S/O How do you justify having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never cheated on my spouse, but now that I’m divorced I have a totally different perspective on it. I have been sleeping with a married man. He’s miserable in his marriage, where I used to be. I get where he’s at. Trapped in his self inflicted prison until his kids get older. If his marriage was awesome, he would be looking for love and sex elsewhere.

That’s what he tells you, huh. Mr. Kick the fan down the road to keep the honey pot coming. Sweetheart, they are all waiting until their kids get older or whatever BS they can come up with. If he told you he just wanted to bang with no future, I’m sure you’d walk.

I think divorce has messed with your self-esteem or maybe married men are the only ones you can get now that you are older and they’d standards are lower for a side piece.

This won’t end well and you are going to be left feeling even lower when he eventually ghosts or dumps you.

[Anonymous]

If I had a dollar for every married cheater who claims he’d be with the ow if “only for the kids”. Good lord, women but this crap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I had a dollar for every married cheater who claims he’d be with the ow if “only for the kids”. Good lord, women but this crap?

As he skips out of the hotel room back to his happy home life…🎂 eaters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They weren’t raised right. Somewhere along the line they learned this could be an option. Weak character with poor morals. Lying and going behind someone’s back.

I know cheaters like to say “oh you don’t know, everyone’s capable of it, blah, blah, blah”, but that is just false. I have had every opportunity under the sun to cheat. I have been cheated on—and not once did I ever consider doing it. To the point, I’ve removed myself from a situation, declined an invitation, cut off or pulled back when it felt like an opposite sex friendship was getting too “friendly”. In one instance, I thought of the wife and made a point to see it through her eyes.

This isn’t self-righteous. It’s just a fact. Some of us have an honesty and integrity that even if we are unhappy in a relationship or not having needs met we wouldn’t resort to cheating. Ever. Period.

Imagine being middle aged and still thinking in such simplistic terms and having no understanding of human complexities.

Imagine being middle aged and having your moral compass still intact!

A dying breed, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I had a dollar for every married cheater who claims he’d be with the ow if “only for the kids”. Good lord, women but this crap?

Well I’m a woman and wouldn’t be with my DH if it weren’t for the kids. So I can imagine there is at least one man on this planet who is married for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never cheated on my spouse, but now that I’m divorced I have a totally different perspective on it. I have been sleeping with a married man. He’s miserable in his marriage, where I used to be. I get where he’s at. Trapped in his self inflicted prison until his kids get older. If his marriage was awesome, he would be looking for love and sex elsewhere.

Oy vey, PP. Please realize this is the version of his life that he is telling you. My DH also told his AP that he was in a miserable marriage blah blah blah. The reality was that we were playful, loving, had a very active sex life, regular date nights, etc.

This is the trademark of cheaters- villianizing their spouse to maximizing minimal discomfort in their marriage to make themselves not feel as guilty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never cheated on my spouse, but now that I’m divorced I have a totally different perspective on it. I have been sleeping with a married man. He’s miserable in his marriage, where I used to be. I get where he’s at. Trapped in his self inflicted prison until his kids get older. If his marriage was awesome, he would be looking for love and sex elsewhere.

Talk about self-serving self talk!

He is not TRAPPED. He just wants his cake and eat it too.

You have "landed" a lying husband and father's part time attention.

Not sure how one convinces oneself that is ANY kind of prize.

I doubt PP cares. She is in it for the sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never cheated on my spouse, but now that I’m divorced I have a totally different perspective on it. I have been sleeping with a married man. He’s miserable in his marriage, where I used to be. I get where he’s at. Trapped in his self inflicted prison until his kids get older. If his marriage was awesome, he would be looking for love and sex elsewhere.

Oy vey, PP. Please realize this is the version of his life that he is telling you. My DH also told his AP that he was in a miserable marriage blah blah blah. The reality was that we were playful, loving, had a very active sex life, regular date nights, etc.

This is the trademark of cheaters- villianizing their spouse to maximizing minimal discomfort in their marriage to make themselves not feel as guilty.

Unless you can read minds, you’ll never know if your DH was miserable or not.

I’m a DW and mostly miserable. My DH has no clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not excusing the act at all—though I think when resentment builds to a point of no return and the conversations have taken place like I need xyz and it falls on deaf ears I can see how one might feel trapped. If you’re in a dead marriage or have some sort of issue trying to escape or feel alive, desired could be appealing. I don’t think they really think about the fallout or justify the end game at all they are being selfish and just thinking about how can they feel better or get what they need even if it is somewhere else. Then you have people who are happy in their marriage and do it anyway for the thrill.

NP here. I think it’s important for women especially to realize that when you get involved with a married man, chances are he’s only using you for marriage life support. He doesn’t want to divorce his wife (who won’t leave him, either). He just needs an outlet because she lost interest, gained weight, hen pecks too much… you, the AP, will provide the breath of fresh air he needs before going back under again. Especially if you’re younger. Just, don’t, do, it. He’s coming after you because he’s too much of a coward, and too poor, to get out if his situation. Tell him to hire someone to get him through his rough patches. And wives, please stop attributing the bad behavior to previous trauma. He’s one letter off- he loves his life, not his wife. He doesn’t want to end up in a trailer.

Agree. I’ll add, most of the wives I know that through this were much more attractive and fit than the women the men cheated with. It’s not about that.

Did they divorce? Sounds like they’re good catches who can do better. Why spend another year with someone who makes your feel like you’re not good enough if you are?

Some did, some didn’t. Some guys were good guys that turned their lives around, and some were scummy and never great partners to begin with. It really had to do with the quality of the marriage and circumstances. It by no means is a reflection of self-esteem for the ones that chose to reconcile, it wasn’t a decision that took lightly or quickly. The men really had to show committed change.

Ironically, every marriage I knew where the wife cheated ended in divorce. But, I also think men are judged even harsher for being a victim so you would never know any that stayed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never cheated on my spouse, but now that I’m divorced I have a totally different perspective on it. I have been sleeping with a married man. He’s miserable in his marriage, where I used to be. I get where he’s at. Trapped in his self inflicted prison until his kids get older. If his marriage was awesome, he would be looking for love and sex elsewhere.

Oy vey, PP. Please realize this is the version of his life that he is telling you. My DH also told his AP that he was in a miserable marriage blah blah blah. The reality was that we were playful, loving, had a very active sex life, regular date nights, etc.

This is the trademark of cheaters- villianizing their spouse to maximizing minimal discomfort in their marriage to make themselves not feel as guilty.

Unless you can read minds, you’ll never know if your DH was miserable or not.

I’m a DW and mostly miserable. My DH has no clue.

Gee. That sounds like a major communication issue there. If you are unhappy about something, confront it, voice it and work on it the moment it pops up. Marriages get into trouble when you expect the spouse to be a mind reader and never give them a chance but already lining up the replacement on the dating apps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never cheated on my spouse, but now that I’m divorced I have a totally different perspective on it. I have been sleeping with a married man. He’s miserable in his marriage, where I used to be. I get where he’s at. Trapped in his self inflicted prison until his kids get older. If his marriage was awesome, he would be looking for love and sex elsewhere.

Talk about self-serving self talk!

He is not TRAPPED. He just wants his cake and eat it too.

You have "landed" a lying husband and father's part time attention.

Not sure how one convinces oneself that is ANY kind of prize.

I doubt PP cares. She is in it for the sex.

Doubtful. The longer it goes on she’ll be dreaming if his wife dying in a car crash and/or hoping for their marriage to break up. They all get the feels. Her time already sounds like she does, and doing mental gymnastics about his wife being the bad guy, lapping up all of his lies and BS. The classic suspension of disbelief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never cheated on my spouse, but now that I’m divorced I have a totally different perspective on it. I have been sleeping with a married man. He’s miserable in his marriage, where I used to be. I get where he’s at. Trapped in his self inflicted prison until his kids get older. If his marriage was awesome, he would be looking for love and sex elsewhere.

Oy vey, PP. Please realize this is the version of his life that he is telling you. My DH also told his AP that he was in a miserable marriage blah blah blah. The reality was that we were playful, loving, had a very active sex life, regular date nights, etc.

This is the trademark of cheaters- villianizing their spouse to maximizing minimal discomfort in their marriage to make themselves not feel as guilty.

+1

My ex was writing me love notes and taking me to Michelin star restaurants and jet-setting around the world on fabulous trips, looking at retirement vacation properties.

She got 40 min every 6 weeks or so and someone rushing to get back to his real life. She thought she’d leave her marriage and move in with him.

I’m sure he said something along the lines of my kids are still in the house blah blah, while we still had sex 3-4 times per week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They weren’t raised right. Somewhere along the line they learned this could be an option. Weak character with poor morals. Lying and going behind someone’s back.

I know cheaters like to say “oh you don’t know, everyone’s capable of it, blah, blah, blah”, but that is just false. I have had every opportunity under the sun to cheat. I have been cheated on—and not once did I ever consider doing it. To the point, I’ve removed myself from a situation, declined an invitation, cut off or pulled back when it felt like an opposite sex friendship was getting too “friendly”. In one instance, I thought of the wife and made a point to see it through her eyes.

This isn’t self-righteous. It’s just a fact. Some of us have an honesty and integrity that even if we are unhappy in a relationship or not having needs met we wouldn’t resort to cheating. Ever. Period.

You have empathy and self-awareness. It’s shown it’s something cheaters lack.

Yes. There is always something mentally unstable or a self-esteem issue that allows people to be an OW or to cheat in a marriage. Always.

[Anonymous]

My ex enjoyed th cheating game. The sneaking made it better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They weren’t raised right. Somewhere along the line they learned this could be an option. Weak character with poor morals. Lying and going behind someone’s back.

I know cheaters like to say “oh you don’t know, everyone’s capable of it, blah, blah, blah”, but that is just false. I have had every opportunity under the sun to cheat. I have been cheated on—and not once did I ever consider doing it. To the point, I’ve removed myself from a situation, declined an invitation, cut off or pulled back when it felt like an opposite sex friendship was getting too “friendly”. In one instance, I thought of the wife and made a point to see it through her eyes.

This isn’t self-righteous. It’s just a fact. Some of us have an honesty and integrity that even if we are unhappy in a relationship or not having needs met we wouldn’t resort to cheating. Ever. Period.

You have empathy and self-awareness. It’s shown it’s something cheaters lack.

Yes. There is always something mentally unstable or a self-esteem issue that allows people to be an OW or to cheat in a marriage. Always.

So 40% of all people are mentally unstable?