18-year-old DD doesn’t think she has to listen to us anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad tried to enforce a curfew of midnight even after I had left for college and came home for Christmas. That was the last time I went home.

You never came back home over a stupid curfew? Your issues seem deeper than a curfew.

True. He was also a d*ck in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A curfew for a legal adult is ridiculous.

An 18 year old in high school is not an adult.

[Anonymous]

It is a phase. It will be over in a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Hmmmm.

I think I'd tell this was unacceptable/object, and that rules and chores are not because she's a kid but because she's a part of the family unit and everyone in the family unit has obligations. And then point out that yours (parents) are to feed, clothe, assist with education, hers are chores and whatever, and if one of the parties wants to shirk their duties then there are consequences, natural and imposed.

I'd do a little further letcuring and then let her know that if she decides to move out then your obligation to provide food, shelter, clothing, education, and $ for things like phone, activities, college prep, etc., etc. also ceases. And then let her decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmmm.

I think I'd tell this was unacceptable/object, and that rules and chores are not because she's a kid but because she's a part of the family unit and everyone in the family unit has obligations. And then point out that yours (parents) are to feed, clothe, assist with education, hers are chores and whatever, and if one of the parties wants to shirk their duties then there are consequences, natural and imposed.

I'd do a little further letcuring and then let her know that if she decides to move out then your obligation to provide food, shelter, clothing, education, and $ for things like phone, activities, college prep, etc., etc. also ceases. And then let her decide.

^^And to be clear, I wouldn't threaten not to support her at college, just while she tries this experiment with her friend. I would not allow her access to your car, payment or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always tell my multiple 18+ year olds that they are free to do what they want in their own place. Until then I have some rules which aren't terrible. Go to school and do your chores.

If you can't do those out you go but my car and phone stay with me. None of them have taken me up on moving out.

Having her act like a normal part of the family isn't much. If she can't then out.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her attitude was formed by things that happened or didn't happen in her upbringing long before this. If you give it some honest thought and reflection, her actions now probably shouldn't be surprising to you.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think it is good that your 18 year old wants to be free from her parent's rules. But you must let her have room to fail.

[Anonymous]

Wth, you’re kid sounds like a brat. She doesn’t need to take a car to college especially as a freshman!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A curfew for a legal adult is ridiculous.

An 18 year old in high school is not an adult.

Legally yes they absolutely are. I turned 18 in high school and as soon as I did I no longer had a curfew. I was expected to contribute to the household (so chores I guess) and give a heads up about my whereabouts to be considerate. I swear parents these days want to keep their children kids as long as they can and then wonder why they fail to launch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmmm.

I think I'd tell this was unacceptable/object, and that rules and chores are not because she's a kid but because she's a part of the family unit and everyone in the family unit has obligations. And then point out that yours (parents) are to feed, clothe, assist with education, hers are chores and whatever, and if one of the parties wants to shirk their duties then there are consequences, natural and imposed.

I'd do a little further letcuring and then let her know that if she decides to move out then your obligation to provide food, shelter, clothing, education, and $ for things like phone, activities, college prep, etc., etc. also ceases. And then let her decide.

but why? what are you accomplishing with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A curfew for a legal adult is ridiculous.

An 18 year old in high school is not an adult.

Except, in the eyes of the law they are an adult.

Work to change the law if you disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A curfew for a legal adult is ridiculous.

An 18 year old in high school is not an adult.

Except, in the eyes of the law they are an adult.

Work to change the law if you disagree.

All the people who want to red shirt their kids so desperately should be reading this. Imagine dealing with a 19 year old senior in high school!

[Anonymous]

Really weird to me while still in high school.

I usually only see this when the home environment is toxic/abuse, etc., or the kid is on drugs.

Is she going to skip school too?

[Anonymous]

No car. If she moves out before college, no car.