Brother in law sharing salary of niece, bragging?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother in law was sharing news that my soon to be graduating niece (college) has landed a job and disclosed the salary to my husband. The salary is a nice salary for a first job, nothing outrageous. I think it is in bad taste to give that detail. My husband disagrees. I just felt like it was bragging and seemed to be said in a competitive vein. We have children, all who are through college. They have varying degrees of success, but I just always give high level details. I just feel as if it is bragging.

Of course he's bragging. Whatever.

It's not cool of him to share that information. Period. But it's done. And if he had done it to me, I'd prob say something like "I hope she's ok with you sharing her personal information, Ron."

And I would say "Of course. I hope it didn't make you feel too bad, knowing all of your insecurities around yourself and your kids."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally inappropriate for them to share, but what do you plan to do about it?

Why is it inappropriate? I do share that my kid will be starting with $120k after college with $9,000 signing bonus.

Oh, I’m so embarrassed for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, it’s bragging. The fact that he was bragging isn’t the problem. It is natural to want to share good news about your kids with family who presumably love them and would want to share in their happiness.

Bragging in a “my kid is better than your kid” way is inappropriate, callous, and rude. He should be expected to be as supportive of your kids as he wants you to be of his.

Talking about specific salaries is completely out of line. While it was rude to reference specific dollar amounts in your conversation, you are not the principle injured party. The person who should really be upset with him is his daughter, for disclosing confidential information which she had entrusted to him, to others, without her knowledge, much less her consent.

She is clearly not supportive of his kid, so the point is moot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally inappropriate for them to share, but what do you plan to do about it?

Why is it inappropriate? I do share that my kid will be starting with $120k after college with $9,000 signing bonus.

Oh, I’m so embarrassed for you.

Hope you have a therapist to help you process your feelings.

[Anonymous]

It is fascinating to me that people don't seem to understand the niece is a separate person from her father and an adult and it is HER news to share or not, not her father's. This is such a major boundary violation. Yes, I find it tacky, but I truly hope the uncle had his daughter's full consent. Otherwise it is just beyond gross.

You are not your kids. Once they are adults you really should get consent to share personal information and honestly even when they are minors you should get consent. Boundaries are never a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Unless he is only bragging about money and a narc, this is just a proud dad bragging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's become much less taboo to talk salaries, because that's the only way to achieve pay equity and/or make sure employees know the market. So he may just be following her lead - she told him, he told you.

Without any more context OP - this.

+1. And who cares? You’re probably upset your kids aren’t as successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is fascinating to me that people don't seem to understand the niece is a separate person from her father and an adult and it is HER news to share or not, not her father's. This is such a major boundary violation. Yes, I find it tacky, but I truly hope the uncle had his daughter's full consent. Otherwise it is just beyond gross.

You are not your kids. Once they are adults you really should get consent to share personal information and honestly even when they are minors you should get consent. Boundaries are never a bad idea.

This is the hill you want to die on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's become much less taboo to talk salaries, because that's the only way to achieve pay equity and/or make sure employees know the market. So he may just be following her lead - she told him, he told you.

+1,000. The benefit to people who benefit from this kind of transparency and open discussion is far greater than your perception of how tacky your BIL is.

Signed, a woman who left her $120k government consulting job to make $295k at a big tech company after hearing friends casually talk about the kind of salaries they were making elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Openly talking about salaries has been encouraged for a few years now.

[Anonymous]

You are JEALOUS

[Anonymous]

It’s YOUR family! I know (round about) what each family member makes. It sounds like you are jealous and it sort of put you in your place that it was mentioned. How are you going to process that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Openly talking about salaries has been encouraged for a few years now.

As it should be. We’ve only been told it’s “tacky” by people who want to keep wages for others suppressed.