Kid separated from classmates at school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Your child will be fine. The ADHD kid - will most likely suffer from debilitating self-esteem issues as he transitions into adolescence, start to not care about school and underperform, and struggle his whole life to maintain healthy relationships. Your daughter will be taking her AP classes and will not have to worry about having those crazy, disruptive kids in her classes anymore.

All because one teacher in first grade tried to help him focus, right?

No, not because one teacher tried to help him focus. The pitfalls of ADHD and ASD 1 are almost impossible to avoid. It is an invisible disability that comes with a lot of shame and self-esteem issues. I know that it's hard for many people to understand, but many of the behaviors are beyond the individual's control, or they have to work so much harder to control those issues. It wears on kids over time and they start to give up, turn to drugs and alcohol, self-harm, etc. I've seen it over and over again, regardless of how great a family the child comes from. The difference is that in a family with more means, they are able to get the therapy, accommodations, special programs that the child needs, but the problems are still there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Your child will be fine. The ADHD kid - will most likely suffer from debilitating self-esteem issues as he transitions into adolescence, start to not care about school and underperform, and struggle his whole life to maintain healthy relationships. Your daughter will be taking her AP classes and will not have to worry about having those crazy, disruptive kids in her classes anymore.

All because one teacher in first grade tried to help him focus, right?

No, not because one teacher tried to help him focus. The pitfalls of ADHD and ASD 1 are almost impossible to avoid. It is an invisible disability that comes with a lot of shame and self-esteem issues. I know that it's hard for many people to understand, but many of the behaviors are beyond the individual's control, or they have to work so much harder to control those issues. It wears on kids over time and they start to give up, turn to drugs and alcohol, self-harm, etc. I've seen it over and over again, regardless of how great a family the child comes from. The difference is that in a family with more means, they are able to get the therapy, accommodations, special programs that the child needs, but the problems are still there.

+1 all so true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him an IEP. Once he has one he can't be separate.

This is absolutely false. Children with IEPs are more often seated near the teacher. It’s the preferential seating accommodation.

Everyone wants it. Plus, extra time for tests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Your child will be fine. The ADHD kid - will most likely suffer from debilitating self-esteem issues as he transitions into adolescence, start to not care about school and underperform, and struggle his whole life to maintain healthy relationships. Your daughter will be taking her AP classes and will not have to worry about having those crazy, disruptive kids in her classes anymore.

Nope, I was one of the "good" kids and teachers would use me to separate the bad actors. I did ok, but never succeeded like the kids who weren't used as human shields around the problem kids.

I have a well behaved kid and I thought I was imagining it when he was always put in the class with all the bad kids and all the ESOL kids. It just felt like he was always with the bad kids. Several years later, another mom told me it was called balancing. She said they would put all the kids who needed support in a class so the aids didn’t jump from multiple classrooms in the same grade. They would then add the better behaved kids to the same class to make it easier for the teacher. Maybe better for the teacher but worse for my kid. I was glad to know that I wasn’t imagining it.

He is now in middle school and kids are separated by ability.

This thread is now appalling. The entitlement and privilege of some families is unbearable.

Entitlement and privilege of "ADHD" kids taking all the resources away from other children?

What resources are actually being taken away from your child? Are they developing new skills and learning? Do they have friends and feel relatively happy at school?

I am a teacher and a mother of an ADHD child and a "good" child. My "good" child has sailed through school easily, even when though she had a few years with a "disruptive" child. She is now in high school in making straight As in challenging AP classes, has lots of friends, and is a talented athlete.

My DD with ADHD was never a disruptive child, but I almost wish she had been. She suffered silently for years, and turned her restlessness inwards and worked really hard to be the "good girl". She now suffers from anxiety and depression. She will be OK, but her high school years have been traumatic. Perhaps if she had been more disruptive as a child, we would have gotten help for her earlier.

They both have the same parents, live in the same house, have been given the same opportunities. I can't say that my "good" child is the result of my amazing parenting, as much as I can't say that my ADHD child's struggles are a result of my parenting.

I really thought that people were now more accepting and understanding, and that we had moved past some of the stereotypes and stigmatizing of students with disabilities. After reading this thread I am not sure anymore. I hope that it is just a few individuals making these comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him an IEP. Once he has one he can't be separate.

This is absolutely false. Children with IEPs are more often seated near the teacher. It’s the preferential seating accommodation.

Yes but seated near the teacher doesn’t usually mean totally separate from the rest of the classmates. I think OP needs clarification on what this looks like in the classroom.

I don't OP actually knows what is going on in the classroom. Larlo is upset because the teacher put him in the corner of the table that's literally right in front of her desk. He has to sit next to her at circle time, and he gets pulled to her desk during independent table work so his classmates can do their worksheet/read a book/get computer time without distraction. I GUARANTEE that's what happening, but OP believes her son who says he's seated at a dunce table all by himself.


OP here. I just spoke with my son and he clarified that he doesn’t have to sit next to the teacher during circle time or whole group lesson time. It’s just during actual work time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him an IEP. Once he has one he can't be separate.

This is absolutely false. Children with IEPs are more often seated near the teacher. It’s the preferential seating accommodation.

Yes but seated near the teacher doesn’t usually mean totally separate from the rest of the classmates. I think OP needs clarification on what this looks like in the classroom.

I don't OP actually knows what is going on in the classroom. Larlo is upset because the teacher put him in the corner of the table that's literally right in front of her desk. He has to sit next to her at circle time, and he gets pulled to her desk during independent table work so his classmates can do their worksheet/read a book/get computer time without distraction. I GUARANTEE that's what happening, but OP believes her son who says he's seated at a dunce table all by himself.


OP here. I just spoke with my son and he clarified that he doesn’t have to sit next to the teacher during circle time or whole group lesson time. It’s just during actual work time.

Also he said when he is sitting next to the teacher , all the other kids are facing the teacher except him. That’s what I find ostracizing. I agree that he should be apart from other classmates if he is talking or disrupting others but I don’t want him to feel humiliated either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should support the teacher and explain to your child that the teacher is HELPING him to concentrate and HELPING the rest of the class to stay focused.

Do not excuse your child’s behavior and behaviors have consequences.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him an IEP. Once he has one he can't be separate.

This is absolutely false. Children with IEPs are more often seated near the teacher. It’s the preferential seating accommodation.

Yes but seated near the teacher doesn’t usually mean totally separate from the rest of the classmates. I think OP needs clarification on what this looks like in the classroom.

I don't OP actually knows what is going on in the classroom. Larlo is upset because the teacher put him in the corner of the table that's literally right in front of her desk. He has to sit next to her at circle time, and he gets pulled to her desk during independent table work so his classmates can do their worksheet/read a book/get computer time without distraction. I GUARANTEE that's what happening, but OP believes her son who says he's seated at a dunce table all by himself.


OP here. I just spoke with my son and he clarified that he doesn’t have to sit next to the teacher during circle time or whole group lesson time. It’s just during actual work time.

Also he said when he is sitting next to the teacher , all the other kids are facing the teacher except him. That’s what I find ostracizing. I agree that he should be apart from other classmates if he is talking or disrupting others but I don’t want him to feel humiliated either.

You mean the teacher has him pointed at the wall? Or at the other students?

I can understand pointing a disruptive students at the wall so they don’t get distracted and can’t make faces at anyone etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him an IEP. Once he has one he can't be separate.

This is absolutely false. Children with IEPs are more often seated near the teacher. It’s the preferential seating accommodation.

Everyone wants it. Plus, extra time for tests.

Yep. It’s a real issue at my school because a class might have 11 children with preferential seating accommodations because it isn’t just used for IEPs and 504s. We also use it for ELLs. All 11 can’t sit near the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him an IEP. Once he has one he can't be separate.

This is absolutely false. Children with IEPs are more often seated near the teacher. It’s the preferential seating accommodation.

Yes but seated near the teacher doesn’t usually mean totally separate from the rest of the classmates. I think OP needs clarification on what this looks like in the classroom.

I don't OP actually knows what is going on in the classroom. Larlo is upset because the teacher put him in the corner of the table that's literally right in front of her desk. He has to sit next to her at circle time, and he gets pulled to her desk during independent table work so his classmates can do their worksheet/read a book/get computer time without distraction. I GUARANTEE that's what happening, but OP believes her son who says he's seated at a dunce table all by himself.


OP here. I just spoke with my son and he clarified that he doesn’t have to sit next to the teacher during circle time or whole group lesson time. It’s just during actual work time.

Also he said when he is sitting next to the teacher , all the other kids are facing the teacher except him. That’s what I find ostracizing. I agree that he should be apart from other classmates if he is talking or disrupting others but I don’t want him to feel humiliated either.

You mean the teacher has him pointed at the wall? Or at the other students?

I can understand pointing a disruptive students at the wall so they don’t get distracted and can’t make faces at anyone etc.

He’s facing the rest of the students along with the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him an IEP. Once he has one he can't be separate.

This is absolutely false. Children with IEPs are more often seated near the teacher. It’s the preferential seating accommodation.

Yes but seated near the teacher doesn’t usually mean totally separate from the rest of the classmates. I think OP needs clarification on what this looks like in the classroom.

I don't OP actually knows what is going on in the classroom. Larlo is upset because the teacher put him in the corner of the table that's literally right in front of her desk. He has to sit next to her at circle time, and he gets pulled to her desk during independent table work so his classmates can do their worksheet/read a book/get computer time without distraction. I GUARANTEE that's what happening, but OP believes her son who says he's seated at a dunce table all by himself.

OP here. I just spoke with my son and he clarified that he doesn’t have to sit next to the teacher during circle time or whole group lesson time. It’s just during actual work time.

I knew it. This is why you need to get more clarification before making a mountain out of a molehill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him an IEP. Once he has one he can't be separate.

This is absolutely false. Children with IEPs are more often seated near the teacher. It’s the preferential seating accommodation.

Yes but seated near the teacher doesn’t usually mean totally separate from the rest of the classmates. I think OP needs clarification on what this looks like in the classroom.

I don't OP actually knows what is going on in the classroom. Larlo is upset because the teacher put him in the corner of the table that's literally right in front of her desk. He has to sit next to her at circle time, and he gets pulled to her desk during independent table work so his classmates can do their worksheet/read a book/get computer time without distraction. I GUARANTEE that's what happening, but OP believes her son who says he's seated at a dunce table all by himself.

OP here. I just spoke with my son and he clarified that he doesn’t have to sit next to the teacher during circle time or whole group lesson time. It’s just during actual work time.

Also he said when he is sitting next to the teacher , all the other kids are facing the teacher except him. That’s what I find ostracizing. I agree that he should be apart from other classmates if he is talking or disrupting others but I don’t want him to feel humiliated either.

OMG, your 6 year old is not feeling humiliated because he gets pulled to the teacher's desk during independent work time - and honestly, so what? This is a good consequence and should teach him not to talk when he should be working. Also, she's not purposely facing him away from her, it's probably just where one of the seats at her desk is. Have you been in his classroom? At my first grader's classroom, there are four tables 5-6 kids - your kid has an assigned seat at one of those tables where he spends most of his day. In addition, the teacher's desk has 3-4 seats for small group work - in my child's classroom, the teacher's desk is diagonal so she can see both the kids and the door so a kid sitting at her desk might be facing a different direction than other kids. That's all, OP. You are seriously such a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

FYI to parents whose kids are getting stressed by other disruptive kids, you can request in the future to not be placed into one of the inclusion classes. Depending on the school and size, there are usually only 1-2 inclusion classes per grade (because they don't have enough sped teachers and aides to service more classes than that) so your child can easily be placed into one of the other classes. Just state that your child gets anxious and stressed and upset and can't focus because of all the disruptions. After one horrible year for my DD, we've submitted this request every year and its always been honored. Just an idea for others.

[Anonymous]

I’m a middle school teacher. This is a pretty big step for the teacher to take and I’m inclined to think he was quite disruptive because of it. He should really get an evaluation and you should be concerned with addressing his behaviors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is at the same table with a boy shouting constantly and never listen to teachers. Another kid at the same class would also scream and cry. My DC told us she’s so tired and depressed but what can we do? I’m sorry for those kids have ADHD or whatever but why is my child the one suffers?

Your child will be fine. The ADHD kid - will most likely suffer from debilitating self-esteem issues as he transitions into adolescence, start to not care about school and underperform, and struggle his whole life to maintain healthy relationships. Your daughter will be taking her AP classes and will not have to worry about having those crazy, disruptive kids in her classes anymore.

All because one teacher in first grade tried to help him focus, right?

No, not because one teacher tried to help him focus. The pitfalls of ADHD and ASD 1 are almost impossible to avoid. It is an invisible disability that comes with a lot of shame and self-esteem issues. I know that it's hard for many people to understand, but many of the behaviors are beyond the individual's control, or they have to work so much harder to control those issues. It wears on kids over time and they start to give up, turn to drugs and alcohol, self-harm, etc. I've seen it over and over again, regardless of how great a family the child comes from. The difference is that in a family with more means, they are able to get the therapy, accommodations, special programs that the child needs, but the problems are still there.

+1 all so true

-1
If the pitfalls are “impossible to avoid”. I would prefer my ASD 1 kid to not hinder the kids around him. It isn’t like he is going to feel good about himself when the other kids are getting annoyed with him. I would rather have him to the side with the teacher so he isn’t bothering others and explain that his brain is different and we are trying to help him by having the teacher close so he can hear and pay attention more easily. If as the PP states the outcome of drugs and alcohol is “impossible to avoid” at least he isn’t taking anyone else down with him. I would also he be closer to the teacher if it helps him focus and point out to him that he is making progress in that area (the most important part of school)