Kid separated from classmates at school

[Anonymous]

omfg. this is why teaching has become impossible. Your kid’s teacher had to worry about ALL the kids who your son is disrupting. His disruption impacts her ability to teach and the other kids’ (and his) to learn. And here you go with “her solution will hurt his self esteem.” No you don’t advocate with her, you WORK WITH HIM on self control and regulation so he doesn’t need to be removed from his peers for people to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tbh, one of the most common adhd accommodations (for a 504 or IEP) is preferred seating- separating them from distractions. So really, the teacher was already trying out an accommodation and it sounds like it is successful.

As a teacher, it is very likely that OP’s kid’s teacher has tried to refer for evaluation but you cannot do that unless you show a million different interventions have been put in place first. So you have to try an intervention, like preferential seating, for 6-9 weeks, collect data, etc. It’s called MTSS and it sucks because all it does is waste time before identifying a kid for services. But anyway OP thinks it’s mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why teachers are so frustrated and want to quit. A kid talks too much so has to sit by the teacher. Totally normal consequence that works. Teachers have been doing this for years and years.

Crazy parent thinks this is too mean and her snowflake should be allowed to disrupt others because it makes him feel bad when he doesn’t get to do whatever he wants.

This right here.

I bet the other parents (and kids) are thankful for this classroom management. Some kids find the disruption really annoying.

Yup- do you want the teacher to have your kid stay with the other children until they get so frustrated with him, they start telling him to shut up? Should the teacher tell the other children to tell your kid to “Please be quiet, I’m trying to hear?” Do you want the other kids parents to start asking the teacher to not allow their child to sit next to yours?
Start thinking about other kids and people, not just you and yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s feeling bad about himself because he doesn’t want to be in trouble and is bright enough to know he is. My kid with ADHD has really terrible impulse control and feels frustrated with herself when she calls out etc. She specifically is seated close to the teacher to minimize distractions as others have said. I’d emphasize to your son the teacher needs to do what works best for everyone, including him. It’s no different than needing to sit close to the board because you have not gotten glasses yet or whatever. Keep up with the evolution- it’s helpful for kids to be able to put a name to their struggles and it helps you to seek the right kind of professional help.

The bolded.
Also your son is in school to LEARN first, socialize second. So, if he needs to be near the teacher to get his assignments done, you should emphasize that is your expectation: to get assignments done.

You don’t go to work to socialize (or at least you shouldn’t). You go to work to get paid and do your assignments. Your son needs to learn that the assignments are the important part, not talking to others.

If medication helps him do that, you as a parent would get him medicine because his job at school is to learn and do assignments.

[Anonymous]

I’m all for kids taking responsibility and advocating for themselves. In this case, the most effective way for him to advocate for himself is to show the teacher he is ready to sit with others. This means at all times he should be focused on the current activity and allow others to focus, without talking or otherwise distracting them. He needs to do it consistently from now on, not just for a day or two. If he turns his behavior around, I’m sure his teacher would be happy to let him rejoin his friends.

If you get involved, it should be to help him improve his behavior so he is ready to rejoin his friends, NOT to push for him to be moved back to where he is himself distracted and distracts others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son has been too social in class and has been disruptive to other students. He never does anything physical; it’s more an issue of not listening to the teacher and not following directions the first time given.

His teacher has notified us a few times about him needing constant reminders and redirection.

She says he’s a bright kid who is trending above benchmark but he’s just way too talkative.

Recently, our son told us that he is now sitting next to his teacher and is no longer sitting with his classmates.

The teacher told us he is listening better now that he is sitting next to her.

But, our son is feeling bad about himself and we are afraid that his self esteem will suffer if he continues to be separated from his classmates for the rest of the school year.

Should I just let this go or try to advocate for him being seated back with his classmates in the new year?

You let it go, defer to the teacher and let natural consequences make an impression

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Sorry you are dealing with this. We chose private after shadowing our public kindergarten. We knew that environment would be stressful for DC.

You should talk to the teacher and let them know about the students who are distracting your child. You can see by the OP's post that parents of the kids causing issues are willing to complain even when the majority are negatively impacted by their kid. You need to speak up for your child. They deserve an environment that allows them to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Sorry you are dealing with this. We chose private after shadowing our public kindergarten. We knew that environment would be stressful for DC.

You should talk to the teacher and let them know about the students who are distracting your child. You can see by the OP's post that parents of the kids causing issues are willing to complain even when the majority are negatively impacted by their kid. You need to speak up for your child. They deserve an environment that allows them to learn.

The teacher has likely tried but OP is a perfect sample of the mindset of parents we are dealing with. One child causes disruption or issues. We call and let the parents know - which OP acknowledges their teacher did. But then the parents do nothing. The support we need from them at home on whatever the issue was? Nonexistent. OP doesn’t mention anything they did to work with their son on this behavior and the teacher had to call several times. So then, the other kids in class get frustrated and go home. THEIR parents call us saying “Kaylee can’t focus around Brayen and doesn’t want to sit by him.” But guess what - once enough parents request not to sit by Brayden we don’t have many options because Brayden has to sit SOMEWHERE. So the parents who want something done are on us but we can’t do anything more a) we’ve called Brayden’s parents and they don’t help and b) when we move Brayden to sit by us and away from the kids whose parents complained, now Brayden’s mom wants to get involved. Not to help work with Brayden, no, just to tell us to move Brayden BACK because he feels bad now.

[Anonymous]

Oh and what will admin say - “implement and intervention for 9 weeks and collect data for RTI. We’ll discuss in SST.” Oh no the intervention didn’t work? Try another one for 9 weeks. Oh no, the intervention worked- but mom is mad at the intervention so we can’t use it. Try something useless like PBIS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why teachers are so frustrated and want to quit. A kid talks too much so has to sit by the teacher. Totally normal consequence that works. Teachers have been doing this for years and years.

Crazy parent thinks this is too mean and her snowflake should be allowed to disrupt others because it makes him feel bad when he doesn’t get to do whatever he wants.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was me as an unmedicated ADHD kid. It is the teacher’s job to ensure a functional learning environment for the entire class. It is your job to help him reframe the arrangement into a positive and mitigate the harm to his self esteem. You can’t expect the teacher to sacrifice other children’s learning for him. That’s not fair or reasonable to anyone.

That's the whole point of FAPE. He just needs the diagnosis.

op didm't say her kid had anything to diagnose. He talks a lot. Make him stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was me as an unmedicated ADHD kid. It is the teacher’s job to ensure a functional learning environment for the entire class. It is your job to help him reframe the arrangement into a positive and mitigate the harm to his self esteem. You can’t expect the teacher to sacrifice other children’s learning for him. That’s not fair or reasonable to anyone.

That's the whole point of FAPE. He just needs the diagnosis.

An IEP can get the child goals , but does not allow the child to just disrupt others all day.

Except it does. These kids are ruining school for everyone else - put them in the self contained room where they belong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my kid was in the class I would be so appreciative of the teacher for doing something to step in and limit the disruptions.

Your kid feels bad bc he knows he did the wrong thing. Impulse control is a learned skill for kids even with a diagnosable issue like adhd. Feeling bad lets him know that he went too far. It’s the way all humans learn it. sometimes the strategy that is used is the student must sit in the front row right near the teacher

THIS 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son has been too social in class and has been disruptive to other students. He never does anything physical; it’s more an issue of not listening to the teacher and not following directions the first time given.

His teacher has notified us a few times about him needing constant reminders and redirection.

She says he’s a bright kid who is trending above benchmark but he’s just way too talkative.

Recently, our son told us that he is now sitting next to his teacher and is no longer sitting with his classmates.

The teacher told us he is listening better now that he is sitting next to her.

But, our son is feeling bad about himself and we are afraid that his self esteem will suffer if he continues to be separated from his classmates for the rest of the school year.

Should I just let this go or try to advocate for him being seated back with his classmates in the new year?

OP, I thought you were going to say that your son was being pulled out of the class or something. He's still in class with his classmates. He's upset because he wants to talk and he is not allowed to. It is YOUR JOB as his mother to explain the situation to him. Please think of the teacher and the other students in this scenario. Yes, your son may be happier when he's able to sit at a table and distract his friends, but literally no one will be learning anything, including him. Is that what you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was me as an unmedicated ADHD kid. It is the teacher’s job to ensure a functional learning environment for the entire class. It is your job to help him reframe the arrangement into a positive and mitigate the harm to his self esteem. You can’t expect the teacher to sacrifice other children’s learning for him. That’s not fair or reasonable to anyone.

That's the whole point of FAPE. He just needs the diagnosis.

An IEP can get the child goals , but does not allow the child to just disrupt others all day.

Except it does. These kids are ruining school for everyone else - put them in the self contained room where they belong.

A kid distracting himself and other kids by talking too much does not belong in a self contained classroom. They need to sit someplace where they are not distracting other kids. The Teacher and parents should be working together to figure out how to stop the talking and distractions. It is annoying but it is not dangerous and is pretty common for Teachers to have to deal with. Granted, it’s easier if the parents are working with the Teacher and it doesn’t sound like that is happening with this child. The OP makes it sound like she has heard from the Teacher regularly about the talking and it finally escalated enough that the boy was moved to sit by himself next to the Teachers desk. Moms response is not to fix the issue but to worry about her kids self esteem.

A kid throwing things, hitting, kicking, biting, or destroying the classroom belongs in a self contained classroom.