Kid separated from classmates at school

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I don’t think my post came out the way I intended. I do not think it is fair to have one kid take up all the attention of the teacher whether the child is special needs or just poorly behaved. Both my older sons are in AAP in FCPS and the only real difference I see is that the kids are better behaved. My kids have not mentioned a disruptive kid in class for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is the perfect example of why modern parents suck. I would be horrified if my child were disruptive to the class and asking the teacher what I could do to help improve this situation. Instead of thinking about the teacher and all of the classmates who have had their learning disturbed, OP is thinking about her son’s feelings only. Maybe if you had disciplined your small prince, which you probably avoided doing out of fear of “crushing his spirit” or some nonsense, the teacher wouldn’t have to discipline for you.

+1

DS5 is in kindergarten and has had behavior issues off and on throughout preschool. He had a perfect year in Pre-K, but started showing the same rough, disruptive behavior towards the end of this past summer. We got him set up with a pediatric counselor and it’s been a wonderful help for him. Ultimately, we work with his teacher and keep in constant touch about any bad behavior. His teacher even has the final say over whether he has earned his Friday ice cream. I couldn’t imagine pushing back against the teacher when I know darn well how he can be. He is also at a desk separate from his peers, but it has helped immensely, and I wouldn’t think of changing it.

OP-I truly know that feeling of being the parent of the “problem child.” At first, you almost don’t want to believe it’s as bad as people are saying. But when multiple teachers/people are saying it, it’s time to push past the fear and embrace getting him whatever help might be necessary, even if it means separating him from his classmates. My DS is truly a kind, loving kid, but he still has to learn what behavior is acceptable and what’s not. I’d rather him learn that when he’s 5, then when he’s 15.

[Anonymous]

As a kindergarten teacher, I'm a little confused about how a child would sit separately from his classmates in a kindergarten or first-grade classroom. Does it mean that when the children are in a whole group lesson, she has your child sit next to her in the circle, or directly in front of her if she is standing and teaching? When they are doing seatwork, a teacher of children that age would most likely be circulating the room, not sitting at her desk. I definitely would have reservations about separating a child from the class as a long-term solution. You should follow up with the teacher. As a teacher myself, I would want to have established open communication with you so that we could work together to help your child. Please don't listen to parents telling you that your child deserves to be removed, and that this will "teach him a lesson". These approaches don't work long-term, and parents of children who have never had these issues often think they are a result of bad parenting (which is not true). I have had many special needs children in my classroom, and it is so disheartening to see how some parents are quick to exclude children rather than teaching their children about kindness, tolerance and accepting that others may think or do things differently.

You should always advocate for your child. Advocating doesn't mean going against what a teacher is saying or doing. It means working with the school, and taking the time to understand what is happening in the classroom (both academically and discipline-wise). If you have questions or concerns, reaching out to the teacher can often clarify the situation and calm your worries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a kindergarten teacher, I'm a little confused about how a child would sit separately from his classmates in a kindergarten or first-grade classroom. Does it mean that when the children are in a whole group lesson, she has your child sit next to her in the circle, or directly in front of her if she is standing and teaching? When they are doing seatwork, a teacher of children that age would most likely be circulating the room, not sitting at her desk. I definitely would have reservations about separating a child from the class as a long-term solution. You should follow up with the teacher. As a teacher myself, I would want to have established open communication with you so that we could work together to help your child. Please don't listen to parents telling you that your child deserves to be removed, and that this will "teach him a lesson". These approaches don't work long-term, and parents of children who have never had these issues often think they are a result of bad parenting (which is not true). I have had many special needs children in my classroom, and it is so disheartening to see how some parents are quick to exclude children rather than teaching their children about kindness, tolerance and accepting that others may think or do things differently.

You should always advocate for your child. Advocating doesn't mean going against what a teacher is saying or doing. It means working with the school, and taking the time to understand what is happening in the classroom (both academically and discipline-wise). If you have questions or concerns, reaching out to the teacher can often clarify the situation and calm your worries.

You are confused because it rarely happens. By the time the teacher gets here, they are probably asking for a 1 on 1 aide for this child.

And trust me, parents of the other children in the class are advocating really hard for their children who have to deal with the disruption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Your child will be fine. The ADHD kid - will most likely suffer from debilitating self-esteem issues as he transitions into adolescence, start to not care about school and underperform, and struggle his whole life to maintain healthy relationships. Your daughter will be taking her AP classes and will not have to worry about having those crazy, disruptive kids in her classes anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was me as an unmedicated ADHD kid. It is the teacher’s job to ensure a functional learning environment for the entire class. It is your job to help him reframe the arrangement into a positive and mitigate the harm to his self esteem. You can’t expect the teacher to sacrifice other children’s learning for him. That’s not fair or reasonable to anyone.

That's the whole point of FAPE. He just needs the diagnosis.

An IEP can get the child goals , but does not allow the child to just disrupt others all day.

Except it does. These kids are ruining school for everyone else - put them in the self contained room where they belong.

A kid distracting himself and other kids by talking too much does not belong in a self contained classroom. They need to sit someplace where they are not distracting other kids. The Teacher and parents should be working together to figure out how to stop the talking and distractions. It is annoying but it is not dangerous and is pretty common for Teachers to have to deal with. Granted, it’s easier if the parents are working with the Teacher and it doesn’t sound like that is happening with this child. The OP makes it sound like she has heard from the Teacher regularly about the talking and it finally escalated enough that the boy was moved to sit by himself next to the Teachers desk. Moms response is not to fix the issue but to worry about her kids self esteem.

A kid throwing things, hitting, kicking, biting, or destroying the classroom belongs in a self contained classroom.

Op sounds like she has not disciplined the child. If she did, he would have stopped disrupting class and wouldn’t have to sit next to the teacher.

I have a well behaved kindergarten daughter. She has a kid at her table who gets and iPad and doesn’t listen to the teacher. Everyday I ask her how her day is and most of what she tells me is about all the bad things this boys at her table does. I am sure he has some sort of learning disability since he gets and iPad. She said he gets an iPad so he can be quiet. My daughter seems to still be learning.

Gawd you are ignorant and vile. Brag some more to us about your perfect girl child who shouldn't have to be around this loser.

PP's daughter isn't perfect, she's judgmental and gossipy. And PP probably gives her positive feedback for this behavior, so she likely also embellishes and lies a lot about it (in a small child way). We see this a lot. Had a parent come in complaining that there was a little boy in my class who hit people every day and demanded he be removed. How did Mom know? Her daughter told her so, every day. None of it ever happened. I convinced the mom to arrange a playdate with the accused boy. Sweet kid, never hit anyone. Mom apologized after the playdate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a kindergarten teacher, I'm a little confused about how a child would sit separately from his classmates in a kindergarten or first-grade classroom. Does it mean that when the children are in a whole group lesson, she has your child sit next to her in the circle, or directly in front of her if she is standing and teaching? When they are doing seatwork, a teacher of children that age would most likely be circulating the room, not sitting at her desk. I definitely would have reservations about separating a child from the class as a long-term solution. You should follow up with the teacher. As a teacher myself, I would want to have established open communication with you so that we could work together to help your child. Please don't listen to parents telling you that your child deserves to be removed, and that this will "teach him a lesson". These approaches don't work long-term, and parents of children who have never had these issues often think they are a result of bad parenting (which is not true). I have had many special needs children in my classroom, and it is so disheartening to see how some parents are quick to exclude children rather than teaching their children about kindness, tolerance and accepting that others may think or do things differently.

You should always advocate for your child. Advocating doesn't mean going against what a teacher is saying or doing. It means working with the school, and taking the time to understand what is happening in the classroom (both academically and discipline-wise). If you have questions or concerns, reaching out to the teacher can often clarify the situation and calm your worries.

You are confused because it rarely happens. By the time the teacher gets here, they are probably asking for a 1 on 1 aide for this child.

And trust me, parents of the other children in the class are advocating really hard for their children who have to deal with the disruption.

It rarely happens that there is an overly talkative child in a kindergarten or 1st grade classroom? 1 to 1 aides are not for children who can't stop talking. There is no physical violence going on, and even when that happens it is still almost impossible to get a 1 to 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was me as an unmedicated ADHD kid. It is the teacher’s job to ensure a functional learning environment for the entire class. It is your job to help him reframe the arrangement into a positive and mitigate the harm to his self esteem. You can’t expect the teacher to sacrifice other children’s learning for him. That’s not fair or reasonable to anyone.

That's the whole point of FAPE. He just needs the diagnosis.

An IEP can get the child goals , but does not allow the child to just disrupt others all day.

Except it does. These kids are ruining school for everyone else - put them in the self contained room where they belong.

A kid distracting himself and other kids by talking too much does not belong in a self contained classroom. They need to sit someplace where they are not distracting other kids. The Teacher and parents should be working together to figure out how to stop the talking and distractions. It is annoying but it is not dangerous and is pretty common for Teachers to have to deal with. Granted, it’s easier if the parents are working with the Teacher and it doesn’t sound like that is happening with this child. The OP makes it sound like she has heard from the Teacher regularly about the talking and it finally escalated enough that the boy was moved to sit by himself next to the Teachers desk. Moms response is not to fix the issue but to worry about her kids self esteem.

A kid throwing things, hitting, kicking, biting, or destroying the classroom belongs in a self contained classroom.

Op sounds like she has not disciplined the child. If she did, he would have stopped disrupting class and wouldn’t have to sit next to the teacher.

I have a well behaved kindergarten daughter. She has a kid at her table who gets and iPad and doesn’t listen to the teacher. Everyday I ask her how her day is and most of what she tells me is about all the bad things this boys at her table does. I am sure he has some sort of learning disability since he gets and iPad. She said he gets an iPad so he can be quiet. My daughter seems to still be learning.

Gawd you are ignorant and vile. Brag some more to us about your perfect girl child who shouldn't have to be around this loser.

PP's daughter isn't perfect, she's judgmental and gossipy. And PP probably gives her positive feedback for this behavior, so she likely also embellishes and lies a lot about it (in a small child way). We see this a lot. Had a parent come in complaining that there was a little boy in my class who hit people every day and demanded he be removed. How did Mom know? Her daughter told her so, every day. None of it ever happened. I convinced the mom to arrange a playdate with the accused boy. Sweet kid, never hit anyone. Mom apologized after the playdate.

Every single day when I pick up my daughter from school, I ask her how her day is. This was the same every day in preschool and now kindergarten. At her preschool, she would talk about playing with her friends, songs they sang, art, etc. in kindergarten, the most memorable things that happened during the day is this disruptive boy. My kid is not lying or embellishing.

I have two sons. We have had disruptive kids in their classes as well. I never mention the kids to anyone. When my boys were younger, I would make them invite the disruptive kid to birthdays.

Don’t blame me for some other kid’s bad behavior. My good friend’s friendship is getting ruined over a mutual friend’s poorly behaved son. Their kids are in same class. I believe the boy has ADHD. My mutual friend doesn’t care why he is bad. She doesn’t want them in her house or near her daughter.

[Anonymous]

OP, how did you discipline your son all the times the teacher reached out to you about his behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Your child will be fine. The ADHD kid - will most likely suffer from debilitating self-esteem issues as he transitions into adolescence, start to not care about school and underperform, and struggle his whole life to maintain healthy relationships. Your daughter will be taking her AP classes and will not have to worry about having those crazy, disruptive kids in her classes anymore.

Nope, I was one of the "good" kids and teachers would use me to separate the bad actors. I did ok, but never succeeded like the kids who weren't used as human shields around the problem kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Your child will be fine. The ADHD kid - will most likely suffer from debilitating self-esteem issues as he transitions into adolescence, start to not care about school and underperform, and struggle his whole life to maintain healthy relationships. Your daughter will be taking her AP classes and will not have to worry about having those crazy, disruptive kids in her classes anymore.

Nope, I was one of the "good" kids and teachers would use me to separate the bad actors. I did ok, but never succeeded like the kids who weren't used as human shields around the problem kids.

I have a well behaved kid and I thought I was imagining it when he was always put in the class with all the bad kids and all the ESOL kids. It just felt like he was always with the bad kids. Several years later, another mom told me it was called balancing. She said they would put all the kids who needed support in a class so the aids didn’t jump from multiple classrooms in the same grade. They would then add the better behaved kids to the same class to make it easier for the teacher. Maybe better for the teacher but worse for my kid. I was glad to know that I wasn’t imagining it.

He is now in middle school and kids are separated by ability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Your child will be fine. The ADHD kid - will most likely suffer from debilitating self-esteem issues as he transitions into adolescence, start to not care about school and underperform, and struggle his whole life to maintain healthy relationships. Your daughter will be taking her AP classes and will not have to worry about having those crazy, disruptive kids in her classes anymore.

Nope, I was one of the "good" kids and teachers would use me to separate the bad actors. I did ok, but never succeeded like the kids who weren't used as human shields around the problem kids.

I have a well behaved kid and I thought I was imagining it when he was always put in the class with all the bad kids and all the ESOL kids. It just felt like he was always with the bad kids. Several years later, another mom told me it was called balancing. She said they would put all the kids who needed support in a class so the aids didn’t jump from multiple classrooms in the same grade. They would then add the better behaved kids to the same class to make it easier for the teacher. Maybe better for the teacher but worse for my kid. I was glad to know that I wasn’t imagining it.

He is now in middle school and kids are separated by ability.

This thread is now appalling. The entitlement and privilege of some families is unbearable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Your child will be fine. The ADHD kid - will most likely suffer from debilitating self-esteem issues as he transitions into adolescence, start to not care about school and underperform, and struggle his whole life to maintain healthy relationships. Your daughter will be taking her AP classes and will not have to worry about having those crazy, disruptive kids in her classes anymore.

Nope, I was one of the "good" kids and teachers would use me to separate the bad actors. I did ok, but never succeeded like the kids who weren't used as human shields around the problem kids.

I was the good quiet kid who didn't tattle, so I always sat next to the troublemakers. I was consistently the highest performer in the class, went to a University DCUM loves (T10) and have a rewarding career working with kids with disabilities that cause challenging behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Your child will be fine. The ADHD kid - will most likely suffer from debilitating self-esteem issues as he transitions into adolescence, start to not care about school and underperform, and struggle his whole life to maintain healthy relationships. Your daughter will be taking her AP classes and will not have to worry about having those crazy, disruptive kids in her classes anymore.

Nope, I was one of the "good" kids and teachers would use me to separate the bad actors. I did ok, but never succeeded like the kids who weren't used as human shields around the problem kids.

I was the good quiet kid who didn't tattle, so I always sat next to the troublemakers. I was consistently the highest performer in the class, went to a University DCUM loves (T10) and have a rewarding career working with kids with disabilities that cause challenging behaviors.

I meant to put "good" in quotes, because I don't think I was any better than my friends who struggled with behavior. But I was very much the kid who fit the stereotype of a "good little girl".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Your child will be fine. The ADHD kid - will most likely suffer from debilitating self-esteem issues as he transitions into adolescence, start to not care about school and underperform, and struggle his whole life to maintain healthy relationships. Your daughter will be taking her AP classes and will not have to worry about having those crazy, disruptive kids in her classes anymore.

Nope, I was one of the "good" kids and teachers would use me to separate the bad actors. I did ok, but never succeeded like the kids who weren't used as human shields around the problem kids.

I have a well behaved kid and I thought I was imagining it when he was always put in the class with all the bad kids and all the ESOL kids. It just felt like he was always with the bad kids. Several years later, another mom told me it was called balancing. She said they would put all the kids who needed support in a class so the aids didn’t jump from multiple classrooms in the same grade. They would then add the better behaved kids to the same class to make it easier for the teacher. Maybe better for the teacher but worse for my kid. I was glad to know that I wasn’t imagining it.

He is now in middle school and kids are separated by ability.

This thread is now appalling. The entitlement and privilege of some families is unbearable.

I think it is terrible that schools put all the bad kids in one class and throw my good kid in there. Yes, I think that is wrong. If I knew back then that this was happening, I would have said something. I had no idea. I just felt like my kid was neglected and that year after year, it seemed like all the bad kids were in his class.

Can you imagine a whole class full of kids like OP’s? I don’t want my kid in that class.