Dating someone whose ex has full custody of their kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman who sees her kids only every other weekend because the judge thought the kids should continue to live with dad in the family home, and the woman wanted to live more than an house away to improve her job prospects. When they were married they had lived in a remote area. The woman is upset about it but she was not willing to give up 5-10 years of her career, having already given up many years for the benefit of her now ex-husband. I'm sure there are a few men in similar situations.

I also know a woman who persuaded a judge to let her take her kid to the opposite coast because she got a really good job. Tne dad opposed it but she won. The dad got to see his kid during long vacations and over the summer. She said there was nothing really wrong with the dad but she was the primary parent and she had a great career opportunity.

I doubt these are typical stories but they are both stories in whch the losing parent has a decent story to tell.

Neither of those are “full” custody though. Summers and school breaks is more like 75/25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

How dare you! I gave up custody or the kid would be dead. So happened that few year later ex is dead. Can imagine having to live with a knowledge that this could happen to my child if I dare to fight.
OP, not enough info. Ignore the 'red flag' comments. I had to live without my child and it fear. You don't fight with an idiot. He turned into an idiot. Maybe sick in the head and nobody knew it was coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

How dare you! I gave up custody or the kid would be dead. So happened that few year later ex is dead. Can imagine having to live with a knowledge that this could happen to my child if I dare to fight.
OP, not enough info. Ignore the 'red flag' comments. I had to live without my child and it fear. You don't fight with an idiot. He turned into an idiot. Maybe sick in the head and nobody knew it was coming.

What? Your post makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone has full custody, I assume it’s because they are vindictive & froze their ex out.

They can't do that. Only a judge can do that. It's extremely unusual for one parent to be given sole physical and legal custody. It means there's something very wrong with the other parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone has full custody, I assume it’s because they are vindictive & froze their ex out.

They can't do that. Only a judge can do that. It's extremely unusual for one parent to be given sole physical and legal custody. It means there's something very wrong with the other parent.

Its not extremely unusual.

[Anonymous]

My sister has full custody and her ex isn't a bad guy really. He's career navy and has moved around while she settled in DC and re-married. My teenage niece sees him a few times a year (including a longer visit in the summer).

He is re-married and has a toddler. I think he could make more of an effort with my niece but he's not a terrible father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone has full custody, I assume it’s because they are vindictive & froze their ex out.

They can't do that. Only a judge can do that. It's extremely unusual for one parent to be given sole physical and legal custody. It means there's something very wrong with the other parent.

Its not extremely unusual.

Yes. It is extremely unusual.

Also to all the PPs claiming the exDW -- it's always the woman, isn't it -- withholds court mandated visitation so the father has to 'drain his bank account' to see his kids -- that's BS. The courts will judge the parent who withholds kids harshly and they could likely lose custody for doing that.

Nice try men, but no.

[Anonymous]

I have full legal and physical custody. Ex has supervised visitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

How dare you! I gave up custody or the kid would be dead. So happened that few year later ex is dead. Can imagine having to live with a knowledge that this could happen to my child if I dare to fight.
OP, not enough info. Ignore the 'red flag' comments. I had to live without my child and it fear. You don't fight with an idiot. He turned into an idiot. Maybe sick in the head and nobody knew it was coming.

This post is a red flag all on its own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

A parent who is active duty will get consideration when they’re no longer active duty. This is excuse is so dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister has full custody and her ex isn't a bad guy really. He's career navy and has moved around while she settled in DC and re-married. My teenage niece sees him a few times a year (including a longer visit in the summer).

He is re-married and has a toddler. I think he could make more of an effort with my niece but he's not a terrible father.

Mom probably will not allow more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

A parent who is active duty will get consideration when they’re no longer active duty. This is excuse is so dumb.

Absolutely not true. Been there, done that. And, even with a court order, if mom refuses visits very few courts/judges will enforce it. Been there/done that too. There are always excuses of why from mom. Kids have activities, friends, separation anxiety, or pull the abuse card even though there is no evidence or the only true documented allegations are against mom.