Reply to When people who don’t know you, dislike you

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, I have one person who actively dislikes me for no real reason.  Don’t let them occupy your headspace.  I actually never think about that person unless someone brings it up like this, and I feel pretty neutral about her.  She’s obviously got problems or she wouldn’t feel that way about me.[/quote]

How do you know there’s no reason? Maybe you said something that offended her, without meaning to. Maybe you made assumptions. Maybe you asked about a sensitive topic. You don’t know. [/quote]

She has BPD, and the reason she claims was made up entirely in her own delusional head.  Never happened…I would know!  She does this to many others also.  It’s sad really.  She’s alienated almost everyone in her life by now, I just happened to have the luck to be one of the earliest.[/quote]

There are two sides to every story. There is a woman I really loathe for very good reasons— concrete things she did directly to me that harmed me. She has contended from the jump that she didn’t do them.

Actually, first she denied they happened. Then she said they happened but they weren’t a big deal. Then she says they happened and while it was reasonable fir me to be hurt at the time, I should have gotten over it “by now.”

She lied to a bunch of people about what happened, saying she’d never done anything, that I was delusional and/or oversensitive, and that I hated her “for no reason.” In doing so, she stirred up lots of (false) gossip about me and harmed my reputation among all but the people who knew me well enough to know the rumors were untrue, effectively “alienating” me from a lot of people in my circle.

I don’t know why she did any of it, but if you asked her about it now, she’d say EXACTLY what you just said.[/quote]

Almost the same thing happened to me. Rather than owning up to what was done, the woman spread false gossip about me and her husband spread gossip about my husband throughout our neighborhood. Similar situation, my family was alienated from a lot of supposed “friends” in our neighborhood. The only bright side is I learned who actually has a backbone and is willing to stand up to a bullying liar. Those people are my friends. [/quote]

PP here and I identify so much! Including the thing about a couple sort of tag-teaming to gossip and rumor monger. In my case I'd never even met this woman's husband, and then later found out he was saying this awful stuff about me based on what his wife had told him about me. I remember hearing about this from another friend, and when I got upset about it, the friend said, "Well you can't really be mad at him, he's just sticking up for his wife." I was pissed. He was spreading lies about me, of course I can be mad about it. I'm not friends with that person anymore.

Gossip is so toxic, it's really frustrating that people don't seem to get this. It allows people to use it as an effective weapon to hurt people.[/quote]

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