How to help teen who lost all their elem-mid school friends because of rumors and bullying, canceled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All OP said was that her child has been subject to in person and online bullying and it was impacting their mental health, and somehow the thread became convinced that OP’s child was a bigot or a Christian fundamentalist who had harassed other kids. Why? I truly do not understand.

I am super far left and some of these comments scare me. Especially the assumption that if someone has been bullied or harassed, there MUST be a valid reason why. Here’s a short list of reasons kids in my high school got this treatment: they smelled bad (housing insecure or very poor, or lived/worked on a farm and smelled like it), unattractive or very unfashionably dressed, highly sensitive (prone to crying or emotional outbursts), being Muslim in an overwhelmingly Christian town, simply being weird or awkward. It’s insane to me, after seeing this in my own teenage experience, that you would assume the bullied/harassed kid DESERVED what happened to them. Teenagers Target and can be especially vicious to the kids who (1) seem the most different, and (2) seem the most vulnerable. That second part is especially frustrating— bullies target victims who are unlikely to fight back, get support from others, be believed, etc. this is how bullying works.

And yet you’ve all collectively decided that if OP’s child is going through this teenage hell, it MUST be their fault. This is a child we’re talking about. 13/14 years old. What the actual hell?

I am pro-choice, pro-LGBTQ+, anti-racist, and an advocate for sexual assault survivors and there is no justification for “cancelling” a 13 year old unless they committed a crime, and even then I’d urge rehabilitation efforts. If this child was expressing wrong-headed views, that’s a reason for conversations, not total ostracism.

Seriously: what is wrong with y’all?

All true - but it was OP who claimed this was the reason. Thus the arguing.

Nope. OP never told us what the problem was. Another poster wrote the following:

"This culture is alive in schools, it's just hidden from everyone and wrapped in the social justice culture in our public schools. Although the intent seems correct, many people get caught up and hurt by it. For more information, please visit: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html. In my child's situation, it wasn't related to rape or anything as severe as nude, but more in the lines of having a Christian value set and experiencing blowback about that, resulting in rumors being started about them being racist and bigoted."

And posters seized on this poster (who was replying to OP) talking about their "child's situation" and just decided it was OP. It's actually really weird!

What you quoted was from OP and was confirmed to be from OP by the site administrator. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/weblog/update040723

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All OP said was that her child has been subject to in person and online bullying and it was impacting their mental health, and somehow the thread became convinced that OP’s child was a bigot or a Christian fundamentalist who had harassed other kids. Why? I truly do not understand.

I am super far left and some of these comments scare me. Especially the assumption that if someone has been bullied or harassed, there MUST be a valid reason why. Here’s a short list of reasons kids in my high school got this treatment: they smelled bad (housing insecure or very poor, or lived/worked on a farm and smelled like it), unattractive or very unfashionably dressed, highly sensitive (prone to crying or emotional outbursts), being Muslim in an overwhelmingly Christian town, simply being weird or awkward. It’s insane to me, after seeing this in my own teenage experience, that you would assume the bullied/harassed kid DESERVED what happened to them. Teenagers Target and can be especially vicious to the kids who (1) seem the most different, and (2) seem the most vulnerable. That second part is especially frustrating— bullies target victims who are unlikely to fight back, get support from others, be believed, etc. this is how bullying works.

And yet you’ve all collectively decided that if OP’s child is going through this teenage hell, it MUST be their fault. This is a child we’re talking about. 13/14 years old. What the actual hell?

I am pro-choice, pro-LGBTQ+, anti-racist, and an advocate for sexual assault survivors and there is no justification for “cancelling” a 13 year old unless they committed a crime, and even then I’d urge rehabilitation efforts. If this child was expressing wrong-headed views, that’s a reason for conversations, not total ostracism.

Seriously: what is wrong with y’all?

+1

Because the administrator of this site confirmed it was the OP that made the Christian values post. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/weblog/update040723

That's not a confirmation. As I've said several times, the first mention of Christian values is the first post on p. 2, by someone linking to a NYT story and talking about their child. This person does not identify themselves as the OP and I have never understood why people are convinced it is the OP. The OP came back later to post and never mentions Christian values in that post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All OP said was that her child has been subject to in person and online bullying and it was impacting their mental health, and somehow the thread became convinced that OP’s child was a bigot or a Christian fundamentalist who had harassed other kids. Why? I truly do not understand.

I am super far left and some of these comments scare me. Especially the assumption that if someone has been bullied or harassed, there MUST be a valid reason why. Here’s a short list of reasons kids in my high school got this treatment: they smelled bad (housing insecure or very poor, or lived/worked on a farm and smelled like it), unattractive or very unfashionably dressed, highly sensitive (prone to crying or emotional outbursts), being Muslim in an overwhelmingly Christian town, simply being weird or awkward. It’s insane to me, after seeing this in my own teenage experience, that you would assume the bullied/harassed kid DESERVED what happened to them. Teenagers Target and can be especially vicious to the kids who (1) seem the most different, and (2) seem the most vulnerable. That second part is especially frustrating— bullies target victims who are unlikely to fight back, get support from others, be believed, etc. this is how bullying works.

And yet you’ve all collectively decided that if OP’s child is going through this teenage hell, it MUST be their fault. This is a child we’re talking about. 13/14 years old. What the actual hell?

I am pro-choice, pro-LGBTQ+, anti-racist, and an advocate for sexual assault survivors and there is no justification for “cancelling” a 13 year old unless they committed a crime, and even then I’d urge rehabilitation efforts. If this child was expressing wrong-headed views, that’s a reason for conversations, not total ostracism.

Seriously: what is wrong with y’all?

All true - but it was OP who claimed this was the reason. Thus the arguing.

Nope. OP never told us what the problem was. Another poster wrote the following:

"This culture is alive in schools, it's just hidden from everyone and wrapped in the social justice culture in our public schools. Although the intent seems correct, many people get caught up and hurt by it. For more information, please visit: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html. In my child's situation, it wasn't related to rape or anything as severe as nude, but more in the lines of having a Christian value set and experiencing blowback about that, resulting in rumors being started about them being racist and bigoted."

And posters seized on this poster (who was replying to OP) talking about their "child's situation" and just decided it was OP. It's actually really weird!

What you quoted was from OP and was confirmed to be from OP by the site administrator. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/weblog/update040723

Then Jeff should have deleted the thread because the OP does not identify herself in those posts and it's not clear it is the OP from reading the thread. If that's really the case, this seems like a pretty obvious case of trolling and I don't get why it's still up (and am annoyed I've been drawn into and defending the OP if they are in fact just trying to troll on "cancel culture".

I actually think this is a worthwhile conversation to have (what the line is between holding someone accountable for their views and behavior, and ostracizing them in ways that make situations worse) so it is annoying to have it in a venue where people are not being honest. I shouldn't have to read follow ups from Jeff on his blog to figure out what the OP is up to on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All OP said was that her child has been subject to in person and online bullying and it was impacting their mental health, and somehow the thread became convinced that OP’s child was a bigot or a Christian fundamentalist who had harassed other kids. Why? I truly do not understand.

I am super far left and some of these comments scare me. Especially the assumption that if someone has been bullied or harassed, there MUST be a valid reason why. Here’s a short list of reasons kids in my high school got this treatment: they smelled bad (housing insecure or very poor, or lived/worked on a farm and smelled like it), unattractive or very unfashionably dressed, highly sensitive (prone to crying or emotional outbursts), being Muslim in an overwhelmingly Christian town, simply being weird or awkward. It’s insane to me, after seeing this in my own teenage experience, that you would assume the bullied/harassed kid DESERVED what happened to them. Teenagers Target and can be especially vicious to the kids who (1) seem the most different, and (2) seem the most vulnerable. That second part is especially frustrating— bullies target victims who are unlikely to fight back, get support from others, be believed, etc. this is how bullying works.

And yet you’ve all collectively decided that if OP’s child is going through this teenage hell, it MUST be their fault. This is a child we’re talking about. 13/14 years old. What the actual hell?

I am pro-choice, pro-LGBTQ+, anti-racist, and an advocate for sexual assault survivors and there is no justification for “cancelling” a 13 year old unless they committed a crime, and even then I’d urge rehabilitation efforts. If this child was expressing wrong-headed views, that’s a reason for conversations, not total ostracism.

Seriously: what is wrong with y’all?

+1

Because the administrator of this site confirmed it was the OP that made the Christian values post. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/weblog/update040723

That's not a confirmation. As I've said several times, the first mention of Christian values is the first post on p. 2, by someone linking to a NYT story and talking about their child. This person does not identify themselves as the OP and I have never understood why people are convinced it is the OP. The OP came back later to post and never mentions Christian values in that post.

And as you have been told several times, Jeff isn’t going to cite something as the OP without verifying. He can see who posts what.

But hey, if you’re so confident that you’re right - ask him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All OP said was that her child has been subject to in person and online bullying and it was impacting their mental health, and somehow the thread became convinced that OP’s child was a bigot or a Christian fundamentalist who had harassed other kids. Why? I truly do not understand.

I am super far left and some of these comments scare me. Especially the assumption that if someone has been bullied or harassed, there MUST be a valid reason why. Here’s a short list of reasons kids in my high school got this treatment: they smelled bad (housing insecure or very poor, or lived/worked on a farm and smelled like it), unattractive or very unfashionably dressed, highly sensitive (prone to crying or emotional outbursts), being Muslim in an overwhelmingly Christian town, simply being weird or awkward. It’s insane to me, after seeing this in my own teenage experience, that you would assume the bullied/harassed kid DESERVED what happened to them. Teenagers Target and can be especially vicious to the kids who (1) seem the most different, and (2) seem the most vulnerable. That second part is especially frustrating— bullies target victims who are unlikely to fight back, get support from others, be believed, etc. this is how bullying works.

And yet you’ve all collectively decided that if OP’s child is going through this teenage hell, it MUST be their fault. This is a child we’re talking about. 13/14 years old. What the actual hell?

I am pro-choice, pro-LGBTQ+, anti-racist, and an advocate for sexual assault survivors and there is no justification for “cancelling” a 13 year old unless they committed a crime, and even then I’d urge rehabilitation efforts. If this child was expressing wrong-headed views, that’s a reason for conversations, not total ostracism.

Seriously: what is wrong with y’all?

All true - but it was OP who claimed this was the reason. Thus the arguing.

Nope. OP never told us what the problem was. Another poster wrote the following:

"This culture is alive in schools, it's just hidden from everyone and wrapped in the social justice culture in our public schools. Although the intent seems correct, many people get caught up and hurt by it. For more information, please visit: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html. In my child's situation, it wasn't related to rape or anything as severe as nude, but more in the lines of having a Christian value set and experiencing blowback about that, resulting in rumors being started about them being racist and bigoted."

And posters seized on this poster (who was replying to OP) talking about their "child's situation" and just decided it was OP. It's actually really weird!

What you quoted was from OP and was confirmed to be from OP by the site administrator. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/weblog/update040723

Then Jeff should have deleted the thread because the OP does not identify herself in those posts and it's not clear it is the OP from reading the thread. If that's really the case, this seems like a pretty obvious case of trolling and I don't get why it's still up (and am annoyed I've been drawn into and defending the OP if they are in fact just trying to troll on "cancel culture".

I actually think this is a worthwhile conversation to have (what the line is between holding someone accountable for their views and behavior, and ostracizing them in ways that make situations worse) so it is annoying to have it in a venue where people are not being honest. I shouldn't have to read follow ups from Jeff on his blog to figure out what the OP is up to on this thread.

There is no requirement for an OP to continually tag themselves as OP in their posts. If there was, it would be pretty simple coding for the site to do it for the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All OP said was that her child has been subject to in person and online bullying and it was impacting their mental health, and somehow the thread became convinced that OP’s child was a bigot or a Christian fundamentalist who had harassed other kids. Why? I truly do not understand.

I am super far left and some of these comments scare me. Especially the assumption that if someone has been bullied or harassed, there MUST be a valid reason why. Here’s a short list of reasons kids in my high school got this treatment: they smelled bad (housing insecure or very poor, or lived/worked on a farm and smelled like it), unattractive or very unfashionably dressed, highly sensitive (prone to crying or emotional outbursts), being Muslim in an overwhelmingly Christian town, simply being weird or awkward. It’s insane to me, after seeing this in my own teenage experience, that you would assume the bullied/harassed kid DESERVED what happened to them. Teenagers Target and can be especially vicious to the kids who (1) seem the most different, and (2) seem the most vulnerable. That second part is especially frustrating— bullies target victims who are unlikely to fight back, get support from others, be believed, etc. this is how bullying works.

And yet you’ve all collectively decided that if OP’s child is going through this teenage hell, it MUST be their fault. This is a child we’re talking about. 13/14 years old. What the actual hell?

I am pro-choice, pro-LGBTQ+, anti-racist, and an advocate for sexual assault survivors and there is no justification for “cancelling” a 13 year old unless they committed a crime, and even then I’d urge rehabilitation efforts. If this child was expressing wrong-headed views, that’s a reason for conversations, not total ostracism.

Seriously: what is wrong with y’all?

All true - but it was OP who claimed this was the reason. Thus the arguing.

Nope. OP never told us what the problem was. Another poster wrote the following:

"This culture is alive in schools, it's just hidden from everyone and wrapped in the social justice culture in our public schools. Although the intent seems correct, many people get caught up and hurt by it. For more information, please visit: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html. In my child's situation, it wasn't related to rape or anything as severe as nude, but more in the lines of having a Christian value set and experiencing blowback about that, resulting in rumors being started about them being racist and bigoted."

And posters seized on this poster (who was replying to OP) talking about their "child's situation" and just decided it was OP. It's actually really weird!

There was another post by OP, and I think this was actually a whole sub-thread where people tried to figure out what OP posted and didn't. OP did in fact claim it was related to Christian values.

Where is this other thread? I have read this whole thread and am fairly certain the Christian values poster is someone else.

But in any case, I still don't think a teenager should be cancelled. For Christian values or anything. I think the concept of cancelling a child is really abhorrent, and I think if the OP of this thread is indeed a conservative troll then mission accomplished, because they have successfully made a bunch of supposedly progressive people sound like the Stasi.

You keep missing the point. No one believes that a teen was “canceled” by a group of hyper woke peers. The very notion of that happening in this area is absurd. It’s either a lie or not the whole story.

[Anonymous]

I am confused. Are you all saying that a child with Christian values deserves to be bullied and “cancelled” because of unpopular opinions? By children who believe that all people should be valued and respected? There seem to be a lot of exceptions to “all people.”
I am a white Christian who identifies as the gender I was assigned at birth. I don’t believe in abortion, at least not as a method of birth control.
I fully expect my post to be deleted by the administrator within 30 minutes. Because let’s face it, the only valuable people are the extreme woke leftists - and their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I am confused. Are you all saying that a child with Christian values deserves to be bullied and “cancelled” because of unpopular opinions? By children who believe that all people should be valued and respected? There seem to be a lot of exceptions to “all people.”
I am a white Christian who identifies as the gender I was assigned at birth. I don’t believe in abortion, at least not as a method of birth control.
I fully expect my post to be deleted by the administrator within 30 minutes. Because let’s face it, the only valuable people are the extreme woke leftists - and their children.

Nope. Not a lot of value for people who mischaracterize abortions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am confused. Are you all saying that a child with Christian values deserves to be bullied and “cancelled” because of unpopular opinions? By children who believe that all people should be valued and respected? There seem to be a lot of exceptions to “all people.”
I am a white Christian who identifies as the gender I was assigned at birth. I don’t believe in abortion, at least not as a method of birth control.
I fully expect my post to be deleted by the administrator within 30 minutes. Because let’s face it, the only valuable people are the extreme woke leftists - and their children.

Nope. Not a lot of value for people who mischaracterize abortions.

Exactly. Not a lot of value for people whose values don’t align with yours. Grateful to have instilled my kids with Christian values - “love thy neighbor” etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All OP said was that her child has been subject to in person and online bullying and it was impacting their mental health, and somehow the thread became convinced that OP’s child was a bigot or a Christian fundamentalist who had harassed other kids. Why? I truly do not understand.

I am super far left and some of these comments scare me. Especially the assumption that if someone has been bullied or harassed, there MUST be a valid reason why. Here’s a short list of reasons kids in my high school got this treatment: they smelled bad (housing insecure or very poor, or lived/worked on a farm and smelled like it), unattractive or very unfashionably dressed, highly sensitive (prone to crying or emotional outbursts), being Muslim in an overwhelmingly Christian town, simply being weird or awkward. It’s insane to me, after seeing this in my own teenage experience, that you would assume the bullied/harassed kid DESERVED what happened to them. Teenagers Target and can be especially vicious to the kids who (1) seem the most different, and (2) seem the most vulnerable. That second part is especially frustrating— bullies target victims who are unlikely to fight back, get support from others, be believed, etc. this is how bullying works.

And yet you’ve all collectively decided that if OP’s child is going through this teenage hell, it MUST be their fault. This is a child we’re talking about. 13/14 years old. What the actual hell?

I am pro-choice, pro-LGBTQ+, anti-racist, and an advocate for sexual assault survivors and there is no justification for “cancelling” a 13 year old unless they committed a crime, and even then I’d urge rehabilitation efforts. If this child was expressing wrong-headed views, that’s a reason for conversations, not total ostracism.

Seriously: what is wrong with y’all?

All true - but it was OP who claimed this was the reason. Thus the arguing.

Nope. OP never told us what the problem was. Another poster wrote the following:

"This culture is alive in schools, it's just hidden from everyone and wrapped in the social justice culture in our public schools. Although the intent seems correct, many people get caught up and hurt by it. For more information, please visit: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html. In my child's situation, it wasn't related to rape or anything as severe as nude, but more in the lines of having a Christian value set and experiencing blowback about that, resulting in rumors being started about them being racist and bigoted."

And posters seized on this poster (who was replying to OP) talking about their "child's situation" and just decided it was OP. It's actually really weird!

There was another post by OP, and I think this was actually a whole sub-thread where people tried to figure out what OP posted and didn't. OP did in fact claim it was related to Christian values.

Where is this other thread? I have read this whole thread and am fairly certain the Christian values poster is someone else.

But in any case, I still don't think a teenager should be cancelled. For Christian values or anything. I think the concept of cancelling a child is really abhorrent, and I think if the OP of this thread is indeed a conservative troll then mission accomplished, because they have successfully made a bunch of supposedly progressive people sound like the Stasi.

You keep missing the point. No one believes that a teen was “canceled” by a group of hyper woke peers. The very notion of that happening in this area is absurd. It’s either a lie or not the whole story.

speak for yourself. this is exactly what I believe possibly happened.

that said, we don't have the full story. however, what is interesting here is the OP's story, which we don't know much about, but the fact that so many posters were ready to provide justifications for a mob bullying a middle school child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All OP said was that her child has been subject to in person and online bullying and it was impacting their mental health, and somehow the thread became convinced that OP’s child was a bigot or a Christian fundamentalist who had harassed other kids. Why? I truly do not understand.

I am super far left and some of these comments scare me. Especially the assumption that if someone has been bullied or harassed, there MUST be a valid reason why. Here’s a short list of reasons kids in my high school got this treatment: they smelled bad (housing insecure or very poor, or lived/worked on a farm and smelled like it), unattractive or very unfashionably dressed, highly sensitive (prone to crying or emotional outbursts), being Muslim in an overwhelmingly Christian town, simply being weird or awkward. It’s insane to me, after seeing this in my own teenage experience, that you would assume the bullied/harassed kid DESERVED what happened to them. Teenagers Target and can be especially vicious to the kids who (1) seem the most different, and (2) seem the most vulnerable. That second part is especially frustrating— bullies target victims who are unlikely to fight back, get support from others, be believed, etc. this is how bullying works.

And yet you’ve all collectively decided that if OP’s child is going through this teenage hell, it MUST be their fault. This is a child we’re talking about. 13/14 years old. What the actual hell?

I am pro-choice, pro-LGBTQ+, anti-racist, and an advocate for sexual assault survivors and there is no justification for “cancelling” a 13 year old unless they committed a crime, and even then I’d urge rehabilitation efforts. If this child was expressing wrong-headed views, that’s a reason for conversations, not total ostracism.

Seriously: what is wrong with y’all?

All true - but it was OP who claimed this was the reason. Thus the arguing.

Nope. OP never told us what the problem was. Another poster wrote the following:

"This culture is alive in schools, it's just hidden from everyone and wrapped in the social justice culture in our public schools. Although the intent seems correct, many people get caught up and hurt by it. For more information, please visit: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html. In my child's situation, it wasn't related to rape or anything as severe as nude, but more in the lines of having a Christian value set and experiencing blowback about that, resulting in rumors being started about them being racist and bigoted."

And posters seized on this poster (who was replying to OP) talking about their "child's situation" and just decided it was OP. It's actually really weird!

There was another post by OP, and I think this was actually a whole sub-thread where people tried to figure out what OP posted and didn't. OP did in fact claim it was related to Christian values.

Where is this other thread? I have read this whole thread and am fairly certain the Christian values poster is someone else.

But in any case, I still don't think a teenager should be cancelled. For Christian values or anything. I think the concept of cancelling a child is really abhorrent, and I think if the OP of this thread is indeed a conservative troll then mission accomplished, because they have successfully made a bunch of supposedly progressive people sound like the Stasi.

You keep missing the point. No one believes that a teen was “canceled” by a group of hyper woke peers. The very notion of that happening in this area is absurd. It’s either a lie or not the whole story.

speak for yourself. this is exactly what I believe possibly happened.

that said, we don't have the full story. however, what is interesting here is the OP's story, which we don't know much about, but the fact that so many posters were ready to provide justifications for a mob bullying a middle school child.

+1. Also probably like parents like children

[Anonymous]

What does it matter the reason (ofc barring something violence or sexual assault, or true bullying)? Parent need to teach their kids that it is NOT ok to pile on, humiliate, ostracize, etc. people on the basis of one stupid mistake (again, assuming it is not something worse and I don't see anything here to indicate it is).

People.Make.Mistakes. It's ok to be mad. It's even ok to hold on to it and set boundaries. It is not ok to go beyond that. Be polite. Be civil. And if you can't, then keep your sh-- to yourself and don't interfere with others' relationships iwth that person. Keep your gossip, rumor-mongering, bathmouthing, etc. to yourself. It's just not ok and it's gross -increasingly so- that this behavior is allowed to occur.