Dating someone whose ex has full custody of their kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down. The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.

I just can’t believe a mother would feel ok leaving the kids with a man who abused her and created an unhealthy situation for the family. I know 2 women who let their ex-husbands have full custody. The dads were great dads- and both women left to marry younger men who didn’t want kids at all. Their lives were about them as a married couple, and the kids would not fit in.

How can you leave your kids with an abusive person? How do you know once you leave the abusive partner won’t take their anger and resentment out on the closest people left- the kids? Who would protect the kids if that happened?

Then you clearly have little experience in the family court abuse, post separation abuse, financial abuse and divorcing a narcissist with money.
You are blessed.

So true. I’m in year 5 of divorcing a narcissist.

The divorce took 27 mos. He tried to take full custody/ got 30%. Has me in court since divorce was final. More custody, less custody. Suing me for child support. Contempt. It never ends.

There are times I think of taking my life- the courts don’t care. A narcissist with money in family court is a special beast. Thank GOD mine is out of money (and 300k in CC debt) as it may mean some relief for the kids and i

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, married him. His ex was a nut job who cheated on him and moved in with the AP. He very much wanted his kids but she's refuse the visits. His family and friends and the AP ex-wife all confirmed the situation and how bad she/AP were. He's a great dad and husband.

Boy did you drink the Kool Aid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex gave me full custody (legal and physical) and even the judge and his lawyer was like "are you sure? Do you know what this means?" He simply didn't want it. only wants to see his child when he has nothing better to do. I never prevented him or took him to court over anything. So in this day and age, I would stay clear or anyone who doesn't have custody of their kids. My ex is not a good person or a parent.

Many have 50/50 on paper but then walk it down to 80/20, 90/10, negligible. It saves face that way for their ego and image at work, with their parents and when dating.

And more importantly their wallet.

Kids and ex don’t want the money, they want a peaceful living home. So win/win if abuser refuses to pay to maintain his children’s standard of living from before, despite the explosions and abuse and anxiety he created.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down. The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.

I just can’t believe a mother would feel ok leaving the kids with a man who abused her and created an unhealthy situation for the family. I know 2 women who let their ex-husbands have full custody. The dads were great dads- and both women left to marry younger men who didn’t want kids at all. Their lives were about them as a married couple, and the kids would not fit in.

How can you leave your kids with an abusive person? How do you know once you leave the abusive partner won’t take their anger and resentment out on the closest people left- the kids? Who would protect the kids if that happened?

Then you clearly have little experience in the family court abuse, post separation abuse, financial abuse and divorcing a narcissist with money.
You are blessed.

So true. I’m in year 5 of divorcing a narcissist.

The divorce took 27 mos. He tried to take full custody/ got 30%. Has me in court since divorce was final. More custody, less custody. Suing me for child support. Contempt. It never ends.

There are times I think of taking my life- the courts don’t care. A narcissist with money in family court is a special beast. Thank GOD mine is out of money (and 300k in CC debt) as it may mean some relief for the kids and i

Yup. Divorcing a white collar narcissist can cost $100ks or dollars and time and court battles. For years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down. The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.

I just can’t believe a mother would feel ok leaving the kids with a man who abused her and created an unhealthy situation for the family. I know 2 women who let their ex-husbands have full custody. The dads were great dads- and both women left to marry younger men who didn’t want kids at all. Their lives were about them as a married couple, and the kids would not fit in.

How can you leave your kids with an abusive person? How do you know once you leave the abusive partner won’t take their anger and resentment out on the closest people left- the kids? Who would protect the kids if that happened?

Then you clearly have little experience in the family court abuse, post separation abuse, financial abuse and divorcing a narcissist with money.
You are blessed.

So true. I’m in year 5 of divorcing a narcissist.

The divorce took 27 mos. He tried to take full custody/ got 30%. Has me in court since divorce was final. More custody, less custody. Suing me for child support. Contempt. It never ends.

There are times I think of taking my life- the courts don’t care. A narcissist with money in family court is a special beast. Thank GOD mine is out of money (and 300k in CC debt) as it may mean some relief for the kids and i

The lawyers and judge and their buddies (court ordered therapists, assessors, psychologists, supervised visit people (costs $200/hr for a supervised visitation!). They see the $$$$$$ of an angry man who wants to fight in court and it goes on and on. To bo real resolution of course. And the kids suffer. And you suffer. And he gets his refill of power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, married him. His ex was a nut job who cheated on him and moved in with the AP. He very much wanted his kids but she's refuse the visits. His family and friends and the AP ex-wife all confirmed the situation and how bad she/AP were. He's a great dad and husband.

Boy did you drink the Kool Aid!

Was curious if the Great Dad comment came from watching him do his custody time with his first marriage kids or if he had the balls to do another round of kids with wife 2?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down. The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.

I just can’t believe a mother would feel ok leaving the kids with a man who abused her and created an unhealthy situation for the family. I know 2 women who let their ex-husbands have full custody. The dads were great dads- and both women left to marry younger men who didn’t want kids at all. Their lives were about them as a married couple, and the kids would not fit in.

How can you leave your kids with an abusive person? How do you know once you leave the abusive partner won’t take their anger and resentment out on the closest people left- the kids? Who would protect the kids if that happened?

Then you clearly have little experience in the family court abuse, post separation abuse, financial abuse and divorcing a narcissist with money.
You are blessed.

So true. I’m in year 5 of divorcing a narcissist.

The divorce took 27 mos. He tried to take full custody/ got 30%. Has me in court since divorce was final. More custody, less custody. Suing me for child support. Contempt. It never ends.

There are times I think of taking my life- the courts don’t care. A narcissist with money in family court is a special beast. Thank GOD mine is out of money (and 300k in CC debt) as it may mean some relief for the kids and i

The lawyers and judge and their buddies (court ordered therapists, assessors, psychologists, supervised visit people (costs $200/hr for a supervised visitation!). They see the $$$$$$ of an angry man who wants to fight in court and it goes on and on. To bo real resolution of course. And the kids suffer. And you suffer. And he gets his refill of power.

Or the flip, angry mom who cheated and wants to justify her behavior. She'll scream abuse or what ever to keep the kids from Dad to increase her child support an alimony. She'll refuse visits saying the kids don't want to go. There is zero evidence of abuse, except for the time she abused the kids and it's well documented by CPS but the courts don't care about that. The kids suffer by losing their father and a stable life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down. The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.

I just can’t believe a mother would feel ok leaving the kids with a man who abused her and created an unhealthy situation for the family. I know 2 women who let their ex-husbands have full custody. The dads were great dads- and both women left to marry younger men who didn’t want kids at all. Their lives were about them as a married couple, and the kids would not fit in.

How can you leave your kids with an abusive person? How do you know once you leave the abusive partner won’t take their anger and resentment out on the closest people left- the kids? Who would protect the kids if that happened?

Then you clearly have little experience in the family court abuse, post separation abuse, financial abuse and divorcing a narcissist with money.
You are blessed.

So true. I’m in year 5 of divorcing a narcissist.

The divorce took 27 mos. He tried to take full custody/ got 30%. Has me in court since divorce was final. More custody, less custody. Suing me for child support. Contempt. It never ends.

There are times I think of taking my life- the courts don’t care. A narcissist with money in family court is a special beast. Thank GOD mine is out of money (and 300k in CC debt) as it may mean some relief for the kids and i

The lawyers and judge and their buddies (court ordered therapists, assessors, psychologists, supervised visit people (costs $200/hr for a supervised visitation!). They see the $$$$$$ of an angry man who wants to fight in court and it goes on and on. To bo real resolution of course. And the kids suffer. And you suffer. And he gets his refill of power.

Or the flip, angry mom who cheated and wants to justify her behavior. She'll scream abuse or what ever to keep the kids from Dad to increase her child support an alimony. She'll refuse visits saying the kids don't want to go. There is zero evidence of abuse, except for the time she abused the kids and it's well documented by CPS but the courts don't care about that. The kids suffer by losing their father and a stable life.

You’re not following, court system doesn’t care about abuse or abuse accusations and does 50/50. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Hence gray divorces are so plentiful. Women stay to protect the kids, detach, and then GTFO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down. The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.

I just can’t believe a mother would feel ok leaving the kids with a man who abused her and created an unhealthy situation for the family. I know 2 women who let their ex-husbands have full custody. The dads were great dads- and both women left to marry younger men who didn’t want kids at all. Their lives were about them as a married couple, and the kids would not fit in.

How can you leave your kids with an abusive person? How do you know once you leave the abusive partner won’t take their anger and resentment out on the closest people left- the kids? Who would protect the kids if that happened?

Then you clearly have little experience in the family court abuse, post separation abuse, financial abuse and divorcing a narcissist with money.
You are blessed.

So true. I’m in year 5 of divorcing a narcissist.

The divorce took 27 mos. He tried to take full custody/ got 30%. Has me in court since divorce was final. More custody, less custody. Suing me for child support. Contempt. It never ends.

There are times I think of taking my life- the courts don’t care. A narcissist with money in family court is a special beast. Thank GOD mine is out of money (and 300k in CC debt) as it may mean some relief for the kids and i

The lawyers and judge and their buddies (court ordered therapists, assessors, psychologists, supervised visit people (costs $200/hr for a supervised visitation!). They see the $$$$$$ of an angry man who wants to fight in court and it goes on and on. To bo real resolution of course. And the kids suffer. And you suffer. And he gets his refill of power.

Or the flip, angry mom who cheated and wants to justify her behavior. She'll scream abuse or what ever to keep the kids from Dad to increase her child support an alimony. She'll refuse visits saying the kids don't want to go. There is zero evidence of abuse, except for the time she abused the kids and it's well documented by CPS but the courts don't care about that. The kids suffer by losing their father and a stable life.

Claiming abuse doesn’t affect alimony or child support.

It’s like you read a book about this tired old story once. This isn’t what really happens. My ex claims stuff like this- forgetting he doesn’t pay alimony or CS anyway yet somehow still a victim. Maybe the kids dislike you as much as my kids dislike their dad. Who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, married him. His ex was a nut job who cheated on him and moved in with the AP. He very much wanted his kids but she's refuse the visits. His family and friends and the AP ex-wife all confirmed the situation and how bad she/AP were. He's a great dad and husband.

Boy did you drink the Kool Aid!

Was curious if the Great Dad comment came from watching him do his custody time with his first marriage kids or if he had the balls to do another round of kids with wife 2?

Good question. If he’s smart he’ll avoid that test, or having and raising children again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down. The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.

I just can’t believe a mother would feel ok leaving the kids with a man who abused her and created an unhealthy situation for the family. I know 2 women who let their ex-husbands have full custody. The dads were great dads- and both women left to marry younger men who didn’t want kids at all. Their lives were about them as a married couple, and the kids would not fit in.

How can you leave your kids with an abusive person? How do you know once you leave the abusive partner won’t take their anger and resentment out on the closest people left- the kids? Who would protect the kids if that happened?

Then you clearly have little experience in the family court abuse, post separation abuse, financial abuse and divorcing a narcissist with money.
You are blessed.

So true. I’m in year 5 of divorcing a narcissist.

The divorce took 27 mos. He tried to take full custody/ got 30%. Has me in court since divorce was final. More custody, less custody. Suing me for child support. Contempt. It never ends.

There are times I think of taking my life- the courts don’t care. A narcissist with money in family court is a special beast. Thank GOD mine is out of money (and 300k in CC debt) as it may mean some relief for the kids and i

The lawyers and judge and their buddies (court ordered therapists, assessors, psychologists, supervised visit people (costs $200/hr for a supervised visitation!). They see the $$$$$$ of an angry man who wants to fight in court and it goes on and on. To bo real resolution of course. And the kids suffer. And you suffer. And he gets his refill of power.

Or the flip, angry mom who cheated and wants to justify her behavior. She'll scream abuse or what ever to keep the kids from Dad to increase her child support an alimony. She'll refuse visits saying the kids don't want to go. There is zero evidence of abuse, except for the time she abused the kids and it's well documented by CPS but the courts don't care about that. The kids suffer by losing their father and a stable life.

Claiming abuse doesn’t affect alimony or child support.

It’s like you read a book about this tired old story once. This isn’t what really happens. My ex claims stuff like this- forgetting he doesn’t pay alimony or CS anyway yet somehow still a victim. Maybe the kids dislike you as much as my kids dislike their dad. Who knows.

The worst sucker in relationships is the next sucker who comes along and believes all the trash being shoveled by the man or woman that has no relationship with their own child/children because of the “courts” or the ex. If you haven’t been through a divorce or aren’t involved in family law, you will believe anything and these losers will lie to you. Good luck with this person being a decent human being to you in the long run, and God help any kids you have with this person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down. The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.

I just can’t believe a mother would feel ok leaving the kids with a man who abused her and created an unhealthy situation for the family. I know 2 women who let their ex-husbands have full custody. The dads were great dads- and both women left to marry younger men who didn’t want kids at all. Their lives were about them as a married couple, and the kids would not fit in.

How can you leave your kids with an abusive person? How do you know once you leave the abusive partner won’t take their anger and resentment out on the closest people left- the kids? Who would protect the kids if that happened?

Then you clearly have little experience in the family court abuse, post separation abuse, financial abuse and divorcing a narcissist with money.
You are blessed.

So true. I’m in year 5 of divorcing a narcissist.

The divorce took 27 mos. He tried to take full custody/ got 30%. Has me in court since divorce was final. More custody, less custody. Suing me for child support. Contempt. It never ends.

There are times I think of taking my life- the courts don’t care. A narcissist with money in family court is a special beast. Thank GOD mine is out of money (and 300k in CC debt) as it may mean some relief for the kids and i

The lawyers and judge and their buddies (court ordered therapists, assessors, psychologists, supervised visit people (costs $200/hr for a supervised visitation!). They see the $$$$$$ of an angry man who wants to fight in court and it goes on and on. To bo real resolution of course. And the kids suffer. And you suffer. And he gets his refill of power.

Or the flip, angry mom who cheated and wants to justify her behavior. She'll scream abuse or what ever to keep the kids from Dad to increase her child support an alimony. She'll refuse visits saying the kids don't want to go. There is zero evidence of abuse, except for the time she abused the kids and it's well documented by CPS but the courts don't care about that. The kids suffer by losing their father and a stable life.

Are you just pulling stuff from your ass?

Is this what a loser who did not want any custody of his kids told you? Or maybe you are that loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you like this because more time with your SO, or would it be a red flag?

Have you asked them? Many years ago a friend of mom left her sons because she was afraid fir her life. She lost custody of her sons. She knew he wouldn't hurt them but she was punished severely because the husband was powerful. So. I would find out the story.

I know many women who had to leave a very unhealthy and unsafe situation. It may look like she abandoned the kids but she had to save herself or they were all going down. The kids later understood this. It’s a tough decision but also clear.

Not saying this guy Op is dating is some big victim of various abuses and left to save his mental abilities. Doubt it.

I just can’t believe a mother would feel ok leaving the kids with a man who abused her and created an unhealthy situation for the family. I know 2 women who let their ex-husbands have full custody. The dads were great dads- and both women left to marry younger men who didn’t want kids at all. Their lives were about them as a married couple, and the kids would not fit in.

How can you leave your kids with an abusive person? How do you know once you leave the abusive partner won’t take their anger and resentment out on the closest people left- the kids? Who would protect the kids if that happened?

Then you clearly have little experience in the family court abuse, post separation abuse, financial abuse and divorcing a narcissist with money.
You are blessed.

So true. I’m in year 5 of divorcing a narcissist.

The divorce took 27 mos. He tried to take full custody/ got 30%. Has me in court since divorce was final. More custody, less custody. Suing me for child support. Contempt. It never ends.

There are times I think of taking my life- the courts don’t care. A narcissist with money in family court is a special beast. Thank GOD mine is out of money (and 300k in CC debt) as it may mean some relief for the kids and i

The lawyers and judge and their buddies (court ordered therapists, assessors, psychologists, supervised visit people (costs $200/hr for a supervised visitation!). They see the $$$$$$ of an angry man who wants to fight in court and it goes on and on. To bo real resolution of course. And the kids suffer. And you suffer. And he gets his refill of power.

Or the flip, angry mom who cheated and wants to justify her behavior. She'll scream abuse or what ever to keep the kids from Dad to increase her child support an alimony. She'll refuse visits saying the kids don't want to go. There is zero evidence of abuse, except for the time she abused the kids and it's well documented by CPS but the courts don't care about that. The kids suffer by losing their father and a stable life.

You’re not following, court system doesn’t care about abuse or abuse accusations and does 50/50. Full stop.

This. Abuse even if well documented doesn’t even go through the same court system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not know. It depends and is worth finding out more info.

One of my colleagues lives in an expensive city in a small place. The dad is remarried and lives in a spacious house so the kids live there. I am not sure if my colleague technically has shared custody or not but they don’t have room in their small place for kids. Money is an issue, I think.

My colleague picks their kids up from school and sees them on weekends and holidays.

Then dad does not have full custody, but primary custody. They have shared custody. Full custody means you don’t see your kids ever.