Brother in law sharing salary of niece, bragging?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How ridiculous. It would still be bragging if he just said she got a good job with a good salary. Knowing the number doesn’t make it bragging.

Honestly I think it’s fine to brag about your kids to your siblings. I do it with my siblings and vice versa.

Disagree. Giving the number is exactly what makes it classless. There’s no issue of salary transparency for pay equity in this scenario, so don’t give me that line. My sister was excited when both of her kids got their first jobs out of college, and I was excited for them, but would’ve been so incredibly weird if she shared their salaries. Same with the adult nieces and nephews on my husband’s side. Talking numbers would get you major side eyes. It’s just not done.

And the "not done"'is what keeps the employers in power. Salary transparency would improve many things and get people to understand what different career paths offer in reality.

Please. Take it up with the employers, who can and should provide accurate salary ranges in every job listing. This is not appropriate family dinner conversation.

"not done" is family dependent.

Sure. But if you grew up thinking this is completely normal, don’t be surprised if you get weird looks talking openly about family members’ salaries in other people’s company. This would me back away from you and add to my mental avoid list.

THIS WAS TWO BROTHERS TALKING. OP wasn't even part of the conversation!

[Anonymous]

People brag about their kids. It’s ok. Im guessing you don’t like your BIL or else you’re somehow jealous? Otherwise be happy for them and live your life!

[Anonymous]

What degree/fields are your kids going into starting at $120-150 salary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How ridiculous. It would still be bragging if he just said she got a good job with a good salary. Knowing the number doesn’t make it bragging.

Honestly I think it’s fine to brag about your kids to your siblings. I do it with my siblings and vice versa.

Disagree. Giving the number is exactly what makes it classless. There’s no issue of salary transparency for pay equity in this scenario, so don’t give me that line. My sister was excited when both of her kids got their first jobs out of college, and I was excited for them, but would’ve been so incredibly weird if she shared their salaries. Same with the adult nieces and nephews on my husband’s side. Talking numbers would get you major side eyes. It’s just not done.

And the "not done"'is what keeps the employers in power. Salary transparency would improve many things and get people to understand what different career paths offer in reality.

Please. Take it up with the employers, who can and should provide accurate salary ranges in every job listing. This is not appropriate family dinner conversation.

"not done" is family dependent.

Sure. But if you grew up thinking this is completely normal, don’t be surprised if you get weird looks talking openly about family members’ salaries in other people’s company. This would me back away from you and add to my mental avoid list.

But, it wasn't "other people's company". It was a sibling. Same in my situation. No, we don't talk about it with people outside of my family, but my BIL is part of my family (for the past 30+ years).

[Anonymous]

2 brothers talking has nothing to do with you. It's not bragging, it's a private conversation that didn't include you.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine. The ONLY weird aspect to this is that you chose to write about it on DCUM, lol.

[Anonymous]

Not appropriate unless he has her consent. It's still tacky if he does, but at least she consented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother in law was sharing news that my soon to be graduating niece (college) has landed a job and disclosed the salary to my husband. The salary is a nice salary for a first job, nothing outrageous. I think it is in bad taste to give that detail. My husband disagrees. I just felt like it was bragging and seemed to be said in a competitive vein. We have children, all who are through college. They have varying degrees of success, but I just always give high level details. I just feel as if it is bragging.

There's really not a ton of negotiation for first-year salaries, so peers (and family) can pretty easily ballpark what the salary is using various websites and the university's survey data from the year prior. And kids are bluntly sharing with each other. It's no different than if they got into a top law school, you can easily ballpark their GPA and LSAT score using the prior year's class profile for that law school.

A dad and uncle talking about a kid/niece's salary is nothing to be upset about. Landing a well-paying job before graduation means the kid was successful. Why wouldn't a dad share that with his brother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine. The ONLY weird aspect to this is that you chose to write about it on DCUM, lol.

+1

[Anonymous]

Sure, it’s bragging. The fact that he was bragging isn’t the problem. It is natural to want to share good news about your kids with family who presumably love them and would want to share in their happiness.

Bragging in a “my kid is better than your kid” way is inappropriate, callous, and rude. He should be expected to be as supportive of your kids as he wants you to be of his.

Talking about specific salaries is completely out of line. While it was rude to reference specific dollar amounts in your conversation, you are not the principle injured party. The person who should really be upset with him is his daughter, for disclosing confidential information which she had entrusted to him, to others, without her knowledge, much less her consent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How ridiculous. It would still be bragging if he just said she got a good job with a good salary. Knowing the number doesn’t make it bragging.

Honestly I think it’s fine to brag about your kids to your siblings. I do it with my siblings and vice versa.

Disagree. Giving the number is exactly what makes it classless. There’s no issue of salary transparency for pay equity in this scenario, so don’t give me that line. My sister was excited when both of her kids got their first jobs out of college, and I was excited for them, but would’ve been so incredibly weird if she shared their salaries. Same with the adult nieces and nephews on my husband’s side. Talking numbers would get you major side eyes. It’s just not done.

And the "not done"'is what keeps the employers in power. Salary transparency would improve many things and get people to understand what different career paths offer in reality.

Please. Take it up with the employers, who can and should provide accurate salary ranges in every job listing. This is not appropriate family dinner conversation.

"not done" is family dependent.

Sure. But if you grew up thinking this is completely normal, don’t be surprised if you get weird looks talking openly about family members’ salaries in other people’s company. This would me back away from you and add to my mental avoid list.

I'd bet anything you don't have kids. This is basically all parent friend groups talk about! Travel sports and college admissions when they're teens to who's dating who, who's interning where, who got into medical or law school, and who making big bucks out of college. There was an episode of The Sopranos where the 20-something daughter brags at a large table in a restaurant among friends and family about making "200 thou" at a law firm coming out of law school. This is perfectly normal. In America, someone paying a kid big bucks confers status to the parents for a job well done in raising you. Also means the kid is self-sufficient, which is your goal as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How ridiculous. It would still be bragging if he just said she got a good job with a good salary. Knowing the number doesn’t make it bragging.

Honestly I think it’s fine to brag about your kids to your siblings. I do it with my siblings and vice versa.

Disagree. Giving the number is exactly what makes it classless. There’s no issue of salary transparency for pay equity in this scenario, so don’t give me that line. My sister was excited when both of her kids got their first jobs out of college, and I was excited for them, but would’ve been so incredibly weird if she shared their salaries. Same with the adult nieces and nephews on my husband’s side. Talking numbers would get you major side eyes. It’s just not done.

Unclench. It's done now, and kids can handle it.

[Anonymous]

Your BIL is tacky and insecure. Pity him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother in law was sharing news that my soon to be graduating niece (college) has landed a job and disclosed the salary to my husband. The salary is a nice salary for a first job, nothing outrageous. I think it is in bad taste to give that detail. My husband disagrees. I just felt like it was bragging and seemed to be said in a competitive vein. We have children, all who are through college. They have varying degrees of success, but I just always give high level details. I just feel as if it is bragging.

I think you are jealous your niece is successful

I think you are hilariously predictable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jealous your children won’t do so well, OP?

Yawn.

P.S. When your mom told you that the other girls were mean to you because “they were just jealous,” that was a lie too. You’re welcome.