Continually get asked if I’m my son’s grandmother

[Anonymous]

I would laugh in a friendly way and say: "You're missing the boat in a couple of different ways; let me help you out. That's my son, and I'm his mom."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to everyone that replied. I do think a major part of it is the grey hair. I started going grey in my late 20’s but it was always appreciated (kind of like a bride of Frankenstein from the temples lol). I never liked it and wanted to dye it then but everyone else loved it. It only showed when my hair was pulled back and it was unique I guess. It seems I’m out of the “grey hair=cute” phase. There’s definitely more grey now so I’m going to make an appt to dye it this week. Hoping that helps cut down on the comments!

I’m glad you’re willing to try something new to achieve the result you want. I hope it goes well. It is of course your choice, but it sounds like it’s the choice you want to make to feel you’re most comfortable and most confident, and that’s what it’s all about.

+1. It's no different than women who like themselves better as a blonde, redhead or brunette. Coloring your hair should be for yourself. I like myself as a brunette and color my hair to match my eyebrows, which are dark brown. I look like I'm balding when I delay coloring my roots because there is so little pigment in my gray. I'd have to color my gray to look like I wasn't ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am olive skinned, short, fat, frumpy. One of my sons is a teenager and has movie star looks. The other one is angelic looking blond and green eyed devil. I am constantly being asked if I am the nanny.

Same PP. I have been asked why my kid is so fair and if my kids have different fathers. People are clueless.

[Anonymous]

When I was 22yo I was a nanny for 1yo twins and their mom was 44yo. Every single time we were all out and about together, everyone assume I was their mom and she was my mom. I always felt so bad.

Now, I am brown hair/eyes with a red headed green eyed daughter and everyone assumes I'm the nanny.

Can't win!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, that’s annoying. But you should gently correct them. The embarrassment is then theirs, not yours. Dumb people need to be reminded to think before they speak and not assume.

Why would you want to embarrass people who probably are just making conversation? Do you really think they are trying to embarrass you?

You correct then so they don't say it again to someone else. You are helping them get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to everyone that replied. I do think a major part of it is the grey hair. I started going grey in my late 20’s but it was always appreciated (kind of like a bride of Frankenstein from the temples lol). I never liked it and wanted to dye it then but everyone else loved it. It only showed when my hair was pulled back and it was unique I guess. It seems I’m out of the “grey hair=cute” phase. There’s definitely more grey now so I’m going to make an appt to dye it this week. Hoping that helps cut down on the comments!

I’m glad you’re willing to try something new to achieve the result you want. I hope it goes well. It is of course your choice, but it sounds like it’s the choice you want to make to feel you’re most comfortable and most confident, and that’s what it’s all about.

+1. It's no different than women who like themselves better as a blonde, redhead or brunette. Coloring your hair should be for yourself. I like myself as a brunette and color my hair to match my eyebrows, which are dark brown. I look like I'm balding when I delay coloring my roots because there is so little pigment in my gray. I'd have to color my gray to look like I wasn't ill.

Just know that once you color it, it's non-stop upkeep. You may want to try Madison reed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would laugh in a friendly way and say: "You're missing the boat in a couple of different ways; let me help you out. That's my son, and I'm his mom."

You all are being incredibly ageist to see this as an insult. You’re offended that you look old, but the person had no negative meaning when thinking you’re a grandmother. 🙄

[Anonymous]

If you were younger you might get mistaken as his sister. Can’t win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends has a young face but completely gray hair. She gets asked nonstop about her grandchildren.

I think it’s just what happens if you are outside the norm.

One of my friends has the same and does not get mistaken for grandma. Her hair, although white, is styled nicely and she is also very pretty.
To look good requires effort. Flyaway, dry looking gray hair looks like old lady hair. Styled gray hair, especially if highlighted with platinum, can look really good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you dressing like, do you take care of yourself like do you have lots of gray, wrinkles etc? Things like salon and Botox can help. Nowadays women in their 40s look like 30s because of new treatments that weren't around 10 years ago

How will he be less rude if he has botox?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you look older than you are. So what? So sick of people being offended by evvvvverything. Yes some people get it wrong when they’re having a conversation with a stranger and it’s NBD to correct them or just let it slide. If it keeps happening then just say at the beginning of a conversation something like “my son and I…” so it establishes your relationship and doesn’t keep the other person guessing, because you’re the kind that would also be offended if they asked.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are “embracing the gray” then you have to deal with this. If you don’t want to be viewed as older than you are, then sorry, you do need to dye your hair, pay attention to your clothing, and wear a little bit of makeup.

It’s absolutely fine not to do any of those things, but the trade-off is that you can’t complain and feel wounded when people assume you are older than you are. Because there are women in their late 40s, 50s and 60s who look much younger than you because they are taking these steps. Again, it’s fine not to, but if you’re going to take steps to look good, you’re going to look older than you are.

No, people can learn not to be rude and comment on your appearance, make assumptions etc.

j

Would it be rude to ask someone if they were sisters, etc.? No. They are being friendly. If you don’t want to look like a grandma, take basic care of your appearance.

I went white in my 30’s and didn’t dye my hair after the first few years. I had my son when I was 34, and have been taken for his grandmother more times than I can count - it happened all the time. It bothered me, yes, but I knew it was because of my hair. PP, I’d push back on “take basic care of your appearance.” I do and always have been clean, groomed, healthy. I don’t dye my hair. You are implying that if you don’t buy the bullshit that women have to look like eternally young Barbie dolls or they aren’t taking basic care of themselves. F that.

Nice try, but I said several times “it’s absolutely fine to do none of those things.” Sure, you can have good grooming and still choose to go gray. That’s fine. What you can’t be is bothered about it. You’re making a choice: own it. Don’t want to be bothered? Don’t go gray in your 30s.

If I were complaining and whining that no one took me seriously at work, and come to find out I was choosing to wear athleisure every day, your response would probably either be make a change, or stop complaining. Same to you!

I’ve never complained about it, and I mentioned that I was bothered when I was younger but understood it was because of my white hair. What I object to is the definition of “taking basic care” with not looking older. I don’t look unattractive, I look 10 years older than I am. I could dye my hair and look younger. I choose not to. I am just pointing out that you have fallen for the fiction that the most important thing about a woman’s appearance is how old she looks.

You literally said you were “bothered.” You don’t get to be bothered about something that is your own choice.

DP but you’re wrong. You can be bothered by anything you want. Including the fact that you can’t wear athleisure to the office. Not sure what your point is. It’s fine to feel a way about something. If your kid said someone made fun of her curly hair, would you say “either straighten it or don’t be bothered by it. You’re choosing to keep your hair this way so you don’t get to be wounded when someone doesn’t like it.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would laugh in a friendly way and say: "You're missing the boat in a couple of different ways; let me help you out. That's my son, and I'm his mom."

You all are being incredibly ageist to see this as an insult. You’re offended that you look old, but the person had no negative meaning when thinking you’re a grandmother. 🙄

I don't see it as an insult. But it's also not true. When I have an intention of engaging with people in genuine ways, that includes not forging on without comment while they guess incorrectly about relevant facts.

[Anonymous]

That’s why I always pretend to assume the female caregiver is the mom! Can’t go wrong with that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends has a young face but completely gray hair. She gets asked nonstop about her grandchildren.

I think it’s just what happens if you are outside the norm.

One of my friends has the same and does not get mistaken for grandma. Her hair, although white, is styled nicely and she is also very pretty.
To look good requires effort. Flyaway, dry looking gray hair looks like old lady hair. Styled gray hair, especially if highlighted with platinum, can look really good.

Of course it can. Like Diane Keaton, Andie McDowell, etc. That being said, it looks older than even a messy brunette, blonde, red or black or whatever bun. It just does. Nothing wrong with looking one’s age or even older, but to pretend like gray hair doesn’t read “older” is just silly.