How to help teen who lost all their elem-mid school friends because of rumors and bullying, canceled

[Anonymous]

I'm reaching out for advice on behalf of my teen who recently lost all their friends from elementary to middle school due to rumors and other things that resulted in them being canceled. It's been a tough time for them, and it seems like they want to start over, but the kids in their school are vicious on social media, and it seems like the rumors just won't go away.

I'm at a loss on what to do. Moving to a new school or even a new area seems like the only option, but I'm not sure if that's the right decision. I don't remember the suburb areas being this vicious when I was growing up but social medial wasn't around so things died out over time and I'm wondering if it's because of all the cancel culture stuff going on.

Has anyone else experienced this with their children or themselves? How did you handle it, and what advice would you give? Should we consider moving, or is there another solution we haven't considered yet?

I would appreciate any insight or advice you can offer. Thank you in advance for your help.

[Anonymous]

It depends on what your kid did to get cancelled

[Anonymous]

Agree that it depends on the rumor/reason.

Also with SM, moving doesn’t always help. Do they have activities and friends outside of school?

I’m sorry your child is going through this.

[Anonymous]

How old is your child? What did they do?

Your use of the word “cancelled” implies that they did something racist/sexist/bigoted, not that someone is bullying them based on factors like their weight, appearance, speech, abilities etc.

First step is to get your child off all social media.

[Anonymous]

My parents did something akin to a COSA (change of school assignment) for me based on bullying when I was in 8th grade going into 9th. I am so glad they did.

[Anonymous]

I would move for my kid's mental health. Tell them to see this as a lesson to watch their words and actions. It could end up serving then well despite feeling like it's the end of the world right now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would move for my kid's mental health. Tell them to see this as a lesson to watch their words and actions. It could end up serving then well despite feeling like it's the end of the world right now

Thanks to SM, if the kid did something heinous it will get out and be spread at the new school too.

[Anonymous]

If you can change your child's school I would absolutely do it. A similar thing happened to my upper elementary school student (minus widespread social media) and it has been horrific. I thought about changing schools, but for various reasons, it didn't make sense at the time. Things have gotten better for my child, as they found school friends who don't care about the rumors. But, if this has been going on for awhile and that hasn't happened for your child, then absolutely consider changing schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would move for my kid's mental health. Tell them to see this as a lesson to watch their words and actions. It could end up serving then well despite feeling like it's the end of the world right now

Thanks to SM, if the kid did something heinous it will get out and be spread at the new school too.

Not if your kid has zero social media accounts. I don’t mean delete the apps, I mean delete the accounts.

[Anonymous]

What grade/age is your kid?

[Anonymous]

Is your child in 8th grade and will be moving to high school next year? If so, I'd just ride it out and assume things will die down over the summer, and in high school social groups get all mixed up anyway.

If your child is already in high school, it's not totally unusual to loose elem and middle school friends - have they made new friends, or do you think this is some school-wide outcast issue?

Your child's mental health is obviously one of the most important factors, but moving or changing schools may not be the only solution depending on details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would move for my kid's mental health. Tell them to see this as a lesson to watch their words and actions. It could end up serving then well despite feeling like it's the end of the world right now

Thanks to SM, if the kid did something heinous it will get out and be spread at the new school too.

Not if your kid has zero social media accounts. I don’t mean delete the apps, I mean delete the accounts.

Just because your kid isn't on social media doesn't mean that other kids can't talk about them on social media.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry that your child is dealing with this. How stressful for him/her, and you.

It would be helpful to have an idea of what these rumors are…some would be worse than others. Big difference between a rumor like “Susie stuffs her bra” vs “Susie had a secret affair with a teacher” for example.

If the circumstances are extreme, I do think a new school would help. Yes, social media is always there- but from what I see with my own kids, those who move to different schools fall rapidly off the radar screen.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PPs. Have a frank talk with your kids about the lengths you are willing to go to to help and what skin they need to have in the game. Move schools at the end of the year. Start in September elsewhere. Delete SM. Don't give any fellow parents a heads-up. Just do it. Plan summer activities/camp elsewhere with entirely different people (a different state where your DC can be whoever s/he wants to be and practice for re-starting school). By September, kids at old school will have new dramas to focus on and your DC at new school will have a new perspective.

BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Have your kid reach out to just one kid: whoever they were closest to before, and talk with that friend and try to make amends with just that one kid.