When people who don’t know you, dislike you

[Anonymous]

Take it as a compliment. It’s usually a sign of envy.

[Anonymous]

There should be tiny claims court defamation cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There should be tiny claims court defamation cases.

I agree. It is very frustrating being talked about negatively when you e done nothing to deserve it. If you speak up, you look paranoid and over sensitive. If you say nothing, some people take it as confirmation. It’s very frustrating.

[Anonymous]

You might want to check your so called friends.

[Anonymous]

They can suck my hypothetical Dick. I don’t give a shit about these shitheads. They can go fcuk themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They can suck my hypothetical Dick. I don’t give a shit about these shitheads. They can go fcuk themselves.

Honestly, I love this attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t avoid events with them. Don’t give them space in your head. And figure out who your closest friends are and just socialize with them the most. A good friend Will take sides and defend you if someone trash talks you.

+1. Go about your life and rise above.

But be bold. Next time you run into them, ask them. Hey, this is so weird but you know how people gossip... I keep hearing that you're talking about me as though you dislike having me around.

If they deny it, ask them "why do think people are getting this idea?"

They would laugh and call her crazy, do not do this!

So what? Op has confirmed they're the bad actors in the scenario. Addressing it will make them uncomfortable and alert them that she knows what they are saying. Why should op care if they think she's crazy.? They already don't like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're prettier than they are. So they hate on you. Tale as old as time.

^This.

When I’ve seen this happen before (disliking a woman for little apparent reason), it’s often because the woman is attractive enough to be a threat (pretty, stylish, in good shape, great personality, often wealthy), but of not sufficiently high status that it’s better to have her as an ally.

Can you explain this thinking? How could someone be a threat to you but not have high status? Also, what is the threat, exactly? Are you single, and this applies to single women you feel you are competing with for men? What else could you be competing over?

Sure. Here's my thinking - feel free to push me where you disagree. I think it's a bit of a paradox.

1. Some women believe they are "always between husbands." That is to say, where they perceive an opportunity to upgrade, they'll be making notes of eligible men in the unfortunate event of divorce or death of their own husband. They're also going to be perceiving threats - women their husbands find attractive. At best, their husbands may be comparing their wives unfavorably to that other woman (even prettier, smarter, more nurturing, more outgoing). At worst, she's a potential affair partner. So when you're attractive enough, even if everyone is attractive and married, you're still a potential threat to their own marriage or simply self-esteem.

2. Not everyone capitalizes on their most "marketable" strengths such that she makes herself the Queen Bee. We've all met this woman. Imagine someone who largely defines herself by her intellect and work ethic; she may be quite pretty, but it's sort of tangential to who she is as a person. So she knows she's pretty, and she takes care of herself, but she is not/has no desire to be the woman who walks into a room and commands attention from all the men. Or take for example, the woman who is very wealthy, but simply doesn't share that she owns a $3m primary home and a $2m vacation home. She's not the woman who drops that at the PTA meetings, offers to host an event, and uses that capital to increase her status. If these women DID try to maximize status through those assets, the original Queen Bee has an assessment to make: does she challenge the new woman? Become friends to keep her (frenemy) closer? It's all a big risk assessment based on status.

Thoughts? If I can think of a real life example, I'll come back and share.

[Anonymous]

You can only control yourself, and people are free to gossip, hate and spread it. You can spread kindness and show your respectability in actions.
It is a chicken egg question, do they resent your blessings and cultivate hate or did their malice cause some karmic balance to bless you and everyone plays their part unless someone chooses to go down a better path. Maybe those of us who cannot understand their actions just haven't met our own destined enemy that triggers us enough to spread hateful gossip.

[Anonymous]

It could be them and not you. I would be interested to know the reason they told people they don’t like you - it’s weird that they’re telling other people.

Sometimes I think shy people don’t like me, and then it turns out that they’re just and it’s not personal.

Once I had an epiphany where I went to visit a guy I hooked up with occasionally (long distance) with a group of my friends and upon arrival his female friends didn’t like me & my friends. I relayed this all to another friend like - what b*****tches - we are nice! And my friend was like - come on, you guys are kind of intimidating showing up. I hadn’t thought about that before. Now I look like I’m permanently 4 months pregnant just fyi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've had the experience of others (all women) literally taking one look at me and disliking me. It happens and it's them, not you.

That said, what is wrong with your mutual friends who are reporting all of this to you? Are they pushing back on these people? If they don't have a problem continuing to socialize with toxic women who would say these things about someone they barely know, do you still trust them or want to hang out with them?

Heed this advice. I had this happen with an ex friend. It took 5 years to realize the “messenger” was a two faced liar that took habit in stirring drama between people.

There’s a reason this friend of yours knows this info and why she’s sharing it with you. And it’s not because she’s just looking after you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might want to check your so called friends.

Right?! I think they know more than they are letting on, too. If I were you I’d want to find out what gossip is getting spread around about me and I bet your “friends” know exactly what it is.

Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s that you are so impressive and/or hot their envy has turned to hate. I do think they heard something (potentially untrue) that made you hateable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've had the experience of others (all women) literally taking one look at me and disliking me. It happens and it's them, not you.

That said, what is wrong with your mutual friends who are reporting all of this to you? Are they pushing back on these people? If they don't have a problem continuing to socialize with toxic women who would say these things about someone they barely know, do you still trust them or want to hang out with them?

Heed this advice. I had this happen with an ex friend. It took 5 years to realize the “messenger” was a two faced liar that took habit in stirring drama between people.

There’s a reason this friend of yours knows this info and why she’s sharing it with you. And it’s not because she’s just looking after you.

This is a good point and it reminded me of a “friend” in HS who would kind of twist meaningless comments to sound more hateful than they were intended to be. Then she would act as the comforting peacemaker friend “just being honest” about what she had heard. I think it was just a weird attention thing.

[Anonymous]

I suspect they were trying to pump you for information

[Anonymous]

These ladies are being passive aggressive by talking behind your back. I think you should speak to them directly. You can be nice about it by framing it as wanting to clear the air in case you did anything inadvertently to offend them. They’ll likely deny it because that’s what passive aggressive people do. But they’ll be on notice that you’re on to their bullsh*t.