Dating someone whose ex has full custody of their kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

Not only do I think a dad will win pro se, up against a lawyer—I know he will. It happens absolutely every day.

Now if dad won’t give up a job that will prevent him from taking 50/50 custody you’re right. He won’t be granted 50/50 custody. Parenting is full of hard choices. Your husband made his choice.

+1. Parenting is choices. My DH chose to travel a lot for work. I chose to arrange my life a few years to accommodate that (grad school until the youngest was 18 mos.). He always knew I would graduate and work full time, and that the expectation was that he would arrange his life to accommodate me by working at least 50/50 in family and household life. Never happened. He made his choice. He had a chance yo develop a relationship with the kids. He could easily have changed from govt to beltway bandit work or NGO work (and made more). I raised our kids 100% of the time and took a big career and invome hit for it. As a result, he had zero physical custody, just some visitation, which over the years he voluntarily cut back on. As a result he also out earned me and paid a bigger share of child support.

Choices have consequences. If uou want to make sure you get 50% child custody, make sure you have a demonstrated history of doing 50% of the childcare. If you want to pay an amount equal to your ex-wife, make sure you marry someone of similar age and education and support her career just as much as your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is their explanation for the fill custody situation?

Barring they decided to relocate to a major career bump and then they have the kids in the summer or major breaks, there aren’t very flattering reasons for giving up ALL custody.
I know very busy career men who have 20% but it’s clear they were far from the default or half parent before or currently. I don’t want kids so I don’t care. If I did want kids and a present partner I’d really avoid work addicts.

This

[Anonymous]

Deal breaker. If someone has full custody, a judge had to sign off on it. There would have to have been issues that caused the judge to award full custody to only one parent. Of course there may be people who decide to voluntarily give up their children, but that would be a deal breaker for me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

Not only do I think a dad will win pro se, up against a lawyer—I know he will. It happens absolutely every day.

Now if dad won’t give up a job that will prevent him from taking 50/50 custody you’re right. He won’t be granted 50/50 custody. Parenting is full of hard choices. Your husband made his choice.

You are in la la land to think a dad with no legal experience can win 50-50. And, how does that work when mom took the kids while he was at work and moved them cross-country without his or the courts permission?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

Not only do I think a dad will win pro se, up against a lawyer—I know he will. It happens absolutely every day.

Now if dad won’t give up a job that will prevent him from taking 50/50 custody you’re right. He won’t be granted 50/50 custody. Parenting is full of hard choices. Your husband made his choice.

You are in la la land to think a dad with no legal experience can win 50-50. And, how does that work when mom took the kids while he was at work and moved them cross-country without his or the courts permission?

How it works is he files an emergency custody order and forces them right back if he actually wants them. There is a national law about this and he could have availed himself of it and won, but he clearly didn’t even try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

Not only do I think a dad will win pro se, up against a lawyer—I know he will. It happens absolutely every day.

Now if dad won’t give up a job that will prevent him from taking 50/50 custody you’re right. He won’t be granted 50/50 custody. Parenting is full of hard choices. Your husband made his choice.

You are in la la land to think a dad with no legal experience can win 50-50. And, how does that work when mom took the kids while he was at work and moved them cross-country without his or the courts permission?

Wtf country do you live in? Anyone who “takes the kids” will get struck with a court order to return in like 10 days. Is there a restraining order or documented abuse and violence? Even that may not matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

Not only do I think a dad will win pro se, up against a lawyer—I know he will. It happens absolutely every day.

Now if dad won’t give up a job that will prevent him from taking 50/50 custody you’re right. He won’t be granted 50/50 custody. Parenting is full of hard choices. Your husband made his choice.

You are in la la land to think a dad with no legal experience can win 50-50. And, how does that work when mom took the kids while he was at work and moved them cross-country without his or the courts permission?

Wtf country do you live in? Anyone who “takes the kids” will get struck with a court order to return in like 10 days. Is there a restraining order or documented abuse and violence? Even that may not matter.

They will not. CPS had the abuse documented. It takes months to get a court hearing. By then the kids are settled in a new school and the judge lets it stand. This is the real world. Try living in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

Nope. Emergency custody orders do not takes months to get heard. They get priority. He didn’t try.

Not only do I think a dad will win pro se, up against a lawyer—I know he will. It happens absolutely every day.

Now if dad won’t give up a job that will prevent him from taking 50/50 custody you’re right. He won’t be granted 50/50 custody. Parenting is full of hard choices. Your husband made his choice.

You are in la la land to think a dad with no legal experience can win 50-50. And, how does that work when mom took the kids while he was at work and moved them cross-country without his or the courts permission?

Wtf country do you live in? Anyone who “takes the kids” will get struck with a court order to return in like 10 days. Is there a restraining order or documented abuse and violence? Even that may not matter.

They will not. CPS had the abuse documented. It takes months to get a court hearing. By then the kids are settled in a new school and the judge lets it stand. This is the real world. Try living in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

Not only do I think a dad will win pro se, up against a lawyer—I know he will. It happens absolutely every day.

Now if dad won’t give up a job that will prevent him from taking 50/50 custody you’re right. He won’t be granted 50/50 custody. Parenting is full of hard choices. Your husband made his choice.

+1

Men who don’t want their kids use a story about evil mom as cover. You will get what you deserve with such men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

Not only do I think a dad will win pro se, up against a lawyer—I know he will. It happens absolutely every day.

Now if dad won’t give up a job that will prevent him from taking 50/50 custody you’re right. He won’t be granted 50/50 custody. Parenting is full of hard choices. Your husband made his choice.

+1

Men who don’t want their kids use a story about evil mom as cover. You will get what you deserve with such men.

You simply don’t get it or you are a mom who will find any excuse to withhold the kids. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

Not only do I think a dad will win pro se, up against a lawyer—I know he will. It happens absolutely every day.

Now if dad won’t give up a job that will prevent him from taking 50/50 custody you’re right. He won’t be granted 50/50 custody. Parenting is full of hard choices. Your husband made his choice.

You are in la la land to think a dad with no legal experience can win 50-50. And, how does that work when mom took the kids while he was at work and moved them cross-country without his or the courts permission?

Wtf country do you live in? Anyone who “takes the kids” will get struck with a court order to return in like 10 days. Is there a restraining order or documented abuse and violence? Even that may not matter.

They will not. CPS had the abuse documented. It takes months to get a court hearing. By then the kids are settled in a new school and the judge lets it stand. This is the real world. Try living in it.

So abuse existed in this case. Even so they would get visitation. Not someone I would want to date. They might abuse me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

When a man or woman leaves their children with a person who “wants to kill them,” I am instantly suspicious. There is no way I’d leave my kids with someone who has the mind of a killer.

Men who say “my wife stole custody!!”
Women who say “he was gunna kill me so I left our toddlers with him and fled to Mexico with my boyfriend!!”

^^liars

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story.

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them.

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time.

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is? And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel. And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?

Nope. Emergency custody orders do not takes months to get heard. They get priority. He didn’t try.

Not only do I think a dad will win pro se, up against a lawyer—I know he will. It happens absolutely every day.

Now if dad won’t give up a job that will prevent him from taking 50/50 custody you’re right. He won’t be granted 50/50 custody. Parenting is full of hard choices. Your husband made his choice.

You are in la la land to think a dad with no legal experience can win 50-50. And, how does that work when mom took the kids while he was at work and moved them cross-country without his or the courts permission?

Wtf country do you live in? Anyone who “takes the kids” will get struck with a court order to return in like 10 days. Is there a restraining order or documented abuse and violence? Even that may not matter.

They will not. CPS had the abuse documented. It takes months to get a court hearing. By then the kids are settled in a new school and the judge lets it stand. This is the real world. Try living in it.

Try not abusing your wife and kids. Yes the law will defend women who take their children and resettle elsewhere to flee abuse.

[Anonymous]

Zero custody not even some weekends? Do not get involved with that person.

I’m saying this as a divorced person with 50/50 custody that’s a pain in the ass logistically for me but l know the best thing for my kids and l would never let them hear me complain about it. I have made huge career sacrifices not being able to move. But my kids are #1. Their father initially claimed to want zero custody when we first started talking about divorce, they were toddlers and he said it would be better if they never knew him. Yep, holy shit l can’t believe l married that person. I’m retrospect l think it was a threat to get me to stay, he actually is a loving father. We separated when the kids were older and he did step up to the 50%.