Dating someone whose ex has full custody of their kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

Not only do I think a dad will win pro se, up against a lawyer—I know he will. It happens absolutely every day.

Now if dad won’t give up a job that will prevent him from taking 50/50 custody you’re right. He won’t be granted 50/50 custody. Parenting is full of hard choices. Your husband made his choice.

You are in la la land to think a dad with no legal experience can win 50-50. And, how does that work when mom took the kids while he was at work and moved them cross-country without his or the courts permission?

I live in the legal system. As a lawyer. Pro se litigants get a lot of leeway and the defaults are the defaults. If she kidnapped the children (parental kidnapping is kidnapping, the most common type actually) there is plenty of legal process available to the dad.

And this is so very easy to prove, because any legal process a mom has, a dad has. And moms (as a general rule) just do not sleep on their rights like this. Moms (far more than men) do whatever it takes to be reunited with their children. When dads illegally take off with the kids, they use legal process to right the wrong. It’s the #1 reason you get Amber Alerts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down. The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down. The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.

I just can’t believe a mother would feel ok leaving the kids with a man who abused her and created an unhealthy situation for the family. I know 2 women who let their ex-husbands have full custody. The dads were great dads- and both women left to marry younger men who didn’t want kids at all. Their lives were about them as a married couple, and the kids would not fit in.

How can you leave your kids with an abusive person? How do you know once you leave the abusive partner won’t take their anger and resentment out on the closest people left- the kids? Who would protect the kids if that happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down. The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.

I just can’t believe a mother would feel ok leaving the kids with a man who abused her and created an unhealthy situation for the family. I know 2 women who let their ex-husbands have full custody. The dads were great dads- and both women left to marry younger men who didn’t want kids at all. Their lives were about them as a married couple, and the kids would not fit in.

How can you leave your kids with an abusive person? How do you know once you leave the abusive partner won’t take their anger and resentment out on the closest people left- the kids? Who would protect the kids if that happened?

Are you sure the men were absuive? Or, is it just something mom claimed? Sometimes its true, sometimes its not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down. The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.

I just can’t believe a mother would feel ok leaving the kids with a man who abused her and created an unhealthy situation for the family. I know 2 women who let their ex-husbands have full custody. The dads were great dads- and both women left to marry younger men who didn’t want kids at all. Their lives were about them as a married couple, and the kids would not fit in.

How can you leave your kids with an abusive person? How do you know once you leave the abusive partner won’t take their anger and resentment out on the closest people left- the kids? Who would protect the kids if that happened?

No one but you can’t undo the paternity and he would definitely get at least 50% custody if he has only abused the mom.

[Anonymous]

My ex gave me full custody (legal and physical) and even the judge and his lawyer was like "are you sure? Do you know what this means?" He simply didn't want it. only wants to see his child when he has nothing better to do. I never prevented him or took him to court over anything. So in this day and age, I would stay clear or anyone who doesn't have custody of their kids. My ex is not a good person or a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

Not only do I think a dad will win pro se, up against a lawyer—I know he will. It happens absolutely every day.

Now if dad won’t give up a job that will prevent him from taking 50/50 custody you’re right. He won’t be granted 50/50 custody. Parenting is full of hard choices. Your husband made his choice.

You are in la la land to think a dad with no legal experience can win 50-50. And, how does that work when mom took the kids while he was at work and moved them cross-country without his or the courts permission?

I live in the legal system. As a lawyer. Pro se litigants get a lot of leeway and the defaults are the defaults. If she kidnapped the children (parental kidnapping is kidnapping, the most common type actually) there is plenty of legal process available to the dad.

And this is so very easy to prove, because any legal process a mom has, a dad has. And moms (as a general rule) just do not sleep on their rights like this. Moms (far more than men) do whatever it takes to be reunited with their children. When dads illegally take off with the kids, they use legal process to right the wrong. It’s the #1 reason you get Amber Alerts.

Having been through it, I can tell you the courts don't care and do the absolute easiest path in the 10-minute hearing. Criminals get more time in court for hearings than custody cases do. It's an absolute joke. Men don't have equal rights and what ever a mom wants to do is generally allowed.

And, if you are cross country, prior to online filing, you'd have to fly out to file, which some cannot afford. When a Dad takes off with the kids, usually the police and courts will help. Not the same if the mom does something illegal. We've called the police to enforce the custody order and they refused to help.

[Anonymous]

Red flag. I know only 2 full custody situations and in both cases the ex was abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

Not only do I think a dad will win pro se, up against a lawyer—I know he will. It happens absolutely every day.

Now if dad won’t give up a job that will prevent him from taking 50/50 custody you’re right. He won’t be granted 50/50 custody. Parenting is full of hard choices. Your husband made his choice.

You are in la la land to think a dad with no legal experience can win 50-50. And, how does that work when mom took the kids while he was at work and moved them cross-country without his or the courts permission?

Wtf country do you live in? Anyone who “takes the kids” will get struck with a court order to return in like 10 days. Is there a restraining order or documented abuse and violence? Even that may not matter.

They will not. CPS had the abuse documented. It takes months to get a court hearing. By then the kids are settled in a new school and the judge lets it stand. This is the real world. Try living in it.

CPS in MoCo doesn’t even come when a pediatrician reports abuse and neglect.

Curious what state or area the above has happened in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

When a man or woman leaves their children with a person who “wants to kill them,” I am instantly suspicious. There is no way I’d leave my kids with someone who has the mind of a killer.

Men who say “my wife stole custody!!”
Women who say “he was gunna kill me so I left our toddlers with him and fled to Mexico with my boyfriend!!”

^^liars

Usa family court doesn’t care about any of the above. The abuser merely needs to be the dna parent and provide food, shelter, clothing. That’s the bar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down. The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.

I just can’t believe a mother would feel ok leaving the kids with a man who abused her and created an unhealthy situation for the family. I know 2 women who let their ex-husbands have full custody. The dads were great dads- and both women left to marry younger men who didn’t want kids at all. Their lives were about them as a married couple, and the kids would not fit in.

How can you leave your kids with an abusive person? How do you know once you leave the abusive partner won’t take their anger and resentment out on the closest people left- the kids? Who would protect the kids if that happened?

Then you clearly have little experience in the family court abuse, post separation abuse, financial abuse and divorcing a narcissist with money.
You are blessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down. The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.

I just can’t believe a mother would feel ok leaving the kids with a man who abused her and created an unhealthy situation for the family. I know 2 women who let their ex-husbands have full custody. The dads were great dads- and both women left to marry younger men who didn’t want kids at all. Their lives were about them as a married couple, and the kids would not fit in.

How can you leave your kids with an abusive person? How do you know once you leave the abusive partner won’t take their anger and resentment out on the closest people left- the kids? Who would protect the kids if that happened?

Most of the time the abuser has several untreated mental disorders. The other adult figures that out, calls it out and things go downhill fast. With kids screens and pizza aren’t abuse. No other adult around painting it messes or mistakes or forgotten appointments. Ignorance is bliss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex gave me full custody (legal and physical) and even the judge and his lawyer was like "are you sure? Do you know what this means?" He simply didn't want it. only wants to see his child when he has nothing better to do. I never prevented him or took him to court over anything. So in this day and age, I would stay clear or anyone who doesn't have custody of their kids. My ex is not a good person or a parent.

Many have 50/50 on paper but then walk it down to 80/20, 90/10, negligible. It saves face that way for their ego and image at work, with their parents and when dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

Not only do I think a dad will win pro se, up against a lawyer—I know he will. It happens absolutely every day.

Now if dad won’t give up a job that will prevent him from taking 50/50 custody you’re right. He won’t be granted 50/50 custody. Parenting is full of hard choices. Your husband made his choice.

You are in la la land to think a dad with no legal experience can win 50-50. And, how does that work when mom took the kids while he was at work and moved them cross-country without his or the courts permission?

I live in the legal system. As a lawyer. Pro se litigants get a lot of leeway and the defaults are the defaults. If she kidnapped the children (parental kidnapping is kidnapping, the most common type actually) there is plenty of legal process available to the dad.

And this is so very easy to prove, because any legal process a mom has, a dad has. And moms (as a general rule) just do not sleep on their rights like this. Moms (far more than men) do whatever it takes to be reunited with their children. When dads illegally take off with the kids, they use legal process to right the wrong. It’s the #1 reason you get Amber Alerts.

Having been through it, I can tell you the courts don't care and do the absolute easiest path in the 10-minute hearing. Criminals get more time in court for hearings than custody cases do. It's an absolute joke. Men don't have equal rights and what ever a mom wants to do is generally allowed.

And, if you are cross country, prior to online filing, you'd have to fly out to file, which some cannot afford. When a Dad takes off with the kids, usually the police and courts will help. Not the same if the mom does something illegal. We've called the police to enforce the custody order and they refused to help.

Is this the new step moms perspective?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex gave me full custody (legal and physical) and even the judge and his lawyer was like "are you sure? Do you know what this means?" He simply didn't want it. only wants to see his child when he has nothing better to do. I never prevented him or took him to court over anything. So in this day and age, I would stay clear or anyone who doesn't have custody of their kids. My ex is not a good person or a parent.

Many have 50/50 on paper but then walk it down to 80/20, 90/10, negligible. It saves face that way for their ego and image at work, with their parents and when dating.

And more importantly their wallet.