How to help teen who lost all their elem-mid school friends because of rumors and bullying, canceled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a childhood victim of sex assault who was then frozen out of friends because my assaulter was a popular teen boy and some queen bee girls were angry at the “attention” I got from him. It was the single most traumatic incident of my life.

The jackals (correct term) defending the exclusion of OPs child in this thread are absolutely horrifying and awful people. Reading this has legitimately given me a bit of PTSD, and I am going to stop now.

I’m sorry, pp. Sometimes threads go way off the rails and this is one of those times. I hope the rest of your day is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do something deeply unlikeable, and shocker, nobody is going to like you.

yes, conform conform conform always walk in lockstep with others. what was that, the land of the free? what a joke.

Being “nonconformist” means wearing doc martens or ballet flats, not being a homophobe.

it sounds like you were there. please tell us more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow you people are nasty and your kids are no different. so glad we moved abroad. what a hell hole the US has become.

Seriously. This thread is appalling. Op, I hope you’re able to take advice from the handful of people who offered it. The rest of the posters should be ashamed of themselves.

+1

This thread is horrifying. I have new insight into where bullies come from, I guess.

+2

Horrid.

Why do you think you can force people to like you, be friends with you or be in group chats with you?

Thankfully we have anti-bullying laws to protect against violent horror shows like you.

Ceasing to be friends with someone isn’t “bullying.”

When you round up all the jackals you call friends to do the same thing, it is, and there are actually laws against it when the target is a child.

Can you give even on example of someone being prosecuted after deciding they don't want to be friends with another kid anymore? Just one example

+1

Parents project onto their children, and administrators are well aware.

Do your kid a favor and teach them how to make new friends.

You can not force someone to hang out with you by calling them not wanting to hang out with you "bullying".

Teach your child what a healthy relationship looks like. Hint: it is reciprocal, not vendetta-like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do something deeply unlikeable, and shocker, nobody is going to like you.

yes, conform conform conform always walk in lockstep with others. what was that, the land of the free? what a joke.

Being “nonconformist” means wearing doc martens or ballet flats, not being a homophobe.

no, that's not what nonconformist means. but i am glad you are spelling out just how narrow your tolerance is. feel free to wear ballet flats for as long as you think exactly like everyone else!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm reaching out for advice on behalf of my teen who recently lost all their friends from elementary to middle school due to rumors and other things that resulted in them being canceled. It's been a tough time for them, and it seems like they want to start over, but the kids in their school are vicious on social media, and it seems like the rumors just won't go away.

I'm at a loss on what to do. Moving to a new school or even a new area seems like the only option, but I'm not sure if that's the right decision. I don't remember the suburb areas being this vicious when I was growing up but social medial wasn't around so things died out over time and I'm wondering if it's because of all the cancel culture stuff going on.

Has anyone else experienced this with their children or themselves? How did you handle it, and what advice would you give? Should we consider moving, or is there another solution we haven't considered yet?

I would appreciate any insight or advice you can offer. Thank you in advance for your help.

OP here, was in meetings

Part of the issue is that my child doesn't have a "winners and losers" attitude and refuses to push back against the aggressors. Even though my child has leverage to exclude the bullies and rumor makers and get back at them, they refuse to do so because they don't want to hurt them and believe that they will come around. It has been a tough time for my child, and it seems that this area breeds a very aggressive Type A personality. Although my child is also Type A with intelligence, able to lay out debates, etc., which is probably why they got into this in the first place, it seems that the only way to get them back is to help them cope with this situation.

The irony is that my child is already ahead of the others in terms of intelligence and accomplishments, and this will all be a moot point in college, but that's four years away. In the meantime, my child doesn't even want to go to the neighborhood pool or nearby restaurants for fear of running into the bullies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm reaching out for advice on behalf of my teen who recently lost all their friends from elementary to middle school due to rumors and other things that resulted in them being canceled. It's been a tough time for them, and it seems like they want to start over, but the kids in their school are vicious on social media, and it seems like the rumors just won't go away.

I'm at a loss on what to do. Moving to a new school or even a new area seems like the only option, but I'm not sure if that's the right decision. I don't remember the suburb areas being this vicious when I was growing up but social medial wasn't around so things died out over time and I'm wondering if it's because of all the cancel culture stuff going on.

Has anyone else experienced this with their children or themselves? How did you handle it, and what advice would you give? Should we consider moving, or is there another solution we haven't considered yet?

I would appreciate any insight or advice you can offer. Thank you in advance for your help.

OP here, was in meetings

Part of the issue is that my child doesn't have a "winners and losers" attitude and refuses to push back against the aggressors. Even though my child has leverage to exclude the bullies and rumor makers and get back at them, they refuse to do so because they don't want to hurt them and believe that they will come around. It has been a tough time for my child, and it seems that this area breeds a very aggressive Type A personality. Although my child is also Type A with intelligence, able to lay out debates, etc., which is probably why they got into this in the first place, it seems that the only way to get them back is to help them cope with this situation.

The irony is that my child is already ahead of the others in terms of intelligence and accomplishments, and this will all be a moot point in college, but that's four years away. In the meantime, my child doesn't even want to go to the neighborhood pool or nearby restaurants for fear of running into the bullies.

I’d help her work through it as much as possible, knowing that the DMV area is known for attacking others based solely on differing opinions. Parents and children alike.

There are many places in the country where your child would be welcome with open arms and debates and healthy discourse doesn’t automatically equal being iced out by so called friends.

She sounds like a lovely, mature young lady. Support her and help her find a different tribe, not one that necessarily agrees with her all the time, but that is open enough to understand the world is full of differences of opinions.

If you have to move to keep her from growing up in this toxic bubble environment then so be it. It will likely help her become more resilient in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm reaching out for advice on behalf of my teen who recently lost all their friends from elementary to middle school due to rumors and other things that resulted in them being canceled. It's been a tough time for them, and it seems like they want to start over, but the kids in their school are vicious on social media, and it seems like the rumors just won't go away.

I'm at a loss on what to do. Moving to a new school or even a new area seems like the only option, but I'm not sure if that's the right decision. I don't remember the suburb areas being this vicious when I was growing up but social medial wasn't around so things died out over time and I'm wondering if it's because of all the cancel culture stuff going on.

Has anyone else experienced this with their children or themselves? How did you handle it, and what advice would you give? Should we consider moving, or is there another solution we haven't considered yet?

I would appreciate any insight or advice you can offer. Thank you in advance for your help.

OP here, was in meetings

Part of the issue is that my child doesn't have a "winners and losers" attitude and refuses to push back against the aggressors. Even though my child has leverage to exclude the bullies and rumor makers and get back at them, they refuse to do so because they don't want to hurt them and believe that they will come around. It has been a tough time for my child, and it seems that this area breeds a very aggressive Type A personality. Although my child is also Type A with intelligence, able to lay out debates, etc., which is probably why they got into this in the first place, it seems that the only way to get them back is to help them cope with this situation.

The irony is that my child is already ahead of the others in terms of intelligence and accomplishments, and this will all be a moot point in college, but that's four years away. In the meantime, my child doesn't even want to go to the neighborhood pool or nearby restaurants for fear of running into the bullies.

This doesn’t explain why your child is being excluded…all you’re saying is that she won’t fight back about being excluded and that she’s better than all the other kids.

So, no one can give you meaningful advice on how to proceed. This whole thread is a pile of useless navel gazing.

[Anonymous]

OP, wish I had good advice but I don’t. Just tons of sympathy. It happened to my kid in 7th grade when the most popular girl in school (who went on to become a model, which tells you something), cancelled her and got all of her friends to shut her out.
We didn’t know the extent of it until a year later but so much was on Snapchat and had since been erased. We went to the school and they said they could open an investigation but most of the kids had probably moved on and it would just bring the issue back to the surface. We decided it was not worth doing. And, I should add, what the bully did was actually criminal. But again, a police investigation would have just reopened the wound and there was no longer proof.
We ended up moving her to private school for HS. I still see the bully at HS events b/c my younger child now goes to the same HS as her and I want to kill the girl or at least hand her a bill for $130,000.
On the bright side, my DD is now a senior is HS and completely recovered. She rolls her eyes when I say I want to harm the girl and tells me to get over it.
Hang in there. It’s so so tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, wish I had good advice but I don’t. Just tons of sympathy. It happened to my kid in 7th grade when the most popular girl in school (who went on to become a model, which tells you something), cancelled her and got all of her friends to shut her out.
We didn’t know the extent of it until a year later but so much was on Snapchat and had since been erased. We went to the school and they said they could open an investigation but most of the kids had probably moved on and it would just bring the issue back to the surface. We decided it was not worth doing. And, I should add, what the bully did was actually criminal. But again, a police investigation would have just reopened the wound and there was no longer proof.
We ended up moving her to private school for HS. I still see the bully at HS events b/c my younger child now goes to the same HS as her and I want to kill the girl or at least hand her a bill for $130,000.
On the bright side, my DD is now a senior is HS and completely recovered. She rolls her eyes when I say I want to harm the girl and tells me to get over it.
Hang in there. It’s so so tough.

You are insane. Stop projecting your violent feelings onto your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's odd that OP posted looking for advice but hasn't returned or responded. This is a troll post designed to get a politically charged reaction.

People went nuts on this thread making up stories. It went off the rails. I don’t blame op for not returning.

OP knows the word “cancelled” is politically charged.

You people are animals.

The PP before you is right. I only use the word "cancelled" to refer to checks, so like never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow you people are nasty and your kids are no different. so glad we moved abroad. what a hell hole the US has become.

Seriously. This thread is appalling. Op, I hope you’re able to take advice from the handful of people who offered it. The rest of the posters should be ashamed of themselves.

+1

This thread is horrifying. I have new insight into where bullies come from, I guess.

+2

Horrid.

Why do you think you can force people to like you, be friends with you or be in group chats with you?

Thankfully we have anti-bullying laws to protect against violent horror shows like you.

Ceasing to be friends with someone isn’t “bullying.”

When you round up all the jackals you call friends to do the same thing, it is, and there are actually laws against it when the target is a child.

Can you give even on example of someone being prosecuted after deciding they don't want to be friends with another kid anymore? Just one example

There are no “laws”. PP is spouting nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's odd that OP posted looking for advice but hasn't returned or responded. This is a troll post designed to get a politically charged reaction.

People went nuts on this thread making up stories. It went off the rails. I don’t blame op for not returning.

OP knows the word “cancelled” is politically charged.

You people are animals.

The PP before you is right. I only use the word "cancelled" to refer to checks, so like never.

While cancel culture may not be a term that you are familiar with, it is a growing phenomenon in which individuals or groups are ostracized, boycotted, or "cancelled" due to their perceived political or social views or behavior. Unfortunately, this phenomenon has also crept into schools and is now being used as a weapon by bullies and "queen bees" to bully, shame, and shut out other kids.

It's important to educate ourselves on these issues so we can recognize and address them. Many of these behaviors are being picked up from social media platforms such as Instagram and TikTok, where cancel culture is prevalent and often promoted as a way to enforce social justice.

I hope this information helps you better understand the situation and the importance of addressing cancel culture in schools. It is a serious issue that can have long-lasting effects on the mental health and well-being of young people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would move for my kid's mental health. Tell them to see this as a lesson to watch their words and actions. It could end up serving then well despite feeling like it's the end of the world right now

Thanks to SM, if the kid did something heinous it will get out and be spread at the new school too.

Not if your kid has zero social media accounts. I don’t mean delete the apps, I mean delete the accounts.

Just because your kid isn't on social media doesn't mean that other kids can't talk about them on social media.

Kewl story

[Anonymous]

Honestly I’d look into moving DC to SSFS, Holy Child, Bidhop Ireton - any of the area schools that are likely still to have space. Who wants to start HS already hating it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, wish I had good advice but I don’t. Just tons of sympathy. It happened to my kid in 7th grade when the most popular girl in school (who went on to become a model, which tells you something), cancelled her and got all of her friends to shut her out.
We didn’t know the extent of it until a year later but so much was on Snapchat and had since been erased. We went to the school and they said they could open an investigation but most of the kids had probably moved on and it would just bring the issue back to the surface. We decided it was not worth doing. And, I should add, what the bully did was actually criminal. But again, a police investigation would have just reopened the wound and there was no longer proof.
We ended up moving her to private school for HS. I still see the bully at HS events b/c my younger child now goes to the same HS as her and I want to kill the girl or at least hand her a bill for $130,000.
On the bright side, my DD is now a senior is HS and completely recovered. She rolls her eyes when I say I want to harm the girl and tells me to get over it.
Hang in there. It’s so so tough.

Hey PP, I get it that your mama bear instincts are raging, but they’re raging out of control. You’re talking to your kid about wanting to cause physical harm to another kid years after the fact. It’s time to let this go, maybe with the help of a therapist.