Kid separated from classmates at school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Your child will be fine. The ADHD kid - will most likely suffer from debilitating self-esteem issues as he transitions into adolescence, start to not care about school and underperform, and struggle his whole life to maintain healthy relationships. Your daughter will be taking her AP classes and will not have to worry about having those crazy, disruptive kids in her classes anymore.

All because one teacher in first grade tried to help him focus, right?

No, not because one teacher tried to help him focus. The pitfalls of ADHD and ASD 1 are almost impossible to avoid. It is an invisible disability that comes with a lot of shame and self-esteem issues. I know that it's hard for many people to understand, but many of the behaviors are beyond the individual's control, or they have to work so much harder to control those issues. It wears on kids over time and they start to give up, turn to drugs and alcohol, self-harm, etc. I've seen it over and over again, regardless of how great a family the child comes from. The difference is that in a family with more means, they are able to get the therapy, accommodations, special programs that the child needs, but the problems are still there.

This is an over statement. There are social and emotional issues that can come for kids with ADHD, and I am assuming ASD, but not every kid ends up depressed or struggling with addiction. Yes, ADHD can cause self esteem issues and makes life harder but with proper diagnosis and treatment kids with ADHD can do very well in life.

OPs kid is 6. It sounds like the child is being evaluated after having a challenging start to the school year. It sounds like the OP isn’t ignoring what the Teacher is saying and that the OP is looking for her kids best interest. That said, what ever they have been doing in class isn’t working. The Teacher is trying to help the OPs kid stays on task and not disrupt the other kids. It also sounds like the kid knows that the new seating arrangement is different and is not happy with the change. That makes sense, the 6 year old wants to sit with his friends and not be different.

OPs job is to explain to her son that the Teacher is trying to help him focus and do his best in school. As he gets better at not talking and distracting himself and other kids, he will be able to sit in his old spot. But first he has to learn how to stay focused. Hopefully the OP can work with the Teacher to find a way of rewarding good behavior and less distracting behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Your child will be fine. The ADHD kid - will most likely suffer from debilitating self-esteem issues as he transitions into adolescence, start to not care about school and underperform, and struggle his whole life to maintain healthy relationships. Your daughter will be taking her AP classes and will not have to worry about having those crazy, disruptive kids in her classes anymore.

All because one teacher in first grade tried to help him focus, right?

No, not because one teacher tried to help him focus. The pitfalls of ADHD and ASD 1 are almost impossible to avoid. It is an invisible disability that comes with a lot of shame and self-esteem issues. I know that it's hard for many people to understand, but many of the behaviors are beyond the individual's control, or they have to work so much harder to control those issues. It wears on kids over time and they start to give up, turn to drugs and alcohol, self-harm, etc. I've seen it over and over again, regardless of how great a family the child comes from. The difference is that in a family with more means, they are able to get the therapy, accommodations, special programs that the child needs, but the problems are still there.

This is an over statement. There are social and emotional issues that can come for kids with ADHD, and I am assuming ASD, but not every kid ends up depressed or struggling with addiction. Yes, ADHD can cause self esteem issues and makes life harder but with proper diagnosis and treatment kids with ADHD can do very well in life.

OPs kid is 6. It sounds like the child is being evaluated after having a challenging start to the school year. It sounds like the OP isn’t ignoring what the Teacher is saying and that the OP is looking for her kids best interest. That said, what ever they have been doing in class isn’t working. The Teacher is trying to help the OPs kid stays on task and not disrupt the other kids. It also sounds like the kid knows that the new seating arrangement is different and is not happy with the change. That makes sense, the 6 year old wants to sit with his friends and not be different.

OPs job is to explain to her son that the Teacher is trying to help him focus and do his best in school. As he gets better at not talking and distracting himself and other kids, he will be able to sit in his old spot. But first he has to learn how to stay focused. Hopefully the OP can work with the Teacher to find a way of rewarding good behavior and less distracting behavior.

OP here. Yes, all of this, thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him an IEP. Once he has one he can't be separate.

This is absolutely false. Children with IEPs are more often seated near the teacher. It’s the preferential seating accommodation.

And the truth is....with so many kids now getting 504s and IEPs, just how many kids can sit close to the teacher?

Just FYI preferential seating doesn’t always mean “near the teacher.” It can mean by the door for a quick exit if needed, or close to the board, or away from a window if that’s distracting, or at the back of the room where they don’t feel like other kids are watching them, or at the front of the room so they can’t see other kids. Totally kid dependent and should be clarified in the IEP.

-teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Your child will be fine. The ADHD kid - will most likely suffer from debilitating self-esteem issues as he transitions into adolescence, start to not care about school and underperform, and struggle his whole life to maintain healthy relationships. Your daughter will be taking her AP classes and will not have to worry about having those crazy, disruptive kids in her classes anymore.

All because one teacher in first grade tried to help him focus, right?

No, not because one teacher tried to help him focus. The pitfalls of ADHD and ASD 1 are almost impossible to avoid. It is an invisible disability that comes with a lot of shame and self-esteem issues. I know that it's hard for many people to understand, but many of the behaviors are beyond the individual's control, or they have to work so much harder to control those issues. It wears on kids over time and they start to give up, turn to drugs and alcohol, self-harm, etc. I've seen it over and over again, regardless of how great a family the child comes from. The difference is that in a family with more means, they are able to get the therapy, accommodations, special programs that the child needs, but the problems are still there.

True.

I’ve seen family members quit their careers to tutor and get their asd 1 kid to therapies 3x a week. The adult kid is now in his 40s, living at home, has a trust of some sort, has 4 college degrees, tries totally different career tracks but been fired, and works at home on computer stuff from noon to midnight best.

The anxiety and depression are real. Then the parents must decide how much to coddle, enable the child or not.

Also it’s genetic so likely one parent and other family members have the adhd or asd 1 and thus don’t see any issues or don’t have the executive functioning skills to parent and adhd or aSD 1 child with the structure, routine and consistently they need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI to parents whose kids are getting stressed by other disruptive kids, you can request in the future to not be placed into one of the inclusion classes. Depending on the school and size, there are usually only 1-2 inclusion classes per grade (because they don't have enough sped teachers and aides to service more classes than that) so your child can easily be placed into one of the other classes. Just state that your child gets anxious and stressed and upset and can't focus because of all the disruptions. After one horrible year for my DD, we've submitted this request every year and its always been honored. Just an idea for others.

My mature buffer kid girl got the best teachers in elementary school but also the most problematic students in a concentrated inclusion class. For field trips Ma s group work so constantly had to work through truly difficult situations. At first I reprimanded her for her observations on her peers, then I met the kids at parties or games and saw it for myself. The behavior problems, the actual danger and lack of safety and judgment. Holy moly.

Middle school and rotating classes has been so much better. But I deeply regret not catching on quickly since my daughter never got ES homeroom classes or field trip groups with her friends. Only in K and then never grades 1-4. She does know a lot of people, but between being the buffer kid and now all the girl drama of puberty things have taken a toll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI to parents whose kids are getting stressed by other disruptive kids, you can request in the future to not be placed into one of the inclusion classes. Depending on the school and size, there are usually only 1-2 inclusion classes per grade (because they don't have enough sped teachers and aides to service more classes than that) so your child can easily be placed into one of the other classes. Just state that your child gets anxious and stressed and upset and can't focus because of all the disruptions. After one horrible year for my DD, we've submitted this request every year and its always been honored. Just an idea for others.

My mature buffer kid girl got the best teachers in elementary school but also the most problematic students in a concentrated inclusion class. For field trips Ma s group work so constantly had to work through truly difficult situations. At first I reprimanded her for her observations on her peers, then I met the kids at parties or games and saw it for myself. The behavior problems, the actual danger and lack of safety and judgment. Holy moly.

Middle school and rotating classes has been so much better. But I deeply regret not catching on quickly since my daughter never got ES homeroom classes or field trip groups with her friends. Only in K and then never grades 1-4. She does know a lot of people, but between being the buffer kid and now all the girl drama of puberty things have taken a toll.

This is usually the trade off parents are unaware of when requesting the “best” teachers (not saying you did, just a general comment): the teacher may be the best but that also means they get the most difficult kids / kids with IEPs and EL needs. They’re more experienced and can actually meet a wide variety of student needs while maintaining behavior. The less experienced teachers are not given those classes, they’re given softball schedules so they can learn how to teach and manage without the high stakes risk of failing vulnerable kids or having a chaotic room.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if OP doesn't remember first grade (or K) where the disruptive kid always had to push their desk up against the teacher's. I went to my DS Open House in K and sure enough a little girl had her desk next to the teacher's and I remember kind of laughing to myself about the memory. I ended up getting to chat with that girl at different times. She was GREAT! She was gregarious, had her own opinions and liked to make people laugh. I saw her Mom on a field trip and said 'Oh, you're Larla's Mom' and I saw her brace. And I just told her how awesome I thought her kid was. She seemed to appreciate it, as I can only imagine how she'd been made to feel so early in the school experience. My DS is now in 4th grade and still sees her, he finds her 'annoying', however my younger First Grader bonded with her last year and the car loop and he also thinks she's great. So she may not be the 'kid' for one or two teachers that aren't creative and can't appreciate what 'disruptive' represents. Sometimes, the folks that don't get you says more about them, than it does about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should support the teacher and explain to your child that the teacher is HELPING him to concentrate and HELPING the rest of the class to stay focused.

Do not excuse your child’s behavior and behaviors have consequences.

This.

What other option can there possibly be.

[Anonymous]

Detention, suspension and expulsion also will separate him from his classmates.