How to help teen who lost all their elem-mid school friends because of rumors and bullying, canceled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This culture is alive in schools, it's just hidden from everyone and wrapped in the social justice culture in our public schools. Although the intent seems correct, many people get caught up and hurt by it. For more information, please visit: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html. In my child's situation, it wasn't related to rape or anything as severe as nude, but more in the lines of having a Christian value set and experiencing blowback about that, resulting in rumors being started about them being racist and bigoted.

Well, there are a lot of "Christian value set" people who are, in fact, racist and bigoted. I don't support children being "canceled" because their parents (you) taught them to be bigots, but this should be a wakeup call for your child that the beliefs they learned at home are not socially acceptable.

Perhaps teach your kid that in America we have freedom of speech, and faith. Trying to make everyone believe just like you is bigoted.

Don't give me that crap. It's not "intolerant" to tell you that if your kid says bigoted things, people won't want to be friends with them. Don't be such a snowflake. Own your bigotry and accept the consequences for your choices.

The freedoms you listed are granted by the Constitution to the people, not by other people to the people. You are free to say and believe whatever you want. I am free to tell you that I think you're a bigot for your beliefs. I'm not trying to get you to believe anything. I just think it's important that you understand that if you express beliefs that are hateful and intolerant, you can expect social repercussions because it's 2023 and bigotry is not socially acceptable the way you want it to be.

Yeah, no. It is an entirely new and terrifying thing that a kid could make one mistake and be instantly ostracized by the entire peer group in a highly visible manner. Especially since the “mistake” may have been unintentional (see: the Walls “racist” incident.) Even if OP’s daughter said/did something offensive, my guess is that she is not David Duke. The entire school ganging up on her is not right.

Of course it is, if the whole school dislikes what she did.

So, if the whole school is made up of WASPs, and a Muslim girl came to the school and wanted to pray 5x during the day, and the WASP girls disliked what she is doing, is it the Muslim girl's fault?

context matters

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:wow you people are nasty and your kids are no different. so glad we moved abroad. what a hell hole the US has become.

Seriously. This thread is appalling. Op, I hope you’re able to take advice from the handful of people who offered it. The rest of the posters should be ashamed of themselves.

+1

This thread is horrifying. I have new insight into where bullies come from, I guess.

+2

Horrid.

Why do you think you can force people to like you, be friends with you or be in group chats with you?

Thankfully we have anti-bullying laws to protect against violent horror shows like you.

Ceasing to be friends with someone isn’t “bullying.”

When you round up all the jackals you call friends to do the same thing, it is, and there are actually laws against it when the target is a child.

Can you give even on example of someone being prosecuted after deciding they don't want to be friends with another kid anymore? Just one example

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's odd that OP posted looking for advice but hasn't returned or responded. This is a troll post designed to get a politically charged reaction.

People went nuts on this thread making up stories. It went off the rails. I don’t blame op for not returning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's odd that OP posted looking for advice but hasn't returned or responded. This is a troll post designed to get a politically charged reaction.

People went nuts on this thread making up stories. It went off the rails. I don’t blame op for not returning.

OP knows the word “cancelled” is politically charged.

You people are animals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This culture is alive in schools, it's just hidden from everyone and wrapped in the social justice culture in our public schools. Although the intent seems correct, many people get caught up and hurt by it. For more information, please visit: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html. In my child's situation, it wasn't related to rape or anything as severe as nude, but more in the lines of having a Christian value set and experiencing blowback about that, resulting in rumors being started about them being racist and bigoted.

I'm sorry, but how in the hell could doing this to a CHILD ever "seem correct" to you, for any reason?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This culture is alive in schools, it's just hidden from everyone and wrapped in the social justice culture in our public schools. Although the intent seems correct, many people get caught up and hurt by it. For more information, please visit: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html. In my child's situation, it wasn't related to rape or anything as severe as nude, but more in the lines of having a Christian value set and experiencing blowback about that, resulting in rumors being started about them being racist and bigoted.

Well, there are a lot of "Christian value set" people who are, in fact, racist and bigoted. I don't support children being "canceled" because their parents (you) taught them to be bigots, but this should be a wakeup call for your child that the beliefs they learned at home are not socially acceptable.

There are a lot of leftist progressives who are, in fact, racist and bigoted as well.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oh Good Lord. It's so easy to get canceled. My daughter was called a fascist because she said she wants to be a prosecutor. She isn't on social media so she wasn't publicly called out, but she was dropped from the group chat. For saying she wanting to be a prosecutor.

So don't assume OP's kid did something heinous. It could have been something as subtle as expressing the wrong political opinion or accidentally misgendering someone.

There is a difference between getting dropped from a group chat and getting dropped by every one of your friends

So your position is that if op’s child is being ostracized by her friend group, she must have done something to deserve it?

My position is that the OP says her child was "canceled" for "Christian values set" commentary, so yes. My assumption is that the OP's child said something perceived by their non-bigot friends as bigoted and offensive and those friends have dropped the child as a result.

If it was some innocuous thing or overblown social justice thing like "called a fascist bc wanted to be a prosecutor" I strongly suspect that the OP would have outlined that, rather than vaguely talking about values and cancel culture articles from 2019.

I also do not believe that this would be a family that would "accidentally" misgender someone. But I guess that makes ME intolerant for assuming that OP is bigoted in that specific way![/quote]

This is exactly correct (bolded). Your assumptions here are astounding. You have no idea what OP's child said and certainly have no way to know that the other kids are so "non-bigoted," as you call them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This culture is alive in schools, it's just hidden from everyone and wrapped in the social justice culture in our public schools. Although the intent seems correct, many people get caught up and hurt by it. For more information, please visit: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html. In my child's situation, it wasn't related to rape or anything as severe as nude, but more in the lines of having a Christian value set and experiencing blowback about that, resulting in rumors being started about them being racist and bigoted.

Well, there are a lot of "Christian value set" people who are, in fact, racist and bigoted. I don't support children being "canceled" because their parents (you) taught them to be bigots, but this should be a wakeup call for your child that the beliefs they learned at home are not socially acceptable.

Perhaps teach your kid that in America we have freedom of speech, and faith. Trying to make everyone believe just like you is bigoted.

Don't give me that crap. It's not "intolerant" to tell you that if your kid says bigoted things, people won't want to be friends with them. Don't be such a snowflake. Own your bigotry and accept the consequences for your choices.

The freedoms you listed are granted by the Constitution to the people, not by other people to the people. You are free to say and believe whatever you want. I am free to tell you that I think you're a bigot for your beliefs. I'm not trying to get you to believe anything. I just think it's important that you understand that if you express beliefs that are hateful and intolerant, you can expect social repercussions because it's 2023 and bigotry is not socially acceptable the way you want it to be.

Yeah, no. It is an entirely new and terrifying thing that a kid could make one mistake and be instantly ostracized by the entire peer group in a highly visible manner. Especially since the “mistake” may have been unintentional (see: the Walls “racist” incident.) Even if OP’s daughter said/did something offensive, my guess is that she is not David Duke. The entire school ganging up on her is not right.

Of course it is, if the whole school dislikes what she did.

Not OP, but the chances are that 99.9% of the kids involved here have no idea what actually happened and believe the "queen bee" who started the rumor/told others a version of what happened this is incomplete and/or inaccurate. So, they dislike what they think she did based on a warped version of events or complete lies. They do not have the moral high ground here.

And there is a huge difference between someone choosing not to be friends with someone and what is likely happening, which is OP's child being targeted for nasty comments, and excluded/isolated during the school day.

Seriously. I was accused of "hitting on" someone else's boyfriend in high school and I had no idea what they were talking about. (I had a very well hidden crush on someone else.). I was mocked and excluded for months for "not respecting their relationship." I had been friendly with the guy, to the extend we were in the same friend group and classes, but was 100% uninterested. I still don't know if the gf/queen bee really thought I was somehow threatening her relationship or if she was just stirring up drama or if she disliked me for another reason.

Oh there was another situation in middle school where I was accused of making a statement with crude innuendo. I didn't even understand the accusations as I was super naive. I was totally baffled. Of course, that didn't stop the rumor mill from accusing me of saying awful sexual things about someone. (I don't remember the exact statement, but it was similar to saying "[Mr. Teacher] is so hard" with innocent me meaning that he gives hard tests and the queen bee taking it the other way.)

[Anonymous]

How did this thread turn political?

More likely it’s something like OP’s DD went on a date with the Queen bee’s ex or something, and then Queen bee had it in for her and embellished some details. The other girls either believe Queen bee or are too scared to cross her. Something along those lines.

Get your heads out the gutter, good grief. These are teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This culture is alive in schools, it's just hidden from everyone and wrapped in the social justice culture in our public schools. Although the intent seems correct, many people get caught up and hurt by it. For more information, please visit: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html. In my child's situation, it wasn't related to rape or anything as severe as nude, but more in the lines of having a Christian value set and experiencing blowback about that, resulting in rumors being started about them being racist and bigoted.

I'm sorry, but how in the hell could doing this to a CHILD ever "seem correct" to you, for any reason?

I can come up with legitimate examples pretty easily- kids who physically assault other kids, boys who harass girls, unashamed bigots (I'm not talking about cultural confusion, I'm talking about the I hate x group level bigot)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This culture is alive in schools, it's just hidden from everyone and wrapped in the social justice culture in our public schools. Although the intent seems correct, many people get caught up and hurt by it. For more information, please visit: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html. In my child's situation, it wasn't related to rape or anything as severe as nude, but more in the lines of having a Christian value set and experiencing blowback about that, resulting in rumors being started about them being racist and bigoted.

I'm sorry, but how in the hell could doing this to a CHILD ever "seem correct" to you, for any reason?

I can come up with legitimate examples pretty easily- kids who physically assault other kids, boys who harass girls, unashamed bigots (I'm not talking about cultural confusion, I'm talking about the I hate x group level bigot)

I can think of several kids that loosely fit those descriptions (maybe not the hate group one) and they all have friends….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow you people are nasty and your kids are no different. so glad we moved abroad. what a hell hole the US has become.

Seriously. This thread is appalling. Op, I hope you’re able to take advice from the handful of people who offered it. The rest of the posters should be ashamed of themselves.

+1

This thread is horrifying. I have new insight into where bullies come from, I guess.

+2

Horrid.

+3 OP approach the school counselor first. If needed, request a COSA.

[Anonymous]

I was a childhood victim of sex assault who was then frozen out of friends because my assaulter was a popular teen boy and some queen bee girls were angry at the “attention” I got from him. It was the single most traumatic incident of my life.

The jackals (correct term) defending the exclusion of OPs child in this thread are absolutely horrifying and awful people. Reading this has legitimately given me a bit of PTSD, and I am going to stop now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a childhood victim of sex assault who was then frozen out of friends because my assaulter was a popular teen boy and some queen bee girls were angry at the “attention” I got from him. It was the single most traumatic incident of my life.

The jackals (correct term) defending the exclusion of OPs child in this thread are absolutely horrifying and awful people. Reading this has legitimately given me a bit of PTSD, and I am going to stop now.

How do you know it isn't the attacker being excluded? Times have changed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh Good Lord. It's so easy to get canceled. My daughter was called a fascist because she said she wants to be a prosecutor. She isn't on social media so she wasn't publicly called out, but she was dropped from the group chat. For saying she wanting to be a prosecutor.

So don't assume OP's kid did something heinous. It could have been something as subtle as expressing the wrong political opinion or accidentally misgendering someone.

There is a difference between getting dropped from a group chat and getting dropped by every one of your friends

So your position is that if op’s child is being ostracized by her friend group, she must have done something to deserve it?

My position is that the OP says her child was "canceled" for "Christian values set" commentary, so yes. My assumption is that the OP's child said something perceived by their non-bigot friends as bigoted and offensive and those friends have dropped the child as a result.

If it was some innocuous thing or overblown social justice thing like "called a fascist bc wanted to be a prosecutor" I strongly suspect that the OP would have outlined that, rather than vaguely talking about values and cancel culture articles from 2019.

I also do not believe that this would be a family that would "accidentally" misgender someone. But I guess that makes ME intolerant for assuming that OP is bigoted in that specific way![/quote]

This is exactly correct (bolded). Your assumptions here are astounding. You have no idea what OP's child said and certainly have no way to know that the other kids are so "non-bigoted," as you call them.

These are perfect (although I’m sorry for your suffering PP) examples of non-bigoted cancellation. It absolutely happens, often when someone is threatening. I suspect PP was quite pretty and the other girls noticed.