, ask them. Hey, this is so weird but you know how people gossip... I keep hearing that you're talking about me as though you dislike having me around.

If they deny it, ask them "why do think people are getting this idea?"

They would laugh and call her crazy, do not do this!